Navigating Office Conflicts: How Can I Help a Colleague Build Better Relationships?

Hi, I am facing a new challenge these days in my current organization. There is a girl in my office who, when she has any fight, misunderstanding, or quarrel with other employees, simply complains about that person in one line stating that "he or she misbehaved with me" or "was using a very harsh tone." Whenever I get involved, I always come to the same conclusion that it was not a major issue requiring my presence, and sometimes I find that both parties are equally at fault.

Handling Workplace Conflicts

How should I handle this situation so that she can learn to build good relationships with others? I don't have any problem getting involved, but it should be worthwhile.

Regards, Sonia

It would be very rude if we view this from the perspective of HR. What is the guarantee that I will not be caught again in a situation like this? I actually prefer a cure instead of just cutting the wound.

You are right, these things happen in every office. As an HR professional, you need to counsel the female employees and verbally warn them that this kind of behavior is not acceptable.

Regards,
Shaikh

It's good that you have a tendency to correct things after doing a Root Cause Analysis (RCA) of the issue. I am sure this will help you become a successful leader.

Now, as far as your concern about the girl is, she might be having an illness that prevents her from raising her voice to seniors. Whatever the reason may be, whether it's to seek attention or to show her value/power in front of other employees, if this is the case, you need to take it very seriously to prevent any wrong messages from being interpreted by others. You should counsel her or use role-playing methods to stop her from doing so.

On the other hand, all of her habits could be a result of her childhood nurturing by her parents. Therefore, it may take time to make her understand. If you can, regularly counsel her on business ethics and moral values, and also help her observe how others behave and ask for interpretations so that she can understand the importance of behavior.

It could also be a reason that she doesn't believe in others' work and always questions everybody's dealings. The cause behind this behavior could be a fear of losing her job because others are performing better. If this is the case, you need to talk to her about positivity.

Note: Before anything else, you need to gain her confidence, assure her that you are her friend, and do not want to harm her.

Thanks,

Handling False Allegations in the Workplace

Call the girl to face the disciplinary committee with a majority of female members (preferably all female members). Record the complete committee meeting on video. A laptop with a webcam placed at the end of the meeting table should be able to capture the meeting, which is a perfectly legal way of recording a meeting.

If she is able to prove and substantiate her allegations, then take appropriate action. If the allegations she puts forward are found to be false, terminate her and keep the recording of such a meeting in a safe place. This is essential because girls who can make such serious false allegations may also approach the media or court to defame the company. Such a committee meeting under camera would help prove that the company had given a fair trial to the employee.

I agree with Ajmal. Often, we find such people who play games. They are always the first ones to escalate and complain about everything possible, just to prove their own innocence, efficiency, and gain visibility.

When you were young, you must have come across those kids who used to play cricket/sport with you, and the moment they were out of the game, they would go and lodge any kind of complaint to your parents, just to settle the score.

These behaviors continue with a lot of adult understanding and refinement.

Suggestions for Handling Complaints

Here's my suggestions in addition to what Jagbir and Ajmal have pointed out:

- When she complains, note the data, not feelings or emotions, in your incident reporting.
- Make sure she understands this.
- Validate the data and arrive at a logical conclusion.
- Keep a neutral third-party approach to the entire incident handling.
- Provide constructive feedback to both parties equally, after the entire exercise is over.
- If she is escalating without any logical reason, say it to her.
- Stay prepared, for she would either escalate it beyond you, or she would collect the data, the way it is considered for the incident reporting.
- Once you have mitigated this by keeping your managers and her managers informed, her future actions would be curtailed at the early stage.
- Often when an individual is brought up in an environment where complaints are prioritized, raising an alarm is responded to with attention, hence becomes a positive reinforcement. You need to understand and negate this. This is the behavior which later graduates into blame-games.
- She needs positive guidance. Find her a mentor within your organization who can reaffirm the faith in focusing on the positive behaviors for her.
- This comes with a warning, it would take a long time to show results. Worst, she would pretend and keep returning to her old behaviors.
- Remain watchful; you will be learning a lot as you handle this. Observe the informal discussions of both parties post your meeting. They should not be influencing others with their emotions and understanding towards the incident. Venting is human, but that should not fuel the grapevine and influence people.

Wish you all the best!

Regards,

Dear Sonia, I completely agree with the views of other seniors, but I think a little differently at times. Here is what I have to say:

Being a lady yourself, you have the advantage of talking to her in a personal tone. I totally believe in basic fundamentals to handle such situations, and trust me, it works in 90 percent of cases. Sometimes you do not require a hardcore theory or analysis to solve a problem; just a little smartness works.

Take her out for a cup of coffee and befriend her. Bring up the topic of her making such allegations against people. Give her an example of a lady who used to do the same, and once when she really did face harassment at the workplace, no one believed her. Do not relate this story to hers at all; just engage in some plain talking.

You will see the results in the coming days. All the best for taking the initiative in handling such situations. Generally, people try to wash their hands of such things.

Regards, Archna

Hey Sonia, please do let us know the results of the matter. It will be a learning experience for all of us because, in human psychology, every time we face a unique character. Wishing you all the best.

Regards,
Jagbir Dhull

I fully agree with Archana and Namonita. If their solution works, nothing like that. But if the problem still persists, you have to be firm against such people.

Handling Employee Complaints

Whenever a girl complains against another employee, ask her to submit the complaint in writing. Issue a charge sheet to the other person. Then, based on the explanation of the other person, issue a charge sheet to the girl and ask for an explanation under the standing order "misconduct": drunkenness, riotous, and disorderly behavior on the premises of the establishment. Call for an explanation, and if necessary, conduct an inquiry. While the inquiry outcome is pending, maintain the pretense to both parties that they have a significant role in the matter.

Once the inquiry report is received, penalize both based on the principle of "No smoke without fire." This means suspend the girl for 1 or 2 days and warn the other person strongly that if such misconduct is repeated, he/she will not be spared. In the future, the girl must either improve and stop complaining or may choose to leave the organization.

Regards