How a Simple Minute of Appreciation Transformed a Life: Could It Work for You?

Dear all,

I would like to share this inspiring story, very relevant in today's times.

Effective managers know the importance of taking a moment to point out what a worker is doing well. What a difference a minute of affirmation can make in any relationship!

Well, I speak from my own experience...it works.

Cheerio,
Rajat

During his college years, Rogers spent a summer in an Idaho logging camp. When the superintendent had to leave for a few days, he put Rogers in charge.

"What if the men refuse to follow my orders?" Rogers asked. He thought of Tony, an immigrant worker who grumbled and growled all day, giving the other men a hard time.

"Fire them," the superintendent said. Then, as if reading Rogers' mind, he added, "I suppose you think you are going to fire Tony if you get the chance. I'd feel badly about that. I have been logging for 40 years. Tony is the most reliable worker I've ever had. I know he is a grouch and that he hates everybody and everything. But he comes in first and leaves last. There has not been an accident for eight years on the hill where he works."

Rogers took over the next day. He went to Tony and spoke to him. "Tony, do you know I'm in charge here today?" Tony grunted. "I was going to fire you the first time we tangled, but I want you to know I'm not," he told Tony, adding what the superintendent had said.

When he finished, Tony dropped the shovelful of sand he had held, and tears streamed down his face. "Why he no tell me dat eight years ago?"

That day, Tony worked harder than ever before—and he smiled! He later said to Rogers, "I told Maria you [were the] first foreman in [this] country who ever [said], 'Good work, Tony,' and it made Maria feel like Christmas."

Rogers went back to school after that summer. Twelve years later, he met Tony again. He was the superintendent for railroad construction for one of the largest logging companies in the West. Rogers asked him how he came to California and happened to have such success.

Tony replied, "If it [had] not been for the one minute you [spoke] to me back in Idaho, I [would have killed] somebody someday. One minute, [it] changed my whole life."

One minute. Have you got one minute to thank someone? A minute to tell someone what you sincerely like or appreciate about them? A minute to elaborate on something they did well? One minute. It can make a difference for a lifetime.

Hi Rajat,

Excellent, excellent piece. Yes, a minute's show of appreciation/understanding makes an enormous difference in relationships, in the workplace, and at home everywhere.

Hi Psyched,

Thanks for your feedback. The statement "One Minute" should be emphasized by HR professionals in their respective organizations. For example, top management should make it a habit to praise employees who have done a good job every day. In other words, the emphasis should shift from focusing on mistakes to acknowledging good performance.

Cheerio,
Rajat

Thanks Rajat.

Though not an HR person, i believe fully in this. I believe in practising in it. But this "one minute" is sometimes in short supply in many organisations.

Though not concerned with this, i thought i could put this here.

Bala

Man with an umbrella

A long time ago, there was a severe draught in certain parts of India. One village in particular was caught up right in the middle of this draught belt. The economy of this village was entirely dependent on agricultural produce. Without rains, the villagers faced a bleak future, indeed. The extreme heat of the sun had dried up the rivers and the lakes. There was hardly any water left in the wells. The people were really desperate for water.

The villagers approached the village pundit (priest) and asked him to organise a prayer-for- rain meeting in the temple. The whole village turned out at this prayer meeting. One man was among the last group of people who arrived at the temple and every body with strange quizzical looks on their faces, was looking at this one man. This man was carrying an umbrella and he was the only man who brought his umbrella to this prayer meeting. No villager was ever seen carrying an umbrella outside of the rainy seasons. To the villagers, it was as strange as seeing a housewife going everyday to the vegetable market dressed in a bride's costume! For it seemed unconventional to carry an umbrella when there was not one rain cloud in the sky. The prayer meeting commenced and at the end of all the rituals and ceremonies, when people were about to leave the temple, they could not hold back their curiosity about the man and his umbrella. ‘Why was he carrying the umbrella?' the people asked. Upon being questioned, the man with the umbrella replied: ‘The Lord will provide. He gives and He takes away. The Lord will surely answer our prayers for rain and I will need the umbrella for the rains'. The villagers laughed him off. Not one of the villagers could appreciate the absolute and sincere faith of the man with the umbrella. The scorching heat of the sun outside the temple was still fresh in their minds.

And then……..

Behold, a miracle took place. As the people were streaming out of the temple door and putting on their shoes, rain clouds appeared in the sky, the gentle breeze gave way to gusting winds, the pallor of the sky darkened and thunder and lightning heralded the coming of the rains. And a sudden downpour opened the eyes of the villagers. Their ridicule of the man with the umbrella changed to amazement, disbelief, and they now understood the intense faith of this man. All the villagers agreed that it was the sincere prayer of this one man with his total faith and devotion that the Lord simply had to answer.

Thanks

Bala

An excellent story.

The deepest need of mankind is the need to be appreciated. Every man craves to be appreciated, valued for his experience, insight, and knowledge.

Hello Rajat,

Your post about a minute feed my thinking for hours. Let me narrate my experience.

One of the electricians in my plant (aged 45 with 20 years of experience) was exhibiting a peculiar quality of behavior. He never refuses my orders, but when asked about feedback, he was reluctant to answer. Additionally, he abuses every one of his coworkers and does not listen to requests from other departmental incharges.

I was kept wondering about his attitude. I put together a ranking chart for his behavior. I realized that he is dedicated, selfless, devoted to duty, and possesses a good amount of logical thinking. In his personal life, he enjoys time with his small family consisting of a wife and a lone child. His behavior towards society is also excellent. I scratched my head for months.

One day, one of the main machines was down due to electrical problems. Under pressure to prevent production delays, I was hesitant to call upon this electrician as the system is high-tech. I spent almost 9 hours without food tracing the fault. This electrician casually joined me, and later, I found that he put his soul and mind into helping me. After 16 hours of production stoppage, we got the plant running. I hugged this old man and said, "You have done it. You are simply great. Let's celebrate."

I told him that he was the best electrician I had ever seen. The next day, before production commenced, I displayed a notice of appreciation on the memo board highlighting yesterday's achievement and credited this electrician for it. Each and every employee from other sections congratulated him, and he graciously accepted all the compliments with a smile. An hour later, he came to me and said, "Sir, I don't know whether I really deserve it, but this kind of appreciation was what I was looking for all these years of my service. Now I realize that my ability is also useful for our concern's growth. Thank you very much."

Believe me, there was a sea change in his behavior. He stopped using all bad words towards his colleagues, took responsibility for teaching new employees in the department, and even started guiding on good organizational behavior. Although there was no provision for promotion, he was compelled to stay in his position and was respected by everybody as a senior foreman.

Your one-minute story took me back to 1982.

It is said that gems are found on the earth's surface in a straight line and are measured in high amounts of carats. They may not have commercial value, but when you sort them and refine them into fine diamonds of 24 carats, they are worth millions.

Thank you.

Karunadasp

Hi Karunadasp,

Great experience and the right words from you had really changed his world.

Do read this:

Removable Rocks

A little boy was spending his Saturday morning playing in his sandbox. He had with him his box of cars and trucks, his plastic pail, and a shiny, red plastic shovel. In the process of creating roads and tunnels in the soft sand, he discovered a large rock in the middle of the sandbox.

The boy dug around the rock, managing to dislodge it from the dirt. With a little bit of struggle, he pushed and nudged the rock across the sandbox by using his feet. (He was a very small boy, and the rock was very large.) When the boy got the rock to the edge of the sandbox, however, he found that he couldn't roll it up and over the little wall.

Determined, the little boy shoved, pushed, and pried, but every time he thought he had made some progress, the rock tipped and then fell back into the sandbox. The little boy grunted, struggled, pushed, and shoved; but his only reward was to have the rock roll back, smashing his chubby fingers.

Finally, he burst into tears of frustration. All this time the boy's father watched from his living room window as the drama unfolded.

At the moment the tears fell, a large shadow fell across the boy and the sandbox. It was the boy's father.

Gently but firmly he said, "Son, why didn't you use all the strength that you had available?"

Defeated, the boy sobbed back, "But I did, Daddy, I did! I used all the strength that I had!"

"No, son," corrected the father kindly.

"You didn't use all the strength you had. You didn't ask ME!!!"

With that, the father reached down, picked up the rock, and removed it from the sandbox.

Do you have "rocks" in your life that need to be removed? Are you discovering that you don't have what it takes to lift them? There is Somebody, Somewhere who is always available to us and willing to give us the strength we need. Isn't it funny how we try so hard to do things ourselves?

Namaskar Rajatji,

Your experiential story has inspired Bala and Karuna to tell their own experiences. I think this is an improved trend. I congratulate you for that. I hope more and more experiential narrations are there.

However, studies in gerontology show that personality scores throughout life are correlated. So changes in personality are exceptional and not rules. This happens when there is a threat to existence or a perceived self-image, as in the case of Dasyu Ratnakar and Chandashoka.

Regards

Dear Dr,

Quote:

However, studies in gerontology show that personality scores throughout life are correlated. So changes in personality are exceptional and not rules. This happens when there is a threat to existence or a perceived self-image, as in the case of Dasyu Ratnakar and Chandashoka.

Unquote

Could you please explain further about Dasyu Ratnakar and Chandashoka? Who were they, and what happened? Also, what does "gerontology" refer to?

Thanks,

Bala

Dear Dr.,

However, studies in gerontology show that personality scores throughout life are correlated. So changes in personality are exceptional and not rules. This happens when there is a threat to existence or a perceived self-image as in the case of Dasyu Ratnakar and Chandashoka.

Could you please explain further on Dasyu Ratnakar and Chandashoka? Who were they, and what happened? Also, "gerontology!"

Thanks,

Bala

Thank you, Bala, for your query. You already know both Dasyu Ratnakar and Chandashoka. Ratnakar was the original name of sage Valmiki. He was a dasyu. When, due to a confrontation with Narad, he realized that he was under a mistaken belief. Seeking a way out, Narada instructed him to do tapasya by chanting the name of Ram. He was so engrossed in tapasya that white ants (valmikas) made a hill on him. Still, he was unmoved and unaware. After attaining siddhi, while he was sitting under a tree, he saw a hunter shoot down one of a couple of cranes while they were copulating. This led to the spontaneous utterance of the following sloka:

"Ma nishada pratistham twamagama saswati sama, Yat krauncha mithunad ekamavadhi, Kama mohitam."

This became the first sloka of Ramayan.

Ashoka was the son of the emperor of Magadh. He was sent to take care of Ujjain. On the way, he was enchanted by the beauty of Vidisha, a Buddhist girl. He married her on the condition that he would not indulge in violence. However, while looking after the administration of Ujjain, he received news of his father's illness. Rushing to Pataliputra, the capital of Magadh, he found his father had already passed away. A quarrel for the throne ensued among the brothers. Ashoka killed his 100 brothers and ascended to the throne. Vidisha accused him of breaching the pre-marital contract of non-violence. She then handed over their two kids, Sanghamitra and Rahul, and entered a Buddhist monastery.

Subsequently, Ashoka attacked Kalinga without any valid reason. The aftermath of the war killings deeply troubled him. One day, as he restlessly paced on his portico, he saw a Buddhist boy passing on the road, who happened to be his nephew. Ashoka called him and asked, "You must be hating me?" The boy replied, "Why?" To which Ashoka responded, "Is that enough to hate?"

This answer instantly transformed Chandashoka into Dharmashoka. A similar transformation occurred in the case of Angulimala, who changed from good to bad and then back to good.

Gerontology is the science of the study of aging.

Regards,

Namaskar Mahantaji,

Thanks for adding thoughtful verses from the Vedas which we all have lost touch with, or rather most of us may not be aware of. We are grateful to you for enlightening us and correlating them to present burning issues.

Warm Regards, Rajat

Karuna,

Thanks once again for sharing the experience with us. Would like to ask all of you how many of us have actually done this? I mean if this is so important then why haven't we done so yet.

Regards, Rajat

Dear Rajatji,

Namaskar.

Your appreciation is most welcome.

In a certain other thread, we had met and had taken eastern and western views. I had given the illustration of Chhatrapati Shivaji. I was expecting that the discussion would continue, but somehow it did not happen. However, I am putting my reflection as under.

Till the 8th century AD, India had a golden period, prosperous and happy. However, the basic Indian ethos had been non-imperialist and feud-mongering. This created the ground for foreign intrusion, and for 1200 years, we have been suffering from the intrusion of foreign ethos.

When we achieved political independence in 1947, even the wise foreigners thought that we would disintegrate and die of hunger. But this did not happen. We not only survived but also recovered to a great extent, and at least in the 21st century, they are calculating that India will be the No. 1, 2, or 3 economic force in the world, and they have started pampering us.

So, Indian nativism is raising its hood. In this context, I would like to invite your kind attention to Shree Madbhagavat Geeta. When I first read it, I was just in class 6. It was a spiritual document for me since then. But recently, I discovered that it is a book of management. Lord Krishna was a great management expert. I doubt if any taller management expert than Lord Krishna is born so far in this world. May I request you to read the Geeta from the perspective of management?

Regards

Dear Dr.,

I read your post on Bhagavad Geeta and Management. I tend to agree with your point that lots of people, including Indians, used to proclaim that India would disintegrate in no time. I myself have heard (when I was a child in the 1960s) arguments between my father and grandfather about whether it would be China or America that would conquer India. Despite all the negativity, infighting, feudalism, and self-serving politicians, we are expected to become one of the largest economies in another 20 years. Yes, this country will go places.

Thanks,
Bala

W for watch your words
A for watch your actions
T for watch your thoughts
C for watch your character
H for watch your heart

Dear Noel,

Thank you for your query. I myself have not gone through the Vedas. The two references I made, which Mr. Joshi thinks are from the Vedas, are incorrect. Valmiki was born much after the period of the Vedas. As for Ashoka, it is a matter of history. Despite this, what you have stated about the Vedas is correct.

Again, Lord Krishna says to Arjuna in the Geeta: "traiguna vishaya veda nishtraiguna bhabarjuna," which means "Oh Arjuna! Vedas are embedded in three gunas (satwa, rajas, and tamas). You transcend all three gunas.

Regards

Dear Drji,

Here is something that is known to everybody but I thought to put it here to remind ourselves.

Quote:

Lord Krishna is to be born in our bosom as we wait for His birth in the ruthless prison house, shackled with heavy chains of iron at midnight when it is completely dark and there are only tiny stars twinkling in the sky. It was a stormy night in Mathura. The Devas played the divine music, the Gandharvas and Apsaras sang and danced with anticipation and joy.

The high sage Narada, a roving seer of extraordinary insight into times past, present, and future, had prophesied that Devaki's eighth son would kill Kansa. Kansa, therefore, imprisoned Vasudeva and Devaki. Vasudev's wife, Devaki, was a cousin sister of Kansa, the most dreaded king of Mathura.

Lord Krishna's parents, Vasudeva and Devaki, sat in isolation with heavy chains on their hands and feet. When the Lord of the Universe was stepping down to the mortal world in the tiny cell, the Lord of Light lit up by an unearthly radiance in which Vasudeva and Devaki saw the Divine Lord Vishnu Himself.

The Divine Lord smiled and blessed the couple and said, "The time has come for me to manifest Myself to destroy evil. I will be born to you. Vasudeva, then take me to Gokula to your friend Nanda's house and bring back a daughter born to Yasoda and replace me there."

The Divine Form of Lord Vishnu came suddenly. He also vanished. When Devaki turned her side and saw a beautiful baby boy smiling at her lying next to her. His complexion was dark. She hugged and kissed Him and parted with the Divine child by offering Him to Vasudeva to carry out the instructions of the Lord.

He was born! Being a Commander of the Universe, His Will was executed by snapping the chains, opening the doors of the prison, and all the duty guards went into slumber, snoring like Kumbhakarnan, as if they had not slept for months. It became then walk for Sri Vasudeva to walk away and show the world the various fancies of His lifestyle.

Vasudeva walked the deserted streets of Mathura. When he reached the banks of the Yamuna, the water was roaring to receive the Lord of the Universe, and it started raining very heavily. Vasudeva was debating how to cross this swelling river ready to greet the Lord. Time was running out, and Vasudeva had to come back. It was a situation of do or die. No sooner Vasudeva entered the waters up to his neck, the very touch of the feet of the Lord, the water receded, and the thousand-headed Adishesha spread his hood and protected the Lord from the rainwater. Vasudeva reached Gokula and brought back the baby girl with him as instructed by the Lord.

The guards woke up no sooner Vasudeva entered with the child, who started crying. The news reached Kamsa, who came running to destroy the eighth child of Devaki, who was destined to kill him. Devaki pleaded with Kamsa, her brother, to save the little girl from being killed. Kamsa ignored the pleas and picked up the child, but the child slipped away from his hands and rose up in the air, where she manifested as none other than Devi Mahalakshmi and warned Kamsa, "Oh fool, your enemy has already been born, and He will come and destroy you at the appropriate time. You thought that by these acts, you would be able to avert the Will of the Lord, but your ego will bring your downfall." She disappeared.

No sooner Yasoda got up from sleep, she saw a beautiful infant gazing at her with a heavenly smile and an aroma of Divinity emitting from His face. The news spread very fast, and soon there was a gathering of people to see the Divine Child.

The Brahmins chanted the Vedic hymns and invoked the blessings of gods and goddesses. Nanda gave away in charity cattle, money, and hosted a big feast in honor of Lord Krishna. Thus, the Lord was born, and that day is now known as 'JANAMASHTAMI,' a wonderful day which we celebrate every year, and this year it is on the 11th of August 2001. When the Lord is arriving, people do not eat. Fasting is Upavasana, i.e., to live, to attune self, and to be in meditation, which quietens their mind to bring them nearer to the Lord.

Kamsa found out where Krishna was and sent many demons to kill him, but Krishna overcame them all. He grew up among the cowherd boys and girls, his loves and dalliances with the latter being the subject of a vast literature in later years. Among the cowherd maiden, Radha was no doubt his favorite.

The Vishnupuran describes Kaliya as a snake with many heads living in a pool of water near Vrindaban. As he had poisoned the pool with his potent venom and killed many of Krishna's friends, the cowherds and their flocks, he rushed to their aid, revived them, and danced on one of the snake's many heads. When Kaliya's friends and relatives begged for Krishna's mercy, the snake was spared to become one of Krishna's votaries.

The same Purana relates the story of Krishna asking the cowherds to start the worship of the Govardhana, a low hill in the Mathura district, and stop adoring Indra (Indra-yagna). This had enraged Indra, who bade the clouds to rain incessantly on the area. Krishna then held up the Govardhana on his little finger and gave shelter to the cowherds and their cattle under the hill. Indra's pride was humbled.

Blissful Flute.

Perhaps the most popular of these stories are about his skill as a flute-player. This adds considerably to the pastoral character of many of Krishna's stories. On hearing the music of Krishna's flute, peacocks dance, and other animals stand still and worship him with their glances.

The Blue Boy of the Jamuna banks, ever clothed in yellow garbs and singing away upon the flute, making everyone crazy in delight and joy. He is never without a flute, whether He is at Home with His mother or on the grazing grounds with His herd of cows or amongst the Gopis or Gopas or roaming alone everywhere. He is with the Flute by day and night, and He sleeps with the Flute.

How lucky and fortunate is the Flute with seven holes, apart from the main opening at the end, which emits the euphony of Love and makes everyone engrossed in His melodious sounds and makes the Universe forget their day-to-day problems and get so engrossed, as if to become part and parcel of the Flute.

As the flute has eight holes, similarly, we have eight holes in our system, the five organs of perception, and mind, intellect, and ego. The Lord fills us with His breath, the Divine Life, and plays upon these spots or holes to bring about the melody He wants, but we with our stupid ego try to sing our song and thus bring wrong notes and create chaos in the world.

If we can allow an uninterrupted and faithful flow of His will, He shall ever keep us in His hands and never leave us even for a moment. Even when we sing our senseless songs of lust and passion, likes and dislikes, hatred and jealousy, He never disowns us but guides everyone to lead a righteous life, but we have to be honest with ourselves by remembering Him and developing Faith and Perseverance in Him.

Hence, let us realize what is good for us and to whom should we be faithful because we had promised the Lord that we will do such and such things when we will come to this world, but many of us have not kept our promise and are unfaithful, and then what is the recourse available to Him. One has to reap what one has sowed. On realization, one can retrace the way of Life.

Think, if anyone is unfaithful to you, what action will you take against that person. Similarly, if you are unfaithful to the Lord, He is within His right to take action against you or abandon you. But He is so merciful.

Despite the crimes committed by us or when we are sick or in trouble, but when we remember Him, He is always at our beck and call. He never abandons anyone as we all are His part and parcel, and He and all of us are inseparable. Let us pray to the Lord to take us to Brindavan and Gokul to sing away upon His flute, sending every one of us crazy in rapturous delight and joy in a maddening picture of His endless Bliss.

Why Radha was dear to Lord Krishna.

Once Lord Krishna was ill, His pure tender body was inflamed with high fever, and no drug or medicine had any effect, and the fever was unabating. Mother Yasoda was very worried and inquired from Lord Krishna what could cure Him. Thereupon Lord Krishna replied that the dust of the feet of any one of his beloved would get Him well. Mother Yasoda went from door to door asking all gopis and gopas for this strange request. Everyone refused, though they are prepared to lay down their life for Lord Krishna, who is so dear to them, but offering a dust of their feet would take them to Hell, and they would not commit this act of indecency.

At last, Mother Yasoda went to Radha and told her the purpose of the visit. Radha replied that it was so simple she