Feeling Misunderstood as a Training Manager: How Should I Approach This HR Meeting?

Hi guys,

Some of you online helped me draft a letter addressed to a group of relationship managers in my organization for not turning up on a pre-decided scheduled session. FYI, I'm displaying the mail below:

Dear All,

This is to remind you that all of you were intimated to attend the session on Client Interfacing Skills, scheduled on Tues, 15-May-2007 at 13:30 hrs. The significance of the said session need not be highlighted to the participants. It is really disappointing to know that none of you attended this training despite informing you well in advance.

I hope you will not do this in the future. This is highly inconvenient for us. I know that with a bit of perseverance, we can overcome this. Please let me know your consensus for rescheduling the next session. Looking forward to a positive response next time.

Now, these guys feel that I'm being stern as a communication trainer. They've addressed this concern to the HR manager. I'm a Training Manager and not a trainer, but since we don't have any trainers recruited in my organization, I am playing the role of the trainer as well.

I feel these guys always want me to say a "please" and "thank you" every time I write or say, irrespective of if the situation demands it or not. Now, the HR manager has said that we'll have an open meeting wherein they'll come up with their concerns in her presence.

Friends, I'm really upset by their attitude. I also feel they have this attitude that they are managers, but then what about me? Aren't I one?

I feel to recite this song: "I try so hard and got so far and in the end, it doesn't even matter."

I've always been extra careful when I communicate with anyone out here, and now this is what I get. I'm meandering - I don't know what I should do or say in the upcoming meeting. I'm jittery.

Please suggest, all gurus here. Please.... Thanks for taking the time to go through this note.

Chow, Kavita

Dear Kavita,

It is always expected from people belonging to HR processes that they should be polite, humble, approachable, and down to earth. This always helps in the performance of duties. Don't feel offended, but try to use 'thank you', 'please', 'I would appreciate' rather than 'you must', 'you ought to', 'you are expected to', etc. Be a little diplomatic.

Regards,
Meghamadhulika

Thank you, Meghamadhulika!

I understand that we ought to be polite, but do you think in the above mail I am being impolite? I've always used those popular words and would continue to use them. For your information, these managers had agreed in person together on the decided schedule. I had also formally sent a mail across all of them announcing the scheduled program. Now, despite all this, they don't turn up at the scheduled time, and my efforts and time I took for the preparation go in vain (I could ignore that). But being a training manager, I feel it's my responsibility to send the above-quoted mail. I am not sure how far you or any gurus out here would agree to this. Please suggest how I should take this further in the meeting.

Chow, Kavita

Hi Kavita,

Also, remember that "being polite" need not be translated as "become a doormat."

Having said this, there is absolutely no reason why you should not draw up a list of your concerns with these managers. These can be discussed in the same meeting - it cannot be a one-way traffic. Rather than it being a "you didn't do this, so now do this," ask them to help solve the issues. Propose suggestions rather than announce solutions.

Being polite is always a good strategy. It is a good tool to open many doors easily. Other people would like to see HR as quiet, polite, etc. This stereotyping occurs for all people in all departments. It is good to live up to this perception, and it is even better to make them understand that there is more to you as an HR professional than just being polite. Think of the old phrase "Iron hand in a velvet glove"... which is pretty much what diplomacy is about in today's world. :)

By the way, I personally don't consider your email as stern. I have written (and seen) stricter documents than what you have given them. :twisted:

All the best.

Ryan

Dear Ryan,

I am so glad to read your email once again. If you remember, you had helped me out recently with a training concern. I appreciate all your help.

Your email gives me a sense of relief since you could actually perceive rather than just see things. Thank you so much for lending me an ear and making me feel good.

In the future, if you would have any concerns or need help, just shout. I mean it, friend.

Chow,
Kavita
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Dear Ryan,

I need another help. I hope you don't find me irritating. This is because I am not that good when it comes to drafting formal letters at times. Would you mind helping me draft a formal email to the HR manager since I most of the time work on Saturday and Sunday, which are weekly offs at my organization, but because of certain quality checks, I have to be here on those days.

I don't need a comp off since I can't afford to stay away from work. Instead, I would like to ask for payment for these two days. The number of hours I work depends upon the workload.

I am eagerly looking forward to your reply.

Chow, Kavita

Hi Kavitha,

The written communication needs to be more diplomatic because employees find it offensive when discomfort is expressed via email or any other written mode. The message could be conveyed in a positive manner, for example:

"There was a client interfacing skills training scheduled on [Date] at [Time]. Unfortunately, the participants were occupied with their own activities. It would be appreciated if the Training Department is informed in advance about any non-participation so that the event can be rescheduled to a more convenient date.

Thank you for your cooperation and we assure you of our support.

This approach will demonstrate that the Training Department is willing to assist in rescheduling the event.

Thank you,
Giridhar"

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Hi Kavita,

Sorry for the delay in responding to your email. I cannot help but feel that you are making a mistake in not taking compensatory time off. Please remember that your body also needs to recharge, no matter how light your workload may be during the week. You are not indispensable to the organization. There is no such thing as "I cannot afford to stay away from work." What if you had an illness that required bed rest? Please understand that you are also required by law to take a day off. Hey, even God rested. :lol:

I am assuming here that you are unmarried and therefore have time on your hands. Once you are married, you will need all the time you can get to balance work and home. Drafting the letter is a minor issue compared to your health. Most organizations generally have a policy regarding entitlements when working late or over weekends. Please check this with your finance team.

The next time you seriously need time off, you may not be able to get it.

Regards,
Ryan

Hi Kavita,

I like your name very much because it's the name of my dearest professor too.

I went through your email, it's fine. If somebody says something to you about this, just tell them that trainings are a cost to the company, and the company is not foolish to organize the training and pay you for attending. You need to understand its importance. If your bosses say anything, take the good advice and disregard the bad ones.

Being in HR, you need to learn one more thing: how to express something in 10 different ways. You don't know who understands which one.

Cool down, dear. There's no need to worry; everyone seems to have a grudge against HR.

Amit Kudale
amitkudale@punjlloyd.com
HRD
Punjlloyd Ltd

Thank you, Giridhar!

I'll bear this in mind next time. After having read your sample mail, I think I could've been a little more diplomatic. I wish if I could've received this before. :roll: No repentance. It'll be a lesson instead. 8)

Thanks again!

Chow,
Kavita

Hi Team,

This is in regard to the timely reminder provided for the upcoming session on client interfacing skills, which was scheduled for May 15, 2007.

I am disappointed by your absence at the session. It would have been better if you had communicated your availability to attend.

I would appreciate it if, in the future, you could confirm your attendance for sessions so that we can customize them as needed to suit the participants' convenience.

No offense, but I have attempted to rephrase your message.

I believe that if you consider yourself part of the training team, regardless of your role - whether you are a leaf, a stem, or even the root (manager) - you should be humble and more courteous than anyone else in the office.

I take pride in displaying a courteous attitude, which naturally includes words like "please," etc.

This sets me apart in a positive way, as people respond positively to me.

For the upcoming session, instead of conveying that you are a manager, try to portray yourself as an EAGLE.

Best of luck, and please share your experiences.

Cheers,
Ankita

Dear Kavita,

I went through your drafted communication. It does matter to be polite in HR, and in any case, being polite doesn't mean to become a "human doormat" as Ryan rightly said. Tough decisions in HR or training have to be taken, and your memo, in any way, is not rude; it is tough and it is fine. I myself have sent across comms the same way it hits, make a point and send a warmest pat across, totally irrelevant to the decision taken, so that your decision is not diluted.

Best regards, Steney Idicala

Dear Kavitha,

I have rewritten the letter for you to compare the tone of both letters. In any organization, managers do feel they must be addressed properly. As you are not their boss, they will surely be offended by the language. You will have to face them in the future also. So take care and keep trying.

I wish you all the very best. If you need further help, contact me at clemi@rediffmail.com.

Dear All,

I would like to bring to your attention that we scheduled a training session on Client Interfacing Skills on 15th May, Tuesday at 1.30 PM. Unfortunately, no one attended the session, which is really disappointing. Had you informed me earlier about your inconvenience, I would have rescheduled the session.

I would like to discuss with all the Managers on this issue so that we can have more productive sessions in the future, which will benefit the organization. Would you mind mailing me about this?

Awaiting your replies,

Clement

Hi Kavitha,

What you wanted to do was to be firm, but ended up being stern. You can be firm in a polite manner too. Try using words like kindly, please, cooperation. You can get your point across as well as not offend the receiver. I think Giridhar has rephrased your email well. Try doing it on similar lines in the future.

Also, another pointer, 2 days prior to the event, a gentle reminder will help you know the number of participants. Being in HR, we tread a delicate line; hence, we have to be extra cautious. Hope it helps.

Hi Kavita,

I understand you're feeling jittery. Just one strategy to address your managers is to always underplay it. I mean don't make them feel that you're bossing over them since you're the training manager. Underplaying yourself always helps in all situations - whether you're right or wrong.

You need to make your managers/employees realize the importance of training since nowadays a training session means 'a day off from work'. Hope you do well in the meeting. Remember to underplay yourself next time. Good luck! 😊

Shraddha

Hi Kavita,

I agree with Girdhar. This way the ball is in their court.

Also, many times it so happens that the engineers are so tied up in their projects or with deadlines (I assume you are in an IT environment) that they really find it difficult to attend these sessions.

Yes, it would have been great had they intimated to you about the same. But thank God it was an in-house training. I have come across situations where about 25-30 registered and only 10-12 turned up for the training, which in turn was conducted by an external trainer so the organization was at a loss financially too.

If this is a regular feature, then you can take the help of the HR department and initiate this as one of the KRAs for the managers. Then everything will fall in line. So the manager will take care that his team undergoes all the required trainings.

Rupa.

Kavita,

I can understand the situation.

Nothing wrong with your communication and intention.

The issue is clash of EGO (Edging God Out).

First of all, understand the role; In this role, you are communicating as a Trainer and not as a training manager.

Talk to your HR and fill the vacancy of the trainer; Empathy can give clarity.

As a few of our forum members suggested, diplomacy is the key.

Nothing wrong in using some lubricating words like "Thank you," etc.

I started this letter with no salutations; imagine, instead, I wrote, "Good morning, Hope everything is fine at your end," etc.

How do you feel?

Certain places, the entrance door will be less than 5 ft. Even a King has to bow down his head to enter; else he will get hurt.

Some places you have to adjust your "Height" to avoid turbulence.

In an Indian context, no one separates the role and person - it will be looked upon as a single entity.

Adapt to the situation; and demand your rights.

The ultimate aim is to accomplish the TASK at hand.

Rest all will wane.

You will do well and grow.

All the Best.

With regards,

Parasu Mukunthan