How a Cockroach Taught Me the Power of Responding Over Reacting in Stressful Situations

Suddenly, a cockroach flew from somewhere and sat on her. I wondered if this was the cockroach's response to all the glory that was spoken about it! She started screaming out of fear. With a panic-stricken face and trembling voice, she started jumping, with both her hands desperately trying to get rid of the cockroach. Her reaction was contagious, as everyone in her group got cranky about what was happening. The lady finally managed to push the cockroach to another lady in the group. Now, it was the turn of the other lady in the group to continue the drama. The waiter rushed forward to their rescue. In the relay of throwing, the cockroach next fell upon the waiter. The waiter stood firm, composed himself, and observed the behavior of the cockroach on his shirt. When he was confident enough, he grabbed and threw it out with his fingers.

Sipping my coffee and watching the amusement, the antenna of my mind picked up a few thoughts and started wondering, was the cockroach responsible for their histrionic behavior? If so, then why was the waiter not disturbed? He handled it near to perfection, without any chaos. It is not the cockroach, but the inability of the ladies to handle the disturbance caused by the cockroach that disturbed the ladies.

I realized even in my case then, it is not the shouting of my father or my boss that disturbs me, but it's my inability to handle the disturbances caused by their shouting that disturbs me. It's not the traffic jams on the road that disturb me, but my inability to handle the disturbance caused by the traffic jam that disturbs me. More than the problem, it's my reaction to the problem that hurts me.

Lessons Learned from the Story:

I understood, I should not react in life. I should always respond. The women reacted, whereas the waiter responded. Reactions are always instinctive, whereas responses are always intellectual.

Reactions and Response (Really Too Good Story)

Suddenly, a cockroach flew from somewhere and sat on a lady. I wondered if this was the cockroach's response to all the glory that was spoken about it! She started screaming out of fear. With a panic-stricken face and trembling voice, she started jumping, with both her hands desperately trying to get rid of the cockroach. Her reaction was contagious, as everyone in her group got cranky about what was happening. The lady finally managed to push the cockroach to another lady in the group.

Now, it was the turn of the other lady in the group to continue the drama. The waiter rushed forward to their rescue.

In the relay of throwing, the cockroach next fell upon the waiter. The waiter stood firm, composed himself, and observed the behavior of the cockroach on his shirt. When he was confident enough, he grabbed and threw it out with his fingers.

Sipping my coffee and watching the amusement, the antenna of my mind picked up a few thoughts and started wondering!

Was the cockroach responsible for their histrionic behavior?

If so, then why was the waiter not disturbed? He handled it near to perfection, without any chaos. It is not the cockroach, but the inability of the ladies to handle the disturbance caused by the cockroach that disturbed them.

I realized even in my case then, it is not the shouting of my father or my boss that disturbs me, but it's my inability to handle the disturbances caused by their shouting that disturbs me.

It's not the traffic jams on the road that disturb me, but my inability to handle the disturbance caused by the traffic jam that disturbs me.

More than the problem, it's my reaction to the problem that hurts me.

The Take-Away:

The women reacted, whereas the waiter responded. We should not react in life; we should always respond. Reactions are always instinctive, whereas responses are always intellectual.

Thanks & Regards,
Deepika Kamal

Dear Nazir,

There should be no harm in reposting the same material if it was shared a while ago. The only requirement is that it should be mentioned. This will benefit new members like myself.

Thank you once again for the valuable content.

Virchand Vira

Dear Nazir,

This article was written by Deepak Shinde, and whenever you republish it, please make it a point to mention the original author or the link from where you received it. It is better to avoid plagiarism. Please find attached the original Deepak Shinde's article.

uttimm

Dear Vaid, In fact, it is not a case of reaction vs. response. It is a case where the restaurant was infested with cockroaches, and the ladies had to face the cockroaches for the first time in that restaurant, while the waiter was accustomed to facing the cockroaches on a daily basis in that restaurant.

So, we must better apply our minds to analyze the situation before we quote some fictitious example like this to prove some theory. For example, if some person appears before you all of a sudden and attacks you with a knife, how would you like to respond on that occasion? Would you not like to react? Your response itself would be your reaction. This is just a case of substitution of words. We have to use only the appropriate word as the occasion demands, maybe response, or to react. So, when you are not aware of the invader's sudden appearance before you and his intentions to attack you, you would definitely react, not respond to the attacker. The waiter already knew about the cockroach menace and saw the ladies struggle, so he reacted differently than the ladies did. You may call him, as you like, responded, or reacted.

Better we quote some constructive stories rather than worthless imaginations.

NazirVaid said:

REACTION VS. RESPONSE

Suddenly, a cockroach flew from somewhere and sat on a lady. I wondered if this was the cockroach's response to all the glory that was spoken about it!

She started screaming out of fear. With a panic-stricken face and trembling voice, she started jumping, with both her hands desperately trying to get rid of the cockroach. Her reaction was contagious, as everyone in her group got cranky to what was happening. The lady finally managed to push the cockroach onto another lady in the group.

Now, it was the turn of the other lady in the group to continue the drama. The waiter rushed forward to their rescue. In the relay of throwing, the cockroach next fell upon the waiter. The waiter stood firm, composed himself, and observed the behavior of the cockroach on his shirt. When he was confident enough, he grabbed and threw it out with his fingers.

Sipping my coffee and watching the amusement, the antenna of my mind picked up a few thoughts and started wondering, was the cockroach responsible for their histrionic behavior? If so, then why was the waiter not disturbed? He handled it near to perfection, without any chaos.

It is not the cockroach, but the inability of the ladies to handle the disturbance caused by the cockroach that disturbed the ladies.

I realized even in my case then, it is not the shouting of my father or my boss that disturbs me, but it's my inability to handle the disturbances caused by their shouting that disturbs me. It's not the traffic jams on the road that disturb me, but my inability to handle the disturbance caused by the traffic jam that disturbs me. More than the problem, it's my reaction to the problem that hurts me.

The Take-Away: The women reacted, whereas the waiter responded.

We should not react in life; we should always respond. Reactions are always instinctive, whereas responses are always intellectual.

Regards

Further to my post above and also those of Raj Kumar Hansdah and PS Dhingra, I searched the web and found it at my Leadership Learning: Choose Your Response: A Cockroach Story.

Earlier, I had not commented on the article as I was concentrating on advising about plagiarism. Dhingra's comments have prompted me to air my views. One can see from the various responses examples of reactions and responses. There are people who have thought the post to be an excellent example. However, as Dhingra has rightly pointed out, we need to analyze the issues involved in depth. Even assuming that the place was not infested with the insects, the way one responds depends on one's previous experience. For example, when I take a walk in Lal Bagh gardens in Bangalore, I am not afraid of the stray dogs that roam about. Maybe because I have not seen them attack or go near people. Whereas, I am scared of any dog, even with a lead, when it is allowed to come near me or comes near me. Maybe it is due to a bad experience as a kid.

I have no problems with wasps that pollinate the flowers in our garden, whereas my wife and our daughter will scream and run if a wasp comes near them. I could not use these incidents as apt examples to emphasize the need to respond rather than react. For more examples and discussion on Respond or React, see Google.

Have a nice day.

Regards, Simhan

[QUOTE=NazirVaid;1250772]

REACTION VS RESPONSE

Suddenly, a cockroach flew from somewhere and sat on a lady. I wondered if this was the cockroach's response to all the glory that was spoken about it!

Dear Nazir, I appreciate your response to Simhan & Raj Kumar's comments. Nevertheless, the narration was an excellent example of highlighting the importance of 'responding' instead of 'reacting' to situations, as many of us tend to. The episode has manifested two important issues:

1. It has served as a reminder to sharpen the axe, to make it easier to cope with the increasing complexities of life.
2. It speaks volumes for the alertness of moderators & some members in recalling.

Regards,
Col. Sunder Lalvani

Response VS Reaction

All reactions are not bad; in fact, they are essential. Our brain is wired with two channels: one fast and the other slow. Whenever we receive stimuli, it sends signals through both channels. The fast channel is activated by the amygdala for action. This is basically a survival channel or mechanism to protect oneself from any threats to survival. The second channel is for your inner consideration and then response. In this gap, as Stephen R. Covey says, we use self-awareness, creative imagination, conscience, and independent will, and then respond. In simple terms, we can say reaction is for survival and response is for growth. The only difficulty is that the brain, if not trained properly, will take loss of name, fame, insult, provocation, and many more as survival of prestige, position, ego, pride, etc., and we react to virtually everything more as a habit.

One can definitely learn to respond in our relationships and business encounters. Responding is a learned behavior.

Regards,
V S Sudhaker

Just check, are you reacting to the messages or are you responding to messages? If you are responding, what did you do? If you have reacted, what happened? Reactions are out of Emotional Hijack. Responses are out of Awareness.

V S Sudhaker

Dear Sudhakar,

Please let him decide first whether he would like to respond or react. He may still be in a fix about whether to react or respond to messages.

Reaction Vs Response

What is the first step in enhancing our S-R system? Three things: Self Awareness, Self Awareness, & Self Awareness. It is not that there are three self-awarenesses; it is mere emphasis. How do we practice? Have a watch or cell that beeps every 30 minutes. On the beep, just stop and peep into your mind and heart, listen to the internal dialogue: pictures, sounds, and feelings for, say, two minutes. Don't act on any of your observations immediately. Do it for a couple of days, and interesting inner programs or patterns will emerge. Our energies flow where our attention goes; we become aware of where we are paying attention internally. It's fun plus learning. Realize the S-R system is the Unit of Success in life. It is like a rupee is a unit of our financial system. Catch this, and you will have the secrets of successful people. It is like a mother, when cooking rice, does not test all the rice grains but picks up one or two, and she knows if the rice is cooked or not.

Have fun. Do you have any other ideas?

Regards, V S Sudhaker

Hi, here is a small PowerPoint presentation on Reaction Vs. Response.

V. S. Sudhaker

Re: Reaction vs Response

If a material is relevant and has a purpose, there is no harm in reposting. This is refreshing as I received it on Monday morning, but I hope Nazir has taken note of making references known. Thanks for posting.

Ajayi Olufemi
Nigeria.

Here are some more insights into the Stimulus-Response system. We can broadly classify all our reactions into constructive and destructive responses.

Categories of Responses

Furthermore, all our responses to various stimuli are grouped into seven categories:

1. Critical Responses: Highly critical, often judgmental, and with a bit of emotional intensity.
2. Nurturing Responses: More soothing, yet still judgmental and emotional, with a touch of kindness.
3. Adult Responses: Logical, devoid of emotions, akin to a computer-like approach.
4. Freewheeling Responses: Carefree, open, least hesitant, expressing thoughts freely like an energetic child.
5. Complying Responses: Submissive "I will do it" kind of responses, resembling an adaptive child.
6. Rebellious Responses: Rebelling against anything and everything, showing aggression and defiance.
7. Manipulative Responses: Responses with cunning and double meanings.

While Critical Responses and Rebellious Responses are often very destructive, in most office situations, Adult Responses are considered the most effective. All response types are necessary, but the frequency of each matters. Take a closer look at your reactions to every stimulus; interesting insights will emerge.

Any views?

Regards,
V. S. Sudhaker