Balancing Dreams and Parental Expectations: How Would You Respond to a Friend's Dilemma?

Hi,

One of my friends said the following statement and asked for my opinion on it: "I have sacrificed my dreams many times, in fact, always to meet my parents' principles. Am I right or wrong?"

I was confused and did not answer. I would request you to let me know - in case you were in my place, what would you answer?

Thanks,
Deepa.

Hi,

Please ask your friend to convince their parents and live the dream. Life is about trying things to see if they work. I don't think setbacks, disappointments, rejections, and unsuccessful attempts can be called failures. They are steps towards success.

Cheers,
Satish

Hi,

If you ask me the same, I would suggest chasing your own dream rather than fulfilling your parents' principles, because ultimately, you have to live your life on your own. If you are confident enough about your own dream, I believe it's not so difficult to convince your parents, and I am sure they will understand your thinking. So be confident and pursue your dream.

Hi,

As a parent myself, I would suggest this advice to your friend. First, your friend must ensure that his/her dream is a good one and does not go against the law, religion, etc. Then, try to convince the parent to support his/her dream. Prove that his/her dream is as good as what the parent suggests, and the friend will pursue it wholeheartedly.

Your friend will feel good because he/she is pursuing his/her dream with full support from the parent. We always need parents' support, be it morally, financially, etc. Try to talk to your parent with patience and intelligence.

I wish your friend good luck with the parent and with pursuing his/her dream.

That all depends. He has to convince his parents about what he is thinking, his plans, and what's going on in the current phase of life. He has to help them understand; that is the only solution, instead of murmuring every now and then. Sometimes, parents feel there could be detachment if their son is following his dreams. There are a lot of things in the son-parent relationship: emotions, attachment, love, fear of separation, etc. So, if parents do not understand his situation, sit and talk with them.

You could dream, but you need to condition them. That is where experience and principles come in. Take my word, we all dream different things during different times. If they have to be workable, they have to be conditioned to do so. Ask your parents; many times, their experience and inputs will bring smiles along the way. My sincere advice is just do not live only your dreams; you will end up being nothing but a dreamer.

Hi, it is quite cumbersome. As you are aware, nowadays no parent will force their wishes onto their child. However, there are a few who prefer their way of upbringing the child. I hope you are mature enough to explain the reasoning for your dreams as opposed to your parents. It all depends on how well you can persuade your parents to see things your way. Always remember that not all experts are right. The one who is in the fire is the best judge to come out of it, by using expert ideas tailored to suit their situation. Therefore, the key is to adjust your communication until you achieve the desired results. Keep going and be persuasive. There are millions of ways to communicate, so keep trying, and you will succeed. All the best.

Nagendran, HR Head TN

Many times, the young generation, like us, feel such things only due to the generation gap. The fact is that our parents have done great things for us. Let me ask your friend for an example where he/she made sacrifices. Only after getting the details can we help him/her to overcome such feelings that may hinder progress and success.

Thanks,

Shrikant

There is nothing bad in chasing your dream, but I think there is a way of explaining your dreams to your parents, especially parents who want their children to become one they wanted. A typical parent in India wants their children to excel in education; they want their children to do some very good courses and then to take a job. This means that every parent wants to see their children financially sound.

But people have dreams; some of them want to pursue things like Fine Arts, Acting, Music, or Games, which cannot assure immediate career success, as there is a lot of struggle involved in these areas.

If you are a parent, you wouldn't like your child to struggle in these areas. This may be a misconception, but yes, it is certain that one needs to have a conversation with the parents while explaining.

There are people with different strengths and emotional levels; some are very attached to the family find it very difficult to act on their own. Some are strong and strongly attached to their dreams may find their own way.

And Lastly...

Dream is not a one-day thing that I am talking about here. I am talking about that Dream which is the ONE, SINGLE, HAS MEANING TO YOUR LIFE, YOU HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT FOR YEARS AND YEARS, YOU HAVE TOTAL FAITH IN YOUR DREAM.

YOUR DREAM HAS A GREAT EXTENT OF ETHICS IN IT. (Ask Yourself, don't see anybody's opinion, but be ready with the answers that carry weight.) YOU ARE INTENTIONALLY OR DIRECTLY NOT HURTING ANYBODY. (Ask Yourself, Please try to measure your emotions with others, but if you are right, then there is no reason to stop, even if someone cries for nothing.)

If you think that you have to pursue your dream because it is a part of your life and you cannot live your life without it, then there is no other option. Go for it. Explain and fight every person that comes between you and your dream.

Please note that no one has ever reached their dream without obstacles.

Hello there,

To be honest with you, I believe pirates will only have to teach you the values of life and how to be a better person. Pirates' duties are to teach children the ways of God, respect, go to school, and support you in the career that you have chosen. And again, remember, your dream should not be to abuse drugs and do dirty things. I am a pirate too. It would make me happy to see my child following my steps and making sound decisions with dignity. I am not saying he must be a policeman because I am.

It will never help the parents or you bring them in confidence and go ahead for your dreams. It is not a sacrifice but a lack of will and taking refuge in not doing something of your choice, which in the long run may prove to be beneficial to all, including your parents.

I have been a rebel since birth. Not disobedient but a rebel. I have my own principles. I try to convince my parents whenever our principles or dreams clash. If they cannot convince me to see the fault in my judgment, then my dreams stay, whatever the world has to opine. Sacrificing is not a solution to anything. And being from two different generations, the principles are bound to be different. So the right thing INO will be to talk to parents about it.

I think your friends have obeyed their parents for a while now. It's time for them to discover their true selves and get to know who they actually are. They should strive to achieve their dreams, not just follow their parents' principles. Otherwise, they may struggle to succeed in life, especially if they pursue a career that doesn't align with their passions.

Hi, Deepa,

I am sending you one of my best parents' wish PowerPoint presentation files. This way, I am satisfied with you.

Thank you,
Kamlesh

Ask your friend to talk and convince the parents on his points. If the parents are still not convinced, do what the parents want. It is the best part of the world to make parents happy. Your friend might feel upset and angry for some time, but he will feel proud for the rest of his life.

Your dream was not strong, and people often have wishful thinking about many things. Hence, a dream is not something that dies out. The dream of being a good child or being bound by principles was even stronger; hence, you conformed. A real, true dream is never let go! So, don't worry, you haven't really lost yours. Be honest with yourself and explore the real dream.

Once Ramanand Sagar, who created the epic Ramayana, said at an award ceremony, "You know why our India has been in progress? Because our youngsters do not always listen to their parents. If they always listen, they can't do new things." So, if they do not try something new, there will be no progress. Sometimes, it is good not to listen to your parents.

Do what you love to do and do what makes you happy to the heart. You cannot always please everybody, but you can definitely explain and convince them. You have to live your dream and what your heart says.

Please note: "YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT YOU ARE AND YOU HAVE TO BLAME YOURSELF FOR THE SAME."

Dear Deepa,

Many of us here (including me) can see ourselves in your friends' shoes. Changing plans to convince and make parents feel better/lighter/happier... Ultimately what happens is - we will lose our individuality.

One must understand that hindrances are always a part of our major plan - they come as a default setting. But we need to face them and go ahead with what we have in our mind, "the goal plan."

I have come across these questions put across by my parents:

- Why should you work extra hours?
- Why do you need to stay out after the sun has set?
- If all you wanted was a pen, why did you have to spend more than 5 minutes in the shop?
- You usually reach at 6:00 pm - today it's 6:15 pm? What happened?? (Please note - the level of BP would be very high)
- Why are you working even at home?
- Why did you smile and talk to them?
- Why did you volunteer to drop them?
- What??? You have to arrange a dinner party for your corporate work??? and you think reaching home after 8:00 is acceptable???? Quit this job!
- You said you want to quit your job? Do you know that at your age, I used to walk to the office and save the bus money? Getting a job was like seeing heaven for us...and today, here you are saying that you need a break? and you think that you are overstressed?

I can handle anything my parents question/ask except this, "What will the society/neighbor think of Mathew's Daughter if she comes home late/works late/wakes up early for a walk?"

Really, this spoils everything. What I would suggest to your friend is - to make parents understand that life today is not like what they saw in their age. In those days, hard work and sincerity paid off. Today - much more is required. Pace - speed... socializing...everything is required.

In those days, a job as a counter clerk was a great path to success...today, we need to think differently. They should be made to understand that it is not just a Doctor/engineer or computer person who earns - and that they are having a great life. Life is about doing what you feel and know you are good at! Why live like an average person doing an average job?

Today, I regret that I took to sacrificing and I am here doing something of an average woman's job... I know that there is something else I am interested in.. What I am thinking and worrying about is "How to convince my parents?"

I love them, I know that they need only good things to come into my life...but their fear should not be my barrier.

I am sure that once your friend follows his/her dream, achieves in her plan, and can show her/his parents that the decision was right - they would be really happy. The initial struggle will be tough...they may even not talk - they may even tell each other "Our child does not value us anymore"...but we know the truth... So give all these issues some time...try to convince, else follow your dream and show it to them that they need not have to worry anymore "We have actually grown up."

To all parents - "Don't spoil your child's individuality by doing every little thing for them. Tomorrow if something happens to you - they should know what they want in life and move ahead with confidence. Do your bit of hand-holding... it's a beauty to watch your child learn and grow - not be spoon-fed. For that, you can buy a little doll and use the battery and remote for it to work for you."

I know I sounded bad...but as I mentioned earlier - I regret sacrificing a few things and not helping my parents understand (or rather have the patience to make them understand) that life is not just about being overprotective and surrounded by four walls.

But not anymore - I am actually taking time to think and do what they fear the most ;-)

It's all in convincing them! and yes - Time... time plays a major factor.

I think many times your parents sacrificed many dreams for you. So I don't think it's a big deal to sacrifice your dream. But if you think you can't live without your dream, go and convince them but don't hurt them.

Hi,

Parents lived for your dreams. You should live for their dreams. Living for others makes life complete for what God has sent us on this earth. What your friend has done is 100% good; tell him not to feel bad about it.

Hello. You must take care of your parents' wishes, after all, they always sacrifice many things for you (don't forget). What will happen if you sacrifice a dream? Nothing, but there are some other better opportunities waiting for you. It's my point of view.

Re-cap the movie 3 Idiots. In the movie, Madhavan convinces his parents to pursue his passion for wildlife photography instead of following their wishes for him to become an engineer.

With regards to my experience, I followed my parents' wishes: I finished my college degree, worked, completed my MBA, and then worked again. However, during my college days, I already had a dream that was not related to my course. So, while working, I saved up until I had enough to pursue another course aligned with my dream. Although my parents' reaction was lukewarm, at least they could not oblige me anymore since I would be the one supporting my dream. Whatever you do, don't stop chasing your dream. You don't want to have "what ifs" when you are older. Good luck!

If your friend's parents had ever thought of their DREAM, they would have never given birth to him/her. You must dream; that's a commitment to lead a meaningful life. But at the same time, PRINCIPLES have their own place in building a DREAM with CHARACTER. Parents have experience and sometimes may not have experience as you think, but they definitely have one thing that is called WISDOM. And the young generation needs to honor that WISDOM irrespective of their knowledge and experience.

Always work out solutions to your problems by discussing with your parents/seniors or a Mentor if you have one. Dreams can only be achieved with values/norms and principles; what you get otherwise is not going to last longer. TRUST ME or see it yourself... choice is yours.

ALL THE BEST IN YOUR ENDEAVORS...

Hey,

I completely agree with you. If you believe in yourself, your parents will also start believing in you. Seeing your determination in achieving your dreams will definitely make your parents support you.

Regards,
Shanu

Famous music director Madan Mohan's dream was to be a music director, but his father wanted him to be in the military. Just for his parents' wish, he worked there for 15 years, and after retirement, he chased his old dream and started giving music in films, achieving grand success. We all know the best melodious songs in films are composed by him.

I recall one more example of Boman Irani. He also entered films at the age of 45, and since then, every year, he has been receiving awards for his work.

"In this world, there is nothing like Mom and Dad."

If you have the conviction in your dreams then you can always manage the process of achieving those dreams. I don't understand how in chasing your dreams can be against your parents principles. Are you referring to your parent's beliefs, values, based on their religion upbringing etc?
If that is the case you need to understand if chasing your dreams does not mean adopting illegal activities then go ahead.
Parents need to understand that their children have their own dreams and identity, and unfortunately they (parents) cannot live their unfulfilled ambitions through their children. Being a parent of two teenagers I understand and accept the difficulties that parents go through but open communication, healthy boundaries and consistent parenting with quality time can make life easy for a parent.

Hi all,

I just want to clarify that the dream my friend was talking about is legal and does not go against any religion. Thank you again for the wonderful advice and for helping me whenever I need guidance.

Thanks,
Deepa

What an example!!! I totally agree... Relations are the important gift that one cannot buy with money; you can't buy any relation with money. One may think to chase the dream very badly, hurting the emotions of the family members. And what if you are unsuccessful in attaining your dream? You won't regain what you have lost, and you will be left with nothing. So, keep the confidence of the family members too.

Even if you attain your dream without your family, won't you feel alone?

So, please try to maintain equilibrium between the family and your personal goals. It is important.

Try to convince but don't hurt them badly. Remember, no one is badly hurt if your cause is good, if your cause has weight in it. Try to ask questions to yourself before making a decision, and the way you explain and talk matters a lot. You can change the minds of people with your way of talking and explaining. People feel confident in you when you can satisfy them with your words and actions.

Hi All,

I want to share some good news with you all. I discussed with my friend and shared all the advice that was given by you. He tried again and spoke to his parents. This time, before approaching his parents, he listed down all the questions he thought they would ask and prepared himself with answers. The discussion this time was fruitful. The parents mentioned they need time to think over the subject. I am hopeful that his parents will say yes :)

Thank you all.

Thanks,
Deepa.

By Ndlovu John

Choosing a dream career is not disobedience. Change is vital, comfort zone is even warmer. Pirates, in most cases, run when not being chased by anything. Most pirates want to live their dreams through their children. Most pirates are afraid of change, afraid to disappoint their ancestors. In most cases, there is one or more reasons mentioned above that make pirates choose careers for their children.

Please try your best to convince your parents. Even if you achieve your dream without their consent, you may still feel like something is missing.