Real-World Impact: How Security Methods Cut Robberies and Violence in Stores by Half

savan123
Application of these methods in stores in San Diego and Cincinnati have resulted in a 30% drop in robberies and a 50% decline in violence there, according to the developers of the security, Hanover Brothers, Inc.
raninnes
[QUOTE=savan123;1030103]

Applying these methods in San Diego and Cincinnati stores has resulted in a 30% drop in robberies and a 50% decline in violence, according to the security developers, Hanover Brothers, Inc.

Avoid wordiness by cutting out every redundant word, prefer verbs to nouns, particularly nouns ending with 'application' in your sentence; prefer 'we were in agreement' to 'we agreed'; 'we had a discussion' to 'we discussed', 'she submitted an application' to 'she applied', etc.; make active voice the voice of your choice except when passive is required for tone and rapport; and edit, edit, and edit.

Rani Innes Senior Communications Skills Consultant Link Communications [Login to view]
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