Struggling with Shyness and Communication: How Can I Overcome My Confidence Barrier?

Respected people,

I am Himanshu from Jammu and Kashmir, and I have completed my engineering in Electronics & Communication. I wish to seek your help. I am a very quiet, shy individual who rarely engages in conversations with others. The issue I face is that I become confused and forget words when I am speaking to someone, especially when making eye contact. This hinders my ability to communicate effectively within a group. I lack confidence, which has significantly impacted my life. My poor communication skills have been a barrier for me in job interviews and group discussions. If you could assist me, I would greatly appreciate it.

Thank you.

Dear Himanshu,

It's human nature to feel shy. It seems you are honest and confident but lack in communication skills. You can try two methods:

1. Self-communication skill - Sit in front of a mirror alone and read the newspaper or some topics that are not related to your profession. Keep your eye on the mirror and observe how many times you feel shy. You can track it, and there will be a change leading to success.

2. Pause & concentrate when you appear for an interview - When you have an opportunity for an interview, relax and don't overprepare. Concentrate on yourself, keeping in mind that you are cool and capable. Don't get too excited about answering and risk forgetting. While answering, maintain a normal pace, not rushing.

I hope you can assess your skills and communicate effectively.

Good Luck

Hi Himanshu,

First of all, as Gopal said in his reply to you, it is not unusual for people to feel shy. So don't feel that you are the only one with this problem. It is a very good sign that you have identified the problem and have taken steps to get some help, which many people unfortunately don't do.

It is equally important for you to reflect and try to find out the reason for your shyness, which could be anything from being weak in communication skills, or poor in the English language (if that is your preferred choice of communication), or it could be some psychological problem, e.g., being frequently snubbed by your parents or teachers in childhood, etc. If you can identify the root cause, it would facilitate your overcoming the problem faster.

On the practical side, try to ask questions in a classroom or when you attend a training program or a guest lecture. The best way is to write down your question and then read it out. Get involved with some social service activity or club and begin by using opportunities to read prepared text in public like introducing a speaker or giving a vote of thanks, etc.

I hope you will begin to take some proactive steps soon, and I am certain you will see the benefits immediately too. Feel free to write back for any additional inputs you may require.

If interested, also visit my website Personality Development, Corporate Training, Communication Skills and the blogs that could give you some more tips.

Jacob

Personality Development, Corporate Training, Communication Skills - website

Academy for Creative Training - Blog 1

Actspot's Blog - Blog 2

The best way is to practice and participate in a variety of activities such as Group Discussions (GD), Personal Interviews (PI), and Debates. Practice makes you perfect, and you will develop a certain level of participation that will be beneficial, similar to taking practice tests before the final exam.

Sir, I am working as an accountant, but I have not found a proper senior to teach me. As a result, I am unable to prepare final accounts. Could you provide support to help me improve my abilities?

First of all, discuss your problems with your soul and always affirm that you are going to get out of the problem. Imagine yourself as a successful participant of a group discussion, or as if you are going to present a paper before an audience. This will create a map of yourself in your mind. Then, every day, give an affirmation to yourself that you are going to become the same person as you have imagined yourself to be. Also, be sure that you are second to none. Talk with your group slowly but firmly. God bless you.

I have the same problem as you. My analysis indicated that my communication problem stemmed from my low confidence, which arose from my childhood experiences. What I can do now is take actions. There will be nothing that can change if we don't do anything. It is hard to do for the first time, but we can learn from that.

I have one tip for you: change the negative words like "no" and "I can't" with the positive ones. For example, instead of saying "My English is bad," it should be "I should improve my English so it would get better," just like what you are reading in my notes now! Hehe.

Hi Khiladi,

Well, I would suggest that at some point in time, everyone loses a bit or all of the confidence they possess and may stammer at words because of that. Basically, that's not just due to the lack of words. Instead of using a single word, a sentence or a combination of descriptive words could be used. It's essentially about the confidence part. Once it's lost in a situation, it's much more difficult to regain than how easily it slipped out of one's hand.

So, I would suggest not considering yourself inferior to anyone. Take the initiative to improve yourself. Start reading newspapers, books, ebooks - anything that interests you and has content with a higher level of English than you currently possess. This way, you can enhance your style of speech, vocabulary, and related aspects. Additionally, I recommend speaking in English with your friends and colleagues with whom you are more comfortable. Gradually extend this practice to friends and people you know at a higher level. I assure you that this approach will certainly help boost your confidence and language proficiency. Once you get started, you will be on the path to success.

All the best! :)

Prix

Hello Himanshu,

A positive attitude towards life defines individuals' ALTITUDE and APTITUDE, NOT ATTITUDE. This distinction defines individuals' ALTITUDE as the answer to your concern.

Regards,
Brijesh

Khiladi:

I have been a public speaking trainer since 1996. In addition to the excellent techniques suggested by all above, I suggest one that always works. It's like this...

I feel shyness stems from the fact that we are mostly embarrassed by the sound of our voices. When we speak, we feel that our voice is inadequate, making us feel that what we are saying is unimportant. Hence, our point of view literally gets buried in the clutter!! The solution is that we need to first like the sound of our own voice. Once this happens, we will start taking the initiative in speaking and speak without feeling shy about what other people will think about us.

In the night, or whenever you are alone, stand in front of a mirror and LOUDLY read out the newspaper. Make sure your voice is many decibels above your normal voice. Don't shout, but speak loudly and forcefully. Do this over a period of a month, and you will see that you will slowly start losing your inhibitions. Let me know your progress. All the best.

Dear Himanshu,

The most important reason for your shortcoming in communication is your lack of confidence, and this lack of confidence stems from not having adequate knowledge in the subject language. The best way to improve your communication is through exposure to the language by engaging in continuous discussions, reading various materials such as books and papers, and seeking personal guidance from language speaking courses.

Your communication barriers will disappear as you gain confidence, and confidence comes with knowledge, which can only be acquired through dedicated hard work to address your shortcomings.

Regards,
Ravin

Hello, let me first of all congratulate you for being honest, as there is a saying that "he who recognizes that he or she does not know something, such a person is a wise one." To deal with your problem which is very common and natural among humans worldwide, consider the following advice:

1. Keep an eye contact at least on one person, who should give you confidence by making some gestures indicating you are on track. You can arrange with him or them to do this.

2. Avoid looking at the audience who do not hide their feelings about mistakes.

3. Do not try to correct your mistakes in the middle of your sentences. This is because, in trying to do so, you may repeat the same mistake which shows a lack of confidence on your part that can cause laughter, which in turn can confuse you more.

4. Do not try to over impress the listeners by using big words or expressions you are not sure about the meaning.

5. Lastly and more importantly, do not frown your face; keep a smiling face.

I hope when you follow the above advice and what others have already said, you will overcome your problem as soon as possible. Best regards. From Wahab M. Baba-Tamale, Ghana

Could you suggest me any good institute in Delhi that can help me in getting my communication skills right?

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Could you suggest any good institute in Delhi that can help me improve my communication skills?