Shri Shekhar,
your journey into self-exploration has begun while posting your personal issue here unloading yourself with trust in others and seeking constructive help for your consideration which shows your inner courage and willingness to overcome the hidden issues.
you mentioned telugu medium to which you perhaps attach an inferior meaning in terms of the cultural identity crisis, may be you come from a humble family or interior andhra culture where perhaps your family members do not prefer to speak english or other indian languagues like hindi, etc perhaps - shake the self-bias towards the telugu identity and feel for yourself the greatness of the andhra history and culture and it's achievements and contribution to the nation including the great andhra leaders.
may be you consider yourself straightforward and honest not conducive to political cultures - be yourself and use this as your strength and speak the way you feel about things politely without hurting or disturbing people making your point with a sense of honesty generating genuine debate without any sense of gaining or losing any points for yourself with an open mind. be aware of your other personal strengths in terms of qualifications, intelligence, etc without arrogance and false pride.
seems you are obsessed with your sense of identity disturbing your sleep and thinking all the while while driving too wondering how you would cope with the issues of the day co-ordinating with the people around and feeling smart and successful like others and afraid others could overpour you - identify the issues before you start, note your points of view, decide whom you will consult or take help from and forget while driving enjoying the drive trusting people around you and faith in God learning to take things as they unfold rather than with a predestined expectation of what should happen or not happen and learning to deal with things as they happen applying your strengths and with the available resources around you. note down the agenda for the next day before you sleep and leave this on the piece of paper/diary and just go to sleep without ploughing back the mind on the agenda again and again trusting your mind that it has the capacity to cope up the next day, practice and things could improve day by day.
do not be too soft with yourself or feel sorry for yourself for anything which is part of your personality build-up over the years nagging you in the mind, nor blame any event or person for your state of affairs, peel of any reasons that make you feel inferior or non-confident or acknowledge the reasons rationally without self-sympathy. go back to the root causes of why you think you are the way you are, having done the analysis and discovered yourself leave the reasons there just being aware but not subconciously obsessed.
share your issues with family members, friends, relatives, colleagues you can fairy trust and enable them to help you to understand your problem and the possible alternatives available to deal effectively with the inner issues.
have a role model with a humble background who has risen above being a self-made leader of the self and leader of the people historical or alive and see how they handle their issues or speak to others or in public.
be a successful software professional being hard with yourself with self-confidence, learn the knowledge and skills that will make you more confident including successful inter-personal and personal effectiveness skills. may read simple books with relevant tips.
in case working with people around is indeed difficult choose a job where you can work more individually with minimum possible public interaction - if that is so without regretting for yourself, where you can be your own master - a designer, research person, professor/teacher, trainer where you can feel the power within while dealing with people from a position of personal merit unfolding your expertise rather than depending much on co-ordination with others.
hope the above tips would make some meaning for you and would be handy in helping yourself - if need be visit a psychologist or take help from your trusted hr friend/trainer if possible. feel proud of yourself and your culture and language and humble background if so taking this as a take off point rather than a source of personal agony - sing a bold telugu song for yourself.
ham honge kaamyaab ek din!
we shall overcome some day!
with congrats for this thread, thanks for allowing me to share my unfolding thoughts, and with best wishes for your personal success in life at all fronts at home, work, society while feeling good about yourself all the time - please acknowledge!
regards,
kshantaram
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