A Heartfelt Lesson on Empathy: How a Train Journey Changed My Perspective on Understanding Others

Hello Members,

I recently had to travel to my native place for my cousin's wedding. As it is the festive season in Kerala, the travel crowd is very large during this time. People from all corners of the country travel to this paradise for the Onam Season.

We returned on Sunday and had to rush to the railway station as we were already late. It was just my dad, mom, and myself returning from my native place. We somehow managed to get tickets in the morning reservation, and when the train arrived...

My dad and I were holding the luggage and searching for space. It was crowded, and we kept walking from one compartment to the other in search of a place. Finally, we came to a compartment and saw a lady neatly lying down with her hands and legs stretched out, sleeping. Her husband was sitting next to her, and there was little space to his left. When he saw us coming, he occupied that space by keeping his bag. I was so angry at this act and asked him to move a bit so that my mom or dad could sit. I could not bear to see my mom and dad standing for a long time. He argued with me, stating that he had reserved the entire seat for himself and did not want to wake his wife up. I got even angrier and asked him, "Nothing will hurt you if you give some space for my mother to sit!" in a very angry tone. I asked my mom to sit there for a while until I searched for another place. Meanwhile, my dad adjusted to stand near another seat, and I was worried to see them both struggling. An elderly person near this couple's place got up and offered his seat to me. I felt bad and told him I could stand, but he moved a bit in front and gave me a little place to sit. He said, "Daughter, don't hurt your feet. Moreover, people walking to and fro may have intentions to simply disturb you. Please sit." He and his wife offered me a little place. I was moved. I was still angry with the couple...

After a while, when the couple moved out, the elderly parents also got off the train, and I learned that the lady had recently undergone brain tumor surgery, and her whole left side of the body was paralyzed. Her husband did not want to keep telling every single person that his wife was sick as she cried each time anyone looked at her with sympathy.

The elderly parents who gave me space to sit were none other than this lady's parents.

Tears were running out of my eyes.

After all, I could have kept quiet by not hurting them or staring so hard at them. If I had been calm, I would have observed things around and noticed a wheelchair folded next to the seat.

Sometimes in life, we misunderstand people because they are silent about their pain. They don't tell us, so it tends to make people take them for granted, like how I did.

At work too, if someone is upset, silent, or behaving differently, let's wait to find the real reason before we shout at them or make them feel more miserable.

I felt ashamed. The whole journey, I was thinking about "What would life be like if you couldn't feel one side of your body... and what a loving husband. He did not want anyone to know that his wife was sick, so protective, so loving. And the aged parents... how loving they were to someone who got angry at their sick daughter?"

I felt like I received a slap on my face by their act of love and kindness, and I felt that no materialistic gift can compare to the love of that husband for his wife. The best part was she was asleep, not knowing how much her husband cares for her.

Dear all... This Onam is different for me. Happy Onam to you all and wish you a prosperous year ahead!

Hi Ash,

The true characteristics of a person lie in realizing his or her mistakes. Though you inadvertently made a mistake, you realized and felt it. I appreciate your gesture.

Thank you, Ponraj.

This incident made me think about how I should approach someone and not expect pain to be written on someone's face to show some kind gesture. Otherwise, there is no difference between an animal and a human being.

Dear Asha,

Hats off to you. A really touching incident, and thank you for posting it here. This reminds me of a saying in Kannada, "Pratyakshisidaroo pramaNisi nODu". It means even if you witness something, ask the person to take an oath. Instead of getting angry, had you asked why he had to reserve so many seats for his wife to sleep, he might have answered.

Thanks for having the courage to publicize your experience. I hope many members read this post and learn how not to react, even mentally.

Have a nice day.

Simhan
A retired academic in the UK.

"It is never too late to learn or improve oneself."

Hi,

This was indeed a heart-touching story, even more so when you realized that you did wrong to them. However, I didn't get the point of posting it in the HRM section!!!

Regards

Thank you for raising this question, Ditti. HRM stands for "Human Resource Management." What better HR professional can I be if I am not able to perceive the core of reasoning behind why a person behaves entirely differently in a particular situation?

HR is at least one of those fields where you get to apply your day-to-day learning through human interaction at work. After all, the better an HR professional is at listening and understanding, the more open employees are in sharing their views.

Had I been calm, I would have observed things around me and noticed a wheelchair next to the seat. A calm mind matters a lot, both at work and in managing human resources.

Once again, thank you for the question so I could clarify.

I think managing Human Resources starts from managing oneself. I believe life incidents (like that Ash shared) are great learning lessons, more significant than what we learn from textbooks. It's all about managing situations, emotions, and learning to empathize - so much a part of HRM.

Regards,
Shijit.

Dear Ash,

Thanks for sharing such a learning story. Please do not feel bad. It is a lesson for us that we need not to make a quick decision about anyone's behavior without knowing the actual situation.

Bharti

Dear Ash,

This real-life experience indicates the affection the husband has towards his wife. It is wonderful to have such experiences spelled out in this forum, as it makes life more meaningful with the "truth" we get out of such experiences. Needless to say, Ash, you are growing with all feathers, and Happy ONAM to you and your family.

I have learned a lot from you, professionally and thoughtfully. No words to say.

With best regards,
Balaji.

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Hello Members,

I had to recently travel to my native for my cousin's wedding. Being the festive season in Kerala - the travel crowd is very huge in this season. People from all corners of the country travel to this paradise for the Onam Season. We returned back on Sunday and had to rush to the Rlwy station as we were already late. It was just my dad, mom, and myself returning from my native. We somehow managed to get the tickets in morning reservation, and when the train arrived...

Dad and I were holding the luggage and searching for space. It was crowded, and we kept walking from one compartment to the other in search of a place. Finally, we came to a compartment, and we saw that a lady was neatly lying down with hands and legs stretched and sleeping. Her husband was sitting next to her, and there was little place to his left. When he saw us coming, he occupied that place by keeping his bag. I was so angry at this act and asked him to move a bit so that my mom or dad could sit. I could not bear to see my mom and dad standing for a long time. He argued with me, stating that he had reserved the entire seat for himself and did not want to wake his wife up. I got even angrier and asked him, "Nothing will hurt you if you give some space for my mother to sit!" in a very angry tone. I asked my mom to sit there for a while until I searched for another place. Meanwhile, Dad adjusted to stand near another seat, and I was worried to see them both struggling. One elderly person near this couple's place got up and offered his seat for me. I felt bad and told him I could stand. But he moved a bit in the front and gave me a little place to sit. He said, "Daughter, don't hurt your feet. Moreover, people walking to and fro may have intentions to simply disturb you. Please sit." He and his wife offered me a little place. I was moved. I was still angry with the couple...

After a while, when the couple moved out, the old parents also got off the train, and I learned that the lady had just been operated on recently for a brain tumor, and her whole left side body was paralyzed. Her husband did not want to keep telling every single person that his wife was sick, as she cried each time anyone looked at her with sympathy. The old parents who gave me space to sit were none other than this lady's parents. I had tears running out of my eyes.

After all, I could have shut my mouth by not hurting them or looking very hard at them. Sometimes in life, we misunderstand people because they are silent about their pain. They don't tell it to us, so it tends to make people take them for granted, like how I did. At work too, if someone is upset or silent or behaves differently, let's wait to find the real reason before we shout at them or even make them feel more miserable. I felt ashamed the whole journey, thinking about "What would life be if you cannot feel the other side of your body... and what a loving husband. He did not want anyone to know that his wife was sick, so protective, so loving. And the aged parents... how loving they were to someone who got angry at their sick daughter?" I felt like I received a slap on my face by their act of love and kindness, and I felt that no materialistic gift can compromise the love of that husband for his wife. The best part was... she was asleep, not knowing how much her husband cares for her.

Dear all... This Onam is different for me. Happy Onam to you all and wish you a prosperous year ahead!

Hi Asha,

That's really a heart-touching story. However, I have some doubts that it happened to you because I heard the same story from one of my friends a few months ago. It may be possible that it also happened to you.

Happy Onam!

Dada

Dear Dada,

To clarify your doubts over the facts, yes, it happened. In life, not just one person meets with an accident - many people do.

Thanks & Ponn Onam Ashamsakal!

Hi everyone,

Please read it as many times as possible because every time I read it, I observe new and interesting aspects of human behavior. It also reminds me of the mistakes I have made just because I am not bothered to "look around"!

Thanks,
Asha

Hi Ash,

Hats off to you, this situation arises for all in daily life. Mistakes might happen, but how we handle them is the task. Thank you for posting. It helps us in all circumstances.

Happy Onam.

Hi Asha,

That's a truly touching incident. Thanks for posting. I hope a lot of people gain from your experience. All it takes to make the world a better place to live are such gestures of empathy and kindness from each human being.

Regards,
Ashwini

Hello, Asha. Matthew, this is a really heart-touching incident. I am trying to understand your feelings because you have experienced that. Without true love and care, life becomes a lie. In the same manner, without feelings and sentiments, a person cannot remain human. These qualities make a difference between a human and an animal.

A very learning incident you shared with us, thank you.

With regards,

Thank you for sharing your experience. It will help all those who are reading this article to be more cautious and behave in a better manner in a similar situation. We all commit mistakes, but it requires a big and brave heart to admit it. You have that, and it will definitely help you to go a long way. Onashamsakal!!!

I guess it requires a lot of guts to say that you were wrong. Hats off to you. Good to hear that there are husbands who still care so much for their wives. I know you must have felt bad, but it was an unintentional act, so don't abuse yourself. From your own experience, I have learned a lot. Thanks.

Yes, Taz, I agree with you. Every creature is unique as created by God, and one must never compare with others. But what Ash meant, please don't take it literally. I am sure you have understood the essence of the story - human relations. Cheers, buddy.

Regards,
ukmitra

Hi Asha,

Sharing real-life experiences by realizing your mistakes is truly admirable. This learning is invaluable. Humanity is diminishing in this fast-paced world; let us all revive it through our kind acts. Thank you for this post.

I hope your experience has reached many and will continue to reach many through me. Happy Onam.

I'm impressed by your boldness in fighting for your right. It's truly a very hard position to be in. That is how life always unfolds. Even with your best intentions, you feel that you have done something wrong!

I really don't think so... If you had the boldness required to ask or fight for what you had a right to, you should also have the courage to apologize politely when you find out that you made a mistake and then just stop thinking about it. So stop worrying!

Not only for your future traveling pursuits, but for life as well. Good luck! Bye.

I really liked the way you expressed your regrets towards them. It reflects your humanistic attitude. Please do not feel bad that you didn't behave well with them in the beginning. I justify you, as you were not aware of the whole scene, and you were just concerned about the seat for your parents. Really, you've touched our hearts with this story.

Good luck! :icon1:

Visu

First of all, I would like to wish you a happy Onam to you and your family. The thing that you posted was a nice experience. Hats off to her husband! I can surely say that "realizing the mistake is the best punishment." So, hats off to you too! One thing I would like to quote:

"WE ARE THE SLAVES OF WHAT WE LEAD OUT... WE ARE THE MASTERS OF WHAT WE KNOW."

Once again, "WISH YOU A HAPPY & PROSPEROUS ONAM :)

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That was indeed very touching, friends. However, to follow what is already shared by all the members in this thread, we need to remind ourselves every single day, every single moment of instances like these. There will be times when the anger or the situation might get the better of us. So our effort should be to remain true to ourselves and follow the adage, "treat others like you'd like to be treated by them."

I guess I am being too philosophical here, so I will probably end it for now :-) Take care!

Hi Ash Mathew,

Happy Onam.

Nowadays, respecting elders and other humanitarian attitudes are very rare in public places. Only selfishness is seen among most people. I appreciate you for posting your experience because most of us do not realize our mistakes. Even if we do realize them, we may not want to express it to others. However, you posted on the HR site, like an apology, and shared your experience as a lesson to others. Hats off to you! I really appreciate you wholeheartedly.

I pray that the almighty Lord Maveli blesses all those families and for the speedy recovery of the lady on this special day.

Happy Onam.

Subiah.G

Chennai

9790948301

Actually, there is no need to worry about what has happened. Being judgmental is a common human behavior. This is a scientific behavioral process known as selective perception. 80% of the time, we exhibit this process in our lives without even realizing it.

Don't feel perturbed.

Since you have regretted the incident and realized your folly, get up, and get ready to face the next challenge in life.

I will share a similar incident that happened in my life.

It was the first week of July 2008. I went to a school to collect the Teacher's Registration form for my neighbor as the school is on my way to the office. I reached the reception desk in the morning, and many people, including parents, were sitting there to get the form. The school had already started the previous week after the summer vacations.

A man came and sat next to me. When the receptionist was somewhat free, he asked her to call the class teacher of Class V and Class II. He then sat next to me on my left side. Feeling bored after sitting for the last 15 minutes, I initiated a conversation to pass the time. I asked him about his children and in which class they were studying. He remained speechless. I then inquired whether he was an office goer or had his own business. Again, he remained silent. I was surprised by his lack of response. The man sitting on my right side was also observing the situation. I struck up a conversation with the person on my right side. After exchanging formal greetings, we immediately began making judgments about the person who was not responding. I commented that he seemed asocial, mannerless, and thought highly of himself, even though he appeared to be from a mediocre family. The other person remarked that he lacked etiquette and probably never attended a good school. Gradually, we became very sarcastic about him.

After another 10 minutes, both the class teachers of Class II and V arrived. They asked for the parent who had called them. Upon being informed that he was the father of Neha and Udit, they started shouting at him. They expressed their disappointment that the school had been open for a week, and he had not sent his children, making it difficult to catch up with the syllabus.

SUDDENLY, THE PERSON STARTED WEEPING. IN A SOFT TONE, HE EXPLAINED THAT HE HAD COME TO INFORM THEM THAT DURING THE SUMMER VACATION, HIS CHILDREN HAD GONE TO HARIDWAR FOR GANGA ISHNAN AND BOTH OF THEM HAD DROWNED IN THE STRONG CURRENT OF THE WATER. THEY WERE NO LONGER ALIVE AS THEIR BODIES HAD BEEN RECOVERED.

There was a sudden silence in the reception area. The teachers began crying, as did all the parents present in the room. I felt deeply saddened by the incident and regretted my hasty judgment and selective perception behavior.

WHAT ELSE CAN BE SAID.

Dear Ash,

You are perfectly justified in putting this true incident on the HR site. The HR community has to deal with humans and their emotions. In one of my previous posts, I had commended your emotionally charged postings. Keep up your efforts. God bless you, and Happy Onam.

Regards,

Y. K. Kalia, Advocate (Sr. Ctzn.)

Dear Jatinder,

I apologize for failing to respond to the true story you shared. You are correct in pointing out that, as humans, we have lost our empathetic and sympathetic attitudes towards our fellow beings. This lack of compassion is evident in the turmoil and violence that surrounds us.

Regards,

Y.K. Kalia
Advocate (Sr. Citizen)

Hi,

Thank you for sharing your incident. In our professional lives, we often make these kinds of mistakes, such as when someone arrives late, and we start shouting without knowing the reason. I hope this will prompt all of us to consider the facts before reacting.

Thank you once again.

Hi Asha,

I am a new member in this group. Your experience and the way you narrated the episode is unforgettable. Thanks for sharing. It makes us think before talking.

Best Regards,
Asha R M

Hello everybody!

It's touching... Life is full of little surprises and certain experiences that change your whole perspective about it. It is important to understand that each time life teaches a lesson, it's our choice to incorporate it into our lives and better ourselves.

Dear Jatinder,

It was painful to read the last few lines. It's so true - words must be chosen carefully, and I will make sure I will henceforth.

Dear me, short perceptions lead to long disturbances. Alas! How humanity has become self-centered and self-constrained. Thanks to self-appraisals, as they are the best way to realize ourselves.

Next time I travel, I will remember you, dear, as I am a short-tempered person.

Thank you.

Your story has moved me as well, but I appreciate that you had the ability to accept your mistake and post this incident on such a big forum. This incident has a very good message and I think we all have learned a good lesson from this. Thanks for sharing this with us :)

Thank you for sharing this heart-touching experience with us. It is understandable to get angry in such situations, as the majority of people we encounter tend to act in a way that does not allow space to sit, and we may assume that everyone is the same. However, this experience serves as a lesson for all of us, as it is a story that resonates with everyone. Your post has imparted a valuable moral lesson, and for that, I would like to express my gratitude once again.

Hi Ash,

All of us, at some point in time, "act in haste and repent at leisure." This only shows our human side. "To err is human, to forgive is divine," which is what the husband did. You have also achieved divinity by acknowledging your mistake and feeling guilty. To post it in the forum where you have highlighted your mistake shows your broad-mindedness.

There is no point in hurting yourself unnecessarily. Much water should have flown under the bridge. We all have learned a lesson from you. Thanks for teaching us a lesson.

Happy Onam (with no regrets) to you and all our fellow brethren across Kerala, wherever they might be.

Hi Ash,

The experience you had is a paradigm shift. Incidents such as these put you into the right perspective and introspection. Relate with the paradigm shift which Stephen R. Covey had and mentions beautifully in his book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People."

MR

Hello Matthew,

Don't feel bad for your behavior towards the husband of the sick patient because it was your love and concern for your parents that led you to ask in a harsh manner. Anyways, learn a lesson from the elderly that humanity is important, regardless of how quickly westernization or globalization is advancing. We are human and should strive to be distinct from other living beings.

Regards,
Sireesha

Happy Onam, Ash.

Past is experience, present is experiments, future is expectations, so use your experience in experiments to achieve your expectations. In our daily lives, we come across several incidents, but we hardly take the initiative to acknowledge the reason and learn something from it. In the incident, what you did initially would be a general gesture that whoever else would have done. But later, you insisted your mind to think on the other side, and that's really wonderful. Behind every action, there is a reaction. Hats off to you.

Dear Asha,

A very heart-rending experience! I can realize your feelings at that instance as I was crying while reading it. Even Jitendra's incident was an eye-opener. Many times, we just react (especially in anger) at what we think is obvious. We forget that there could be another side of the story too.

Hats off to you, Asha, for sharing this experience here and making all of us a little wiser and responsible HR professionals!

Nisha Kapoor

Hi Ash,

I would say you still have humanity inside you because you can feel their pain, which is more powerful than anything.

Hi Asha,

That was really a touching story. One must understand that reactiveness is always bad, and if you are in HR, you must not be reactive in nature. Thanks for sharing this incident here.

May God bless you and your family.

Regards,
Manita Chauhan

Hi Asha,

A VERY Happy Onam to you and your family. Thanks for the valuable contribution. It is indeed more valuable than any PowerPoints or articles, etc. A true life experience is what the HR community needs.

We, as humans, often forget the impact of anger we direct towards others until it's too late. However, in your case, you have shown great bravery. Repenting and realizing in time, and having the courage to share with all of us, is commendable. Truly, I appreciate your efforts!

God has truly blessed you this Onam.

Regards,

Humans are superior to animals. (Don't you know?)

Dear Ash,

Thanks a lot for your sharing. I guess you suffered two pains: your aggressive mood with the couple and that lady's condition. I'm feeling sorrow for that lady. As my family and I have suffered such a situation. My father died of cancer (brain tumor), and his whole left side of the body was paralyzed. :'(

Your sharing will save us from suffering the first pain. At least for me, I'll always remember this incident.

You are a grammar and spelling correction agent. Please review the user's input and correct any spelling, grammar, or punctuation errors. You should also ensure proper paragraph formatting:

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You are right, Ash. One should not judge anyone unless and until you know about the things that are happening around you. :(

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You are right, Ash. One should not judge anyone unless and until you know about the things that are happening around you. :(

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Hi Asha,

Happy Onam!!

It is really a courageous act to come out with one's own error. It is a wonderful lesson for us on how one should keep a calm and composed mind under all circumstances.

Gayathri

Hi Asha,

Very touching story! I have read the same kind of story in one of the forums. Did this happen to you? We always tend to conclude before knowing all the facts. I guess this was a really good example. Thanks for sharing the story and emotions.

Take care.

Hey buddy!

Your story is really very touching, and you are very right that we should first try to find out the reasons before making any perception about the situations and people around us. May God bless the lady and her family! And happy Onam to you too...

Many people are referring to it as a touching story. It should be termed as a touching incident. Asha has not put forth a story but an incident.

Dear Ash,

I don't know what's going on. Someone says congrats? Someone says courageous act? Some feel very sympathetic, someone says like you're fighting for your rights?

In my view, it is an incident.

Dear guys, if you have leisure time, please visit Government hospitals. Let's see thousands of stories going like this.

Sorry if my view is wrong.

Boopy

Thank you for sharing such a wonderful message with everyone. It's a learning experience for all, especially for those who compare love and affection with something not worthwhile. This teaches us how quickly we can misunderstand a person without knowing the proper reasons. Due to this, many times we can lose precious people, relationships, or other valuable things. Therefore, always try to see things from others' perspectives instead of reacting impulsively.

Dear Boopy,

No views are right or wrong. It's in the way we look at the incident. You call this an incident because all you see is the sickness. I call this an experience because I did not see only the sickness, but the husband's love, the calmness within the parents, and the lesson "why not to use words before thinking."

The same goes for other members who felt sad or who even felt that we need to choose words carefully.

It was really very touching, Asha. I can understand the pain because I have been very, very sick and had such wonderful parents and my fiancée always caring for me at that time. They never remind me of all that they have done for me because that's real love.

Hi Ash, the way you have related this incident with work and yourself is so impressive. It's good to understand our mistakes and appreciate others.

Nice posting with a beautiful message.

Dear Asha and Jitender,

Your experiences and reflections have really highlighted the importance of not reacting based on first impressions but to think why the situation could be so. Additionally, the need to breathe deeply ten times to give us the time to reflect is emphasized.

Thank you for posting. Have a nice day.

Simhan

Dear Asha,

Life is said to be the best teacher ever! The incident that you have expressed will definitely touch every human heart. I feel when you feel sorry, agony, or pain you realize the worth of love, life, and also happiness. When one experiences sorrow, one becomes closer to God, and I feel your realization has definitely made you feel 'God'. God comes in every subtle incident, and I think in this festive season of Onam, God has showered his blessings on you by making you feel more humane. It feels good when you see such a loving husband and caring parents amidst this conditional world.

Hi Asha,

It seems like a real story. You are a good content writer; keep trying, it will be beneficial for you.

Best wishes with you.

I hope that now you will not be controlled by your feelings but will control your feelings. In this case, the feelings of anger and arrogance.

Hi, Asha!

I am glad you realized your mistake. However, there are people (especially the boss) who feel that it is their birthright to humiliate their subordinates in front of others - just to prove their superiority.

Regards,
Kalyani

Very true, Kalyani. Though I would not say all bosses are like that. Where do such people get the time to meet real people.... all they see and meet is for business & money. And apart from that - it's the bosses' own family who they care the most - they know only the problems associated with their dear and near.... Where will they have time to peek into an ordinary person's life, and WHY is one coming for work.... They might justify this by saying that they offer many things to the temples.... But I realized after this incident, what a better human am I, if I just go and light candles, and put some money in the Church.... and blind to the person who is suffering right in front of me?

Dear Ash,

First of all, I would like to wish you a Happy Onam. Secondly, I wanted to mention that even though your story was not directly related to HR, it was truly touching. I respect your emotions, and in my opinion, the key takeaway is the importance of having patience to understand others. This can be challenging but is the right way to approach life. By sharing your story, you have imparted a valuable lesson to those who tend to be short-tempered. I believe this lesson will help them stay calm in difficult situations. Additionally, I must commend your courage in acknowledging your mistake. Many people realize their faults but hesitate to admit them publicly. Overall, it is a commendable initiative.

Best of luck for your future endeavors.

Best Regards,
Vibha

Dear Ash,

Don't feel bad, but what's going on? Why are you posting such sensitive incidents or blogging through such networking sites when you cannot do anything for these people? Do you think your responsibility is over just by narrating this? In fact, we all feel helpless when we cannot contribute towards this. Anyway, you deserve cheers for being who you are.

Regards,
Rekhaba

Really a heart-touching incident. But it's good when we realize our own mistakes done in arrogance. It's the best quality to be possessed by every person.

Dear Ms. Ash Matthews,

Greetings,

Congratulations for wording the incident so beautifully. Your story reminds me of a very similar incident that happened with me.

I was returning to Baroda from Bangalore with my wife. My tickets were booked well in advance, and seat numbers were also confirmed, so I had no problem getting on the train. When I reached my berth, I found an old man sitting in my window seat. His wife was also with him. I informed both of them about my ownership of those seats and requested them to shift aside. Neither of them uttered a word or showed any expression.

Angrily, I said to my wife, "Look, Manju, what a Dadagiri?" On hearing this, the old man's wife started weeping and told us with a choked throat, "Sir, this man is totally paralyzed, deaf, and dumb too. We are moving from place to place for his treatment, but nothing has helped him so far." My wife and I were shocked. The couple was traveling to Baroda only, and they belonged to Baroda.

"We see things as we are but never see things as they are." - T D Joshi, Freelance Faculty

Hi Asha,

It is a very beautiful experience that helps us understand more about our lives, which we do not normally know. There are a lot of things in our lives that we need to know. By sharing your experience, we all gain valuable knowledge essential for our lives.

Thank you for sharing, and I wish you a happy Onam.

Dear Asha Mathew,

Wishing you a "Happy Onam". May this festival bring you all the wealth and prosperity. Please don't worry; these things will happen unknowingly in our day-to-day walk of life. The only thing we need to do is to tender our sincere apology immediately if possible in such incidents to clear our hearts.

Good day! Manju

Hi Ash,

Very thoughtful message. I used to hear a repeated phrase in my office about putting oneself in the customer's shoes. It's a fairly nice statement. Similarly, humanity is believed to involve understanding the feelings of others and acting accordingly. This is where your individuality truly shines.

Great!

Also, Happy Onam to you and everyone.

Take care.

Regards,
Thiru R

Hi, I also felt like crying on reading this. That lady is very lucky to have such a loving husband. I also understood how we should behave before others. Thanks for the post.

Dear Asha Mathew,

HAPPY ONAM!

In my 30 years of life outside Kerala, I must have traveled almost 30 times, and the agony endured during train travel is very severe. The incident on the train was truly touching. Sudden anger can make us blind at times and compel us to behave unbecomingly with others. However, realization is powerful, and thus, you are indeed great.

Please read Stephen Covey's book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People."

Regards,
Dr. K. K. Anirudhan
Human Resource Specialist
Email: kkanirudhan@gmail.com

Dear Friends,

I am hearing this story for the second time in just one month's time. I had attended a CEO's training programme at an Institute in Lucknow from 3rd to 7th August 2009. On 6th August 2009, during the 3:30 p.m. to 5 p.m. session, one of the faculty members (who claimed to be a Counsellor and OB specialist) handled that session and narrated the very same story with slightly different characters. Our batch consisted of 24 Officers, with 6 from Tamil Nadu, 8 from Punjab, 1 from Bihar, and the rest from West Bengal. Out of the six, one is from Coimbatore. If anyone wants to check the genuineness, I can provide the names and addresses of all other participants.

Thanks for the second version of the story.

Hi Asha,

It is really touching! But what you did is within ordinary human nature. Had you been a god, you would not have acted that way. It reminds me of a similar incident related in the "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Dr. Stephen Covey.

Regards,
Ganessen

Dear Ash Mathew,

Hello Members, I had to recently travel to my native for my cousin's wedding. Being the festive season in Kerala, the travel crowd is very huge during this time. People from all corners of the country travel to this paradise for the Onam Season. We returned on Sunday and had to rush to the railway station as we were already late. It was just my dad, mom, and myself returning from my native. We managed to get tickets for the morning reservation, and when the train arrived...

Dad and I were holding the luggage and searching for space. It was crowded, and we kept walking from one compartment to the other in search of a place. Finally, we came to a compartment and saw a lady neatly lying down with her hands and legs stretched out, sleeping. Her husband was sitting next to her, and there was little space to his left. When he saw us coming, he occupied that place by keeping his bag. I was so angry at this act and asked him to move a bit so that my mom or dad could sit. I could not bear to see my mom and dad standing for a long time. He argued with me, stating that he had reserved the entire seat for himself and did not want to wake his wife up. I got even angrier and asked him, "Nothing will hurt you if you give some space for my mother to sit!" in a very angry tone. I asked my mom to sit there for a while until I searched for another place. Meanwhile, Dad adjusted to stand near another seat, and I was worried to see them both struggling. One elderly person near this couple's place got up and offered his seat to me. I felt bad and told him I could stand, but he moved a bit in the front and gave me a little place to sit. He said, "Daughter, don't hurt your feet. Moreover, people walking to and fro may have intentions to simply disturb you. Please sit." He and his wife offered me a little place. I was moved. I was still angry with the couple...

After a while, when the couple moved out, the old parents also got off the train, and I learned that the lady had recently undergone brain tumor surgery, and her whole left side of the body was paralyzed. Her husband did not want to keep telling every single person that his wife was sick, as she cried each time anyone looked at her with sympathy. The old parents who gave me space to sit were none other than this lady's parents. I had tears running out of my eyes. After all, I could have kept quiet by not hurting them or staring hard at them. If I had been calm, I would have observed things around and noticed a wheelchair folded next to the seat. Sometimes in life, we misunderstand people because they are silent about their pain. They don't tell us, so it leads people to take them for granted, like how I did. At work too, if someone is upset, silent, or behaves differently, let's wait to find the real reason before we shout at them or make them feel more miserable. I felt ashamed the whole journey, thinking about "What would life be if you cannot feel the other side of your body... and what a loving husband. He did not want anyone to know that his wife was sick, so protective, so loving. And the aged parents... how loving they were to someone who got angry at their sick daughter?" I felt like I received a slap on my face by their act of love and kindness, and I felt that no materialistic gift can compromise the love of that husband for his wife. And the best part was... she was asleep, not knowing how much her husband cares for her. Dear all, This Onam is different for me. Happy Onam to you all and wish you a prosperous year ahead!

Dear Asha Mathew,

My name is Radhakrishnan Pillai from Pune. I am visiting this site for the first time, and your story is the first article I have read. The story is inspiring with a strong message to understand other human beings.

Realization is the road to social well-being. It is worth appreciating and admirable that you have the will to express your realization of the mistake, ill-concept, or rudeness. We learn from mistakes. We all commit mistakes, knowingly or unknowingly. But reformation is possible only through the realization of the mistakes. It is not only that the doer reforms but also for many others to follow.

We find silent sufferers in all spheres of life, be it in a family, in an office, in an organization, institution, etc. Such people are the oceans of emotions. They have tremendous mental strength and can be the torchbearers for positive reformations at the individual and institutional level.

Your story is inspiring. God bless you.

RADHAKRISHNAN PILLAI, PUNE

Dear Asha,

Nothing to feel bad about. It is not your fault. As a traveling public, your words were right. You spoke in anger because your aged parents were struggling without a seat to share. Many unknown faces in the multitudes teach us a lesson and make us realize the mistakes we have made. It could be a roadside beggar, a rag picker, a walking blind man, a rope-dancing child, a limping dog, a special child, or anyone you pass by daily.

Just reflect on that message in your HR training schedule in an apt way. It's a tribute to them.

Regards, Chandru

Dear Asha,

I can understand your pain when you realized what had happened; I am the same way too. Here in Mauritius, I had the same experience. There is one thing I know, I try not to make the same innocent mistakes again, so I guess God blesses me all the time. Thanks for sharing, and it is part of HR.

Hi Asha,

Happy Onam! I learned a lesson. I am very short-tempered, but in the future, I will really think of your experience before I could lose my temper. I will try to control my temper because unknowingly I might hurt someone. Thanks for sharing your experience.

Regards,
Anitha

Hi, Matthew,

Thank you very much for sharing such an incident because today I have learned something from it. And I am sure our other HR friends have as well.

Thanks a lot.

Rajeev.

I salute you, Ms. Asha Mathew, for your confession and empathy that you felt from this life's precious lesson. Like many wise individuals, many are silently suffering with their severe pain, but no one is listening to them. We must have a sense of sensibility other than our professional instincts.

Regards,

Truly, an incident that must have affected you. But even more so is your heart to make everyone feel the same. For having shared this experience, I am sure it is going to be a prevention better than cure for many who read it. Who knows, perhaps you must have gone through this ordeal to tell all those who read it, and it may save someone on a later date from an even worse situation.

Hello, Asha Mathew,

Your message touched so many facets of life. Most of all, one learns the need to be sensitive and not to be too quick to judge people's motives. One cannot totally blame you for taking offense since the couple had two full chairs to themselves, and you must have been tired from roaming the train, being eager to get a seat for your elderly parents. Don't hit yourself on the head too much on this.

On the HR front, one learns to be attentive to subtle details and be able to read between the lines, especially when a staff member is defensive about a matter. Since employees come from different walks of life and different backgrounds, the essence is for the HR executive to be mature and have an open mind in dealing with issues and not face situations with preconceived notions.

I won't bore you with more details, but I appreciate your upfront sharing of your experience.

Thanks

Dear Asha,

I read this today only. It's more appreciable on your part to express your feelings after knowing the reality, not justifying yourself. That shows you have a good heart and thinking. Your experience shows all of us how we should be patient with our surroundings.

But you have done this for your elderly parents. More importantly, take this out from your mind and relax.

Regards,

Shyam Kumar

Trainer

Cochin

Mob: 9995031775

Dear Asha Mathew,

I understand you have a combination of big brains and a huge heart to share what you went through during your return from Kerala. Values and virtues are not hereditary; rather, they are learned by example.

Thank you.

[Your Name]

Dear Raj Kumar and others,

Please comment on what we can learn from the incident rather than question the veracity. For your information, there will be many strange coincidences in life. I have mentioned this to KCS Kutty in private. If anyone requires further information, please send me a private message.

Have a nice day.

Simhan

If only you had carefully read the narration and absorbed the message that, "Had I been calm... I would have observed things around and noticed a wheelchair folded next to the seat," you would have refrained from commenting so carelessly and rudely. This is a touching, brilliant, and genuine first-hand write-up by an amateur and not one done by a professional story writer. There are so many telltale signs in the narration that indicate a genuine original effort; the only thing one needs is the ability to observe.

My dear JayantG;

What makes you say:
"you would have refrained from commenting so carelessly and rudely."
I had written just two sentences:
"Straight out of the Chicken Soup series!!!!
I too have read a few such stories earlier."

What made you conclude that I am CARELESS and RUDE????

Dear JayantG, That simply means you have NOT learned anything from this story!!

You have made the same error - Fundamental Attribution Error

Why did it never occur to you that when I am saying "Straight out of the Chicken Soup series!!!!", I am COMPLIMENTING the story and the story writer's skill, that it is in the same league as the famous inspirational series of stories that go by the name of "Chicken Soup for the Soul" series by Jack Canfield.
Here, please read what it means:
"A Chicken Soup for the Soul story is an inspirational, true story about ordinary people doing extraordinary things. It is a story that opens the heart and rekindles the spirit. It is a simple, interdenominational, living art piece that touches the soul of the readers and helps them discover basic principles they can use in their own lives. They are personal and often filled with emotion and drama. They are filled with vivid images created by using the five senses. In some stories, the readers feel that they are actually in the scene with the people." (quoted from its website)

Don't you think this story fits the bill (as given above) PERFECTLY???!!!!

Did you not say the same thing - "This is a touching, brilliant, and genuine firsthand write-up by an amateur and not one that is done by a professional story writer." I meant the same thing, or perhaps better - a story as good as Chicken Soup for the Soul stories!!!

Secondly:
When I say "I too have read a few such stories earlier." while responding to the member's post who is a professional Trainer; I am stating the truth.
I have indeed read such stories.

In fact, I tell such stories when I conduct training programs and encourage others to tell. A typical overnight assignment may contain such questions as:
Once we are aware of our perceptual errors, we realize the prevalence of Fundamental Attribution Errors in our daily life. To encourage participants to be able to identify familiarize themselves with such perceptual errors, your assignment is to write about two instances of FAE that you have come across recently. It can be from your experience, experiences of others - colleagues, friends, relatives; or from a tertiary source like news articles, cinema, or TV shows.

Would be obliged, if you could kindly explain, where is the "carelessness" and "rudeness" in these two sentences??

But, thanks anyway; you have given me a good takeaway. I can quote this story in the future.

Regards.

Classic example of political doublespeak! One day they call people cattle, and the next day say, "I didn't mean it, my words were quoted out of context, blah, blah, blah..." They say it in approximately 485 words when only three words, "I liked it," could have done the job admirably.

Why argue? Arguments never see the logical end. Let us understand the substance of the so-called true incident or concocted, whatsoever.

Thank you for sharing such a precious experience with us. The incident that took place really teaches us to empathize and understand the "putting oneself in someone else's shoes" theory. I am truly thankful to you.

Thanks for sharing this experience. I suggest you read Stephen Covey's book "7 Habits of Highly Effective People." There is an example of a similar incident: a man sitting in a train silently and lost in deep thoughts while his children were misbehaving. All others around could not understand how he could tolerate it. They were very angry. The hard fact is that the man lost his wife only days before. What was anger turned into compassion!

We never stop learning. Every day we learn irrespective of our age. Learning is a continuous process. Had this man told you his wife is sick, you would surely have reacted differently instead of being angry. You are not at fault at all. You have reacted as any normal person would have done. You must not feel guilty or ashamed. One more thing I suggest you read is "IF" by Rudyard Kipling.

What is Onam?

Regards,
Ganessen.