How Can We Support Employees Dealing with Grief and Loss in the Workplace?

Hi all,

I have been appointed as HSE (Health, Safety, and Environment) Head in my company. I noticed that one of our employees is not performing well, despite being one of our best performers. One day, I happened to meet him in person and asked him to join me for a cup of coffee, to which he agreed.

We chatted for a long time. The conversation began with discussions about my family, and then he shared about his family. I realized that he had a lot to share but was unable to do so earlier.

He opened up about how he has been juggling between hospital visits and work life as his father has been diagnosed with cancer (last stage) and he is deeply disturbed.

Just a week ago, his father passed away, and he was shattered.

We tried our best to console him, but it was of no avail.

Then, my boss asked me to intervene and provide him with some counseling sessions. We discussed various things, and I shared with him that I had also experienced a similar phase in my life (I lost my mother, who also had cancer).

I told him how I had to console myself because of my father's passing.

He understood my point, and today he is feeling much better.

He inspired me to write an article on grief and loss, which I will share with all of you soon.

Please go through this article:

"The Significance of Loss in People's Lives"

When we mention terms like loss or grief, most people immediately think of death and bereavement, and understandably so. This is because the loss through the death of someone significant to us can have a devastating impact on our lives. However, we need to acknowledge that loss and grief encompass broader issues than just death and dying. In fact, loss and grief are everyday occurrences as we regularly experience various forms of loss in our lives.

Grief is our psychological response to any significant loss. If someone or something holds importance for us, it can be said that we have made an 'emotional investment' in that entity. Therefore, when a loss occurs, we also lose that investment, leading to a psychological crash akin to a Wall Street crash, often with profound effects. Thus, the loss of anyone or anything important to us can trigger a grief reaction, manifested in various ways:

- Physically, such as loss of appetite, stomach ache, headache, etc.
- Emotionally, through feelings of sadness and/or anger.
- Mentally, resulting in poor concentration and memory lapses.
- Behaviorally, leading to actions that are out of character (similar to responses under stress; in fact, grief can be viewed as a form of stress).

It is crucial to understand that grief does not manifest uniformly for everyone. It is a psychological phenomenon and hence varies from person to person. For instance, if one does not have an affinity towards animals, it may be challenging to comprehend the profound impact of a pet's death on someone who has emotionally invested in the animal, leading to genuine grief.

We must refrain from trivializing others' emotions as it can be likened to kicking someone when they are down. Furthermore, underestimating the significance of a loss to an individual can impede our understanding of how that loss affects their performance. Assuming that someone is coping at their regular levels when, in reality, they are struggling below that level can be perilous.

If we are unaware of the prevalence and importance of loss and grief in the workplace, we risk:

- Overlooking significant issues.
- Misattributing problems to other causes.

For example, attributing an employee's underperformance to a lack of commitment when, in fact, it is due to grief, can lead to misunderstandings. Unaddressed grief issues can exacerbate over time, resulting in cumulative grief, where the negative impacts of multiple losses accumulate, significantly affecting the individual and their contributions in the workplace.

Grief can also be a shared experience. Major changes or reorganizations in a workplace may lead to numerous individuals feeling they have lost important elements, and if these losses go unacknowledged and unaddressed, their repercussions can intensify, undermining organizational culture and teamwork.

It is easy to fall into the trap of assuming that loss and grief are infrequent occurrences in people's lives. Sensitivity to the fact that they play a more prevalent and vital role is crucial for a nuanced understanding of workplace psychology.

"What HR Can Do to Help?"

Concerning loss and grief, acknowledging that someone is grieving and validating their painful experiences can be immensely supportive. Often, people's insensitive responses to loss and grief exacerbate the situation more than the initial loss itself. Sensitively recognizing and responding to these issues can prevent further escalation. Even if acknowledgment alone is insufficient, validating the grieving person's feelings forms a critical foundation for offering more complex forms of assistance.

Some individuals may require professional help from counselors, social workers, or doctors. However, it is essential to avoid assuming that everyone grieving necessitates bereavement counseling. For many, social support from family, friends, and colleagues suffices in navigating the situation. Nevertheless, situations may arise where professional intervention is necessary, especially in the presence of complicating factors that make dealing with the loss more challenging.

Complicating factors can include:

- Multiple losses occurring in quick succession or simultaneously.
- Disenfranchised grief, where the grief is not acknowledged or supported socially.
- Grieving the loss of a loved one through suicide or murder, which can carry additional stigma.

While these are not the only complicating factors, they exemplify how loss and grief can be complex and multifaceted, requiring tailored support.

Lastly, a significant barrier to addressing loss and grief in the workplace is the tendency to avoid discussing these topics. This approach is perilous as it hinders individuals in need from receiving assistance, potentially leading to further complications like prolonged stress-related absences from work.

Loss and grief are inherent aspects of life, and it is imperative to learn effective and constructive ways to manage them rather than ignore the challenges they pose.

Let us extend a helping hand to those in need, preventing them from spiraling into deeper traumas.

Cheers,

Archna

Hi Archna,

Congratulations on your achievement. You have posted a really good article. Grief and loss are two sides of the same coin. Sometimes we may perceive it as a loss, but the grief lingers, or vice versa. At such times, coming out of that trauma is time-consuming. Having individuals like you available for those going through such situations would be truly beneficial.

Thank you once again for sharing this.

Regards, Katyayani

Hi Archna,
Nice article! Actually when a loved one passes away of a known person we are loss for words because we know nothing or no one can replace this person. But we know it's our duty to help them deal with the situation. Sometimes that person might not feel like talking but at those times it helps if you are just there and maybe listening. For a person who has lost a loved one, it myt feel a great deal better if there is someone close by.
You can't look at one person and assume this is the way all people grieve so a person should understand how to handle each person's grievances.
Some people might not ask for help or an ear to lend but it is important that we recognize them and help them through their times of need.

Hi Archna,

Your article gave me a lot of strength to get back to my work today. I was totally upset and unable to concentrate on my work after hearing that two of my colleagues, whom I can call good friends rather than just colleagues, are resigning and leaving the company next week.

Thanks for posting.
Swapna

Hey, thanks Katyayani,

I agree that grief and loss are two sides of the same coin. That is why I have mentioned both in the article. We all know how we felt when we lost anyone close to us, but when it comes to others, we just don't lend a helping hand, due to various reasons. If we keep our own pain in mind, we can easily make the other person happy.

Hope you agree.

Cheers,
Archna

Hi Ashra,
You are absolutely right. This is how we can make other person feel comfortable even without speaking anything.
Thanks for supporting my views.
Take care
Archna

Thank you, Sridhar and Swapna,

This article is for those who have lost, and I know we all have lost someone close to us. Like you said, Swapna, two of your colleagues are leaving the company, and you are sad about it. I hope this article helped you all and will help others as well. Thanks for reading and sharing your valuable inputs with me.

Cheers,
Archna

Hi Archna,

Losing someone close and then work priority. Hmmmmm. It surely is the problem to look at; I never thought this way before. Thanks for reminding. I agree with you; an HR professional can bring change in organizations, and many of them are doing it. I wish you could come back to Germany!! Many companies want to see this part of HR as well. Good work.

Regards, Abhinav

Hi,

I do have such a case in my workplace. Let me explain this.

She is around 26 years old, unmarried, and has four sisters who are not supportive and instead troublesome in the family (As per her statement, I wonder how far it's true). Both of her parents are old and sick. They frequently get hospitalized, sometimes even in critical stages. She was given permission to come late because of this. I found that her productivity was too low (A month before her appraisal was done, and she was happy with that too). She was frequently absent and started looking for new assignments.

I took interest and tried to find the root cause of her problems. One is her family environment, the second is her behavior with others and her perceptions of others personally and professionally in a wrong way. I have understood that and I discussed with her and motivated her by the best possible means.

Every time we try to point out her problems, she becomes arrogant, and she will hardly respond for a day and goes back to the same place.

She started spreading negative energy in the workplace, and her colleagues started avoiding her.

This has become a never-ending story, and whatever best efforts we placed, the result was too short.

Now I would like to understand how do these things happen and how to avoid this in the future.

I have done my best to resolve this as she was the senior most employee when I landed here, and the struggle has been there for the past eight months with feeble improvement.

If you have any such incident that has been resolved, let's discuss so that we don't plant such problems and throw it to someone else.

Regards,

Vijay

You wrote, "We should be careful not to belittle other people's feelings as this can be seen as the equivalent of kicking somebody when they are down."

Most of life's problems will be solved if we follow this principle. The problem here is that an idealistic life seems impractical in the present times. People believe that being insensitive to others is a way to protect their own interests and emotions. Pretension is the order of the day. Being sensitive to others is considered as going out of one's way to do something good for others.

Anyways, I appreciate your efforts in writing this article because it reminds a few good people that there are a handful of individuals who do know that one "can" live an ideal life. I hope people understand that it isn't so difficult to be sensitive to others. It is, as a matter of fact, an emotionally rewarding experience to be helpful to others. I am certain you, too, felt good about yourself writing this article.

Recently, after reading this article, I happened to have an interaction with Mr. Neil Thompson of Avenue Consulting Ltd, UK (The Author of the Article that has been shared by Archna). During the discussion, we shared our views and opinions on various issues. One of them was the purpose and target readers for this article. The article has been written keeping in mind the people, social and corporate culture of the UK; the value system and mindset of those people. What might work for them might not work for us. So, how practical are the theories and opinions shared by people in Indian Culture and Mindset? Isn't it a similar issue that we are facing with our Cricket Team in India? The Coach is Australian, and the things he is trying to implement or experiment with the Indian team might work in Australia but not in India. Any comments?

Grief and Pain - as a person, you can do many things, but working in a corporate environment, particularly in HR, you have certain limits. You can be empathetic with your employee but cannot be emotional. You can feel the pain but you cannot cry with them. When you are giving emotional support to your employees or getting attached emotionally, you are doing two things: a) You are giving an opportunity to let that person hurt you; b) You are planning to hurt him more deeply.

One practical example in the Indian Scenario - one person had a severe loss in his life, suppose he lost his father or he is fighting with his wife every day, and he told this to you. You felt the pain, you are sympathetic to him. Won't he expect favors from you? Won't you not let him depend upon you? Won't you get irritated if he comes to you almost every 3rd day asking for leave? Won't he come and ask for salary advances every now and then?

Think practical.

In the UK, USA, and other European countries, people have this habit of "Letting it Go". In India, we get stuck and are not able to see the road ahead if we are rejected, if we are not accepted, if we are hurt by someone. Most of the time, we take decisions by listening to our heart. Think from your head and not from the heart.

Think over it and do share your views about the practical implications of such theories in the Indian Environment, in the Indian Mindset, among Indian People.

Regards,

Sanjeev Sharma

Blog: http://sanjeevhimachali.blogspot.com/