Handling an Aggressive Employee Outside Work: How Should I Approach This Situation?

Hi all,

Yesterday, one of the employees of my organization had an altercation with me outside the office premises, which resulted in a very bad mood. He was very abusive in his language and aggressive as well. However, I remained calm and quiet. Now, the question here is how I will tackle him because he is not my team member, and it happened outside the office. Please suggest and help me with this.

Regards, Pravin

Let the matter cool off with time. However, if it happens again, please escalate to your manager, who in turn can communicate with his manager.

Hi Pravin,

You are a very patient person. Be as patient as you are. He is not your team member, so the probability of him coming across in the office is very low. If it happens again in or outside the office, then inform your boss and colleagues.

Hi Pravin,

Stay calm forever. It is a good thing that you stayed calm at that time. He may realize his mistake. Also, please take note that "Don't see any purpose behind others' mistake; it will be harmful to you only and not the other."

Regards,
Umesh Potdar

Dear Pravin,

Please keep your manager informed about the incident. Do not lose your calm. Be prepared, as this may happen again. They will be testing your patience. Your manager should then come down heavily, seeking higher management help.

=Lahiri, Kolkata

Hello Pravin,

It was great that you remained calm and quiet. But at the same time, please keep your boss in the loop. Just inform him of what has happened so, in case something further occurs, he will have the background.

Regards,
Repurva

Hi Pravin,

What was the issue? What triggered the incident? Is it work-related or personal? I would not be able to comment until you provide a clear picture of what happened. Please also clearly state whatever you spoke back.

To me, it just looks like this: a conversation taking place between you and someone, finally breaking into an argument with the use of abusive words. I am not sure if you spoke at all. The worst part is everything is muted. So, help! Please add more information.

Action Point 1: You should keep your seniors informed.

Action Point 2: Give us a detailed description of the incident (panchnama), and we will be able to help you out. So please be clear and precise, no ambiguity. We will help you out in whatever way we can, so chill.

Don't carry the office problems home. Avoid this guy but keep your boss posted about the incident.

Such characters will keep reacting; ensure he doesn't create a scene when you are outside with somebody important. Avoid when you see him anywhere. If he is creating the same scene, raise the issue with your boss and his boss and ensure mutually the issue is resolved.

Naveed.

Hi,

Keep HR in the loop. Have a word with the respective HR department to which he belongs. If it doesn't work out, contact the local police of that area.

Regards,
Naveen

Dear Members,

Everyone except a few who have asked "what the real problem is"... "How can you people give suggestions without even knowing what the problem is? Like what DADA mentioned - what if the problem falls into any of the options he had mentioned? Imagine if it were not Pravin who approached citehr, but the person who he fought with - would you also tell him (without analyzing the real problem) to ignore/keep HR in the loop, etc.?

By the way, HR needs to interfere if the issue might create a problem at work or will be a disturbance for others at work... What if it's something else personal like an affair-related or old enmity?

Hi Pravin,

I agree with Asha Mathew; we need to perform root cause analysis of this incident which triggered him to become abusive and aggressive. Further, a few suggestions to handle him:

1. Inform your HR department about the incident and mark CC to your and his reporting manager.
2. Follow up with HR on your complaint.
3. File an application (or FIR) to the Police Station about physical and mental harassment and get the copy received/stamped from the Police Station.
4. Continue this practice 2-3 times.
5. If HR fails to talk to him and he still harasses you, then you should file an FIR along with photocopies of previous complaints.

We should be patient enough to handle such a person in life, but definitely do not leave them without appropriate action within the frame of the law. If you ignore it tomorrow, he may become a much bigger problem for you and the community.

Regards,
Shiv

Stay calm and inform the team lead of your team and his lead, only in the case if the argument was regarding the job. But remember one thing, bang him with the circle of policies & procedures. Staying calm would simply mean that the argument of the other employee was correct, and you are the guilty one.

Regards, Akber Virani

I'm glad that you remain calm. You can initiate an HR policy to have an Employee Adherence Charter, where there should be provisions for adherence to office decorum, behavior in and outside the workplace. I also suggest conducting a root cause analysis for such employee behavior to prevent recurrence of such incidents.

Dear Pravinji,

Love!

Go to your bedroom. Close the door and windows. Draw a picture of your colleague and also write his name on paper. Paste that paper temporarily on the pillow or bed. Take a big stick in your hand and imagine as if the fellow is there in the bed. Now beat him with the stick and also abuse him carefully, so that others do not hear. Keep beating him until you are fully exhausted and all your anger is released. Sit silently for a few minutes, close your eyes, and experience emptiness and calmness within.

This is an approved technique, and several Japanese companies create special soundproof rooms for this purpose, equipped with sticks and rubber statues of men and women. You may try this and share your experience with other members.

Best wishes,

Sharad Shah

User input:

Really? Do we get to hit the rubber statues? Thank God we don't have this here. I dunno how many times my statue would have been replaced ;-) Kidding!!

Corrected text:

Really? Do we get to hit the rubber statues? Thank God we don't have this here. I dunno how many times my statue would have been replaced ;-) Kidding!!

(There is a single line break between paragraphs.)

Keep his boss informed without insisting on any action. Take the issue more seriously if it repeats.

Mrs. Rao

Dear Pravin,

If the incident happened due to a gap in communication, then communicate and solve the matter. Relate the issue with the attitude of that individual. If he is trying to bring you down, then don't stay silent. Raise the matter to the highest possible level, because if you sit down calmly, there is a possibility that he will confront you again.

Regards,
Venkatesh

Based on your input, here is the revised version with corrected spelling, grammar, and proper paragraph formatting:

"As per my experience, you should meet him again and tell him our argument is just like a discussion. I hope it won't destroy our relationship. I'm sure he will turn to a happy mood.

I know there are other solutions; this is just my own experience. Hence, I look forward to hearing others."

If you have any more text that needs correction or further assistance, feel free to share!

Firstly, you might try to know why he behaved like that. Have you hurt or badly treated him before? If not, at that time, you should inform your boss so he'll take the right action against him. If he abuses you again, at that time, don't be calm. Please inform the police and file a case against him.

Dear,

Please inform your manager first and do not stress about this incident. After all, "JO BHOKATE HAI WO KATATE NAHI." If you only think about him, it will automatically attract you; it is the law of attraction. So, attract good things, not bad. Good things will attract you.

Thank you!

"Nothing can be changed by changing the face, but everything can be changed by facing the change." (The sea is big due to that)

Hi All,

Happy INDEPENDENCE DAY to all of you!!

First of all, I would like to thank you all for your suggestions, feedback, solutions, advice, etc. Secondly, I am sorry that I was not able to reply (and creating confusion among you) to the post as I was sick for 2 days. But my only intention for posting this thread is whether this incident should fall into a company-related issue or if it should be handled outside??? Hence, I didn't mention the incident in detail. However, it goes like this:

"On that particular day after the shift was over, I moved out of my office premises and we were chatting with the guys sitting outside of my process. In the meantime, a few of my colleagues also joined. However, they left one by one since it was already 10 p.m., except two individuals who are not in my team. Actually, they were making fun of me, but I didn't respond initially. However, one of them realized (from my body language) that I was hurt by this. So, he asked whether I was hurt or not (not in a soft manner). I asked him why he was bothered now. Then he warned me not to show attitude or behave like this as he is a local and I can't do anything to him aggressively (removed his glasses, folded his shirt's arms, and shouted). Despite this, I remained calm and asked him to leave. At that moment, the second guy (a calmer person) pulled him away and asked him to leave."

Now, I hope this clarifies the situation for all of you. Additionally, I would like to inform you that I am working as a TL in a BPO, and he was not my team member but in my colleague's team.

Many thanks,

DEAR ALL,
I have also encountered with one of our college in my new organization, he always trying to show down me in office some time he used un parliamentary and filthy languages. Reasons behind only some part of their responsibility transferred in my job profile. I always keep quiet and calm but it may lost any time, seniors' says it is their habit he has done almost every team members. I don't know why they are tolerating this much. I have informed to top boss of unit he simply told me keep patience .
I unable to understand what should do?
MANU BAGHEL

Must inform your senior. There is a high probability of it occurring again. You must have at least one witness for any such incident. Please also elaborate on the incident.

Regards, Pradeep

Dear Pravin,

Thanks for sharing the info. Now it makes sense to suggest :-)

However, please look at the below-mentioned points and try thinking over it:

a) He teased you
b) He realized he was over the line and felt a little bad (and also a little scared)
c) He asked you if you felt bad
d) You did reply to him in a manner that meant "you finished teasing, now why do you want to ask"
e) Anybody in that place would have felt a little humiliated. He could have either told you that he only meant that for fun and was not serious about it. However, I feel he must have said something that made you feel uncomfortable. Your reply was okay (he asked for it!)
f) Then, he could not stand the humiliation (in the way you were cold and least bothered about him)
g) He wanted to protect his image and started talking about his ability and strengths (which is nothing but the fact that he is a local boy)
h) You must have been reminded of kids - I am glad you did not reciprocate in the same manner.
i) Ignore. Just make sure you don't make him angrier.

If it appears to you that he is watching you or trying to seek a chance to find you all alone, he might turn out to be dangerous to you. You know, some people are like that, just for no reason will be irritated. Maybe because you are appearing cool and casual, or because you are a TL, maybe anything as silly as possible too. So in case you feel his anger is so obvious, I believe you must share this with your best buddy at work, preferably your colleague. If it occurs again (the pulling up sleeves and trying to insult you again), please inform that to your HR, and request them to keep it confidential.

Ignore for now. Relax and just don't get bothered about this because someone out there does not know how to behave. You have better things to do.

Regs,

Friend... just ignore.
It takes seconds to reply and shout back. But it is a precious and rare nature to keep calm and ignore someone else's foolishness.
If he shouts at you, dont waste your time in responnding or listening. You have self worth. Everyone knows his nature...so it will be like banging on a wall if you go and reply to his anger.
You cant wait and shout back and lose your form. Keep moving...there are much more intersting aspects in life you should keep ur mind focused on.

I was following the thread. Good that now you are at peace. That person is nothing but a "bully". He was one in school and college, and now, he is yet to grow up and become an adult. (Lots of crossed transactions involved here :-D)

If he bothers you again, you have your HR, and if it escalates, then the "local" Police :icon1:

Dear Pravinji,

Love!

Go to your bedroom. Close the door and windows. Draw a picture of your colleague and also write his name on paper. Paste that paper temporarily on a pillow or bed. Take a big stick in your hand and imagine as if the fellow is there in the bed. Now beat him with the stick and also abuse him carefully, so that others do not hear. Continue beating him until you are fully exhausted and all your anger is released. Then sit silently for a few minutes, close your eyes, and experience the emptiness and calmness within.

This is the approved technique, and several Japanese companies make a special soundproof room for this purpose. They also keep sticks and rubber statues of men and women there. You may try this and report your experience to other members.

His Blessings,

Sharad Shah

Dear Rajkumar,

Love!

Psychiatrists say that we are not only a physical body but psychosomatic. This means our physical body and mind are so closely connected that if you touch one, the other will vibrate immediately. We also experience that when our physical health is not well, our mental health is affected as well, and vice versa. Thus, our physical body and mental body (mind) have some similar tendencies. If we continue to eat without releasing excreta in the morning, we may experience stomach ache in a day or two, and if this persists, it could even be fatal. Similarly, our mental body has similar tendencies. When someone abuses us, we have two choices: to accept it or reject it. If we reject it, it will bounce back, but if we accept it, we need to release it by any means. Failing to release it will create a blockage in our mental body, leading to mental distress until it is released. Such unreleased feelings can lead to psychic problems. One way to release these feelings is to direct them back to the person who initiated the abuse, provided they are not stronger than us or another person (they must be weaker, like a son or wife). Often, however, we choose to vent our emotions on unintended targets like our spouses or children.

To purify our mental body, various techniques have been developed by great masters of the world and are utilized in different forms of meditation. Three such techniques I am aware of include Catharsis, Gibberish (invented by someone named Gibberish), and laughing (popularized by the laughing Buddha). You may have heard of laughing clubs that employ the laughing technique.

The concept of a Ventilation Room is another method to release anger and maintain mental well-being, a practice learned from Zen masters by the Japanese. Though it may seem peculiar, it is a highly effective and proven technique.

Most HR professionals are primarily exposed to Western ideas as their syllabi are derived from that source. They may not be familiar with Eastern culture and techniques, despite sharing the same cultural roots. This lack of exposure may explain why my words have gone unnoticed by many, except for you. Those who have noticed them may have dismissed them as the musings of a whimsical individual.

His Blessings,

Sharad Shah

It is true, and I experience this almost every time when I have mental agony about anything or any situation. It needs to be vented out, and then you feel better.

The same reason women are far less prone to heart diseases.

Saurabh

Hi Sharad,

Thank you for your insight and sharing. Apart from the three techniques that you mentioned for managing negative and malevolent thoughts caused by others' actions, there's one more that I had come across. It is perhaps drawn from Vipashyana Meditation.

It propounds that one imagines his heart (the seat of emotions) to comprise two segments - one, a shining bright part that radiates happiness and joy to everyone, irrespective of whether he is friendly to you or not; and the other a dark part, as dark as a black hole - from which even light cannot escape. This dark part is to be made capable of absorbing all negative responses from others, negative thoughts; for others or arising out of words or actions from others; without any desire to retaliate or access later. It is to be made capable of burying or burning and forgetting without a trace; all bad incidents that give rise to negative thoughts and feelings. Truly a technique for the masters and sages.

Regards.

Dear Rajkumar,

Love,

Yes! Vipassana must be one of the techniques to release negative thoughts and emotions. Likewise, there must be many, but we are not aware.

You know eastern saints (Masters) have a great contribution to humanity, and many westerners are attracted to our ancient ways of life, knowledge, and techniques. Yoga is practiced much more in western countries than in any Indian city. In New York, more than 3000 Yoga training classes are operating, and several Americans are learning it. Not only that, some innovative people have invented instruments that help to perform Yogasanas. They have also applied for its patent, and now we are fighting with them, claiming that Yoga is of Indian origin and no patent should be granted. Our ancestors have given us a great heritage, but since then we have not been able to add a single feather to it. Now, somebody else is trying to add to it with the help of modern technology, and we are opposing it. I understand that we need to come out of the western mindset and also need to recognize our own heritage and make the best use of it in every area, whether it is the corporate world, education, medical science, social structure, or anything.

His Blessings,

Sharad Shah