Feeling Overlooked and Isolated at Work: How Do You Cope When Your Role Changes?

Hi, I need some advice from you guys. I am working in Malaysia in an oleochemicals industry. Going straight to the point, there are 4 of us working in an HRD Department including my boss (who is new). Ever since this new boss came in, he has removed all of my job scopes and given them to my other 2 colleagues. He has made me fully focus on company drivers/vehicles, cleaners, and other small tasks. I have a diploma in strategic human resource management and have about 6 years of experience. This was the first matter that made me upset. I believe that I have a lot to offer and I am talented and dedicated. But after this happened, I feel useless and hopeless.

Recently, I took a day off as my mom had to go to the doctor and I was supposed to be with my baby boy. The very next day when I came in to work, these 2 colleagues of mine boycotted me up till today. When I talk to them, they turn their faces away. They are extremely close to each other than ever and always whispering to each other. I have tolerated this for many days, but today I feel like bursting out in tears. I don't have anyone to talk to. 😢

Sally

Hi, I am sorry that you are feeling that way, but don't despair, everything has a reason why things happen. Maybe the best thing for you to do is to talk with your two colleagues who have been snubbing you and ask what their problem is with you. By talking and knowing what's on their minds, you will eventually free yourself from your doubts and fears. Just have an open mind; maybe you're just getting paranoid, and your feelings might be wrong. The best way to solve it is to talk with them and get to the real issues behind it.

Regarding your new assignment, it is also best to ask your immediate superior the reason why she is assigning you to limited tasks/functions. I hope that sooner or later your problems will be solved. Just focus on your job and, as always, try to divert your attention and enjoy every minute of your job. Think positive always.

Take care! 😃

Hi Saleena,

I know how you must be feeling at the moment, and things like this happen on and off. I am sure many of us would have come across such situations at least at one point in our careers.

I suggest you speak it out with your boss and find out why your scope of work has changed drastically. If he/she doesn't provide valid reasons for the change in scope of work, I am sure the individual would be insecure about the amount of knowledge you possess, so they are trying their best to demotivate you. In fact, anybody would have been demotivated in such a situation. If things don't improve after the chat, suggest you bypass your boss and speak to his/her immediate supervisor because you need to bring to notice any sort of injustice that occurs.

I guess you also need to try talking to your colleagues and work on winning back their confidence.

All the best, and don't get disheartened, dear.

Regards,
Mehvish

Hi there,

I think you should not let this affect you. These are minor professional hassles that happen in organizations that are more reliant on "non-core HR policies". The most important thing for you is to stay focused on your job and perform to the best of your abilities based on what has been provided to you. Hard work and talent are never hidden, and there will be results soon.

I am working for an oil and gas company as the Regional Manager HR, covering the Middle East, North Africa, and Asia Pacific regions. Currently, I am in KL. Should you wish to communicate with me, please feel free to do so at [Login to view]. This is my office ID, and I will be happy to assist you.

Regards,
Rajeev

Hi all,

After reading the encouraging and sweet messages from all of you, I burst out crying (tried controlling for some time). I don't know, I tried really hard to stay strong, but I am really hurting inside (my chest hurts like hell). I did try talking to my boss, but he refused to answer. He was just saying that he wants me to concentrate on these areas and completely closed the topic for further discussion. As for my colleagues, they don't even look at me now. We used to go for breakfast and lunch together. Now, they don't even offer. When I talk to them, they don't even answer me. There are a lot of things happening in my department, but they (colleagues and boss) don't share with me. I am practically in the dark now. My boss is a manager and his superior is the general manager. My GM is worse; he only listens and believes my boss. He is practically blind and can't stand on his own feet. I thought of looking for a new job, but there are none in my area. The worst part is I have no one to turn to except this forum. By the way, it's the performance appraisal time now. Throughout my career, I have been graded as GOOD, while my colleagues are graded as FAIR. Something tells me this year I will be hurt even worse sometime next month. During school days right up to my adulthood, I have been facing only bad things that hurt me deeply. Sincerely thank you all for being there for me. I am sorry I can't type anymore as tears are running down my cheeks, and I am at work. I don't want anyone knowing.

Goodbye and please keep in touch. :(

Hi Saileena,

I'm really surprised to read this post. I would suggest you concentrate on your work as you have been doing until now. If your boss is making it difficult for you to stay there, try hard to look for a change; otherwise, just keep working.

Regarding your colleagues, I think they have been told something by the boss. If they are leaving you in the time of problems, they are not your good friends, so stop running after them and their attention. Crying and weeping will not solve your problems. I know how hurt you must be, but laugh as much in the office as you can. Be friendly with your colleagues; even if they are not talking, don't show them you are hurt.

Remember these two lines:

LAUGH AND THE WHOLE WORLD WILL LAUGH WITH YOU
WEEP AND YOU WILL WEEP ALONE

Don't worry; life has to give you your share of ups and downs, but a true warrior is one who comes out of any problem with a smile. We are all here with you always.

Cheers!!
Archna

Dear Sally,

Try speaking to the boss of the GM, or whoever in your organization. You should not let it go. You have the right to know what went wrong from your side or whatever the reason is. The way you shared your views with us, share it with your colleagues also. Maybe they have been brainwashed. Request them to talk to you. I am sure one day they will. If they are not talking to you in the office, speak to them at their home and make them realize that you are feeling very bad.

It had happened in my organization also. The senior had an ego clash with my colleague, and eventually, he transferred all her important work to me. But I was aware of their game, so I stood by her. They had tried their level best to brainwash me against her but without luck. Even in this case, no seniors were supporting her. Time only heals. Don't quit until you get a new job.

Regards,
Asha

Dear Saileena,

From your emails, it appears you are very stressed and distraught at the moment. My advice to you would be to do some introspection and try to understand what could have led to the situation you are in. Be rational, think with your head, not your heart. Try talking it out with some close and trusted family or friends. You may also seek some professional help. I am sure that would help.

As suggested by other group members, try talking to your boss and colleagues and try to win their confidence. Let them know how you are feeling. Go to them with a positive frame of mind, be open in your talks, and listen to what they have to say.

Wishing you the best and hoping you quickly get over this.

Cheers!
Faizal

Hi Sailena,
Well first and foremost let me tell you one thing…………………….. don't let all this madness get in to your capabilities. And more than anything don't let this get in to your personal life.

I think you should confront your boss who will help eliminate what ever misunderstanding or clear any doubts which might have occurred. If this doesn't help then think of switching jobs and seek for opportunities. Because if you don't like what you are doing you'll be forced to like what ever you are doing. If you are feeling that your job does not give you the opportunity to apply your knowledge, capabilities, experiences and you do not feel fulfilled then it's might as well you search for something that does.
Life is said to be short so try to keep your self happy as much as possible.
Hope you find your way out soon.
Cheers,
Ashra

Hi Saileena,

I can help you to win over this situation. Beginning with your name. Saileena - Either it is shy-leena or Sai-leena. If you are shy-leena, then forget it; you may face this kind of situation many times in your life. If you are Sai-leena, then let me tell you the meaning of Sai. It relates to Sai Baba, who never cares for negativity or others; he used to do his work, which he thinks is not harming anybody and won everybody's heart.

In your case, what I appreciate you to do is please take up the job that your new boss is giving and finish those tasks quickly by streamlining some processes. I think the job you are mentioning doesn't require your continuous presence. You can delegate responsibilities to someone below you and ask them to report to you every four hours or at the end of the day. Now, what you have to do is observe the complete process of your new boss from a top or distant angle; you will come to know what fine-tunings are required to make your boss's process right. Make those changes without seeking credit (Never do anything as buttering or flattering; I dislike those. If you have a point, then present it; otherwise, just observe) and perform the tasks sincerely. If you do everything perfectly, you can regain all those responsibilities quickly. Never feel bad when something like this happens. Changes will always be there; the only thing you can do is adapt to accept those challenges and fit into those situations. Eventually, you can become a boss and bring about changes. So, do not worry about these aspects. Fulfill all job requirements and also assist colleagues who may be slow or burdened with tasks. By doing so, you will be recognized by everyone, and you will also enhance your knowledge. Try it. You can contact me at 09871295325, New Delhi, India. All the best.

Venkatesh (spsp_venky@rediffmail.com)

Dear friend Saileena,

Reading your mail, it was really hurtful. But you should be happy because you have come to know what kind of people you have around you. There's a saying: "If a person whom you love, like, and admire leaves you, do not be sad because you have lost the person who doesn't love you, and they have lost the person who really loves them."

So don't worry, be positive. I know it is very difficult to be cheerful, but we can remain positive.

In times of difficulties, never say, "Hey God, I have a big problem." Instead, say, "Hey problem, I have a big God."

You know, the tree that bears the sweetest fruits gets the maximum number of stones.

So don't focus on your troubles; instead, count your blessings. Look for other people in different departments who would love you, like you, and support you.

Every bad situation will have something positive. Even a stopped clock shows the correct time twice a day.

Find that there is someone for you. Yes, there is someone who is for you. Be positive. If you keep worrying, you will never find the answer. Plan to seek the answer. To find the answer, analyze yourself. If anybody points out your negatives, take it and work on it. Yes, you will succeed. You can and will overcome this trouble.

Regards,

Daniel

Hi Sally,

Don't think like a fool, because you are an HR professional with 6 years of experience. I believe that in these 6 years, you may have encountered many obstacles. Don't let your confidence waver.

As HR professionals, we all know how to deal with problems. Don't stay silent; ask your supervisor for the reasons and try to be friendly with those involved. Self-motivation, self-confidence, and readiness to face any challenges should be our motto.

I apologize if I have hurt you.

Best regards,
Sangeetha

Saileena,

These things may happen when there is a change of bosses. Your colleagues know which side of the bread is buttered and are just sucking up to the boss. As for the attitude of your boss's boss that is a very natural thing to do especially if he is just a seat warmer.

Fortunately for you, you live in Malaysia which recognises constructive dismissal. Constructive dismissal refers to the termination of employment by the employee for which the employer is responsible and where the employer is the prime mover of the process of termination.In Malaysia the courts have held that the contract test applies in constructive dismissal cases. That is, did the employer's conduct amount to a breach of contract which entitled the employee to resign?

If your employer fundamentally breaches or changes any major term of the employment relationship, such as duties or status, you could claim you've been constructively dismissed. In other words, you were, in effect, fired. You could then sue for unfair dismissal under Sec. 20 of the Industrial Relations Act. A court will consider all of the circumstances of the employment relationship to decide whether a fundamental breach or change has occurred. The test to be applied is:

1. Was there an actual breach or an anticipatory breach of contract by the employer.

2. That breach must be sufficiently important to justify the employee resigning .

3. The employee must leave in response to the breach and not for some other, unconnected reason.

I am surprised you say there are no openings in your area. Malaysian employers are crying out for people with HR skills and if you register yourself with some on line job agencies you will certainly find a place.

I am an Industrial Relations Consultant from Malaysia and should you need further advice you may email me at "ganapathy@irnetwork.com.my"

regards

ganapathy ramasamy

Hi,

I read your problem. Sometimes it happens in a team. This problem should be solved by your boss. Even if the boss is not taking initiative or is reluctant, you should concentrate on your work. Please try to give your best. Talk to your colleagues confidently with a smile. Don't show them your anxiety. Please be happy; it will be over very soon.

Regards,
Nishant

Hi Saleena,

Trust me, I was shocked to read your message. After going through your whole situation, I could make out one thing... since you have been performing really well and far better than your other colleagues, and now that your performance appraisal is due, maybe your senior managers want to look at you for a higher-level position. Hence, they might be checking how you behave under different circumstances. So, do not give up. Please take it in a positive way and concentrate more on your work to perform well. I'm sure there is something good in store for you. Things can change drastically!

Cheer up. Be happy and keep smiling :)

Regards,
Bushra

Dear Friends,

Thank you so much for your encouragement. I will definitely take the advice given, and by the grace of God, if there are any changes, I will keep you guys posted.

By the way, one of our friends had posted a question as to what triggered this. Frankly, I have no idea. We were all fine before I went on leave, joking and laughing. Workwise, I still talk to them, whether they are listening or not. For me, the job has to go on. As for leisure time, I just listen to music to keep me company. It's true, there's no use in going after them if they are not your true friends. I just hope God knows the amount of things I did for them - from coaching, counseling, being supportive, caring, and loving. I thought I should share the love I have in me and the knowledge with friends. Unfortunately, I have been backstabbed.

I am holding up here, praying to God to get me through this agony. You guys are the best. You were there in my time of need, even though we do not know each other very well.

:)

Hi Saileena,

You are sounding much better in that response. That's really cool.

Let me tell you, don't get disappointed by the task they have given you. Do it to the fullest. Maybe they are drivers, but without these drivers or the cleaners, your company will be greatly affected. Do you think anybody will be happy with an untidy bathroom or wait for their cab for hours, etc.?

They are also your employees. HR is there to take care of the employees and make them work at their best.

Come out with a lot of simple and cost-effective programs for such people. Let them also feel that they are an integral part of the company, exactly how we take care of the main employees.

Think of innovative things for those people.

For example, a small workshop on reducing back pain (a common illness seen in such workers due to the kind of job), office etiquette, get-togethers, cleanliness, the need for education, games, etc.

Let your colleagues get the hint that whatever task is assigned to you (small or big), you will do it to the best of your capabilities.

Regarding the appraisal, if you have initiated lots of programs and have solid proof of how the programs have helped them, for example, in attrition, absenteeism, health-wise, or even comments from the people who received their service, I am sure your appraiser will be dumbstruck and, of course, forced to give you a good rating despite any problems they may have with you.

Take each responsibility as the best responsibility. It will make you feel better. Be the first person to initiate such things, be a TREND SETTER.

Dear Sail,

Don't be upset. If you find that it is a bit difficult for you, then look for a change until you find a good job. Otherwise, keep on working confidently. If you are in the right place, it will not be easy for them to ignore your profile.

Best Wishes,
Om Prakash

Dear Saileena,

According to me, your boss is trying to judge you. As you mentioned in your previous emails that in your appraisal, you were always marked GOOD. When he joined, he would have gone through your team's personal files and found that out. That could be one reason for his satisfaction; he is trying to evaluate you. So, do your best and prove yourself. Think that it's a blessing in disguise that you are getting an opportunity to prove yourself.

About your team members, be normal. Whenever you see them, smile and say hi, and don't expect a reply. They might be behaving like this probably because your new boss would have told them that you are much better than them.

So, take this challenge in the right spirit.

Take care and wishing you luck,

Seema Gopal

Hi, you guys!

All of you have been really supportive, sweet, and some even gave advice which made me feel like a slap on the face... 😉 kidding.

Anyway, I have sincerely taken all of the advice to heart and am trying hard to make things better. Unfortunately, until now, my colleagues are still being arrogant and rude towards me whenever I talk to them. Guess what, I just act normal and pray to God that He should give me the strength to overcome this. I console myself by saying, "Come on, girl, you have been through worse and made it to this point in time, so you will get past this one too, but it will take a little time." Correct, guys?

Let me take this opportunity to seek your kind forgiveness if I had acted foolishly or disturbed you guys with silly problems. It's just that I was too hurt and didn't have anyone to talk to, especially someone whom I could trust. I am an HR person, but I am also a normal human being with normal feelings. Sorry, you guys, for bothering.

Ciao. 😊

Dear Saileena,

I know what you have gone through, but there is no need to feel sorry about it. This forum is a channel through which we are connected and can solve each other's problems, even when we hardly know each other; that is the best part of this forum.

This problem of yours was not at all silly, and we all could relate to you because of one common thing between us, i.e., we are all Human Resource Personnel. We are all human beings and we all have our shares of problems and worries. I'm happy to read your last post, and I was satisfied that all the members achieved one more success by solving this problem. But what you may be going through cannot be felt. :D

Take good care of yourself and BE happy.

Cheers!! Archna

Hi,

Based on what you have written, I feel that your new boss is someone who wants to maintain control over people, and the two team members are likely to support his way of working.

I also suspect that this may be a tactic employed by your new colleague to pressure you into leaving the organization. Perhaps he believes that with only 4-5 people needed in HR now, and given your strong track record, you would be a formidable contender.

It would be wise to investigate this individual's background - where he worked previously and how he interacted with people there. If possible, reaching out to his former employer could provide insight into how to handle the current situation.

Additionally, you could demonstrate resilience by showing that his decisions do not faze you and that you possess a strong spirit. This might unsettle your boss, who appears to derive satisfaction from causing distress.

Approaching him directly may not yield results, as he is unlikely to engage in a constructive conversation. Therefore, I recommend exploring new job opportunities to safeguard your position.

Best wishes.

Dear Sally,

I have read your mail and also the thread, people’s view. When you are low and sad, you must tell yourself, "I AM THE BEST"; it helps.

Regarding your case, you need to be emotionally very strong. What your boss has done, there can be many reasons:

1) Some loose comments by your colleagues about you to the boss.
2) Your past performance.

Chances are high for the first option to be correct. It is important that you share your views with your boss. Also, speak to your colleagues. Give your best to the task that you are handling. Don't let your self-esteem get affected by such incidents. In the career span as long as yours, such things do happen.

Don't give any chance to anyone to speak about you. Handle the assignments that are given to you to the best of your abilities.

Parallely, also look for other options in the market.

Have a great day and take care.

Regards,
Sanjeev Sharma
Blog: http://sanjeevhimachali.blogspot.com/

Hi Sally,

Don't worry about all these situations because the same things are happening with me as well. My GM mentioned in the meeting that you are in core HR, but you are being assigned all admin and facilities tasks. I believe we should consider Rajeev's advice and progress in our careers.

Regards, P.S. Phani.

Hi Saileena,

I read about what happened to you. To be very honest, what I feel is that if your colleagues are behaving in such a manner, they are unprofessional. When we are in a professional setting, we need to control our emotions and behave like true professionals.

As I perceive you as a very dedicated person, I would say that do whatever your senior wants you to do with utmost dedication and a smile on your face. Also, maintain a hi-hello kind of relationship with your colleagues. These are the tests that life takes from you, and you have to pass them with excellence.

Be a professional. Leave feelings and emotions at home. These small things are not going to harm you but will teach you and develop you in the long run. Also, it will help you to learn about people. At least those two colleagues of yours are not even worth talking about, so forget about them.

Take care.

Dear Friend,

I hope you don't mind me reaching out. If your boss isn't considering your future within the organization, it may be time for you to start exploring other opportunities. Understanding the organizational dynamics at play is crucial in making informed decisions about your career.

Warm Regards,
Ram Balak

Hi Saileena,

The behavior of your boss and your colleagues is very unprofessional. Wait until your appraisal comes. If you are satisfied with your appraisal and if your boss agrees to give you the responsibilities you deserve, then stay back in the company; otherwise, look for a new job. I am sure you will definitely get a good job as you have a solid 6 years of experience.

Regards,
Sreelatha

Dear Saileena,

Let me introduce myself. I am Sudhakar Kumar, running an HR function Outsourcing Company in Hyderabad, India.

I was struck with too many thoughts while reading your emails.

I support Faizal on the introspection of the whole situation. As HR professionals, it is important to be emotionally strong to handle such situations. I am sure there will be great learning opportunities where your boss might have focused.

The reason might be that you are too emotional and sensitive, which your boss wanted to address by making you deal with tough people like drivers and mechanics.

Based on his previous experience, the present role you are handling requires a full-time resource, which is why he assigned it to you.

I would suggest that you approach the situation with a positive spirit because even if you leave and find a new job, it could still affect your confidence levels, directly or indirectly.

Therefore, I suggest drafting your responsibilities document and sending it for written approval to clarify your role. Whenever you communicate, keep the information in emails with a cc to your boss. If tasks need coordination with your two colleagues, remain neutral in your emails. Above all, control your emotions and start talking to people you are comfortable with to ease your mind and think actively.

As you mentioned, it is appraisal time. Unfortunately, recency factors are considered, and showing emotional breakdowns may be seen as negative. Your efforts need to be professional, with proof that you are process-oriented, for your boss and his boss to realize.

During the appraisal, you must present a detailed self-development plan in writing. This could be a valid reason for you to address the situation with your boss or even consider moving on.

Keep your spirits high. We understand your situation, but through emails, none of us can pinpoint the exact solution. It is crucial that you gather data to understand why the situation has escalated.

Regards,

Sudhakar Kumar