Lovestruck Employee Losing Focus: How Can We Support and Retain This Valuable Team Member?

What to do with an employee who is lovestruck and has been a great performer but now can't focus on his work?

I might have taken recourse to giving him warnings. But, since he is behaving like a lovestruck teenager, I don't know what to do with him. The said employee has been an asset and has great potential. We don't want to lose him.

Hi,

So many options are open to handle this particular case:

1) If possible, counsel him to not affect the productivity; failing which action will be taken.
2) If possible, send him on an official trip to another location for a few days as a control mechanism.
3) If possible, transfer him to another location/department as per his choice.
4) If possible, make him comfortable with an early marriage to the same girl.
5) If possible, change the portfolio where he is currently positioned.
6) If possible, promote him and give him more responsibility within a time-bound framework.
7) If possible, make him a team leader for any special project/task for which he will be responsible.
8) Last suggestion: If the aforementioned measures seem to fail, immediately issue a show cause notice for non-performance. After hearing all, if he still does not improve his productivity, it is better to let him go, keeping in mind not to spoil the organizational environment.

Regards,
Sidheshwar

Hi Shyamali,

Best way is to speak to him on the subject and tell him that irrespective of the fact that he is an asset to the company, somehow it seems he will become a liability if he keeps on not paying attention to his work. Firstly, put it in a simple, friendly way. If it doesn't work out, then probably as a soft implicit warning but definitely, "Bring in his knowledge of what he is doing, knowingly or unknowingly, and how it is affecting others/work." You have to be a little tactful in telling him this, probably at the lunch table or over a cup of coffee while rounding up things, and then slowly come to the point, obviously when you people are not accompanied by others.

If it's possible, then you, the employee, and the lady whom he is in love with, all three can sit and talk about the same (assuming that the female knows his feelings and is responding) because what I know is that a man doesn't like to be tagged as non-performing at work, at least in the eyes of his love.

Thirdly, if you can, give him a little time because sometimes with the pace this fever goes up, stays there for a while, and then it comes down with the same pace. So, he might take some time but may come out of it.

If all the above doesn't work out, then better get strict, send him a show-cause notice for the work that is not happening, and if the situation worsens, then better start looking out for a new "asset" and show him the door before he turns out a liability.

Regards,

Prashant

Hey Shyamali,

Would like to know whether the female is in the same office department?? If yes, then probably counseling may work, but if she is not what Sidhu and Prashant mentioned can be taken into consideration. It is very important for an HR person to get involved with the personal life of an employee in these kinds of cases; you should make him realize that his behavior is hampering his growth in the organization. Hope it will work, do share with us what happens next. :D

Cheers
Archna

Additional suggestion:

While talking to him/the girl, take the help of some senior in the organization who, in your perception, will be a good mentor/listener with high credibility. Having someone mature will be of immense help.

If your senior colleague's talk does not help, you can try using professional counselors to get involved and guide him/the girl/their families, and of course yourself.

MICOKRISH

Dear Shyamali,

Try this immediately:

- Explain his behavior (specific instances) to his Senior and obtain his/her views on this.
- Think it over. Take a couple of days to discuss this issue again with the Senior.
- Have a meeting where the person involved, plus the Senior Person, is present, and you take the lead to explain the behavior that needs to be modified.
- This is a common problem in most of the organizations we work with.
- Let me know the result of your sincere efforts to solve the issue.
- Good luck.

Govind
Coach and HR Consultant
+9198338-90250

Hi Shyamali,
In my view you should try to understand him before you take any decision. After all HR is about identifying human behaviour. And “Love” is a human need.
I think first you should give this employee some space and time without directly attacking his love life because he might get offended and have a negative impact about his superiors.
As suggested by many earlier give him a task with a deadline. Make sure he understands the importance of the task and how crucial it is to meet the deadline also he can be rewarded (monetary or non monetary) if he was able to achieve it.
Try not to show the employee that the company is getting involved in his personal life. Try to approach him work wise and if these fails then he might need a one-on-one session.
Cheers,
Ashra

Hello Everyone!

A very special thanks to everyone! (Sid, Prashant, Ashra, Govind, Micokrish, and Archana).

Dear Archana,

The said lady is not from our organization. The point is everything is falling on deaf ears. I have already tried what Sidhu has recommended, but it is not working. He behaves like a lovestruck teenager who is lost in his own world, has turned into a recluse, has a smile on his face, and wears a dreamy expression. I really don't want to get rid of him because he is a star performer.

Regards, Shyamali

Hi,

This is in line with your mention that the person is behaving like a teen. Well, typically teens are prone to an ill-peak kind of emotional outburst (it starts slow, grows exponentially high, reaches its peak, and sizzles down the same way it shoots up). If he is behaving so, then try to arrange a couple of meetings between this person and whoever he is in 'love' with. Interaction should settle things down very soon. It completely depends on the age and chemistry based on what (physical, mental, crush, infatuation, etc.) the person is in 'love' with, that determines the time taken for one to react. All the above is subject to your willingness to take a person's inclination into consideration to retain him. But if I were the manager, I'd rather send a formal warning note and talk to this person in a one-on-one meeting along with his/her reporting manager.

PL&E

Hi Shyamli,

Your case is different but the same as in earlier ages. What kings were doing for a beautiful lady, even though they lost their empire. Keeping in mind the loss to the empire (organization), please be strict and save your organization. You may hire another asset. Keep in mind to think about the replacement of that asset if all efforts fail.

Regards,
Sidheshwar

Hey Sidhu,
Getting another ASSET myt not be easy as it sounds because the said Asset should be hunted, identified, trained, familiarized and on and on and it myt take ample time for him to get used to his job and the new organization. And from a Company's point of view……..time consuming and costly.
This should be the very last resolve for the problem in my opinion.

Hi Ashra,

You must have seen all my points. You must have seen my 8th point (last suggestion), which is the final option if we fail with all other choices. So, like you, I am also not interested in losing the company's assets. But a simple question: if this asset is becoming like cancer (incurable) for the organization, what will you do? Would you save a person affected by cancer? Will you continue with the same approach considering the organization is profit-based? I am not so harsh, but it's the last option.

Thanks for your inputs.

Regards,
Sidheshwar

Hi all,

I was a little bit late to catch up with this topic, or rather the problem. The problem seems to be peculiar, but this is not an unsolved issue. As advised by Sidhu, Archna, and Ashra, counseling and mentoring could have worked, but they didn't in this case. Teenage love or infatuation (which cannot be named everything as love, a divine feeling) is bound to affect the individual and the institution, whether it is a college or an organization. One more thing to note is that no one is indispensable in this world of cut-throat competition, and no one is perfect to the last straw in this world of many differences and diversities.

If counseling and all other methods have failed, he has to be shown the door politely after giving him enough opportunities. If necessary, let him appear before a psychiatrist for an examination or some hypnotic treatment if you really feel that he is so important, and without him, the organization is going to suffer a huge loss, then go for the above-mentioned therapies. If they are not successful, there is no other alternative except to ask him to quit after making it clear to him what he is going to lose in lieu of love or infatuation.

Regards,

PRADEEP

There are some fundamental tasks in counseling:

1) Always emphasize to the individual that their career is progressing well and that becoming involved with another person could have adverse effects. If the person disregards this advice, the company should insist that personal matters should not interfere with work - as allowing a 'free-for-all' could lead to chaos. If the individual remains stubborn, the company risks losing them under any circumstances, so it's better to part ways.

2) Keep in mind that companies should hire based on skills but dismiss based on attitude. Therefore, if a person's attitude does not align with the organization's culture, it can negatively impact everyone's mindset.

3) Put yourself in the person's shoes and consider the impact of the advice you plan to provide.

4) Avoid shouting or losing your composure during the process.

5) Be willing to assist the person even if they need to be let go.

6) Remember that something unexpected can happen to anyone.

SK

Dear Shyamali,

There is a saying that people who mix up their personal and professional life to such an extent where one affects the other are sure to fail in both. Glaring examples have been there in history: Antony and Cleopatra.

The basic thing I feel is not to get involved in the personal life of an employee. Yes, if they seek our help and suggestions, we should counsel them but not otherwise.

The whole concept of Corporate counseling takes into account two things:

1) The employee is a rational human being who is interested in growth in his career.

2) The employee wants to change but needs help in changing.

So, as HR, we are not in the business of changing Romeo into Bill Gates. This is best left to external consultants, professional psychiatrists. There are reasons for me saying all these. It is not that I feel you should throw the guy out. Keep him, but the basic ingredients needed to change a person of this sort are not present in the majority of Corporates. Some of these are:

1) You need to be a very good friend and confidant, only then will the person fully confide in you, but in the Office do we really have or foster such relationships??

2) As a friend, you need to spend a lot of time with the employee and also interact with the girl and be their common friend. Do you have the time??

3) By being a common friend, you then have the job of either cementing the relationship or convincing the employee that it is better to leave the girl by showing him facts, reasons, and logic that they are not made for each other. Do you want to give the effort??

Just think, after giving so much effort and time you found out it was mere infatuation.

Well, please tell the guy that the Company is not liking the attitude and tell him about the course of action the Company will take if he does not change.

In the end, please find out about the girl. You never know whose daughter it might turn out to be. It might be the reason for the type of attitude he is carrying.

Regards,

SC

:-) That's why you need good recruiters! Correct? Of my little experience, I'd say, anyone, and everyone, can be replaced. That includes the recruiter him/herself. It doesn't take an hour for an asset to become a liability, which I feel is the case with the love-struck person we are talking about!

Hi Shaymali,

One more thing, no matter how vital that employee is to the organization, don't tell him this in plain words. Definitely let him know that he is an excellent performer and an asset to the organization, but also make him realize that he is not an asset that can't be "replaced," even if he actually is "not replaceable." Being candid, yes, people do feel appreciated and boosted with such acknowledgments, but sometimes, if that feeling becomes too inflated, they may start taking things for granted and take the organization for a ride.

Do keep me posted on how it is going with Mr. Cupid.

Regards,
Prashant

Hello Everyone!

First of all, I would like to thank each and every one of you for your patient response.

Swastik,

The point is not of changing Romeo into Bill Gates but to remind Bill Gates of who he was. We don't find Bill Gates every day!

Shyamali

Hi Shaymali,

One more thing, no matter how vital that employee is to the organization, don't tell him this in open words. Definitely let him know that he is an excellent performer and an asset to the organization but also let him realize that he is not an asset which can't be "replaced" even though if he actually is "not replaceable" because to be candid, yes, people do get gratified and get that boost with the acknowledgment of all this but sometimes if that feeling gets too high in the head than they take things for granted and take the organization for a ride.

Do keep me posted on how it is going with Mr. Cupid.

Regards,
Prashant

Dear Sid,
Agreed!! Organizations are profit based but when you look at things in a HR point of view, does the “Profits” come before Human needs???
True, the cancer patient should be cured but not “Killed” right???????? Plus this “love struck” attitude as we all know is not eternal, this is a temporary and the employee will snap out sooner or later and the HRM should encourage him to snap out sooner rather than later. This is not a controllable behavior and catches anyone off guard.
All I am saying is the organization shouldn't be taking such measures as replacements just because a certain employee falls in love hence neglecting work. They should find alternative and creative ways to help employees recover and come back to earth!!!
Any comments?????
Cheers,
Ashra

Shyamali,

I was going through all the responses... most are justified in their own ways. However, some suggestions made me wonder if, in the pursuit of business, we are losing out on our humane side! No offenses, folks - I am making a generic statement.

Let us remember - by not even heeding to your friendly talks - he has changed his own status to 'WAS an ASSET.'

How long has this been going on? I am sure you have pointed out to him that his period of unproductivity has gone on for some time now. That by itself should sound like a warning.

I personally always approach this situation through the 'work pressure' tactic. It seldom fails - and, most importantly, does not create any ill feelings. I do not agree with suggestions of a joint meeting with the 'love interest.' No point in embarrassing anyone. I would have quit immediately if my HR manager called me over for a meeting with my love interest.

Tough task, Shyamali. But, an interesting challenge for HR. And yes, HR needs to keep the company's interest as a top priority. Keeping assets in the company IS in the company's interest. Sacking him, embarrassing him are all steps that don't really achieve anything.

All the best.

Arnab

So many options are open to handle this particular case.

1) If possible, counsel him to not affect the productivity failing which action will be taken.

2) If possible, send him on an official trip to another location for a few days, as a control mechanism.

3) If possible, transfer him to another location/dept as per his choice.

4) If possible, make him comfortable with an early marriage to the same girl.

5) If possible, change the portfolio where he is right now.

6) If possible, promote him and give him more responsibility within a time frame.

7) If possible, make him a team leader for any special project/task for which he will be responsible.

8) Last suggestion: If the above measures seem to fail, immediately issue a show-cause notice for non-performance. After hearing all, if he is still not improving his productivity, it is better to let him go, keeping in mind not to spoil the organizational environment.

Hi Ashra, I'm not fighting with you, but please review all points again. Do any of the points suggest drastic measures for this individual? I have tried my best to keep him within the organization, but he seems incurable. What would you do? As an HR professional, your role is like that of a doctor trying to cure, but if you fail, would you still keep him with your "hospital" or consider sending him back home?

Please provide your comments and suggest good approaches to Shyamali based on your expertise.

Regards, Sidheshwar

Hi Arnab,

Nice to have your views on board... & Shyamali is definitely going to be helped by this... & for this:

I very strongly believe that "HUMAN" always comes before "RESOURCE," so we have to manage it that way only. I also strongly advocate being on the humane side, but tell me, what would happen if, just like him today, another 50 employees will start bringing their love issues, family issues, etc., to the office table, and tomorrow probably another 70 or 100... as I am confident we all have 10 different things going up and down in our lives. Then how will the organization look like? Some code of conduct has to be followed...

Surely, to a certain extent, people come to the office and work with their personal life in the back of their mind, and nobody can't help it, but letting it "too much" influence or overpower their work or performance... I find it a little inconvenient. How will a home carry on if, because of some family problems, the mother stops cooking food for the family/children or stops doing household work, or a father stops going to his job... hope you are getting my point :P

As said by Shyamali that he is not even able to focus on his "work" and acting like a typical "lovestruck teenager," so I am not sure how much "increasing pressure" would help... :?:

Also, getting into a joint meeting is not something to embarrass somebody but more importantly just to make one realize what "he/she is" and what "he/she is turning out to be" and "what he/she is capable of," having someone close to the person being accompanied in the process soothes the process, obviously if it's done in a tactful way. If the person is sensible enough, then he would realize that if the company persons are taking the pain of arranging the meeting with someone who is outside of the organization so that things work out well for all, then how much the organization is concerned about him...

Just like when a review of the performance of a person is being done in coordination with the respective line manager, it is not being done with a motive to embarrass somebody if he/she is not performing well but with a motive to make him realize what he/she is capable of, what is his/her potential, how he/she can get a lot better out of himself/herself only...

Hope I am able to shed some light on this... :)

Regards,

Prashant

Hi syyamali,

It's a natural problem dealing with feelings. Anyway, it should not affect the organization's development. To solve this problem, let's take preventive measures rather than trying to cure it. Make it a policy that there should not be any romance on office premises.

I have heard that in organizations like Wipro, husband and wife employees should not work in the same organization; it's a policy. Maybe it could be made into a stringent rule that office computers should not be used for chatting and office phones should not be used for personal purposes. Give a warning. Make it grapevine. See the feedback.

ABI 😂

Prashanth,
Man, I do agree with most of what you have said. And aren't we all talking about the same thing?

When I mentioned the 'humane' thing - I did not say that we indefinitely tolerate this nonsense. But a good performer deserves a little leeway - discreetly. Else, it assumes a completely different tangent for the rest of the crowd.

I also said that by not performing for a longish period of time, the said person has transformed himself from "Is an Asset" to "WAS an asset." By Shyamali having a talk with him, it has also been made clear to him that he needs to buckle up sooner rather than later.

I am NOT contradicting myself by saying that he should be sacked. I am only adding a 'humane' clause to it. How we do it, when we do it - all of this may leave a permanent mark on a fellow who is already under a lot of emotional stress. It is hard to imagine that just being in love has made a smart guy dumb. Though we all know how love makes us do stupid things.

I still strongly believe that the 'other party' should be kept out of this. No point having TWO guilt-ridden assets. :) :D

And if he IS behaving like a 'typical lovestruck teenager', doesn't he deserve to be handled like one? Instead, we are trying him as a seasoned pro!!?? As HR guys, we need to don caps of friend, father/mother, child (surely not that of a wife though :twisted:). These roles do not tell me that I need to be harsh with him.

I just need to be STRONG with him. A couple of mild warnings, a show cause, and then a severance package. These are OK. But, do you really need to do a Saurabh Ganguly with him.

I am sure you agree - NO.

Thanks,

Arnab

Dear Shyamali,

I feel nobody, however efficient and talented they may be, is bigger than the organization. It is just that the better you are, the more likely you may be given an extended run to the maximum. Why do we have to look at it from the lovestruck issue? Let us take it as an external factor affecting performance, commitment, and loyalty of an employee. For example, if this employee asks for an annual compensation of Rs. 5 Crore since he feels that is his value, will you request your organization to pay the same? If you don't, then the reasons will be sufficient to decide on this case.

We get cursed as HR because of incidents like these. There should not be any distinction between a star performer and a normal performer in our eyes. They are all equal, and we should be the last to show favoritism. The rules are the same. As true professionals, we should not distinguish between a star performer and an under-average performer. The performance appraisal will do it. As long as he is a part of the organization, he is entitled to equal opportunities and penalties.

Nobody is bigger than the team, and no team is bigger than the organization.

Regards,

SC

Hi there!

Counseling is the only resource available at this point. Trace back his performance in front of him and show him how he has been lagging in his performance. Show him that he had set a good benchmark for others to achieve, and he himself is now way behind. I hope my suggestion helps.

Apitha

I would suggest one thing - talk to him more like a friend rather than an HR. I feel employees are more comfortable sharing things with HR than with any other person in the company. Seek help from other employees who are closer to him. Spend time with him, maybe go for coffee or lunch. Importantly, anyone disturbed in life needs time to normalize. Be empathetic towards him, but don't suggest him leaving the company.

Hi,

I am in agreement with Ashra's comments and think it is a pragmatic and mature viewpoint. After all, the person is not indulging in a negative activity like becoming an alcoholic or drug addict. He is passing through a delicate phase, and it is the opportune moment to show that the organization understands his situation. THAT SAID, I think it is vital to implement the following:

1. Grant him leave with an explicit understanding that he will endeavor to regain his work focus by the time he rejoins.

2. Make him realize that his continued performance dip reflects unprofessionalism. In fact, the true nature of a person is evident at stressful times - while this person is anxious due to a positive situation, imagine how he may react if he is faced with a very negative personal problem - it is likely he will react similarly. And what if the present situation is settled and sometime in the future he is involved in a critical work function when a negative personal situation results - you will face a tough challenge and may have to take some extreme measures. So, I suggest you take this as an opportunity to gain a very vital insight into the psyche of this person and also make him see the correct perspective. If you pull this off properly, you just might see an improvement in his commitment!

Best wishes,

Sushant

Hi,

The issue mentioned by you is interesting enough. Before suggesting anything, please update us on a few details: your line of business, the individual's age, and his tenure in the firm. This would help us understand the issue more clearly. As advised by someone in the response, you can counsel him, try to divert his attention by giving him more work, or look at relocating him so that the change in workplace or shift timings can be of some help to you.

One of the best ways of solving any ER issue would be to talk to the employee... but be careful.

Anyways, we will wait for your response on the same. Do let us know what really worked for you in this case.

Regards,
Avi
[http://www.hr-approach.blogspot.com](http://www.hr-approach.blogspot.com)

Throwing an employee out of the company is very easy. However, you need to understand that finding the right employee for the organization is very challenging. When an employee is crucial to the company and their assigned tasks, it is essential to focus on their continuous improvement.

The following steps might help in retaining the candidate and turning them into a consistent performer:

1. Assign interesting tasks beyond their usual workload.
2. Ensure they engage with others during work and set aside personal thoughts.
3. Reward them for their hard work.
4. Organize a trip and have them take the lead in planning it.
5. Create a friendly competition among employees and encourage them to participate.
6. Plan a business trip to help them grow professionally.
7. Assign extra tasks related to their interests to boost their focus and minimize personal distractions.
8. The key idea is for them to concentrate on work and set personal matters aside.

This information is shared based on my knowledge. Feel free to try these suggestions.

Regards,

Rajendran R

Span Outsourcing Pvt. Ltd

Bangalore

Hello Everyone!

Thank you very much for your responses.

Hi Rajendra, Your response was unique and something that did not cross my mind, at least not this time. Thank you very, very much. I am going to give it a shot.

Regards, Shyamali

Hi Shyamali,

Many good suggestions since I last visited this post. 😊 Lovestruck does not mean that a guy cannot work. I'm sure this is a temporary phase and will not last long. Make a sheet of his performance since he is lovestruck, and sit with him for a while. Show him clearly how he used to perform his job and now how he is doing it. I think he will easily understand this. Counseling may not help as the lady is not in your office, and interfering in personal life may offend him. But performance-based counseling can happen, and if you want, you can involve a professional for the same. Sending for a business trip may work but is not a sure shot solution, simply talking to him without giving a warning or fear of losing his job may be effective. Showing the doors is a complete no-no unless he is causing real bad behavior in the organization. Talk and talk and talk, be friendly, be close to him, and try to get friendly with the lady as well. Do share with us the results.

Cheers!! Archna

Hey Shyamali,

Please let us know how things are working out. This was definitely an interesting topic and a challenging situation for an HR Manager. These situations help us measure our capabilities in resolving problems and see how successful we are in handling our Human Resources. Anyway, hope he snaps out of it sooner rather than later!!

Hi! I will definitely let everyone know how it is working out. Once again, I must thank everyone for their efforts. But I am sure Rajendra's response will work in these circumstances. I will let everyone know the outcomes.

Hi all,

Like many have said before, it is a very interesting article.

On the matter, this is my suggestion, a little late but I hope it helps:

1) When you said that his performance has deteriorated, please double-check that it is really due to "lovestruck" and not any other factors. Sometimes the obvious may not necessarily be the source of the problem.

2) This distraction is like any other distractions, e.g., loss of a close family member, depression, financial difficulties, marital problems, children problems, maid problems, mother-in-law problems. So if we begin removing people with problems, very soon we will have to remove all the people in our organization. So what we do, in my opinion, is to tell him straight to his face that it's affecting his job, give him time off to deal with his distraction, and TELL HIM DEFINITELY that it is CRITICAL he comes back to work focused and pulls his own weight. This is no longer just a "lovestruck" issue; it is a DISTRACTION. And it should be handled just like any other distraction. Of course, I am assuming that this "lovestruck" low performance has been persistently happening and it's not just a 2-3 days dry period for him.

3) After the official response to him, take him out for Happy Hour, have a beer or two, and have a buddy talk with him. I'm serious, or the beer thing is just a figure of speech, but I'm sure you know what I mean. For the fact that you know the reason that it's "lovestruck" that is his problem, he must have mentioned it to you, right? So that would mean that at the least you are on good talking terms with him. So be that mentor and friend.

HR is about bringing out people's potential and encouraging them to put in their best and to help them discover talents that sometimes they themselves don't even know existed. This, to me, is what HR is all about. Hiring and firing, any Tom, Dick, and Harry can do it; organizations don't need HR to do it. For us in HR, it's about reaching out, touching people, and getting across to them.

My two cents. Hope it helps.

Smiles and Cheers

Dear Shyamali,

I would like to bring to your notice a real-life situation in the field of sports where teamwork and success can be best associated.

In the last World Cup, Brazil had the best lineup. Ronaldinho is without a doubt the best footballer. He did not perform well, and every expert had the opinion that Brazil was not playing as a team due to having too many stars.

After the World Cup, it was revealed that Ronaldinho used to spend the night with his French model girlfriend and slept in the wee hours of the morning.

It is absolutely true that you simply can't replace a star as big as Ronaldinho (one of my all-time favorites), and you also can't win a World Cup if the stars have such an attitude and lack discipline.

Moving on to the game of cricket, without a doubt, Australia is the best team. However, look at their team; they do not even hesitate to drop players as big as Dean Jones, Michael Bevan, Matthew Hayden, and Damien Martyn. It is this system of not prioritizing individual stars over the team that has made them what they are.

Success is not solely determined by intelligence, brilliance, or knowledge; hard work, dedication, tenacity, and commitment are essential.

Regards,

SC

Dear Shyamali,

Relax and take it cool. Personally, going by your article, I don't see it as a serious issue. So long as his affair with someone does not adversely affect his performance, does not deter the office decorum, and if his affairs are not to the extreme, I guess it is fine. He should be a grown-up man and should know the limit of what and what not to do while in the office.

However, as suggested by many, if you feel that he is going beyond the limits of the office norms and code of conduct, perhaps talking face to face should do some good. He should be able to understand the bitter consequences of not adhering to the set office decorum and code of conduct in the office. You could also talk to his girl and advise on how to behave in the office if her conduct is not tenable.

Cheers and I am sure you will be successful in dealing with such matters!

Hi,

I would like to add another point. While talking to him, help him realize that his career will also suffer if he cannot strike a balance between his personal and professional life. Don't just mention that the organization will be affected; make him understand that his professional life will be impacted if he cannot perform well.

Kanika

Shyamali,

Your employee is supposed to love the job responsibilities and work station, and you are supposed to love the performance of the employee. These two things are common to both of you, and the organization also loves you. So, there is no need to worry about the love affairs of the employee. Instead, search for some other profile while mentoring him to get back on track. If an employee is suffering from ill health or any severe personal problems, we can consider it as a special case. However, for love affairs, alcoholics, or drug addicts, you do not need to spend your organizational time. What do you say?

Regards,
Kvrkhrm

Hi,

While taking cognizance of personal problems of an employee may be a good HR initiative, it cannot be taken too far. Showing indulgence in 'retrieving' him is thus a double-edged sword, the use of which may imply a compromise on work ethics. Bearing this in mind, this problem should be tackled. The thumb rule should be: discuss this problem with the guy not in the workplace but at a private rendezvous and convey to him the reason for talking at such a place; make him register and admit the decline in his performance, give him time to regroup, and start focusing on work; drop adequate hints of the consequences if he does not improve; after the lapse of the given period, review at the workplace and give an official warning if he is still 'in the zone'.

Krishna M K Sinha

Hi Shyamali,

This was a very interesting case. Please share with us exactly how it's working out now... What measures were taken to manage this issue?

Warm regards,
Devjit

I would never fire an employee because he/she is in love. Since the idea is to make him realize that work is just as important as love - If everything else fails - I would probably get him off some projects until he is willing to do his job properly.

I think you should speak to him in a very comforting manner and explain to him that he is being taken off the project temporarily because of his current distractions. Tell him that nothing is being held against him - this will make him realize the problem. Perhaps just take him off one project and put the idea in his mind.

It's not wise to lose your good employees over these very 'human' issues. Work around it and make him realize that he must concentrate on his work as well.

Regards,
CHR

Dear Shyamli,

It is a very interesting question. You may tell him/her that loving someone is a very nice thing. But, due to this non-performance at the workplace, it is not right. Someone likes you only because of your work, your attitude, behavior, etc. Everyone wants that his/her partner must be well-settled, having a good attitude towards work, and having sufficient money to enjoy life.

If you do not perform well, then he/she will also get upset. He/she loves you only because of your good skills and your intelligence. So, don't give up that rapport.

After falling in love, if your performance goes up, then he/she will be proud of you.

Always remember one thing that "TRUE LOVE NEVER BECOMES A BARRIER IN YOUR WORK/GOAL OF YOUR LIFE."

A true lover is one who also loves his work.

Shyamli, try to understand the situation and accordingly counsel the employee. Giving a warning to him is not a solution. You have to solve the problem by gaining his confidence. You may give him an example of a true lover. You may also share some of your personal experiences.

I hope that my suggestions will work.

Regards,

Ashutosh Chaturvedi

Hi!

Thanks to CHR, Ashutosh, and Kanika for the great responses. I also want to thank Sidhu1972. I seemed to have missed thanking him. His suggestions were very interesting. Some words trigger an idea while some do not. Rajendra also mentioned something that you mentioned; it's just that his phrasology triggered an idea which your words did not do. But it does not in any way undermine your efforts.

Thanks again.

Regards, Shyamali

Dear Shyamali,

Just tell him whether he would like to be treated as a Vinod Kambli or Sachin Tendulkar. Everyone knows the reason for the downfall of one career and the rise of another's career. Be firm but not harsh.

Remember, he is valuable to your company, and the person he is collaborating with is equally important for your organization. Avoid making personal references in the future incidents.

Correct issues promptly. Remember, if you fail to control malpractices, you are complicit.

Regards,
Pranav

Hello,

It may seem like a trivial issue, but it can be challenging to deal with. The first step is to ask him about the problem he is facing. Provide practical solutions. If those do not work, consider giving him some time off to recover. Alternatively, you could warn him about the possibility of losing his job if his productivity does not improve.

Hi Shymali,

Above all, the mentioned rules and regulations were followed accordingly. After considering all these instructions, please call his parents and inform them about the situation. Definitely, he will realize his mistake and work properly once this is done. I have faced a similar situation in my organization before, and we eventually had to terminate that individual.

Krishna

Hi,

What's the latest update on this lovestruck employee? Did something work on him? I'm curious.

Regards,
Sunayna

Hi!

We were redesigning and restructuring the jobs in the organization. We rewarded him with more responsibilities because he was a smart and efficient employee. We were supposed to offer him the same in Q4, but it has been handed over a little earlier. It was simple but effective, and he has renewed his interest in work.

Shyamali

Hi,

I believe there is no issue if somebody is in love with someone, but they should understand that love alone is not enough to survive. In practical life, nurturing our love and maintaining our relationships requires money, which can only be earned through work and performance. If an employee or person stops performing, it will jeopardize their career. A ruined career will also affect their personal and social life negatively.

Therefore, I suggest communicating this message to the individual so that they may comprehend the reality and begin acting in a more practical manner.

Thank you

Dear Syamli,

Love is blind; that's something all of us know, and to remove this employee from the situation is not so easy. I suggest giving him enough time to recover because the impact will likely remain with him for the next few months; after that, he may start to recover. Additionally, I recommend counseling him and making him feel a sense of belonging with the counselor. That's what I think.

Regards,
Gambhir