HSBC Method:
Hire a lion. Give him full rest & make him lazy. Pay him more than his expectations. Never ask him to do any work for up to six months. After six months, inform him that he must fulfill his yearly target within six months, otherwise, he will be kicked out of the jungle. The lion dies due to fear, thinking about where he will go if he loses his place in the lazy animal's jungle.
ICICI Method:
Hire a lion. Give him a lot of work and pay him a lower salary than his politically astute peers. Restructure his job, position, boss, colleagues, designation, department, salary, and location every 6 months. Remove all lions above 40 from the organization by offering them VRS. If he currently kills 2 goats a day, give him a target of killing 20 elephants a day, even when there are only 10 elephants in the jungle. The lion dies of exhaustion, overkill, and constant restructuring.
HDFC Method:
Hire a lion and ask him to meow like a cat. Give him lots of ESOPs and grass to eat. Eventually, he will die of hope and starvation.
Citibank Method:
Hire the lion, make him take 14 tests, and tell him that if he doesn't score 90%, he will lose the job. Ask him to extract 60 kg of meat from a 40 kg goat. The lion dies of the strain.
ABN AMRO Method:
Hire the lion. Give him impossibly high targets and expect premature delivery. If the targets are met, applaud him in a town hall; if not, humiliate him regularly. The lion either dies of excitement or starts behaving erratically.
StanChart Method:
Hire a lion, motivate him to outshine other lions in the jungle. Load him with impractical targets and ensure that if he finds prey, jackals in the jungle snatch it away, leading the lion to die in obscurity.
Kotak Method:
Hire a lion, load him with targets focusing on value over volume. Change his work style every quarter to make his life difficult. If he survives the challenges, reward him with a hefty bonus.
RBI Method:
Hire a lion and provide a 3000-page circular on how to kill a goat. Amend the circular at least three times a day. Send him on inspections in the jungle, where he can threaten to cancel hunting licenses for any violators. The lion dies of boredom.
SBI Method:
Recruit a lion, give him the power of a mouse. The lion dies of high expectations and no results.
IDBI Method:
Recruit a lion, place him among cats and expect him to work as an all-rounder. The lion dies in frustration or escapes to another jungle.
Deutsche Bank Method:
Hire a lion, instruct him to work most of the day and half the night. Convince him that all lions in all jungles do the same and that he should not mind. Tell him his work will make him a king, despite being paid like a pauper. Change the jungle's appearance every 5 years, presenting new challenges without real change. The lion dies waiting for unrealistic goals.
ING VYSYA BANK Method:
Hire a lion, promise him an elephant after appraisal in April, then give him a rat in November (mid-term). Keep him in anticipation, and he eventually dies of fatigue and hunger in March.
Hire a lion. Give him full rest & make him lazy. Pay him more than his expectations. Never ask him to do any work for up to six months. After six months, inform him that he must fulfill his yearly target within six months, otherwise, he will be kicked out of the jungle. The lion dies due to fear, thinking about where he will go if he loses his place in the lazy animal's jungle.
ICICI Method:
Hire a lion. Give him a lot of work and pay him a lower salary than his politically astute peers. Restructure his job, position, boss, colleagues, designation, department, salary, and location every 6 months. Remove all lions above 40 from the organization by offering them VRS. If he currently kills 2 goats a day, give him a target of killing 20 elephants a day, even when there are only 10 elephants in the jungle. The lion dies of exhaustion, overkill, and constant restructuring.
HDFC Method:
Hire a lion and ask him to meow like a cat. Give him lots of ESOPs and grass to eat. Eventually, he will die of hope and starvation.
Citibank Method:
Hire the lion, make him take 14 tests, and tell him that if he doesn't score 90%, he will lose the job. Ask him to extract 60 kg of meat from a 40 kg goat. The lion dies of the strain.
ABN AMRO Method:
Hire the lion. Give him impossibly high targets and expect premature delivery. If the targets are met, applaud him in a town hall; if not, humiliate him regularly. The lion either dies of excitement or starts behaving erratically.
StanChart Method:
Hire a lion, motivate him to outshine other lions in the jungle. Load him with impractical targets and ensure that if he finds prey, jackals in the jungle snatch it away, leading the lion to die in obscurity.
Kotak Method:
Hire a lion, load him with targets focusing on value over volume. Change his work style every quarter to make his life difficult. If he survives the challenges, reward him with a hefty bonus.
RBI Method:
Hire a lion and provide a 3000-page circular on how to kill a goat. Amend the circular at least three times a day. Send him on inspections in the jungle, where he can threaten to cancel hunting licenses for any violators. The lion dies of boredom.
SBI Method:
Recruit a lion, give him the power of a mouse. The lion dies of high expectations and no results.
IDBI Method:
Recruit a lion, place him among cats and expect him to work as an all-rounder. The lion dies in frustration or escapes to another jungle.
Deutsche Bank Method:
Hire a lion, instruct him to work most of the day and half the night. Convince him that all lions in all jungles do the same and that he should not mind. Tell him his work will make him a king, despite being paid like a pauper. Change the jungle's appearance every 5 years, presenting new challenges without real change. The lion dies waiting for unrealistic goals.
ING VYSYA BANK Method:
Hire a lion, promise him an elephant after appraisal in April, then give him a rat in November (mid-term). Keep him in anticipation, and he eventually dies of fatigue and hunger in March.