Feeling Left Out at Work: How Should I Approach Being Excluded from an Event?

Hi Everyone,

I serve as an editor with a content company. Having spent 8 odd months here and shared good terms with everyone around, it came as a surprise to me when on the last working day of a senior personnel, a lunch was organized; everyone of some consequence in the company was informed about the event, except me. It has caused quite a buzz in the place as well as in my mind, as I am at a loss to understand the reason for my exclusion!!

I am a little upset and am unable to decide who is the correct person to seek reasons for such a breach of protocol. Kindly share your thoughts about this instance and tell me what is the right approach to take.

Regards,
Urvi Verma

Generally, unofficial farewell parties have no official guests invited unless they have informal relationships with the subordinate groups. In the majority of cases, it is the peers group who organize and share the joy of farewell because of privacy and freedom from formal supervision by someone senior who is an obstacle to their freedom.

Partho

Dear Urvi,

I would like to share an incident I came across once.

I joined a company. Due to space constraint, I was given to sit in the 'Library'. The renovation work was going on, so it was okay to bear with them. A month passed by, and the renovation work was over. On the next Monday, when I came to the office, I was surprised to see the 'griha-pravesh puja' being performed in the new office space. People had gathered, and the rituals were in full flow. I felt bad that at least my boss should have intimated me about it, more so when the new office was where I was going to get a seat.

I took that incident to heart. I made up my mind to quit soon. I went to my boss and asked politely, "Sir, naya office ban gaya, puja hone wali thi, mujhe kisi ne nahi bataya." He expressed his surprise, "arrey, aise kaise nahi?" and jokingly added, "aur nahi bhi bataya to hum sabko apni ankhe aur kaan to khule rakhne chahiye."

I reviewed the entire incident and then thought it would be too small a reason to quit just because I was not invited to be a part of some function. I applied the policy, "forget and forgive." And I stayed with that company for 4 years and had a wonderful time. And yes, very shortly when I was a known person in that organization of 1000 employees, I was never missed out to be invited on any gathering.

So, my message to you would be, just forget and forgive. Keep doing your good work. Make your presence felt in the organization. Take messages positively from such negative situations.

Good luck.

Prashant

Mine is a small 60-employee setup! It was an official lunch send-off! It isn't about taking offense; it's about figuring out a valid (or any other!) reason. Not about non-forgiveness, just about why this happened. At the last minute, if I was conspicuous by my absence, I could have been called. That would have been solace enough. I hope it is understood that the bone of contention is less the hurt more a breach in protocol.

Hi Urvi,

This is very common in every workplace. Everybody comes across such situations. So just chill out first. Nothing worth taking to heart.

Just try to find out for yourself how the invite was made. Was it done in person, was an email sent out to everybody in common, or was it a cascading of messages through subordinates? There you will have an idea of how you were missed out, whether it was on purpose or not. Even if it was, there's nothing to worry about. It's just been 8 months; you still have a long way to show yourself for who you are. That's how people will notice you. Only when you throw yourself into the limelight will people turn towards you.

I agree with the above views by Prashant. Whoever arranged that lunch or took responsibility to invite everyone, just walk up to them and say casually with a sarcastic smile, "You know, I actually wonder how I missed that official lunch. Was I not kept informed or did I overlook the invite? But I really wanted to be a part of it." This message will be conveyed. It depends on you.

So, it's not worth taking it to heart. Just go ahead. You know, sometimes…

Maybe they just missed your name on the list. Who knows - they may post a query "I forgot to invite an important person, how do I apologize?" and the answer to that question may be "It's okay - as long as that person (Urvi) does not question it or let you know that she felt bad - just leave it and make sure you invite her next time."

I guess Kavitha has already mentioned - just walk and let them know you missed being there. Do you know my "famous" blunder - I once forgot to invite the person leaving the company and invited everyone else to his party. You see - last-minute preparation. :-)

Hi,

I had a very good opportunity with Y Company, and the current company is a good one but full of false promises. I have been excellent at my work for the last six months and waiting patiently for a chance which is in the near future (1 year). Meanwhile, I got a job in the Y Company.

Now my manager is not ready to relieve me immediately; I have a notice period of one month!! I had discussions with my manager and his seniors for a week, and he stopped me from sending a resignation mail for 10 days, and ultimately I did it. Now Y company wants me to join ASAP.

I do not want to lose this opportunity, and at the same time, I do not want to be unprofessional to the old company.

Now I fell sick unfortunately and I did not attend the office, and they started suspecting me that I am attending the new company. They did not even give my last month's salary, saying that it would be done in the final settlement.

My new company is ready to accept me with the resignation acceptance letter which I already have.

I am running out of money now. But I am worried about the future if I join the new company without a relieving letter.

Please advise.

Hi Urvi,

Once, a colleague of mine had sent an email invitation to everyone about a moonlight walk on the beach. Everyone was quite excited, and people started informally discussing the plan.

I was embarrassed to realize that the email didn't reach me. After two days, I couldn't hold it anymore. As the plan was for the weekend, I went straight to the sender and asked, "Why didn't you send me the email?"

He was surprised and explained that he had just copied all employee addresses from my email, assuming any general email from HR would include all employee email addresses. In the process, he unintentionally forgot to add my email address.

He acknowledged that this was simply a blunder. "Don't worry about such small things; gradually create an impression where people invite you because 'you are the cheese on the pizza' rather than just a formality! :-D"

Take care,

Geet

Hi Urvi,

Even at executive level, people come across the same situations. Kindly ignore all these things as they create more misunderstandings which affect work. Hope it helped!

"ALWAYS BE OPEN TO SUGGESTIONS........ONLY WAY TO EXPLORE"

Very weird experiences of people posted here. Now, take this big blow from me. I was working in one manufacturing company, and one fine morning, I started for the office. As I was about to reach the office, I received a call from the housekeeping supervisor asking, "Sir, where are you?" I replied, "I'm on the way." He informed me, "Don't you know today is curfew?" Now, my company was located on the outskirts of the city in an industrial area, and it was around 7:30 am. I said, "Wait, I've almost reached the office." Upon reaching the office, I met the supervisor who said, "Don't you know today is curfew because of some reason?" By fate, we did not have a local cable connection at home, and we also didn't receive information about the curfew from our neighbors. The supervisor asked me, "Didn't the Personnel Manager tell you?" The Personnel Manager and I were the only two people working in the HR department. I replied, "No," and immediately started back home. On the way home, I witnessed police beating people who were out during the curfew, but since it was only 8 am, I managed to reach home.

The next day, the Personnel Manager apologized to me, saying he was busy calling all colleagues not to come to work due to the curfew and had missed my name. I said, "Sir, not an issue." But in my mind, I thought, "Dear Sir, it seems you had dug a grave for me."

Dear Vny,

You could have posted your problem as a separate thread, as this thread belongs to Urvi's problem. You'll get more responses. However, my suggestion for your problem would be to go and 'bindaas' join your new company without bothering much about the relieving letter, especially when the new company is ready to take you in without that. In the future, a relieving letter from your old company will not be asked for. The reason for asking for a relieving letter is to prevent any instance of 'dual employment,' which is illegal.

Still, post your query as a NEW POST, and you'll get more opinions. Good luck.

Prashant

Hi,

Can anyone suggest a good farewell invitation format to be sent out to the team as my boss is moving on?

Regards

Not good to be touchy or to expect motherly treatment from colleagues in any workplace. Show displeasure by actions rather than through talk. If the morons do not want me, I do not want them either.