Bachelors are you still reading ........................ :lol:
Females no offence meant :roll:
1. ARGUMENTS:
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
2. BATHROOMS:
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is
337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
3. CATS:
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
4. FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
5. SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
6. MARRIAGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
7. DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to go 4 shopping, to water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and read the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
8. NATURAL:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
9. OFFSPRING:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods,
secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
10. FINAL THOUGHT:
Any married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Best on Marriage & Wife!
I recently read that love is entirely a
matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic
waste.
-Bissonette
================================================== =
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him
keep her.
- Sacha
Guitry
================================================== =
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't
face each other, but still they stay together.
-- Hemant
Joshi
================================================== =
By all
means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad
one, you'll become a philosopher.
--
Socrates
================================================== =
It's
true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get
MARRIED!
================================================== =
A happy
marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the
wife
takes.
================================================== =
Woman
inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
--
Dumas
================================================== =
The great
question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a
woman want?
--
Freud
================================================== =
I had some
words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
================================================== =
"Some people
ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant
two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing.
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
- Henry
Youngman
================================================== =
"There's
a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.
It's called marriage."
- James Holt
McGavran
================================================== =
"I've
had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second
one didn't."
- Patrick
Murray
================================================== =
It's true
that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get married!
================================================== =
Marriage is the
process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have
preferred.
================================================== =
Two
secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit
it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
--
Nash
================================================== =
The most
effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once..
================================================== =
My wife
only has 2 complaints. Nothing to wear and not enough closet
space.
================================================== =
You know
what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
-- Henny
Youngman
================================================== =
My wife
and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met.
-- Rodney
Dangerfield
================================================== =
A
good wife always forgives her husband when she's
wrong.
-- Milton
Berle
================================================== =
Marriage
is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
--
Anonymous
================================================== =
A man
inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife
wanted". Next day he
received a hundred letters. They
all said the same thing: "You can have
mine."
================================================== =
First Guy
(proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still
alive."
================================================== =
I
haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."
-
Rodney Dangerfield
Females no offence meant :roll:
1. ARGUMENTS:
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
2. BATHROOMS:
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is
337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
3. CATS:
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
4. FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
5. SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
6. MARRIAGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
7. DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to go 4 shopping, to water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and read the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
8. NATURAL:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
9. OFFSPRING:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods,
secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
10. FINAL THOUGHT:
Any married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Best on Marriage & Wife!
I recently read that love is entirely a
matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic
waste.
-Bissonette
================================================== =
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him
keep her.
- Sacha
Guitry
================================================== =
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't
face each other, but still they stay together.
-- Hemant
Joshi
================================================== =
By all
means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad
one, you'll become a philosopher.
--
Socrates
================================================== =
It's
true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get
MARRIED!
================================================== =
A happy
marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the
wife
takes.
================================================== =
Woman
inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
--
Dumas
================================================== =
The great
question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a
woman want?
--
Freud
================================================== =
I had some
words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
================================================== =
"Some people
ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant
two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing.
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
- Henry
Youngman
================================================== =
"There's
a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.
It's called marriage."
- James Holt
McGavran
================================================== =
"I've
had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second
one didn't."
- Patrick
Murray
================================================== =
It's true
that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get married!
================================================== =
Marriage is the
process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have
preferred.
================================================== =
Two
secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit
it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
--
Nash
================================================== =
The most
effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once..
================================================== =
My wife
only has 2 complaints. Nothing to wear and not enough closet
space.
================================================== =
You know
what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
-- Henny
Youngman
================================================== =
My wife
and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met.
-- Rodney
Dangerfield
================================================== =
A
good wife always forgives her husband when she's
wrong.
-- Milton
Berle
================================================== =
Marriage
is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
--
Anonymous
================================================== =
A man
inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife
wanted". Next day he
received a hundred letters. They
all said the same thing: "You can have
mine."
================================================== =
First Guy
(proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still
alive."
================================================== =
I
haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."
-
Rodney Dangerfield