How Should HR Handle Employee Misconduct When Management Downplays It? Seeking Advice

Dear Seniors,

I would like to bring this case to all of you to kindly suggest relevant solutions. I work as an HR Executive in an IT company with a strength of 55 people in India and around 45 people in the US. I am the only HR person working in this company handling all the HR functions.

One day, an employee requested me through an email that he wants to change his desk as the place where he is sitting currently causes a lot of disturbance to him and he can't concentrate because people have discussions near his desk.

I checked with my system admin guy if the desk can be allocated to him, but that desk was already allocated to a new joiner, and the same status was being told to the current employee working in the organization. The next day, the employee calls me to the conference hall as he wanted to discuss his desk allocation with me. When I went inside the conference hall, the employee started misbehaving and speaking to me in a loud pitch, questioning "who is the system admin guy to tell me no" and "can't the new joiner sit somewhere else." His pitch was so loud that all the other employees were peeping to see what was going on inside the conference room. I told the employee to please behave and discuss the issue politely, but he lost his temper and started shouting at me, accusing me of playing politics and not giving him that desk. He spoke to me in a very loud and rude manner despite my repeated requests to lower his voice.

At the end of the 10-minute discussion, I told him that I'll try to help him out and do something about his desk. I felt hurt that an employee spoke to an HR in that manner and secondly misbehaved with me as a female employee. When I approached the company's director, he took the matter lightly, suggesting that I should forget the incident and handle it lightly because as an HR, I need to maintain a cool temperament. He mentioned that employees usually talk like this, but I should not react.

After the incident, I am very hurt and disappointed, feeling that my self-respect has been challenged. I want to know from all of you what options are available to me now. Do I have the right to issue him a warning letter? Or should I follow the company director's advice and forget about it? What kind of letter can be issued to him for this behavior? I am worried because this could happen to any employee, and if I don't take action today, it may happen to another employee in the future. Your suggestions and comments are welcome ASAP.

Hi Priyanka,

We are sailing in the same ship it seems! The same incident happened to me a couple of days before. I handle HR, Admin, and Finance departments in my organization, and my position is Manager of HR and Admin. Some days ago, an employee called me regarding a tax matter. There was a tax deduction in her salary, and she was frustrated due to the heavy tax deductions as per the rules. She expressed all her frustration to me over an intercom call. Even after I requested her 3 to 4 times to lower her volume, she took this also in the wrong manner. Subsequently, she sent me an email, copying her Line Manager and the director of the company. My director did not take any action against her and told me to ignore the email, saying, "You are in HR; you can't behave in the wrong manner."

I was disheartened and upset for more than 15 to 20 days, but it was useless. I suggest that if your director has advised you to ignore the situation, then do not take any action against him. If you have someone else above you, discuss this with him or her.

Wishing you all the best.

Keep smiling,

Preeti

Hey Preeti and Priyanka,

Include me in the list.

This has happened many times with me where employees show their frustration. They think that HR can be shouted at for everything. And they love telling others – "I went and shouted at the HR – she was scared!" Truth is they would have been tongue-tied!

What I do nowadays is that I clearly tell them - "I am here to help you with the situation, please let me know how best I can help you. I understand you are frustrated with the situation but please calm down – take some time and then talk."

If they cross the level – I clearly say – "I am sorry, we are deviating from the purpose of this meeting – we are here to sort it out and see what the next action step should be and not let this feeling within you continue."

(I always make sure that there is drinking water in the room.)

The most important thing at this point is we should not react back with a surprise or a helpless look – just look emotionless, and let the person know that you are "waiting" to hear the actual issue and not his/her frustration.

Take a paper and pen and jot down all points. I even note down whatever terms they use like – "u hr ppl… this company…" This is because they will be aware of whatever words they use. They will calm down. (In that way, even you calm down.)

If on the phone, I will never react and just say "I am sorry I am helpless, but this was something you should have planned. We still have time left and there is no harm in deciding what can be done next to avoid such situations."

If they cross the level – please tell them – meet me later today, and we can see what best can be done.

Priyanka, if he gets back to you say that you have no control over the actions of the system guy, and he is just doing what he is supposed to do. If he is looking at someone to yell at, you are not the right person. If he can discuss without raising his voice, tell him you are open to talking. Else, he needs time to clear his anger and get back and talk when his head is cool. At these times - after saying twice or thrice if he still yells, just politely tell him that you are walking out and can be called when he clears his anger - not through you though!

Just be strict, and I am sure this person will get back to say sorry. Please tell (not ask) tell him – to keep his cool while talking and the next time he requires anything, he needs to put it across with the right words and not loud words. He is spoiling his own image, and people may start thinking that he is a short-tempered person and never approachable.

The senior management will not mind this at all - but that does not mean that we have to take everything! In this case, we should take control of the situation.

Good Luck! and forget about this guy who wants a place changed. He is so childish to fight for all that…so you know what level of person he is! Just a kid... and don't show your frustration to him...

Hey, usually men come with such silly issues :D :D

Take care!

Hey Preeti and Priyanka,

Include me in the list.

This has happened many times with me where employees show their frustration. They think that HR can be shouted at for everything. And they love telling others – "I went and shouted at the HR – she was scared…!" The truth is they would have been tongue-tied!

What I do nowadays is that I clearly tell them - "I am here to help you with the situation, please let me know how best I can help you. I understand you are frustrated with the situation but please calm down – take some time and then talk."

If they cross the line – I clearly say – "I am sorry, we are deviating from the purpose of this meeting – we are here to sort it out and see what the next action step should be and not let this feeling within you continue."

(I always make sure that there is drinking water in the room.)

The most important thing at this point is we should not react back with surprise or a helpless look – just look emotionless and let the person know that you are "waiting" to hear the actual issue and not his/her frustration.

Take a paper and pen and jot down all points. I even note down whatever terms they use like – "u hr ppl… this company…" This is because they will be aware of whatever words they use. They will calm down. (In that way even you calm down.)

If on the phone, I will never react and just say "I am sorry I am helpless, but this was something you should have planned. We still have time left, and there is no harm in deciding what can be done next to avoid such situations."

If they cross the line – please tell them – meet me later today, and we can see what best can be done.

Priyanka, if he gets back to you, say that you have no control over the actions of the system guy, and he is just doing what he is supposed to do. If he is looking for someone to yell at, you are not the right person. If he can discuss without raising his voice, tell him you are open to talking. Else, he needs time to clear his anger and get back and talk when his head is cool. At these times - after saying twice or thrice if he still yells, just politely tell him that you are walking out and can be called when he clears his anger - not through you though!

Just be strict, and I am sure this person will get back to say sorry. Please tell (not ask) tell him – to keep his cool while talking and the next time he requires anything he needs to put it across with the right words and not loud words. He is spoiling his image, and people may start thinking that he is a short-tempered person and never approachable.

The senior management will not mind this at all - but that does not mean that we have to take everything! In this case, we should take control of the situation.

Good Luck! and forget about this guy who wants a place changed. He is so childish to fight for all that... so you know what level of person he is! Just a kid... and don't show your frustration to him...

Hey usually men come with such silly issues :D :D

Take care!

Very true, Raghav - I only meant it on the lighter side. Women to women - it will not be an employee issue; it will be a lifelong rivalry! Hey all out there, just kidding!

Hello Priyanka & Preeti,

Ravi has hit the bull's eye. Try to get to the root cause of the behavior.

Asha has a lot of experience in such things, looks like it :D. But seriously, she has some good points which both of you should follow.

I wish to add the following to handle it in a different way.

1) First and foremost, remember that if you tell a guy [or girl] to calm down when he/she is shouting, THAT'S THE SUREST WAY to ensure an INCREASE IN THE VOLUME. Whether we like it or not, the usual human nature is such... we tend to do what's prohibited [just watch some kids to understand this better, or even adults regarding smoking, drinking, etc]. The better way to handle such a situation is to TAKE CONTROL of the situation from the other person. If you are asking him/her to slow down, you are giving the control to him/her--notice the difference? Suggest telling him: I agree with you FULLY that this definitely needs to be resolved, but then let's sit without any disturbance later and sort it out....the idea is to BREAK THE MEETING AT THAT POINT OF TIME when it's likely to go out of control. Got it? Don't say it... do something unobtrusively to break it. BUT ENSURE YOU CALL HIM LATER TO HAVE THE MEETING when you think his temper is cooler.

2) Priyanka-- I think you made a mistake by shifting the responsibility onto the Sys admin guy--this was YOUR problem to resolve. The problem the guy projected was... "currently causes a lot of disturbance to him and he can't concentrate because people have discussions near his desk." So what has the sys admin guy got to do with it- this was more of a PHYSICAL seating issue, not a computer-related one? First, you should have checked it out if the given reason was INDEED CORRECT.... AGREE OR NOT? Go to the seat of this guy and judge for yourself, and if he was really speaking the truth, then maybe you would have decided the older employee was more important than the trainee? Handling the assignment of the sys admin aspect is never a problem-you could have known it if you went into a slight more depth on how the sys admin guys assign the IDs, etc [it takes a few minutes].

Jotting down the points... including the language/words-like Asha suggested is always effective. Then read it out loud... including the language/words. As far as the guy is concerned, you are reading it loud to ensure YOU have clarity on what the problem is, and what needs to be done... but the more subtle reason is for him to hear for himself the words he used. Then you don't have to ask for a sorry... it will come automatically and sincerely if his was an unintentional behavior or was due to some other pressure. It's always better to CREATE a situation where the person realizes his/her mistake, rather than telling him/her--not that this is true all the times. In such extreme cases, you need to be blunt... but I don't think what both of you mentioned fall into that category. It was more of a HANDLING issue. And escalate things to the director level ONLY AS THE LAST RESORT... think both from the HEAD and the HEART before you decide you have exhausted all options.

Regards,
TS

Nothing to worry about this. Two or three such incidents will enable you to gain the required experience to deal with such situations in the future. All HR employees undergo such situations and learn from experience. There is no perfect solution when dealing with human beings. Rather, cheer up and introspect on how you could have avoided this in the first place and what you will do if such cases are repeated in the future. The answer lies within you.

Regards, Suresh

I am really laughing when Asha says men always come for such silly issues (I think that man was frustrated by his wife :D :D)...

Hey Priyanka and Preeti, calm down. Generally, people don't like HR personnel in their office. So, for an HR person, they should be emotionless, a good motivator, and a problem solver. Forget it and look for some new issues :D.

Asha & TS explained everything, so we don't need to say anymore.

Hi,

Very valuable inputs from all! I have been lucky; first, no one ever shouted, and management has always protected my ego. There was one difficult employee. Difficult because he was normally known for his temper tantrums, and our director was nice to inform me on the first day briefly about the odd one out types...

Having always a director's support is good, and letting people know that you are backed by management as a good HR is even better! So from the first day, try to build up all such strategic alliances with key people in the organization to have many benefits such as:

1 - People know you as an HR pro, to what extent you can handle a case with desired maturity.

2 - If you are going to deal with a difficult character, chances are sometimes you know even before the person comes to you what could be the issue for which the person is approaching you.

3 - You can display your unbiased decisions and justify your actions; it is through employees only you can influence employees, and it is like you are responding to FAQs many times in a span of time.

4 - If someone shouts too, other peer pressure will act on them to cool down and apologize.

5 - And maintain a calm and poised stance when someone is highly emotional, give them time. Once they stop for a breath, ask if they are cool now, and you can have a meaningful discussion. Someone always maintaining calm and composed looks and suddenly getting upset or angry is always given more importance than someone getting angry on a fly... so you too will have your turn to say it is easy getting upset, but at the end of the day, we spend more hours in the office than at home, so better to maintain a harmonious atmosphere in the workplace too. 😃

Thanks Geeta :)

Dear Priyanka,

This can happen to anybody, even if you were not in HR. We shouldn't think that we are in HR, so employees should treat us differently. Maybe the person who spoke to you rudely, this is the way he speaks to everybody. Otherwise, only because of space problem nobody will tell HR that you are playing politics. This is very funny. You should laugh at such people. Cool your head, ignore, and concentrate on your work.

Dear Seniors,

I would like to bring this case to all of you to kindly suggest relevant solutions. I work as an HR Executive in an IT company with a strength of 55 people in India and around 45 people in the US. I am the only HR person working in this company handling all the HR functions. One day, an employee requests me through an email that he wants to change his desk as the place where he is sitting currently causes a lot of disturbance to him and he can't concentrate because people have discussions near his desk.

I checked with my system admin guy if the desk can be allocated to him, but that desk was already allocated to a new joiner, and the same status was conveyed to the current employee working in the organization. The next day, the employee calls me to the conference hall as he wanted to discuss his desk allocation with me. When I went inside the conference hall, the employee started misbehaving and spoke to me in a loud pitch, questioning "who is the system admin guy to tell me no" and "can't the new joiner sit somewhere else." His pitch was so loud that all the other employees were peeping in to see what was happening inside the conference room. I requested the employee to behave and discuss the issue politely, but he lost his temper and started shouting at me, accusing me of playing politics and not giving him the desk, despite my repeated requests to lower his voice.

At the end of the 10-minute discussion, I told him that I'll try to help him out and do something about his desk. I felt hurt that an employee spoke to an HR like that and misbehaved with me as a female employee. When I approached the company's director, he took the matter lightly and advised me to forget the incident and handle it calmly because I am in HR and need to maintain a cool temperament. He mentioned that employees usually talk like this, but I should not react.

I am very hurt and disappointed at the end of the incident, feeling that my self-respect has been challenged. I want to know what options are available to me now. Do I have the right to issue him a warning letter? Or should I follow the director's advice and bury this topic and forget about it? What kind of letter can be issued to him for this behavior? I am concerned because this could happen to any employee, and if I don't take action today, it may happen to another employee in the future. Your suggestions/comments are welcome ASAP.

Hello Preeti and Priyanka,

HR is always a focal point for comments in every organization. If an employee has a problem regarding misconduct, HR is expected to resolve it first. However, if an HR person themselves is facing an issue, there may not be anyone available to resolve it. In such a scenario, it is important to inform your boss. That's it.

We need to keep a cool head and approach our work thoughtfully. It is always better to analyze the situation, think, and make decisions accordingly.

Hello Priyanka & Preeti,

As we are HR professionals, never mind the frustration of employees because we are the doctors practicing HR to handle and motivate employees towards the organization's goals. My question is, why does this problem arise? If you know the problem, what steps have you taken to solve it?

With Regards,
S. Mohd. Shuaib

Hi Priyanka,

I appreciate the views posted so far by the respected members, except for the last sentence of Asha ("usually men come with such silly issues"). This will definitely help you to tackle such situations. HR people have to be polite as well as tough in actions. They should have the character to face the worst conditions with a well-balanced combination of politeness and aggression, which is very difficult for women to possess. Of course, exceptions are always there. You are to play a role of mediator between employees and management.

As far as your case is concerned, you should have taken the employee into confidence. You should have experienced the conditions in which the employee is working by going to his place of work (which can be difficult for women). Proper assessment was to be made in the presence of that complaining employee. You should have assured him to look for a better solution and then consulted with your admin department before giving an appropriate reply in consultation with your boss, director, or senior authority. You have to be neutral and open-minded while addressing employee grievances.

Please remove the misconception that men usually come with such silly situations. The world is the same for you as it is for them. Only patience is required.

Have Happy Thoughts.

No one is having a misconception about Men :) Trust me. :-D My response to Raghav has cleared it though...

Hi,

Just cool down and don't be so emotional. Being an HR professional, we need to interact with different kinds of people exhibiting various behavioral aspects. So, be cool.

Dear All,

We always find some people difficult to handle. In effect, there are no difficult people. The problem is we have to learn to deal with difficult situations. From what has been stated, I gather that handling the problem left much to be desired. You, as an HR person, are to take responsibility and ensure that the staff has a comfortable environment to function. Some employees may demand more than their share - so what is to be done? It is important that we not only take all possible measures within the constraints of the organization but also explain the rationale behind the decisions/solutions arrived at by you. None of these steps were taken, leading to frustration, anger, and outbursts. I recommend that without losing any more time, you organize training on the subjects of (a) Interpersonal Relations, (b) Handling Difficult People, and (c) Business Etiquette. Please do not take it personally. You wanted seniors to advise - in my view, you need to act now rather than getting caught up in a web of confrontation by noting down what each of the employees said to you.

With best wishes, Brigadier Ashwani Kumar

Dear Priyanka,

First of all, keep in mind that HR is not a personal assistant or secretary to anybody. If there's any problem, HR professionals are there to help with the settlement.

Secondly, it clearly indicates poor management, poor policy, and conduct. It would be beneficial to discuss this with management and develop a policy for behavior and conduct.

You cannot issue a warning letter without prior authorization from Management. Since your Director is not interested in taking any serious action, you are not in a position to react. If you do so, it will be seen as personal revenge and could negatively impact your professional reputation.

Undoubtedly, many problems and conflicts arise while practicing Human Resources, and a professional should handle all the issues. It is important to note that conflicts cannot be eliminated but can be minimized with good HR practices.

In your case specifically, it seems there is congestion in infrastructure. Typically, in production units, discussions that may affect someone's concentration are not allowed. Separate discussion rooms are designed for this purpose. Since IT heavily relies on employees' concentration, it would be advisable to discuss with management to maintain a conducive environment that enhances employees' proficiency.

Lastly, I urge you to understand the role of HR. A good HR professional possesses the qualities to design and implement policies and handle all issues before they escalate.

Best Regards,

SM Alam
Executive HR

Dear Priyanka,

In our work life, we all pass through similar situations. Once in a while, there will be someone who will stand up and shout. But as professionals, we need to react with a cool mind and know where the real problem lies and find a solution to it. We are paid for that. Do you see an HR opportunity in this situation? If you do, then you already have a solution.

If I were you, I would go to the Director and tell him, "Sir, it is time we need to impart some behavioral skills to our technical people," and give him a plan for holding a workshop. This approach will not only help you to make the guilty realize his mistake but will also establish you as a real professional.

Best of luck!
Jatinder Vijh

Dear All,

Forget the gender issue here. Conflict is a common occurrence in the workplace, not just between men and women, but also between men in HR and male employees. Bullying is a tactic that every employee has tried to use to get their way with HR, especially when an employee feels important to the operations or close to higher-ups. These employees often try to assert their authority and pressure HR to act in their favor. Dealing with them requires experience and maturity. Sometimes you have to assert yourself; however, the problem may be genuine. In Priyanka's case, the employee had a right to feel offended if she was told the desk was reserved for a new employee. He may have thought an untested newcomer was considered more important than him. It's all in the mindset, dear all.

Conflict resolution requires skill, and HR should never let ego or offense escalate to a revenge level. Anyway, good luck to all of us in our careers.

Best regards

Dear Priyanka,

Sorry to say that in today's world, we only find HR Managers who are very soft and do not have IR exposure. They are not aware of any disciplinary actions. Moreover, this act by the employee shows that you do not have any control over the employees. They must have moral fear and respect for you to have things under control. Wait for an opportunity like Chanakya and ensure that he is thrown out of the company without any benefits. This should serve as a lesson for him on how to behave towards other HR colleagues whom he may encounter in the future.

Arre, but where is Priyanka? She has disappeared after posting the thread and is not replying. 😡😡🤬🤬

Hi Priyanka,

Well, everyone is right in their own way.

The guy in your company was frustrated, maybe he had some deadlines to meet. It could be that his colleagues do not involve him in their discussions, or even that he is really very sincere when it comes to work.

As an HR professional, I feel you need to make arrangements for small team meetings. You should format an email and circulate it to all, asking them to use meeting/discussion rooms if they need to talk about projects lasting more than 10 minutes.

Make them realize that everyone around is working, and as an HR professional, you want everyone to be happy and enjoy their work.

A small email can work wonders, especially with these kinds of rules.

When it comes to a louder voice in a meeting, try calling the team member's immediate supervisor into the room so they are aware of what is being said.

You should let them know that any requests for desk changes would take at least a week to process, and no immediate changes would be entertained.

I hope my suggestions will help you in some way.

All the best.

Regards,
Mohini Raje

All the above-mentioned issues arose due to improper grievance handling. As HR, we will not leave any matter without proper closure. This means that we have strong Grievance Handling policies.

Grievance Handling

To ensure that the associate grievances are heard and resolved through immediate, ethical action by the supervisor of the concerned associate and/or the HR representative.

Procedures:

• Should an associate, after oral discussion with their immediate supervisor, feel that their rights have been violated, the associate may originate a grievance letter presenting the facts to the immediate supervisor within an appropriate time from the date of occurrence of the alleged grievance.

• In case of no resolution or acceptable solution coming from the immediate supervisor within an appropriate time, the grievance may be advanced to the next supervisor.

• If there is still no acceptable resolution or decision on the matter in question within an appropriate time, it may be passed on to the SPOC-HR for Grievance Management.

• The decision by the HR official or PHCCC* shall be communicated in writing to the associate within an appropriate time of receipt of the grievance.

• The associate making the disclosure of concern, as well as any of the persons to whom the issue is reported/handled, shall not make public the concern so disclosed, except with the prior written permission of the PHCCC*.

• However, this restriction shall not be applicable if any associate is called upon to disclose the issue by any judicial process and in accordance with the laws of the land.

Through the above-mentioned steps, you will not be alone; the whole management will stand with you. You will feel more comfortable.

And again, if any employee raises their voice, you can also become the grievant and follow the above-mentioned steps, asking the management to take appropriate disciplinary action against the defaulting employee.

Hope this will help you all in your HR practice.

Regards,

Shaikh Mohammad Shuaib

HR Professional

[Phone Number Removed For Privacy Reasons]