Struggling with Stage Fright: How Can I Finally Overcome My Lifelong Fear?

Hi, I am 34 years old and working in an MNC. I came from a very low job profile to this extent. I have no issues talking over the phone or in a conference.

I am experiencing stage fear when I need to talk in a very small or large crowd, especially in a conference room. During such times, I am unable to express my complete thoughts and become extremely nervous.

I have tried many ways to overcome this, such as taking deep breaths, drinking enough water before the meeting starts, practicing in front of a mirror in a separate room, and rehearsing my speech in front of my wife. However, all my efforts fail when I face a large or even a small crowd, especially in situations where I need to speak.

This stage fear and difficulty in speaking in crowds or meetings have been a problem for me since childhood, perhaps starting from my school days. I have always been afraid, even when talking to teachers during my childhood. I am not sure whether to blame the school I attended.

I want to completely recover from this fear. Please suggest the best ways that I can sincerely follow. Should I contact a psychiatrist for help, or should I attend intensive fear management training classes? What should I do, considering that this fear has been with me since birth?

Please help me overcome this with your sincere advice.

Thanks,
S. Kumar

Dear Sir,

Please do not rate yourself so low. You know when William Shakespeare was called on stage for the first time, he spoke only 14 words. It seems you have much more potential than him. Please try to overcome this by seeking help from a mirror, your family, or friends. Training classes may not be feasible for this.

You know, when I passed my school, I wasn't able to speak a single word in English. But I tried hard to get rid of this, and finally, I can now answer in English. Please be confident. Know your skills. I hope you will improve very soon. My best wishes are with you.

Regards,

Vipin 🌟🌟

Dear Sir,

Please do not rate yourself so low. You know, when William Shakespeare was called on stage for the first time, he spoke only 14 words. It seems you have much more potential than him. Please try to overcome it by taking the help of a mirror or seeking assistance from family or friends. Because training classes may not be feasible for this.

You know, when I passed my school, I wasn't able to speak a single word in English. But I tried hard to get rid of this, and finally, I can now answer in English. Please be confident. Know your skills. I hope you will improve very soon. My best wishes are with you.

Regards,
Vipin :icon1::icon1:

Immediate and Quick Way -

Focus on your boss.

Talk to your boss or a close friend directly in a conference meeting, making eye contact for the next two to three conferences. By the fourth conference, your focus will shift away from your boss or close friend as questions will come from every corner. By that time, you will have gained confidence in the conference. Things improve with practice.

I have been a trainer for 6-7 years now, and I still get excited when I see a crowd. I can boldly say I experience stage fright. However, once I begin, my focus shifts from the crowd to my delivery and the impact of my message.

Select 5-10 people whom you want to impress in the conference and concentrate on your delivery to leave a lasting impression on them, as if you are speaking directly to them. This approach will help you overcome your anxiety.

Most importantly, never hide if you are feeling scared, excited, or disconnected. If someone interrupts your flow, address them by name and humorously mention that they disrupted your train of thought. If you are nervous, acknowledge it at the outset by saying, "Yes, I am nervous, and please excuse any trembling." Even if you do feel shaky, it will appear normal to others.

Mr. Jalasayanan,

I liked your tips on how to truly understand our weaknesses; they really work and help transform our weaknesses into strengths.

VK

Hi Kumar,

Everyone of us has stage fright. It's always controlled. As Vipin has said, never underestimate yourself, dear friend. Nobody is a born speaker, neither born great. So here you go, you know you are your own psychiatrist because you know yourself better than others do.

In fact, you are already doing half of what is needed (all those pre-preparation stuff you have mentioned above, good, keep it up and keep going the same way). Now, this is what you can try before the beginning of your presentation/speech (since it's at your workplace):

(Shhhhhh...come closer, wanna whisper a secret...you know what, Kumar, I have observed these trainers closely during my trainings at my workplace...this is what they do...)

1. Adding to the above said, just keep visualizing yourself delivering the presentation/speech from the previous day. Imagine that you are chatting there with them, comfort yourself.

Before you go, just ask yourself, who in that entire group knows what you are going to say? The answer would be "no."

2. Now that you know the material/content, get familiar with the audience/room/conference hall. Reach before others could arrive. Just relax there, go around the room, drink water if needed, sing a song or hum a little to yourself, speak to people who arrive early there, watch things around you. It might even help you to give an opening. Try to create a rapport.

3. Once you have started, get personal now. You can start with jokes related to your content/presentation/current situation/a friendly question, e.g., is everybody doing/present here good, etc. (never apologize for your nervousness). If you tremble, stand beside a table, chair, or magnetic board in the beginning. Once a friendly atmosphere is felt, start walking around. (Hey, don't forget to check your A/V equipment).

4. Make every possible eye contact. Consider the group to be one person. Just think of the ways you can gain their eye contact/attention when you deliver the content. This way, the size of the audience is shrunk, so it will be like a chat for you.

So, friend, next time, apart from all the preparations, say to yourself, "I WILL GO OUT THERE AND HAVE FUN. I WILL GIVE MY BEST." You know your fears will automatically change into your positive strengths. Once you are out there, you will be at ease.

Hope this is of some help to you. GO OUT, DO ALL THAT YOU CAN, BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING TO IMPRESS THEM, KUMAR!

Hi,

Stage fright is common among most people. This can be overcome through various self-preparatory exercises.

1. Be confident and understand that you are the master of the topic you speak about on stage.

2. I suggest standing in front of a mirror and reading articles or newspapers for at least 15 to 30 minutes daily. This will help build your confidence. Stage fright is often a result of fear of your own voice in a closed auditorium.

3. Practice before stepping onto the stage.

Hope this advice helps you. Lastly, I recommend not letting your motivation wane, as it may diminish your presence in the group and lead to stage fright.

Regards, K. Jayavel

Dear Jalasayanan,

Very good tips...hope this will resolve the problem...it's nothing wrong to admit if you are weak in certain aspects....

Regards,
valli

Dear,

Be confident while doing things. Never try to impress anyone by your speech. Deliver your speech normally. As Jalasayan has quoted, please admit your weaknesses. That will help you out. Keep the concept in your mind and put it in your own words. Quote some examples along with that; it will help you deliver your speech confidently. Relax well before going to have a meeting with your team. Note all the topics that are to be discussed with your team members in the meeting; this will also help you out.

Regards,
Valli

Hi Kumar,

I was jotting points in my mind to suggest... but after reading the last part of your statement - I felt it was more important to let you know that:

"This is not a grave failure that you have to consider a psychiatrist."
Do you know that people who understand that they have an area to improve and are open to listen - will emerge as true winners?

So - first - You have already succeeded in overcoming your fear by asking for help.

Now here is what I can suggest:

"You are your best critic". Stand in front of a mirror and start introducing yourself. Say about yourself, what you have achieved in 34 years, your family, your dreams. And when you are talking - see how confident you grow when you look into the eyes of the person in the mirror!

I know that the fear also lies in you when people are looking at you and only you. You think - what if I goof this? What if I don't communicate exactly what I want to?
Again - prepare much prior to the meeting and jot down major points. Talk to your critic in front of the mirror. Pre-invent questions that might pop up during the session and try answering them.

I suggest - read a lot so that you don't run short of words to express what you have. Not always I speak what I have prepared. Sometimes we have to speak on the spot what comes to mind. Read The Hindu Editorial. (it's good).

I had this issue earlier:

I tried speaking in front of my mom and dad - and you know what?
I realized that they are people who accept me the way I am, and so there is a confidence within me to talk loud and give the right gestures. And they - listen to me wholeheartedly.

When I talk to strangers - I find it difficult because I don't know them. And I don't know what they are thinking of me...

So - point noted here is: Introduce yourself well to the group much in advance and try getting to know more about the people in your group. Since it's at the workplace - you must have the chance to know everyone. So take time to talk to each of them, find out what kind of people they are and their views. This would help you face all of them during the meeting - because you are talking to people you know.

If it's a completely strange group - don't worry. Prepare a very good introductory statement about yourself. Make it a very interactive session and ask them their views. In that way - you alone don't talk, everyone talks.
And remember - be loud and clear with words.
"When I could do it, anyone can do it."

PS: If you were the audience, you will definitely not be interested in knowing how nervous I feel, but rather you will wait to see if I have a message to convey.

Dear Kumar,

Fear makes your life nervous and tense. I know the feelings that you are now facing, and I have passed through them. As an English medium student, I did not get good marks in my exams during my school years. I was the only student who was unable to speak to anybody, including the class teacher in school.

In college, I lost my confidence when I first faced the elocution competition on stage; I couldn't speak at all and felt ashamed. I started reading newspapers in English and talking to elders in my house and neighbors. Initially, they used to laugh, but nowadays, I am the person in my company where I work as a technical consultant and HR, confidently speaking to anybody without fear.

So, what I want to say is, keep trying until you speak English fluently with anybody in life.

Best regards, [Your Name]

Hi,

There is no escape from stage fear. I have evolved as an effective speaker with just one mantra. I hope this works out for you. I always believed that the target audience were fools and they don't know the topic. But once I finish the presentation, during the Q&A session, I come back to my humble best. Try it. If it works, treat me. If it doesn't, teach me.

Vijay

Dear Kumar,

By now, you would have received many tips from all my friends out here. My suggestion is very simple: Stage fear exists for three reasons, namely:

1. Lack of subject knowledge
2. Lack of confidence in your language skills
3. Mindset

You can address the first two issues through various exercises, which people may have already explained to you. The most straightforward yet impactful factor is your mindset, which can either elevate you or bring you down. Therefore, keep a positive attitude - Never ever give up.

I recommend starting by speaking to people very close to you in small groups, like 4 to 8 individuals, on a topic that you are well-versed in. I am confident it will work. Keep trying persistently until you succeed. Remember, if others can do it, why can't you? Believe in yourself and keep moving forward.

Best regards

Hi Dear,

I want to add one more thing that can help you a lot. Prepare your presentations with more visuals so that the attention of the audience will be diverted from your speech towards the visuals. It will be easier for you to explain visual slides effectively without facing the group too much. After some time, confidence will build up, and you will be at ease to face the group.

Anjan

Dear Kumar,

Maintain eye contact with the people in the conference who will give comfort to you initially. Then, when you get acquainted with the team on the other side of the table, you can also involve them in a few of your questions so that you will have some time to move on. After a couple of such conferences, you will be able to overcome stage fear.

Regards,
Madhav

Before I can suggest anything, can I tell you something about me? I have been a state-level champion three times in elocution and debate competitions during my schooling. I have been taking classes for IELTS and spoken English, and I have participated in elocution and debate over 350 times, winning almost every time. I have also won a research paper presentation competition in Software Engineering and recently held the position of HR manager in a software firm.

The reason I am sharing this with you is that during my schooling, I was very shy and nervous while speaking. However, a friend identified that quality in me and encouraged me to speak. As a result, when I speak on stage, you wouldn't believe how the crowd becomes completely silent. So, believe in yourself. I share my story not for self-appraisal but to motivate you to speak. And can you guess my age? I am only 21 years old now. Astonished?

Everyone will give you advice, but the most important thing is to believe in yourself and trust that you can deliver a good speech. To speak better, you should have enough worthwhile content. Start reading newspapers, inspirational magazines, novels, science journals, etc., then share what you've learned with those around you. Remember, when you speak, no one knows better than you what you are speaking about. Be confident and focus on your spirit. This will surely help you. For more details, you can contact me via mail. My ID is [Email Address].

With warm regards, [Your Name]

Hi,

I will share the way I sort out my stage fear. When I have to speak in a conference, I make eye contact with everyone because I know that just like me, most people in the audience also have fear. I try to present myself in a better way. Another thing I have convinced myself of is that I don't perceive every individual as a high-level professional. When I speak, I assume that they might have a friend or a sister like me in their personal life. When speaking in public, instead of referring to the audience as a crowd, you should address each individual separately and speak confidently.

Regards,
Ashwini

Dear Kumar,

I would suggest you join an organization called Toastmasters. They have groups all over the world, including India, where you can enroll at a very low cost. They will help you overcome your stage fear and become a confident and fearless speaker. You can Google and find out where their locations are in India. My friend is a member of Toastmasters Dubai, and she has benefited tremendously by joining this group. She has completely overcome her shyness, stage fear, and today even conducts training for large groups of people.

Wishing you the best to overcome this phase.

Best regards,
Lakshmi

Hi,

Life gives us so many chances to improve ourselves, and it depends on us whether we want to flow with time or take it as a challenge and gain new learning to rectify ourselves by transforming our weaknesses into strengths.

The best part is once you have identified your weaknesses, moving forward, if you want to improve your public speaking, always perceive that you are the only one with full knowledge about the subject, and your words carry value for the audience. :)

When you practice, try to speak the words aloud and endeavor to listen to what you are saying; it will help you gain confidence. Never think that you can't do this because if you believe you cannot, you will have thousands of ways to prove yourself right. So, do not suppress yourself; instead, boost yourself by saying, "I can do it." Before a meeting, say loudly, "I am the best, I am a good speaker"; this will help you analyze your own power. (Praise yourself) :)

Don't learn your speech line by line; otherwise, there will be a fear of forgetting something. Be natural as you are; nothing new is happening. They all need your suggestions, and they value you as an individual.

Ensure your body language is positive and normal.

The key thing is that the problem is not in your speaking; the fear lies in your mind. So, before going, feed your mind with positive thoughts. Think you are the best and that you can do it.

Boost yourself and stay confident. You are what you think you are.

Regards,
Rachna

Hi there!

Lots of advice coming your way! Let me add my two cents! I don't know how many days you have until this session of yours, but a good idea would be to start smiling at people you interact with, looking at them in an interested sort of way, not intimidating! Put yourself in the audience's place - if someone comes to speak to you, you are generally interested in hearing them out. The same will be the case with you. The audience wants to know what you have to say and whether it makes sense, so be very thorough with your material. Don't worry about the delivery part - once you are passionate about what you're saying, the audience catches on to your enthusiasm and stays with you. All the best!

Hi,

Just take some help from your close friends. They can be good trainers as they know about you. Tell them about your stage fear and ask them to guide you. Meet them regularly, take a topic, and try speaking to them about your views.

Secondly, you can visit schools and share your work experience with them. It will also be useful to them, and you will start facing the children crowd. You will not fear this type of crowd as they will listen to you and not comment on you.

Thanks, M.V

Dear S. Kumar,

I was in the same situation, and in addition to the above-mentioned tips, I added one more. Stage fear is intense when we fear the crowd, so the best way is to get used to it. The trick I adopted was not to miss a single opportunity to speak in a more familiar group, this might be your friends or your colleagues. Socialize with them and grab every opportunity to speak. You will be surprised at the improvement in your confidence level.

Dear Suresh,

I understand your problem. I feel you have been offered some very good advice. I am a soft skills trainer and would like to see you tear the stage fright to shreds and emerge victorious. I believe you can do it. My first question to you is, "Can you do it?" More on receipt of your reply. Since we are part of CiteHR, you have my unstinted support until you ask me to stop. My goodness! I'm being pushy, aren't I?

Best regards, Ajay Chaudhari

Hi,

I agree with all the above comments and suggestions. As I know, it's really very difficult to come out of your situation, but remember you are a hard worker, and the situation is not forever. It's only a little difficult. There are two things you must remember:

Stage fear will be mainly present when we are not prepared for the delivery or when we may not have full knowledge of the topic.

The second thing is due to our attitude or feelings of inferiority.

Both can be handled.

For the first point, keep all the updates ready a couple of days early. Go through them daily. Discuss (not just try to practice) the topics with colleagues who are in the same cadre or deal with the same/similar topics. This will increase your knowledge and confidence. Once this is done, move on to the second point.

Inferiority can be overcome. Dress neatly in a way that makes you feel confident. Don't be shabby or wear very loose dresses that will be uncomfortable. Maintain a well-trimmed haircut. Observe the dress codes of successful orators. Don't worry, copy some things, adopt them, and then present only if you are comfortable again. Adopt one thing at a time, not everything at once.

Good luck!

Dear Vipin,

Find out exactly what makes you nervous. Is it the English language or the subject matter? Even if it is the language, neglect it and be doubly confident about the matter. Be thorough in the subject matter, and there you are. I had the same problem... then I found that if I prepare myself on the subject matter, the effect of nervousness is much less. But do practice a lot.

Regards,
Dilip

Dear Vipin,

By now, you must have overcome your problem. Still, I would like to add here: be passionate about your topic. That's all.

Stage fear will mainly arise when we are not prepared for the delivery or when we lack full knowledge of the topic.