Feeling Trapped by Workplace Bullying: Is Quitting My Job the Only Way Out?

For the last 12 months, I have been bullied around by this fellow, and no one is able to stop him. The more I ignore him, the more he feels jealous and hates me. If I try to have basic communication, he takes the opportunity to bully me again and again. Whenever there is an issue and further discussion with the manager, there are plenty of lies thrown around. Tell me, how can I resolve this? Is quitting my job the only solution?

I can understand someone is irritating you, but explain to me in detail so that I will aid you to come out.

Keep smiling... that will irritate him more. Answer politely and patiently. If required, see a situation where you could speak to him alone or take it up with your management in writing.

Vidya

His hatred resulted in him calling me b sh for no reason, even after repeated persuasion and multiple requests to resolve the issue. He went as far as to call me bas*, even after warnings not to use filthy words. He kept insulting me, saying I needed to improve technical skills (in a drunken state), and further repeated bas*. He didn't even care for the senior guys' words to stop. Then I needed to get hold of him, for which I was kicked, and he continued. He called the client manager late at night and asked why they were not escalating my technical inabilities (which were never questioned by any manager before), leading to severe escalation of the fact that he called the client to offshore managers and keeping them busy for the weekend. Sources say he was reprimanded for involving the client, and we both were requested to apologize to the client (for no mistake of mine). Now I'm afraid of what story might have been told to the client and offshore people. So far, he was neither warned nor questioned for the verbal abuse, which is the core of the problem. I feel it's disgusting to work in these circumstances. Also, I feel disappointed and stressed. A pretty shocking thing is the client manager (for whom I work only 10%) when asked by offshore managers, coolly said, 'yes, there are some gaps in his (mine) tech abilities.' This hurts me more after 15 months of dedicated service working over weekends, earning over 17% of the base revenue. I get this feedback. It all ended up in a meeting with him, an apology, and the manager requested not to discuss with any other client men (as the manager himself might be at risk as it was not further escalated). The twist is, within an hour, he leaks the story to a client friend, and in no time, the entire department came to know what happened, and I got the name 'BOXING BOY.' I have to laugh at my fate, and the story continues to the next week. There is a meeting with the Senior Offshore Manager and both of us. Let's see how it turns out.

Seems like a typical politically oriented situation. See, the first thing - don't stay cool (Yes). It's about your job of 15 months and self-esteem as well. Make others know about this; let him make comments in public so that others are also aware of it. Play safe and smart; that's what is required in this scenario. My suggestions are a little vague but...

If you have to communicate with him, do it in writing. Avoid all verbal communication. Meanwhile, if he is in the habit of simply coming to you and instigating you, then give a written complaint to the HR department about the verbal abuse, etc. See what happens.

Also, do not accept the negative feedback given by your manager and client. In fact, make them answer why your performance issues were not told before, so you could have taken measures to improve your performance. Why was the company bearing your burden if they didn't like your work? Just make sure to speak or write in the best manner. Be polite but stern!

Be cool and calm, don't give ears to his words. Be neutral and enjoy life, don't react to his actions. Let others recognize you and your qualities. The day that guy realizes that no one is paying attention to him, he'll stop. But be careful with him. Let him do unnecessary things, and you just concentrate on your work and leave him aside with his sick attitude. Keep smiling. Cheers! Maria

Phew... letting offshore clients know what's happening internally? But why? Maybe he is jealous, scared, fears about his position (may be;-))

But let me ask you - is he like this with everyone around or just YOU? What have others in the group got to say about him? - (not about this behavior - but in general about him) On the positive side - maybe he is expecting too much perfection from you. The problem is not with you here. See this...

As kids, we tend to blame each other (own brothers and sisters too), for no mistake of theirs. Kids "sometimes" don't like the other kid being too much pampered or forgiven. They try to create a wrong image of the other kid, thus feeling satisfied that "Now no one will like him, they will come to me - I will get everything I want." Parents don't take this too seriously as they think it's a part of their growing. But - it's bad in the long run. This grows along with the character and is molded into the person himself. Here, he is not able to cope with something so he insists on blaming you - complaining about you, doing things out of the way to make everyone start thinking that you were not doing something right...

What you could do here is - Not to panic. Filthy language is used when there is nothing better to think about - people try to fill in the gap. He is clearly not in his senses.

Your management would understand that it's very important to maintain the image of the company outside as well as internally. Kindly clarify this with them during your next meeting with the management. Everyone was there around hearing all what he said - so ask the person to explain why he had to go to such extremes?

Maybe this person is going through a tough time in his personal life. I don't feel sorry for you - because you are matured enough and you will surely know how to handle things and take care of yourself. I am worried about this person you mentioned - he needs counseling. Else he will very soon see the end of his career.

You are doing good :-)

Brother, The Great Napoleon once said, "Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." I can feel your pain... Let that guy make mistakes...don't be a Munna Bhai...At the appropriate time, you'll get your chance to make matters equal. Just be patient for the time being and do not take any hasty decisions.

Hey Buddy,

What kind of company are you working with? No professional organization can tolerate such behavior. Maybe the guy should have been asked to leave instead of apologizing to the client. I think you are in the wrong job. I suggest looking for some good openings outside. Can you tell me what you work as and which company? Maybe I can help you in some way.

Regards,
Abhijeet
Manager, Recruitment
abhijeet.pai@rkhs.co.in

Dear Friend,

Even the organization that I work for, which is an MNC and which has all the rules to protect its workers from such nuisances all across the globe but except for India, has hired such samples. Of course, they are never in an inebriated state but the use of filthy language, high pitch, and lying is surely present. You can't just speak to them as they find every chance to pounce upon you.

I have apprised my HR manager, who is in the good books of my manager and who sits overseas, about all this but in her view, this could be simply because everyone is stressed out or annoyed at something or the other. In effect, she has given these people more leverage to continue such gimmicks quite against moral ethics.

Thanks,
Pleasehelp

Hi all, it's been a long time since I updated you. This is how it went so far: The on-site manager and senior manager scheduled a meeting with me, but it never took place, and I was never informed of the reason why the meeting didn't happen. Our supervisor was asked to check with the client about my technical gaps, which my supervisor is not interested in doing, as he feels it may give the client an opportunity to complain about him and others directly to the offshore team. However, he did take this as an opportunity to coordinate.

I have since moved to another on-site location as part of the client's planning and due to my pushing, and shortly he will join me here. The client also never clarified his claim that I have technical shortcomings. So, the bottom line is that he abused me, yet he got what he wanted by making an issue of my performance.

Regarding the issue of the client's call on my technical gaps (after a drunken individual complained in the middle of the night), I called the on-site manager and discussed:
a. If the client is not happy with my technical skills, why is he complaining after 16 months of service delivery, during which I exceeded billing expectations by 17%?
b. I requested to receive detailed feedback from the client so that I can improve or consider leaving.
c. In 2007, I was working as an Oracle DBA supporting Peoplesoft. I was hired as an 80:20 Oracle:Peoplesoft specialist. I received two weeks of training in Peoplesoft offshore. During on-site onboarding, I was trained to support the Production System (still 80:20). I was then assigned a Peoplesoft upgrade project, shifting the ratio to 20:80. My performance was evaluated, and I was given one week to complete the task. After a week, the manager expressed satisfaction and encouraged me to continue. Subsequently, I was trained for ITG (kintana) for a week at the manager's request to support ITG, making the ratio 50:50 between Production Support and Change Management. Currently, in Singapore, I am a COE resource assigned to Batch Engineering and ITG Engineering, which are entirely new areas with this client. It appears there may have been poor planning from the client and inadequate requirements gathering by my employer, but I acknowledge these challenges are common in IT. I am eager to learn, but expert-level quality of delivery requires time.

Instead of addressing the core issue of personal abuse, the entire institution is focused on the client's unfounded complaint. While I understand the business concerns, I believe equal attention should be given to employee welfare.