Gm Hr Proposes Hr Officer - Pdf Download

Hi all,

I know our CiteHR is not a platform to discuss all these topics; it was initiated to help the HR fraternity gain more information. But today, the situation is quite odd, and the help of other HR members is needed.

A person is working at a well-known pharma company in the country. The HR department consists of her (HR officer) and the boss (GM-HR). The HR officer is 27, and the GM is 62 with a well-settled family. Today, the GM-HR proposed to the HR officer over the phone. He mentioned that even though he knows he shouldn't say these things, he couldn't help but express that he is very much attracted to her. He also added that if he were some 30 years younger, he would have liked to marry her and said all these inappropriate things.

The girl is just perplexed after hearing all this. She wanted to confront him directly, but alas!

Please suggest what her attitude should be while working with him from now onwards. It would be unwise if she leaves the job for this reason, especially in this market where finding a new job is challenging. Please guide.

Regards

Congratulations,

You can start minting money henceforth. Once his money depletes, he will automatically run away from you. But ensure that you are really beautiful; otherwise, he will win the race. If he is smarter than you...

Good luck,
Badlu

Dear user,

The correct spelling is "bad loser." Kindly, shut your dirty mouth and stop writing inappropriate comments.

To the moderator(s),
This individual, 'bad loser,' has consistently posted meaningless and nonsensical content on citehr. Several people have already requested for them to be blocked. Kindly take action.

Thank you.

Bad loser - that really is a bad thing to comment.

AKS really is in a situation. And it really is nonsense from the GM.

I am sure AKS - you would be careful enough not to let the GM get any chance of approaching you. Also, warn other colleagues around you about this guy. That's on the precaution side.

On the offensive side, work with a cold face with the GM and behave professionally ONLY. Whenever he approaches on such things - BE VERY FIRM in giving the answer back on the face. (It is a good idea to do that in front of a few people, as witnesses).

You meanwhile need to see who is the next person in the escalation ladder. Being in HR, you can also get easy access to the sexual harassment policy (if there is one, else time to initiate one, though this policy would be difficult to get in place with the GM). Easier said than done, but you can take up this challenge and make a difference.

Remember, all big revolutions start from a single person (mind).

Meanwhile, I am sure other members here will also be able to guide you on this serious issue.

Guys, please help AKS here.

It's really a pathetic situation... AKS, I think firstly, get yourself updated on the sexual harassment act for more help. I'm attaching a PDF file on this for you. Also, try to collect some proof like if he messages, then save it or his mobile bill details if he calls anytime.

Also, in the office, be very blunt and clear about his approach, and involve some more employees in your confidence. But in the end, I can say it's only you who can protect yourself. Be brave. :icon1:

Hi <link outdated-removed> (Search On Cite | Search On Google)
[IMG]https://www.citehr.com/images/statusicon/user_offline.gif[/IMG],

I am the father of a son your age. I don't mean what you uttered because you did not realize my holistic view and banter to ease your tense feelings, giving too much importance to this on this site, which is out of proportion.

Your boss is ridiculous in his behavior, and you have to take this casually because a wise person of your father's age knowingly would not behave so frivolously with you, knowing you are office staff, which will bring him disrepute.

He must be joking and just kidding with you. You may also have some weakness to which he paid attention because otherwise, he would not have behaved in this manner until he finds something exciting from your end. You should first introspect, then straightforwardly ask him what exactly encouraged him to propose to you in this manner. This blunt question will calm and quench his curiosity in you.

Wish you the best of luck, and hopefully, you will take all advice sportingly.

Badlu

Dear Mr. Badlu,

The way you have written is really shameful. If someone is in a problem, we should suggest our ideas. If we do not want to suggest, we can keep quiet. I am requesting you not to do this in the future. I too got upset after reading your reply.

Thank you,
J. S. Malik

Hey AKS, someone just uploaded this document regarding an issue with an aggressive boss. You may like to review it. Hope it helps. Please don't fear anything - you are brave. There are friends here to help you find a solution. So, please SMILE. Cheers.

https://www.citehr.com/144754-how-tr...sive-boss.html

Hi, as if you just ignore this issue from your mind once, you will feel free. Then you can make any decision you want. Keep doing your work routinely. Answer him only officially. Don't worry. I don't have much experience to deal with, but it's my suggestion. Take care. Cheer up. Bye.

Hi,

I just want to say please inform your super senior boss if any; otherwise, this will cause you problems in the future from his side. Never give any single chance to your GM to raise any finger towards you in front of anyone in the office.

Regards,
Shikha
shikhamittal2009@gmail.com

---

Hi all,

I know our citehr is not a platform to discuss all these topics; it was initiated to help the HR fraternity gain more information. But today, the situation is quite odd, and the help of other HR members is needed.

A person is working at a well-known pharma company of the country. The HR department consists of her (HR officer) and the boss (GM-HR). The HR officer is 27, and the GM is 62 with a well-settled family. Today, the GM-HR proposed to the HR officer over the phone, expressing that though he knows he shouldn't say these things, he couldn't help but mention that he is very much attracted to her. He added that if he were some 30 years younger, he would have liked to marry her and made other inappropriate remarks.

The girl is just perplexed after hearing all this. She wanted to confront him immediately, but she hesitated.

Please suggest what her attitude should be while working with him from now onwards. It would be unwise if she left her job for this reason, especially in this market where finding a new job is challenging. Please guide.

Regards

Dear AKS,

It's better to be quiet and shift your focus to other concerns rather than dwelling on this issue. Take this as a lesson and maintain a distance from it all.

Thank you.

Hi,

I have a different take on this. I think one can develop feelings for a person, and it is quite natural for a human being to fall for someone. Yes, we do understand the age difference here (What if Salman Rushdie does the same; nobody minds). You may wish to consider the fact that the boss has been truthful about his feelings for her.

What she can tell her boss, without giving a cold face and only serious stuff, is that she was very uncomfortable to know that he had feelings for her and that she respected him as a father figure and guardian. She can also mention that she is already engaged/married/in a relationship, etc. Avoiding the boss and creating a stressful work environment will not help.

Storing messages, texts, mobile numbers will make things worse as the person will always have a negative attitude towards the individual. Take it on face value and handle the whole situation very politely with very little embarrassment to yourself and him. Make sure that you don't speak to anyone regarding this in the office.

You do not really have to go through the Anti-Sexual Harassment Manual and approach the Ethics Officer now. You may wish to escalate to that level at a later stage if you see no improvement in the situation. All the best.

I saw this post initially when it was posted in citehr and was thinking whether to reply or not. But lots of bad people are there; some demand favors and some give favors to climb up the ladder.

But obviously, you can't be disturbed at work. Some girls in your case may choose to give favors and relax in the job if the boss too is of their age, and some may directly choose to fight back. In this, some may even choose to leave the job because a sexual harassment case means both the male and female's name is going to be defamed. Even if the female has not done anything, her name gets defamed. And for females, once their name gets defamed, it's too hard. But try your best either to SOLVE IT THERE or GET A SMOOTH EXIT.

Hi, I have a different take on this. I think one can develop feelings for a person, and it is quite natural for a human being to fall for someone. Yes, we do understand the age difference here (What if Salman Rushdie does the same; nobody minds). You may wish to consider the fact that the boss has been truthful about his feelings for her. What she can tell her boss, without giving a cold face and only serious stuff, is that she was very uncomfortable to know that he had feelings for her and that she respected him as her father and guardian. She can also mention that she is already engaged/married/in a relationship, etc. Avoiding the boss and creating a stressful work environment will not help. Storing messages, texts, mobile numbers will make things worse, as the person will always have a negative attitude towards her. Take it on face and handle the whole situation very politely with very little embarrassment to yourself and him. Make sure that you don't speak to anyone regarding this in the office. You do not really have to go through the Anti-Sexual Harassment Manual and approach the Ethics Officer now. You may wish to escalate to that level at a later stage if you see no improvement in the situation. All the best.

Now as a true HR, you are realizing the human side of HR, but dear, this is absurd, and the boss, at his age of 62, should think a thousand times before setting up such a proposal. If she mentions that she is married or engaged, he may tell her it's just for favors. It's a very complicated case, and to handle it, you need to have excellent logic and presence of mind, because if you get stuck tomorrow, it will be like being stuck in quicksand.

Seniors (elders) are required to protect, guide, and lead the young ones, not propose to them. "Nishabd" and "Cheeni Kum" are Bollywood - this is real life. And this 62-year-old has a FAMILY.

A 27-year-old has gone to the workplace to work, not to accept proposals from seniors. And her intentions become pretty clear by the very fact that she has posted this issue here and sought help. Yes, she has to say a POINT BLANK NO.

To secure herself, she needs to have this escalated because how many other girls would have had the guts to come up and report the matter? Professional matters need to be handled professionally. She is not overreacting in any case.

Also, as an HR person, it is her DUTY now to have the Sexual Harassment Policy in place (if already not done).

As a human being, giving all humane considerations, it is advisable to respect the 27-year-old's NO and stop approaching her for any other favors. She has refused to accept such advances, and her intentions need no proof. (AKS, please second me on this).

Nonsense has to be killed FROM THE ROOT LEVEL before giving another chance for any other serious threat. The 62-year-old who has a FAMILY may rather go and show feelings there. None of us are casanovas, and none of us cannot control our feelings. It's on you how you exercise your controls on yourself.

Hi,

With all due respect towards the opinions shared here on the post, I would like to put forward the following points in my argument:

1) I am not saying that what the boss is doing is justified or correct. NO! NOT at ALL. But we must all remember that we do not live in an idealistic world...

2) You do not have any proof of being proposed to so that you can take it up with senior management.

3) I have no clue why the boss is still working at 62 when the retirement age is 58.

4) Please do not make a mountain out of a molehill. The guy has proposed (you know what that means—I guess you do—ASKING.) To accept it or not is your prerogative. He has not forced himself on you.

5) The reputation and perception of HR within the company depend on how you handle the situation.

6) You may start jumping and crying about someone proposing to you or confidently handle the issue, speak face to face, and nip the issue in the bud. The choice is yours.

I have corrected the spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors in the text and ensured proper paragraph formatting. Let me know if you need any further assistance.

Hi All,

To some extent, I agree with Pritesh in the sense that it is quite a natural phenomenon. However, considering the fact that he has his own family and is older than her, he should not have uttered this nonsense.

I suggest that the girl should be very strong and behave normally towards that stupid GM; otherwise, it may create a negative and stressful environment for her, and she may not be able to concentrate. However, she needs to speak to the GM very seriously face to face about the matter clearly and indirectly warn him. I am sure if he is sensible enough, he will understand.

On the other side, if this matter comes to the limelight, it might affect his reputation, and he might find a way to dismiss her from the company, which would not be good for her.

The best way to solve the problems is to face that and not avoid it.

Best wishes...

It's true that making an issue of it is not good, but yes, you have to be aware of what's happening around you. Yes, it's not an idealistic world, but we have to survive in this world only, so it's always good to know where we are heading and what we can do about such issues.

My point is that AKS is facing this issue; she only knows what are the other issues related to this, so by sitting outside, we can just guide her in our own best ways. And knowing about laws will always benefit her because what's stored in the future, no one knows.

I don't think anyone over here is suggesting her to scream or cry on this issue. All are just giving her various ways to tackle this. Hopefully, the point is clear now.

I agree with Vijeta... No one is suggesting she screams or makes a mountain out of a molehill, but yes, she needs to oppose it for sure while maintaining the reputation and perception of HR.

We all need to give her the confidence and encouragement to face the situation and not just ignore it.

All the best

I don't agree with this post at all in principle because it's a personal matter between individuals whether they accept or reject it; it's their personal view. If tomorrow she and he accept each other, we have no opinion then.

We must acknowledge the fact that life is a game of possibilities. Just because of social taboos, we cannot form any opinion and justify or criticize people because of our conservative beliefs.

Due to changes in lifestyle in big cities, people accept new norms to become successful in life, and who cares what matters to the same like-minded people who do not come on citeHR to share success stories because it's their personal matter.

Here, we think in a conventional manner to maintain the old economy social decorum of SriRam Sena kind of dogmatism, which is not viable and practical.

It's the thinking of progressive-minded people and conservative thinking, whether you accept or reject; it's not our problem.

We should keep our subject clean and conscious of what's our focus and objectives.

Captain

Hi,

Look for some other options—if you have confidence and qualifications—do not worry; there are lots of jobs for the right candidates—one should not compromise on self-respect.

Regards,
Ashok

AKS,

I do not think that this issue is unusual; per media data Office Romance is in full swing at India Inc.


My personal advice for your colleague would be:

Not to run away from the situation, Face it!
Introspect as to what situations/behavior from your colleague would have given GM the confidence to indulge in such activity. GM’s entire credibility is at stake.
Set up an official 1:1 meeting with the GM
Confront the situation and let him know that this is not appreciated
If things does not improve, file an official complain OR escalate the issue.


Thanks
Rahul

I don't agree with this post at all in principle because it's a personal matter between individuals whether they accept or reject it; it's their personal view. If tomorrow, she and he accept each other, we have no opinion then.

We must acknowledge the fact that life is a game of possibilities. Just because of social taboos, we cannot form any opinion and justify or criticize people because of our conservative beliefs. Due to the change in lifestyle in big cities, people accept new norms to become successful in life, and who cares what matters to the same like-minded people who do not come on citeHR to share success stories because it's their personal matter.

Here we think in a conventional manner to maintain the old economy social decorum of SriRam Sena kind of dogmatism, which is not viable and practical. It's the thinking of progressive-minded people and conservative thinking, whether you accept or reject it's not our problem.

We should keep our subject clean and conscious of what our focus and objectives are.

Captain

+100 marks. It is up to the girl to decide what she wants to do, and she should not follow the advice of members. Even one month back, I had a personal issue in my life, but instead of posting it here, I asked my close friends and then got it solved. Some things are to be discussed with close personal friends and not with strangers on some discussion site; else, she can post in forums specially made for discussing such types of issues.

Well, I think attraction encompasses two things: love and lust. And it seems the boss is in the mood of lust.

I recommend giving him three warnings. In the meantime, gather evidence to support your actions.

Then, personally address the matter with your boss. If your boss is female, that works well. Additionally, inform his wife about the situation.

Remember the saying:

"If you sow an action, you reap a habit.
If you sow a habit, you reap a character.
If you sow a character, you reap a destiny."

I agree with the comments by Badlooser and Captaincook.

Basically, this story seems to be a fabricated tale of self-glorification. The lady has a psychological desire to acknowledge her strength in becoming beautiful to attract the attention of her male colleagues. Especially for those who understand the psychology of women and their psychological needs, it would not be appropriate to blame the lady for using this site to seek praise and sympathy, as the women who posted this issue also have their own psychological needs.

There are two sides to every story, one being the boss and the other the subordinate. Both parties are mature enough to use their common sense to decide what to do. So, what do they expect from the members of CiteHR?

This post is totally absurd and utterly pointless. It does not deserve attention. However, because it resembles the material of popular Bollywood film masala, everyone wants to jump into the post. It's a waste, pure and simple.

Abraham

I guess you should pull out the sexual harassment policy if he gets into it again. But before that, tell it to his face in private that you do not appreciate his advances and that he's your father's age or even your grandfather's.

Overreaction and Acting, No one is sure of what's the truth behind this story. People are just being provoked and expressing nuisance.

My Request To All The Members.... Please do not entertain such issues on this site without knowing the fact. She is mature enough to handle this issue. I am sorry, Aks, but please don't use this forum for personal problems. I might be wrong, but please handle this issue on your own because people will advise you many things (including me) but that may not be suitable for you. You are the best person to judge the situation and act accordingly.

What say seniors...???

Dear AKS,

Let me ask you... are you the HR Officer yourself? If not, how come you have mentioned somewhere 'MY JOB' in your query.

Anyways, no issues. There are certain things we need to look at when dealing with such situations (case by case basis). They are:
1. Never ever bother about the AGE. You mean to say that if the boss is just 2-3 years old, she would accept that proposal? I doubt it.
2. The boss, as an HR personnel, has breached his ETHICS.
3. The HR Officer need not take this up very seriously and make a hue and cry of it. This is common with any BEAUTIFUL lady.

What I suggest is:
1. Being an HR Officer, you need to maintain your cool, be an ANGEL, take this as a COMPLIMENT (because you are beautiful whether people agree to it or not).
2. People at that age (62) say something like that, please do not get bugged up for you need to understand in what circumstances he said that. You even may say, "that's none of my business." If that is the case, then you shouldn't be asking us for suggestions... hope you got me.
3. As you know, Life is a JOURNEY with lots of such people travelling with you and also getting down at their stations. Cheer up, lady.
4. You need to become a COUNSELOR as early as possible to help others in such situations, as well (not quitting your job or being negative in your attitude, etc).

God bless you!

Yours,
:icon1: Wellwisher

Dear All,

I have gone through all the posts and comments sent by different people with different opinions. Some of them are trying to say the same thing but with different words.

I would like to put my views on this issue.

First of all, I would say that I have sympathy with AKS. Being an HR professional, it is very important to understand people and their emotions. Women have this power of sixth sense greater than men.

The behavior of others is controlled by our attitude towards them. If we are very open-minded and people understand the same, then it's quite obvious to get such kinds of comments from others.

"Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder" is a very common saying, but we don't mean it.

This is not a problem of love or lust; this is very common when men and women work together. Some people become friends, some behave like brothers and sisters, some keep a professional relationship, some try to make a time-pass kind of relationship.

Now, 99% of the time, this relationship is governed by females.

This is not the first time happening with a girl like you, and this is not the last incidence going to happen. The only difference is in age and marital status.

But does age and marital status always matter?

And the most important thing to keep in your mind is that - In our Indian tradition, whether a mistake is made by anyone, it is usually the girls who get a bad name.

Instead of wasting your energy in resisting such a kind of defamation, I suggest you take it as a learning experience and make a justified decision.

If you are really beautiful, then you will face the same problem always.

But you have not given any detail about what you replied when he called you and was proposing to you. That was the only turning point where you could have handled the situation wisely.

Go ahead with your good decision. Be brave and apply the principle of Management by Objectives. Convey your feelings as if you consider him as a father, etc. If he is holding a reputed position, then he must understand the same.

Good Luck!!

Anish

Dear All,

Thank you for all these replies.

I would like to give answers to some questions that have come up.

First, the boss is 62 years old but is still at the job because he is on an extension.

Second, some members seem offended by this personal post. I fully agree that citehr has the motive of helping HR professionals in their careers. I feel it's a very strong site for any HR personnel. This particular post was posted to get the comments of the HR fraternity. The only reason for posting this in a public professional forum is the feeling of oneness that the undersigned feels towards any HR person. Some might think it's overexpression, but then, everyone has the freedom of thought.

Third, since ages were mentioned, someone has written if the boss wasn't 62, would the girl have accepted in that case. My dear fellow member, it's not a question of accepting or not accepting in the case of a younger boss. The ages were mentioned to show how a person can approach another who is even younger than his own daughter.

The human mind and nature are difficult to decipher. Still, when one says anything, the entire scenario should be kept in mind. The world won't remain this sweet if we really start speaking up our minds. We really should keep in mind where to say what. It's, of course, expected from a GM HR of a premier company.

Thank you again for all the suggestions.

Dear Avi,

Don't worry, things will get all right. Treat them in another way. The person who proposed is psychologically affected. You can find these kinds of people everywhere. Once you know how to tackle (since I am in the social work field), don't create a big issue. Treat them in front of your colleagues as if he is like your father and purposefully show him that you are treating him as your father; definitely, he will change.

Quitting the job will show your weakness. Wherever you go, you will find these types of people. Put him in a corner as if he is your real father. Enjoy it, don't make it an issue. Even if you quit and join another place, somehow they will talk about this, which will spoil your career. He may be in a family aversion state. Find his childhood experiences. If he is married, try to meet his wife and be friendly with her.

Janaki

Hi Baby,

This is utterly a confession of a fabricated story and has no chance of offense or getting offended by any of the responses, especially matured and senior people like me. Very well read between the lines that this post is frivolous and react accordingly as per the quality of the subject and post.

Some senior members expressed frustration and their anguish disproportionately just because of misunderstanding.

I have experienced in my 18 years of career that there are two kinds of professionals:

The first kind is those who are theoretically strong but practically failures in their professional careers and have been rescued by jobs as consultants, lecturers, or visiting faculty at institutes because they did not survive in the field due to a lack of practical approach in their profession.

The second kind of professionals are not theoretically strong enough, but they are most successful in dealing with any situation and problem in professional life because this is their strength; they work and survive in the profession.

For those who misjudged the notorious nature of this post and reacted out of proportion, I will say that they may be theoretically successful personnel and labor law experts but less practical and experienced enough to apply their judgment and knowledge in real life.

Badlu

I am appalled that a person in HR is so unprofessional as to make inappropriate comments/remarks/suggestions. Is it possible that he was trying to be funny? Are you sure it was not someone else pretending to be the GMHR as it was on the phone. But if it was the HRGM and he was serious - you have a problem.

You are quite right in stating why should she leave her job but is she then prepared for the boss to continue to make verbal advances (which, if not dealt with, can lead to physical advances and sexual harassment)?

I would suggest that she take up this matter in writing with the HR GM. Let him know, in no uncertain terms, that she did not find the conversation funny. In fact, it made her very uncomfortable and that she was surprised that a person of his calibre should resort to tactics of a sexual nature, be they verbal or otherwise. If the GM continues in this manner, she will have no other path but to seek an interview with the person above him. Name him and shame him if the victim is absolutely positive the voice on the phone was the HR GM.

You are quite right in your comments. Sexual harassment in the workplace is soul-destroying. To relegate it to a joke is despicable. This is a professional forum, and if we cannot make a positive contribution, we should not comment at all.

As an HR specialist for 35 years, I have dealt with sexual harassment cases ranging from sexual jokes to full-scale sexual harassment. I have seen how it has affected both men and women, and the results of such behavior are not edifying.

If this is a joke (according to Bad loser), then it is something the webmaster must deal with. However, if it is a case, then it is worrying, and if we can assist the victim with advice, we should do so.

Dear,

My only request is to disclose this type of person before everyone. We are in the HR department, where we aim to create a positive work environment promoting good teamwork, a positive attitude, etc.

If you start, there is a possibility that many of us will share their bitter experiences, regardless of where they are working.

Expose the name of that individual and let the whole world know. So that in the future, no one will attempt to behave in such a manner in any field they are working in.

Eagerly waiting for the name.

With Regards,

Vivek

Hi AKS,

Just be diplomatic and ignore all the comments that the 62-year-old guy is making. As per your initials, AKS shows you have the power to fight any wars. Be brave and follow your inner soul, which guides you, but do so using your brain. You are close to the solution. Think about it for just 30 minutes with your eyes closed, and you will find the solution. REMEMBER ONE THING, the problems in one's life must be solved by oneself; no one else will come to solve them. So, do your best. GOOD LUCK.

Regards,
Vishal

There is nothing to feel bad rather appreciate the GM's frankness and had the nerves to speak to you! This is not the end of the issue. Get along as ever you did prior to the phone call and befriend his family members which he should be aware of. Rest assured his behaviour towards you will be more of fear rather than trying the odd trick!

Hi AKS,

I wish to agree with Badlu's logic. The boss is a senior person and holding the position of GM-HR (deservingly?). He must have earned this position with a lot of hard work, and I am sure he also knows all about psychology, sexual harassment, motivation, and all related issues. He would have definitely dealt with cases of sexual harassment earlier in his career and would not put his career/reputation at stake.

Keeping these aspects at the back of her mind, she should speak directly to her boss and tell him frankly that such comments make her very uncomfortable and are not welcome. She is also advised to work with confidence and talk to the boss to the point about work-related issues only.

Cheers,
Avinash Tyagi

Hi,

My suggestion would be that the girl should be very firm in handling her relationship with the GM very professionally. No one can intrude on your personal space unless you give the other person that flexibility. If things still go beyond any control, the girl always has the option to take it to higher management. If nothing works out, she should move out and stop this at once. It will hamper not only her personal and professional life but also affect his family. Relationships are more important as compared to career aspirations.

This amounts to sexual harassment. Such incidents are unfortunate and yet not uncommon in the corporate world. Power and position do allow such perverse notions to surface, and seniors tend to manipulate events and situations to take control over unsuspecting juniors.

Some give in and become unwilling victims, but for some (like the lady in this situation), it is repulsive. I think the best option in such circumstances is to ignore any casual off-the-cuff remarks made by the boss, be firm when the boss makes overt advances. However, she has to be extra careful with her work since any deficiencies in her work can be used to put further pressure. She may also choose to confide in someone she can trust in the office.

This is stressful, but I am sure the GM-HR shall realize that the lady is unavailable once he is cold-shouldered. If not, then pray that this recession takes its toll on him or he perishes in some natural calamity. And finally, if nothing works, be prepared to fight and lose the job. Because jobs once lost may still be available in the open market, but one's character and self-belief once lost will be almost impossible to find.

This is one more misconception..........

No one can help her she has to help herself..........to become upright in her approach to boss and to this forum by not posting faltu Mischievous postings......and wasting time for sympathising with her unnecessarily because we do not have access to her Boss to speak him on this subject.

so remember you cannot help her nor anybody else...........

She must give contact number of her boss we citehr members will send our envoy to him to express our sentiments.........:-D

We should misinterprete this as sexual harrashment.....
There are some myths of harrashments, Seems like managers would have gotten the message about sexual harassment, but many are still confused. Here are the facts about some of the most prevalent myths:
Myth--Harassment must be by someone employed by the company.
Fact--Clients or customers of an employer can also commit sexual harassment against your employees. For example, a restaurant customer can commit an act or repeated acts of sexual harassment against an employer’s waitress.
Myth--Sexual harassment is about men harassing women.
Fact--Although acts of sexual harassment must be grounded in discrimination that is based on sex, the sex of the offender and victim is not controlling. Therefore, females can commit sexual harassment against males, males can commit sexual harassment against other males, and females can commit sexual harassment against other females.
Myth--Harassment can only be charged by the person harassed, not by witnesses.
Fact--Some courts have held that bystanders, or mere witnesses to unlawful acts of sexual harassment, may also be victims. As a result, an employee who bears witness to sexual harassment that is directed toward another employee may also find protection under the law.
Myth--If the harasser didn't intend to offend, there's no harassment.
Fact--Intent doesn't matter. It's the reaction of the person who is harassed that counts. "I was just kidding" won't hold up in court.

Captain Cook

You are right - it is the wrong time to look for a job. It would be near impossible to pin him down on a charge of sexual harassment. Without witnesses, the nearest option for the victim would have been if she started sobbing on hearing the proposal from her boss and related the incident to her office colleagues or her close ones. I am convinced she did none of these - hence the appeal for help. The organization will no doubt listen to the boss and dismiss your allegations as it is much easier than to haul up a senior member who will deny her story. The way he has broached the subject indicates he was on a "fishing expedition" trying his luck. If she had fallen for it, he strikes "gold" - if it fails, he has nothing to lose. He may have his own version too.

Advise your friend to be careful in her dealings with the dirty old man. He may be having problems at home or denied the means to satisfy his urges and is trying his luck by using his "persuasive" station in life. Whatever it is, he will try again, and your friend needs to be prepared. She should ensure she is not caught in his cabin and should deny his invitations to go out alone. She should relate any incidents bordering on harassment to her colleagues and follow the office guidelines on dealing with harassment.

Regards,
Ganapathy Ramasamy

Hey all,

I read each and every comment on this post.

First of all, my reaction to those who said it was a waste or useless post is quite different.

I agree that being an HR Officer, she is mature enough to make decisions. However, not everyone is the same or thinks alike, or has the same maturity level that others have already attained through their experiences or exposure to such things earlier.

Maybe it's her first job, and she is not able to think in that way and is not mentally strong enough to make decisions as she is still in a learning stage. Please note that I am not particularly talking about only the girl who posted it; I am talking about every woman working in this corporate world.

Also, some have talked about the psychology of a woman. To those, I would say in loud words that if they understand so much about a woman's psychology or sixth sense, they must at least understand that a woman generally needs confirmation from others when making decisions in her life. It can be while choosing a dress, a mobile phone, or even filling out a form to apply for a job.

And please don't misunderstand that I am saying a woman is generally mentally weak and can't make decisions alone. The point is that our society and the way girls are brought up make them seek confirmation from someone. That person can be her father, brother, husband, or just a friend, or even people from the CiteHR forum. A woman can discuss or seek advice about anything from anyone if she feels comfortable doing so. So there is no point in overreacting about her sharing this particular experience with all of us.

Anyways, if we are already aware of this and don't want to waste time on such issues, then we should ignore it. But maybe this discussion is being read by other girls/boys.

Believe me, there are still people who have no clue about such issues, and we can't say they are ignorant, but it's just that they haven't had as much exposure as they should have. I would quote "better late than never" for those who are not aware of such issues and can gain guidance from these posts to become mentally stronger to deal with such happenings.

Maybe she just wanted confirmation from others about her decision (that she must have thought) or just wanted others' opinions to take the best possible step.

I am quite happy to see a number of posts in this discussion with totally different opinions and suggestions.

I have nothing different to suggest to AKS about it, as all generous people have already analyzed it from every angle.

One thing I would like to say is that several movies like "Life in a Metro," "Corporate," "Fashion" (the latest one) have already covered such issues. So consider the situation from every aspect and make your best decision.

All the best!

Cheers 😊

Always wishing good for you,

Silky Bhardwaj

Dear all,

Remember, one thing: no one can disturb you without your permission. If you are feeling low, it is because of you. Don't feel dull. Collect your courage and look at the situation from a different perspective. If you cannot change the reality, then change the way you see reality. I have faith in you; only you have the best solution to this problem. There is no need to be afraid of losing your job. Live with dignity.

Best of luck.

Hi AKS,

1. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
2. There is no smoke without fire.
3. Clapping requires both hands.
4. That's all natural phenomena.

Pondering the above well-known sayings, introspect yourself; you might find the answer.

Hey guys,

I believe the situation which was uploaded is fictitious. If I am correct, the GM_HR would have asked for her opinion before saying anything. Being in that position and having worked for so many years in HR, he must be aware of the pros and cons of the problem.

If he has indeed made a proposal, then the HR Officer has every right to respond in that manner. She can either complain or refuse the proposal outright. The main issue lies in how much strength the HR Officer has to say NO.

Regards,
Prasanna
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Hello AKS,

Be very professional and don't carry this burden for long. Just forget it and be careful in your approach. He should feel sorry and guilty about himself by seeing you and your boldness. He should feel that you are not that type of girl he was expecting. Don't give too much importance to this issue and don't tell this incident to your colleagues. Tell one person who is a very good friend of yours and may be trusted, because in the future, it will help if some other incident occurs. One small tip for you in your future professional life: Whenever you meet a new person who may be either your boss, colleague, or junior, don't get very close and go into unwanted discussions that are not related to your job until you know them very well. You cannot read anybody's mind and their intentions, so why take a chance? Precaution is better than cure. Good luck and never think of leaving this job because this type of incidents will always be there in your professional life. Take this as a challenge. Best of luck. :) :)

Regards,

Suresh G Nair

Don't you think this is conservative thinking of "Shri Ram Sena" ideologies? If you are a professional, be professional, but your personal matters such as dating and proposals for marriages are not official subjects. You cannot discuss here.

Dear AKS,

I feel very ashamed because of such an HR person spoiling our HR community. How is this happening? As advised by many professionals, please confront face-to-face in front of other colleagues. Don't discuss this with other colleagues; it will spread throughout the company, and your name may get tarnished.

Also, reach your harassment escalation path confidentially. I feel some evidence is required for that when approaching the harassment cell, given that nonsense is sitting in a senior position in the company.

Alternatively, provide us with the mobile number of the nonsense GM (HR); the group members will teach him a lesson.

Don't worry... Relax...

Regards, Sekar Devaraj

Hi Aks,

I personally feel that you should first take a few of your colleagues into confidence. Please be careful in terms of what you tell them; at times, the information you share might be used against you. Therefore, it is crucial to fully trust them before divulging any sensitive details.

Secondly, being in the HR department, you can help in formulating a proper sexual harassment policy. Gradually, you can escalate the issue to the next person in the hierarchy. Try to understand the GM's intentions in doing this and whether this behavior is targeted only towards you or if other female colleagues have also been affected.

To combat this, you must delve deep into the matter. If the GM's misconduct extends to other female staff, it will be easier for you to take a stand against him and set an example for others to deter such inappropriate behavior in the workplace.

I hope this guidance proves helpful to you.

Tanwi

Hi all HR professional friends,

Cite HR is one site that always helps to contribute all HR messages, and from this site, we learn much more. We share our problems, suggest solutions for junior HR difficulties. My request to all friends is to please refrain from commenting on others. Let's ignore all misunderstandings and continue helping our HR friends as we did before. Please disregard all matters and support each other. If anyone needs advice and you have sufficient knowledge, then guide others. Don't mislead, behave improperly, or act inappropriately because we are HR professionals. My opinion for our friends is to please ignore this matter.

Just ignore him and be very professional. Next time when he tries to talk like that, be very open and refuse him.

Hi AKS,

This is not an issue to break your head over and ask people. You must be mature enough to handle such situations, whether the person involved is your boss or not. Just be straightforward with him and don't panic. You need to be brave and act professionally. Don't become so frustrated. Just read the attachment.

Bye, Take care Devika

Hi,

Just wanted to ask one thing: if the girl were your sister or daughter, what would be your reply? If your reply is the same, then we can understand where the fault lies.

See, badloser, only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches. When there is fire in your home, only then will you understand. If we cannot erase someone's sorrow, then don't try to become the pencil of the same.

Hey AKS,

It's really a difficult situation. Whenever you pass through or go into your GM's cabin, it's difficult to talk, and moreover, being a female, it's again difficult to express it. But yes, the sexual harassment act can help you. Collect all the proof like SMS (if he sent any), call records. It's better if you can record his conversations. You can seek help from HR personnel, higher authorities (especially females) from your company. If you don't react this time, it means you are encouraging him.

This is a really unpredictable situation. Your boss has done very bad with you. He knows that you are more junior than him, so if you refuse his proposal, he can spoil your career. He knows it's a recession time. He wants to get success in his evil work, and he has taken the support of recession time. But be bold and do your work. Put a strong mail to the company's head in this respect and mark cc to other top members. You can also make it a matter of sexual harassment. I hope they'll help you because it'll also affect his company's market value.

Regards, Namita

Hi, ask... :)
Don't be afraid and be brave. Take care.
Don't be upset. :(

Hi,

Please ignore this kind of nonsense and concentrate on your work. 😊

Take care.

Goodbye.

If this had been with my daughter or sister, she definitely would have talked to family members and not on this forum, at least because it's a matter of common sense that this is not the place to discuss your personal problems. You don't share here with whom you are dating on this site, then don't discuss who proposed to you. What's wrong if his intention is truly to marry? What are we supposed to do? If she doesn't like him, tell him he is not fit into her choice and status, that's all. This is not sexual harassment or exploitation; it happens in all offices; people do engage in affairs and whatnot, who cares? But they don't discuss on professional forums.

Badlu

Hi,

Whatever the matter is, cut it down very smoothly. If not, you may suffer in the future because of these bloody rogues.

Your friend

Hi,

If this kind of situation happens to me, I will behave very cool in front of him, i.e., I will act as if such a situation did not happen to me. I will try to avoid him all the time unless there is no work. My best suggestion is your boss has to leave the company or you have to... because whenever you see him, you will only remember this event.

Hi,

To underline all the comments, you should be very careful in your work every time there is a demand to interact with your boss. Also, you need to be firm and behave professionally, not giving room for any bad instances. If this still continues, then you need to either escalate the issue to the higher authorities if you can fight the case or better look for better opportunities rather than undergoing the trauma.

All the best,
Raghu Shekaran

Hi, AKS,

I agree with Raj on the above issue. At my organization, a similar thing is happening but with totally different intentions. My HR Manager is 32, and the Director is 58, both married with good partners and beautiful children. However, in my office, the manager (a lady) is using the opportunity to illegitimately climb the ladder with shortcut promotions without putting in any work. She arrives at the office half an hour late and leaves an hour early frequently during the month. On top of that, she gets special permission in emails from the director, citing family responsibilities. In the office, I have seen her mostly surfing through e-cards sites, which she sends to the director, and I have proof of that. They go out for lunch and shopping twice a week, extending the breaks from 1 hour to 2.5 or 3 hours. She also makes long-distance calls to her hometown from the office phone in the director's cabin, even when he is around. There are many more things that happen between them, which are not worth being written here. But the ultimate result is that I, as well as the other person in the HR team, work tirelessly and don't receive good feedback, while this lady manager walks away with quarterly pay hikes of 40-50% every 6 months.

On the other side, the staff of my organization sees this lady as someone who can stoop to any level to get things her way. So, you see, everybody has to pay a price, whether the right way or the wrong way. It's only you who has to decide what is better for you. No amount of advice will help!

Regards

I got the following impressions from the members' responses:

Members presumed that this lady, AKS, is a very poor chap who is in dire need of this job. They believe AKS has no alternative but to continue with the same job, as she is needy and cannot find another job. Furthermore, they think AKS is trapped under the boss's lust for her, and she is a victim of sexual harassment. AKS is under psychological pressure to continue the job and must be wary of the boss's intentions. Members advise that AKS should not give any chance to his boss and protect her integrity. She should safeguard herself from the boss's retaliation and be defensive in defending her job first.

Abraham

Dear Mr. Badlu, this is for your kind information that this is not a personal problem, but rather a serious matter of workplace harassment and sexual harassment that needs to be discussed and solved. I really doubt if you really have 18 years of experience (as you mentioned earlier in this post) and are not aware of the acts and laws on the prevention of sexual and workplace harassment. Not only the government but also all organizations have policies to prevent sexual harassment. If you don't wish to give any valuable suggestions, then it's better you keep silent, but don't pass worthless and afflictive comments.

Dear AKS, You should speak professionally with your boss and explain to him that you were hurt by his proposal, and it is not at all appreciable.

Pritesh, you are 100% right.

Dear AKS, by making a lot of hue and cry, you will only make the situation worse. Additionally, your co-workers will be the first to laugh behind your back. Do you think any other employee will support you against this boss? No way. Deal with such situations very calmly and have clear communication with the boss. Make him understand that you are not interested in him at all. All the best.

Hey AKS,

Always keep smiling and don't take your GM's words seriously if it is the first time; just ignore him. But if he is repeating things, then tell him frankly that you are getting engaged with someone soon or that you already have someone in mind. If there is no harassment policy in your organization, why don't you ask your GM to create one?

I hope this helps!

Dear Panda,

You did not read her subject properly, and with my 18 years of experience, I can read and interpret well. AKS has raised one issue: "Boss Proposed Her." What's wrong? Tomorrow I will propose to her, or anybody can propose to her if he has a desire for her. REMEMBER AGE IS ONLY A NUMBER.

She did not complain that she is being harassed for sexual favors or treated badly by her boss? This is the difference experience makes, my friend.

Badlu

Thank you to all the CiteHR members for their valuable suggestions. One thing needs to be clarified. Here, many of the fellow members have felt that this is a personal problem, so CiteHR is not a site to discuss these issues.

The problem has been raised in the forum as this is a professional problem. It's a breach of professional ethics, and the person who has done it is the one who is supposed to maintain and preach the lesson of ethics at the organization.

I strongly feel this thread needs to be deleted. The members who never care to post in other productive forums somehow come like honeybees and start posting here, increasing the page count to 8 pages. All threads on sex, lust, and females get popularity in CiteHR. Earlier famous threads were also there, like "Employee Wearing Sensational Clothes in Office," "Employee Found Doing This with Boss," etc.

This trend goes on everywhere, and it is solely the duty of the person to ensure that he/she is protected. As pointed out by Badlu Sir, the person can seek advice from their relatives, close friends, and even cry and express their feelings better to them.

I hope the members cooperate in closing this thread. Even now, the thread starter has put up...

Thanks.

So, I request the admin to kindly delete this thread.

I don't think you need to give any clarification about this. Those who know the difference between a professional and personal issue will understand your problem. Those who don't, just leave them, as they can't guide you either. Now, help yourself bravely. We can all just suggest, right?

Hi AKS,

There are a variety of sick people around, and this boss seems like one of them. Such people are to be handled tactfully. It is not only for him, but there are others as well. Just try to behave firmly. The most important thing is learning to say "NO," which a lot of females in the corporate world are scared of. Once the other person feels you are too firm to be shaken and it might backfire on him, he will back off himself. Such people sometimes try their luck this way; if things work out, okay, if not, they will look for another target.

Try to limit your communication with him, as official as it can be. Specifically, try to put everything in writing (via email, etc.) so that he should not even try to raise performance issues. Take one or two colleagues into confidence. If he tries to take advantage, warn him strictly that such initiatives are not appreciated, and you will file a complaint against him for this.

When you are sure of what your motto in life is, focus on achieving that. Such unnecessary obstacles will come and fade away, but you stay firm on what is right for you and what is not.

Take care.

Regards,
Nidhi

First things first, you have admitted that this forum is not the place to discuss such issues because it is a public domain and a professional forum. However, the issue you have raised is becoming increasingly common, but that does not mean we should ignore it. We must not let such behavior go unpunished. Since this conversation happened over the phone, there is no evidence to prove it took place, so you cannot take any action as the person can deny such allegations. Since he is in a position of power, he could create problems for you. You need to bide your time and wait for another instance where he does something similar, then you should record the conversation and bring it to the attention of the CEO or MD, whoever is in charge. Without substantial evidence, accusing a senior person is not advisable, as it could harm your future career. I would recommend being cautious and waiting for the right opportunity. In the meantime, avoid meeting him alone and always have someone else present if you need to meet him officially. When on the phone, consider recording the conversation or use a speakerphone. Maintain politeness. Thank you

Here is the revised text with corrected spelling, grammar, and proper paragraph formatting:

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You are in a very critical situation. If you feel there will be some problem in your career if you confront him directly, call him and politely express that you have always felt a paternal kind of relationship with him. If he still doesn't listen (Some people are stubborn), escalate this issue by bypassing your hierarchies. Otherwise, record the conversation you are going to have with him on your mobile phone, which could be crucial evidence in the future. Lodge a complaint at the police station with the evidence you have collected and try to gather as much evidence as possible (emails, phone conversations, etc.). From that point on, nobody can dismiss you from the office.

I would suggest that you kindly make it known to your boss that you do not appreciate his advances and wait for the right moment. In the meantime, start exploring other job opportunities. Once a suitable opportunity arises, consider changing jobs. Realistically, you may not find peace in the company moving forward. Theoretically, there are many options available, but you must determine if you are willing to be the one to make sacrifices.

Dear Friend,

Your situation is very challenging. Please speak with your GM-HR in a private setting and clearly explain your position. Also, set a time limit for a decision. During this period, take a week off and visit your favorite place, dedicating more time to meditation. If after a week there is no change in your GM-HR's decision, escalate the issue to their superiors. I believe by then you will find some relief. My prayers are with you for your well-being.

Thanks & Regards,
M. Krishnakumar

Hi AKS,

It's very sad to hear that a 62-year-old senior matured person who is already living a social life has done this nonsense. Just convey this message directly to him: "Sir, I do respect you like my father. I never expected this thing from you. If you want to restore your respect, please reply to my question on this issue and tell me what your suggestion would be if I were your daughter and the same thing happened to me."

Thanks & Regards,
Dhiraj

Hi,

I'm shocked after reading this message from a Senior HR person like you. You don't have to involve anyone in these types of issues. Being a working woman, you should know how to handle such nonsense scrap. You could have ended this nonsense talk at that point in time by saying, "Yes, I do love you as a father."

Going through legal ways is not a logical way to handle such a simple and non-professional issue.

Regards,
Nishant

Happy to throw a problem to think tankers... Great responses from all the members. I am purely thinking about what actually happened, then seeing that in what conditions the boss proposed, and how the HR reacted to the boss's proposal. Well, here things should be taken into a positive light. In the corporate world, all employees are working as a team. I don't know what relations are going on with those two individuals. Problems will arise not only from the boss's side but also from the HR's side.

The world will view it from the side of HR, but if you look at it from the boss's side... being human, having emotions, some factors may attract which should not be possessed. HR should maintain organizational ethics and also how she maintains the relationship with the boss and colleagues plays a role. Coming to the boss's side, being of fatherly age, the attitude he possesses is typical. Even though he should not possess and treat the employees with respect and follow ethics.

Listening to one side is not advisable. Problems will have a double edge. Cut evenly and judge towards the positive.

Regards,
Sanjay

I think Mr. Raj has given you accurate words to do and don'ts to follow. I fully admire Raj's advice: "Be professional, on the offensive side, work with a cold face with the GM, and behave professionally ONLY. Whenever he approaches on such things - BE VERY FIRM in giving the answer back on the face. (It is a good idea to do that in front of a few people, as witnesses)."

Be Brave :icon1::icon1:

Regards,

Sonia Raman

Hi Aks,

This is a very bad situation, and we understand the problem as this is also not the right time to resign from the job. Having said this, it is also not essential to actually worry and tolerate that kind of nonsense from the managers. Sexual harassment is a serious crime that can actually terminate the person, irrespective of which position he is in, and the company should be ready to support you in that matter. If the company doesn't support you, then that is not the company you should be working for, as there are so many other values in life apart from salary and money. If you have sufficient proof, then don't hesitate to bring that to the higher management, and if he is one among the higher management, then bring him to his manager's notice.

For Bulldozer or whoever it may be: Citehr is a place where we give and take suggestions and not for joking around and typing some foolish stuff. If you really want to enjoy that kind of stuff, there are a lot of other sites specially designed for you people. I think the moderators should take a look at all these stuff also.

Regards,

DJ

It's simple. Boss did nothing wrong by proposing to you. Moreover, it appears that you enjoy his proposal.

Tell your boss that you are already engaged with someone else.

Rashid

I also don't understand what's wrong in proposing?

Many bosses only lure with lady staff and do not propose to them; they just play with them. At least your boss is honestly proposing to you. As such, you must respect his feelings and honesty...

You are a cruel lady.

Partho

Dear ASK,

Dear relay you are in bad situation. But if I am in your situation I will complain to my higher authorities like head HR (Group), Operation head.

And I the mean time I resigned form job with communicating the situation. Because we work for our careers but not I cost of our values and ethics.

Now it’s a matter of self respect and your security too.

Think form your cool mind and take your decision

Hi,

1. Make sure you are dressed properly. I know you do still take necessary steps.
2. Don't answer his call after office hours.
3. Don't stay too long in the office when he is there.
4. Don't take anything offered by him in the office (cool drinks).
5. In the meantime, look for some other job.
6. Don't show your nervousness; he may take advantage of it.
7. Tell him you didn't like his joke - what did he do?

I have corrected the spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors in your message. Additionally, I have ensured proper paragraph formatting with a single line break between each point for better readability. Let me know if you need any further assistance.

Hello,

My suggestion in this matter is that the girl should do her work. The boss will not do anything; if he does anything else, just tell him that he is the age of her father. As time passes, everything will be resolved. Once she finds another good job, she should switch to it.

Jayant