Time-out for ROTFL... :razz:
Snappy answers........ :grin:
Q: Did you catch that fish?
A: No, I talked him into giving himself up.
A: No, I was sitting here minding my own business when the crazy thing jumped into my pail.
A: No, it's a plastic model to get people like you to start fascinating conversations.
Q: (from a woman just pulled over by a police officer) Did I do something wrong, officer?
A: No, today we're giving tickets out for doing things right.
A: No, I just got tired of lugging around these heavy summonses so I decided to give some of them away.
A: No, I'm giving a ticket to this crazy street because it's going the wrong way.
Q: (from a waiter, to a husband and wife) Table for how many?
A: A hundred and twelve -- we like to change seats every few minutes.
A: One -- my wife will sit on my shoulders.
A: I don't know -- I can't count that high, either.
Q: Were you sitting there?
A: No, my imaginary friend, (insert name), is sitting there.
A: No, I was sitting there.
A: Yes... and there... and there... and there!
Q: Is that yours???
A: No, I stole it.
A: Actually I took it out of your wallet.
A: No, I just like showing of my friend's things.
Q: Do you like the lunch you packed today?
A: No, I just put it in there for show.
A: Not at all, I just pack it, then throw it away and go hungry.
Q: So you haven't caught any fish yet huh?
A: Sure, I've caught millions, they're just in the water playing tag!
A: What are talking about? I'm teaching my worm how to swim!
Q: (Person watching a trick) Am I supposed to pick a card?
A: No, you're supposed to pick your nose.
A: No, you're supposed to take all of them.
Q: (Student to teacher) Can I go to the bathroom?
A: I don't know. Can you?
A: Are you wearing a diaper?
Q: Why can't you be like your brother?!
A: Just lucky I guess.
A: Because I'm not really into geekiness.
Q: If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?!
A: Sure, maybe I'd land on a fat kid!
A: I don't know, would it mess up my hair?
Q: Did you bring your lunch today?
A: No, I'm going to eat yours!
A: No, I just carry this bag around because it looks cool.
A: No, I'm going to puke up yesterday's and eat it again!
Q: Excuse me sir, is this the end of the line?
A: No, it's the front, we're all standing backward!
These questions were posted on an Australian Tourism website and the answers are the actual responses by the website's official. They obviously have a sense of humour. Amazing how some people ask daft questions!
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK.)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? ( USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q! : Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-mer-i-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled, and make good pets.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? ( France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.