Struggling to Talk to New People? Seeking Advice on Improving Communication Skills

I have a problem when I talk to people I don't know. I don't know how to improve. I am trying to speak with people, but I don't know where to start. I can't speak; I only listen to them. What advice can you give me on this?

Hi,

Look, friend. Communication is the way of representing your thoughts. It has to be clear. If you fable with the words, it may cause confusion for the listener.

I think you should start talking to everybody without any hesitation, including at home with your friends. Practice in front of the mirror, read newspapers, articles; this will enhance your vocabulary. The best way is to read the dictionary daily. Learn ten words and try to use them in your daily conversations. This will help as I do this daily. It will hardly take 20 minutes.

Communication is something that can't be taught; you need to learn it on your own.

If you still have issues, do tell me. People say that I have strong communication skills. I have just mentioned this to let you know that I won't be giving wrong advice.

Regards,
SJ

Dear friend,

The good news is, you can overcome this, but you must put your mind to it and be willing to stick your neck out a few times. Is this something you face at work alone, or even with your friends?

Some of the reasons are:

1. You lack confidence or have poor self-esteem.
2. You are not fluent in English.
3. You are not well-read enough to contribute to a discussion.

I have met several people who have problem 2 or 3 and yet still speak well, primarily because they are so confident.

My advice is to identify the root cause of your problem. Do you lack confidence or self-esteem? One way to figure it out is to observe your behavior with different kinds of people. Are you more confident speaking to your friends than to colleagues? Why? Are you capable of speaking better with people you believe (sometimes unconsciously) are inferior to you?

If this is the case, then you cannot speak when you believe the other person is superior to you. Remember, superiority/inferiority here is just your perception; it's what you believe. It is not a fact.

Self-esteem and self-confidence can both be worked upon. If you are interested, I'll send some resources.

If the problem lies in your English language skills, then start working on your English speaking skills. Some immediate steps you can take are:

1. Increase your awareness of issues, events, etc., by reading the paper, magazines, journals, forums. Think about everything and make an effort to form your opinions on matters in advance. For office situations, write your ideas down on paper, so that it'll be easier for you to recall and say them in a meeting or official discussion.

2. Start sharing these opinions, first with people you are more comfortable with and later with colleagues and groups of people.

3. If you can recall a conversation where you couldn't speak, work on it. Write down the conversation, and see where all you could have spoken (but didn't). Analyze why you didn't say anything. What were your thoughts, how were you feeling? Did you agree with the other speaker or disagree? Were you scared to contradict? Analyze, and think of all your possible responses, and practice by saying them out loud. Try as much as possible to understand your limitations.

4. Practice speaking to a mirror or in an imagined conversation in the privacy of your home.

5. Keep a victory log to record every time you did speak the way you wanted. Try to remember how you felt then; were you very confident or happy?

6. Be alert to feedback.

7. Observe those people who you think communicate well. Is there anything you can emulate (not parrot)? And finally,

8. It doesn't matter if you make a fool out of yourself, if people put you down when you try to speak up, or if you feel embarrassed or foolish. You have to keep trying and keep improving. If you need any more resources on dialogues, etc., do get in touch with me; I'll send as many resources as I can. There are excellent self-help books on these topics. Believe it or not, they do work! So just keep up the chin and don't get too worried. Just work hard at it!

PS: By the way, listening is also a fantastic skill, but you must listen with confidence, not with the nagging worry of not being able to speak.

Read the newspaper every day, start discussing with your friends, follow a dictionary, and go for accent training.

Remember to stay consistent with these activities to enhance your language skills and broaden your knowledge.

Hi, this is Mayur from Mumbai. I am also facing the same problem. It is a nice solution. I will also start working on it. Please suggest more things to improve communication. (I am from a vernacular medium so I am not familiar with English vocab.) Do reply. Best Regards [Login to view]

Dear friends,

I'll definitely post some more resources. Please do give me some time to put them together.

What I like to emphasize though is that when it comes to communication problems, information is just the starting point. Practice and belief are the key. The two feed each other. The key is to keep at it.

I would appreciate it if you could send me your feedback. Are they helping you? What have you learned? What works for you? Is it too time-consuming, etc.

Regards

Dear One,

I communicated with you for your email address. Anyway, you may go through this presentation and ask as many questions as possible to improve your communication skills. You need not worry about the cost; it will suit you.

Here are two great self-esteem building exercises. Perhaps you've heard of them before. But they are fun to do, easy, and always make your day brighter. Even if you are very confident, you can still do it.

1. At the end of every day, just before you go to bed, look at yourself in the mirror and smile. No matter how happy, sad, tired, exhausted, down in the dumps, or irritated you are feeling... just looking at yourself in the mirror, NOT criticizing anything (such as dark circles, puffy eyes, double chin, etc.) you see in your reflection, but just looking at yourself and giving a big smile that lights up your eyes... just the act of seeing your smile will fix your day.

2. Write down, anywhere, the few things you did in the day that you really appreciate. It need not be big, need not have got any attention from others... Just something you think is worth appreciating.

Here's my list for the day -
1. Fed the stray puppies.
2. Stalled important work for a whole hour to tell made-up stories to my child.
3. Read 3 pages of a great book.
4. Listened more, spoke less.

The process is self-feeding, in that, in a few days, you'll find yourself doing more things that you'd want to appreciate. And since it does not depend on anybody else's opinions or approval, you start depending on your judgment... basically giving yourself and your opinions more respect and more value... which is what good self-esteem is all about.

Hi Fatma, how are you today? :)

To improve your speech or conversation, my advice to you is:
- Do not be shy.
- Practice by joining one of the voice chatting rooms.
- Make phone calls to speak to hotels, airlines, or any services and speak to them.
- Make friends with others and speak to them through your computer microphone.
- Use some learning CDs to improve your speaking and conversation skills.

Wishing you good luck and enjoyment! :)

First thing you should concentrate on is to start reading the newspaper daily, without fail. This will help you improve your vocabulary and the usage of words.

Secondly, try to speak out in front of the mirror, whatever comes into your mind without any hesitation, but make sure that whatever you say - say it in English (don't worry about being right or wrong, as there would be nobody else listening to you at that time) - if you are hesitant about speaking in English in public or in front of anybody.

Then, slowly and gradually try to interact in English with people within your family, friends - maybe over the telephone or face to face.

Once you start gaining self-confidence in what you are learning day by day, I am sure you will be able to communicate fluently in English.

It's all about daily practice, practice, and practice, nothing else. 🌟