Struggling to Build a Respectful Relationship with a Senior Colleague – How Would You Handle This?

Dear All,

You are requested to help me out with the concern mentioned below:

I joined a company two months ago as the Manager of HR. From the very first day, I have been experiencing challenges with the attitude of some long-standing employees.

I am unable to maintain a cordial relationship with the Head Accountant to date due to the following reasons:

1) He is the most senior executive in the company prior to my arrival. Based on internal discussions with other employees, I learned that he expected me to address him as "Sir."

2) He tries to exert authority over every employee in the company, regardless of their position.

3) He lacks respect for other staff members, frequently scolding subordinates, which I find troubling as the Manager of HR.

4) Despite his seniority, he fails to motivate subordinates in any way.

5) He does not support any system within the company.

Currently, there is no communication between us, and two days ago, I made remarks in the attendance register. Following this action, his assistant has also stopped communicating with me.

I often find myself in a difficult situation as we do not speak to each other. However, as per the employer's instructions, I am required to collaborate with him, which proves challenging. I previously approached him professionally, but he did not respond in a respectful manner.

Regards,

Vikas Kumar

It's always good to be self-sufficient and well-equipped to fight alone. You have to take this as a challenge to change his attitude. Let me tell you that Accounts or Finance is not rocket science that he feels proud of something (post mortem job).

As an HR manager, you have limited dependency on him except for budget approval and monthly bill processing, which falls under his accounts domain. You should not bother about his work but must focus on your tasks. If he is not cooperating, send an email to your top boss or cc him to document his non-cooperation to prove he is not responding. Schedule a meeting to discuss joint assignments, copying the head of the unit/company.

I don't know why you are tempted to talk without any purpose; this is your problem. I think you believe that greeting and meeting people is part of your job profile, but that is not an HR Manager's responsibility. Remove your misconceptions about HR.

Regards,
Sawant

Dear Vikas Kumar,

This is an "EGO CLASHING PROBLEM." As your Head Accountant is old in the system, he must have some hold over the unit, and after your joining, his ego is hurt somewhere, and because of that, this kind of problem arises. No need to worry; it will smooth after some time, but you have to kill your ego also. Saying "Sir" to anybody costs nothing. It will improve your values in the eyes of others.

Try this, and if this does not work, then accept the challenge and be a typical professional. No need to go to his seat till then. Compulsorily mark mail to your senior indicating that you have discussed the same with the Head Accountant and mark CC to him also. Do each and everything in black and white. Always update your tasks related to Accounts like budgeting and bill processing. Don't give him a chance to pick any error or delay in your work (maybe he tries for that). Be friendly with each and every employee. When any employee wishes you good morning/good evening, wish them back and be bold in your response (not just a smile on the wish - it creates the impression that the person is proud).

After some time, you will definitely feel the changes.

Rather, I will suggest you never, never, never, never give up!

Regards,

Pankaj Chandan

Dear Vikas,

The situation confronting you is a serious EGO-related issue. Although the Accounts Manager is not performing his duties as a manager concerning how he treats others and motivates them, one should not forget that he is a senior person in the organization.

Try to set aside the differences and connect with him. For example, having tea or lunch with him, or traveling together, would give you an opportunity to understand him better, allowing you to address issues and find common ground.

"Attack the issue and not the person." If, in case, your manager does not respond positively, then escalate the matter to your top management. As HR professionals, we cannot avoid people-related issues as they can significantly impact the organization.

Receiving candid, open, and constructive feedback would be helpful. If you find it challenging, consider asking your top management to intervene in the situation. However, remember to communicate the message.

As Pankaj mentioned, "Never Give Up."

"If not you, then who? If not now, then when?" Employees look up to HR personnel to resolve people-related issues, so we must champion the cause and explore better solutions.

Regards,
K. Manikandan

This happens with elderly people. Just avoid him until you don't have work. Try to communicate mostly through emails. Never give a chance to the Assistant; keep him online. If you still have a problem with the older man, talk to seniors.

I find the situation described here is just routine in any organization. There are instances in my experience where office boys who have been there from the beginning and have become close acquaintances with senior management. These boys ride on every newcomer, irrespective of their position and caliber. Hence, the thread starter should feel comfortable that he is dealing with the Head Accountant :)

Hi Vikas,

I agree with K. Maninandan's points. You should not go with ego, be mature, think positively. Even I had managers who never respond to your call or they don't look at you because you are new. See, it takes some time, just hang on. The person being a senior both in age and to the company, there is no problem in addressing him as SIR. See, HR is not at the top in every industry. In our organization, Accounts Leads all the tables. It differs from company to company. In the Hotel Industry, HR needs to use the back exit; they should not use the main door. There are certain things you have to know to make the situation bearable. Don't get personal emotions into the job. Fight with the situation and not with the person. The best way is to plan and look out for the best suggestions from K. Maninandan. You can solve the issues.

Thanks & Regards,
Uday

Hi Vikas,

Please try to do a case study with his profile:

1. Has he handled HR before you joined the organization?
2. Does he have any additional qualifications in HR?

My suggestion to solve your problem is:

1. Please try to discuss with him directly (one-to-one) and explain your views diplomatically. Seek cooperation by explaining the nature of duties you are supposed to perform as per management requirements.
2. The attitude of human beings cannot be changed within a very short time. You have to work very closely with him. Please don't avoid him. Treat him like a person who needs help (he has weaknesses that are not liked by others).
3. Try to help him come out of his issues. As a senior person, he may accept the issues if you explain them in the right manner.
4. Develop rapport with him (officially and personally). As an HR person, we should avoid conflicts that can affect organizational performance.
5. Study his behavior and consider having a counseling session with him.

Regards,

V. Jagannathan

My sincere thanks to all reactors:

One thing I want to know from a few experienced people who are suggesting to me that there is no harm in calling him Sir. If you are a department head and the second person is also heading another department, then there is no requirement to call him sir. What about your self-dignity? (He is younger than me by age.)

If you are capable enough and performing well in your field, then what is the need to lose your dignity to cater to the ego of the second person?

I don't know what other HR professionals think about the office environment. From my HR perspective, being an old employee, you should act as a mentor to newcomers rather than assuming that a new devotee of yours is entering the office.

"I love my self-dignity, and if I am doing well in my profile, then there is no need to adjust with anyone, whether he is egotistic or anything else."

Thanks once again.

Regards,
Vikas Kumar

Dear Vikas,

Even I am facing the same problem in my present organization, and I also shared the problem with the seniors of citehe. I received a lot of responses and benefitted from the suggestions. I would like to share them with you.

- As you just joined the firm, it will take some time to adjust. - Keep patience and be polite.

- Focus on other employees as you maintain a cordial relationship with them; they will be your spokesperson.

- Be object-oriented and solve one's problem immediately.

- Do your own work and let the employees come to you to discuss their problems.

- As you are HR, there will be a lot of employee issues to address such as attendance, leave, compensation, grievances, and developing employee-friendly policies like 5 days working, 2 or 4 Saturdays off, employee recognition, and reward policy. Consider keeping an award for loyalty, such as the "Loyalty Award."

- Through all this, you will be able to make space and identity in the office. Once you start doing all this, you will feel that you don't have time to focus on your Accountant and his attitude.

- When your mind is focused on work, you will not have time to concentrate on him.

- Take it easy and be cool because as an HR manager, the foremost quality is patience.

"you need to deal with human beings, not machines, and human beings are not operated through fuel but through good relationships. Maintaining relationships will take time."

Please try this and share your experience. If you need any help, email me. I will be happy to help.

Our friends have definitely given you good insights. In addition, let us also understand that seniors (in a conservative work environment) sometimes consider new, younger managers (even if experienced) to be 'not so capable'. The ego issue may arise when there is a disparity shown by the management towards the new employee in terms of attention, support, and salary.

It is best to let the issue wear out, keep limited contact, plan and interact in advance so that any delay tactics can be handled. Last, but not least, prove why you are the Manager-HR. Sometimes, the achievement of milestones can change the attitude of seniors towards new employees. Two months is too short for you to deliver, so work on your areas of delivery.

All the best!!

Dear Vikas,

Please go through the several replies given by our friends which are more useful to the freshers like you to perform effective HR functions. I need not tell you more than that. But, as a Retired Gazetted Officer of a Government Department, I intend to give some feedback in this regard.

In every office, whether it is Government, Private Sector, Industry, Corporate Office, Registered Company, similar situations may arise for all. There are some personalities who always think that they know everything by virtue of seniority in the firm and try to dominate others. Such individuals should be handled in a specialized manner so that they must realize others' individual capacities, concepts, personality traits, vocational skills, etc. Any individual must "turn the page and learn the work." You are now on the first step in the HR arena. You will have to face many such problems in the future.

My best advice to you is to "keep silence" with the Head Accountant. Concentrate your mind on your HR functions to perform in a systematic and effective way. Minimize your contacts with him. Restrict your activities with him as far as possible unless there is a need according to official procedures, processes, and administrative necessities. Always maintain a humorous mood with your official colleagues. Your sincerity, honesty, work-mindedness, initiative, zeal and industry, tact and temper, responsiveness, commitment, regularity must teach him a lesson despite his seniority position. Nobody is perfect in any field. Every human being must learn some qualities from fellow human beings. Respect cannot be demanded from anyone. It is a reciprocal process. Give respect and take respect is the common phenomenon. You may improve your HR skills while officiating your duties. This will definitely reflect on your Head Accountant. Don't hesitate to talk to him at times of need. Elaborate on your concepts, your HR streams, plans while making discussions with your colleagues, subordinates, superior authorities which will help you withstand a future developmental process in your career and continue to explore the possibilities to develop your knowledge, competencies, skills in HR functions. All these qualities strengthen your performance in the HR field. By observing this tendency in your mind, our Head Accountant brother may change his mindset and definitely follow suit to meet your needs in the official atmosphere.

Suri Babu Komakula

Dear,

This is a turning point to show your abilities to head the HR department. As an HR Head, you are the guardian for all employees in an official way. You cannot be aloof, as that will diminish your career. Also, you are supposed to talk with him on official issues. I understand he will not speak face to face.

You talk to your boss, who is the head of your unit, to arrange for a get-together meeting. There you table activities of HR and the relationship with other departments to run the business smoothly. Make others understand that you are a part of the company and working with them.

If it is not feasible, explain the situation to the head of the business and let him understand that you will cooperate in all official ways but cannot tolerate domination.

Then, have a meeting with him during lunch or take him out and explain that you are not his enemy and you will not block his work. He is heading the Accounts department, and you are heading the HR department. The difference is in age and experience. Also, make sure that he is always respected.

But at any time, do not discuss his attitude with others, as it will create a worse situation.

All the best,

SMS - Dubai

Hi Vikas,

As everybody else says, this is an ego-related issue. Ignore him and just act as you would to anybody else in the company. You shouldn't lower yourself to his level. Be polite to him as you would to anyone else; that is my suggestion. If he does not change, that is his problem, but then you haven't made things worse by acting as childish as he has.

Good luck,
A

Hi,

I totally agree with Pankaj. In every organization, a certain number of old employees will be there. Admitting a new person with a new position will be a difficult problem with every employee. But it takes a lot of time to adjust with a new person. So, being a new employee and an HR Manager, first, you have to have a hold on each employee and take the people in your hand. Of course, a senior-most official will definitely like to address him as sir, but calling a person sir will never harm you; on the other hand, it will help you to get out of the problems very soon. Slowly, you adopt the strategy of holding the people and later you impose what you want to implement. Always remember, slowly and steadily wins the race. Do not follow all the gossip given by other employees. Get control of everything. I also faced such situations when I joined the organization newly. But I made the strategy of keeping a hold on all employees by different methods. Simple words can make a person helpful in many ways.

Some of the tips are:
1. Say good morning to each employee irrespective of the grade, designation, etc.
2. Find some time to talk to them openly about their problems and grievances.
3. Talk to them about their family, background, etc.

Hope this can help you much in working in a cordial way rather than keeping ego and hatred.

Bindu

Dear Vikas,

In your capacity as HR Manager, you often face situations where the actual person concerned may not be you but the Head Accountant and the H.O.D of another department, who too may have joined recently. If this were the case, how would you manage the situation? Whom would you ask to do what, when, and how? How would you ensure that the office atmosphere was positive and productive?

To me, your ability to have an 'internal discussion' on the matter has only caused you to have serious long-term negative consequences both for yourself and the office. Think about it.

Joseph

Vikas,

There is no need to call him "Sir" as respect is earned, not demanded. You can't respect someone if you don't feel like respecting, and respect has to come from within. In our office, we address the MD (British) by name and the Director (German) by name. I fail to understand why we Indians are so obsessed with words like "Sir" or "Ma'am"?

The best way to show a systematic reply is to terminate him and demonstrate to all staff that the company does not rely solely on one key staff member. We need employees to be team members who exhibit improvement in their attitude and work life.

Hi,

Why do you want to put a lot of issues in your mind? Just be as cool as possible. You are an HR professional, and you should be able to deal with people's emotions. Experienced individuals will behave in that way only; it's not a strange thing. You can't change it in a day; it will take time, perhaps even a year.

Listen, I have been in a private bank for 8 months. I have faced similar issues. What I have learned is that one should not spoil the professional relationship, even with the staff in the lowest positions, as it can affect your work negatively. Ensure your work is perfect and keep a record of everything you do along with them. If possible, record your phone conversations for your safety. They may have more influence due to their tenure in the organization, and their subordinates might try to please them as they rely on him for survival in the company more than they do on you.

Try to address them as "sir" if appropriate (if you believe it's respectful). Be friendly with their subordinates, even if it's outside the office. Never give them a reason to find fault in you. Politely reject their suggestions if you think there are better alternatives, saying something like, "Your idea is good, and we can also explore other approaches." If you feel they won't let you work in peace, try to work in an office where they are not present. It's not always necessary to leave; sometimes, it's about finding a better working environment.

I hope you understand my point.

Good morning to all,

I want to say thank you to all of you for your replies. I have left that company because of that issue, and nowadays I'm with a company that is taking care of my esteem with a handsome salary.

ALL IN ALL, as per my experience:

Don't lose your dignity in front of anyone.
(apni nazro me girkar bhi kaam karne se koi fayeda)
Aise to paise kamane ke aur bhi bahut tarike hain where dignity or atmasamaan jaise sabdo ki koi jagah hi nahi,

It's not about any senior or junior..

Regards,
Vikas Kumar