Feeling Overwhelmed as the Only Woman in the Office: How Do I Handle Dominating Colleagues?

Hi All,

I am working as an HR executive in a company. I am the only lady in the organization. Every day I am facing the same problem because my boss has been shifted to another place; therefore, he is unable to come to the office regularly. The other people in this branch (male) are not behaving with me properly. They always try to dominate. One person doesn't like it if I am talking with another person. Everyone forces their views on me, telling me what to do and what not to do because I am new. Sometimes this creates trouble because their views are different. I am really confused about what to do. I have already complained to my boss once for other reasons. He is very understanding. But all the time, it's like a... Please, somebody help me out.

Regards,
Chandana

Hi Chandana,

First of all, Chandana, as an HR professional, you have to become strong. Don't allow yourself to be dominated by other people because if you remain passive in the current company, it's likely that people will continue to dominate you when you move to another company. This tendency exists everywhere, as it is human nature for those who are dominated to then dominate others more.

Regarding the individual you mentioned, make your expectations clear to him in front of others with a strong voice. Let him know that you do not appreciate his interference in your life and that he has no authority to dictate whom you can or cannot communicate with. You are not his property, and you have the freedom to interact with whomever you choose. By demonstrating this assertiveness, it will serve as a lesson for others as well. Share your thoughts with one person, but ensure that others understand your stance.

Always remember not to let others control you. Instead, aim to assert control over your own actions and decisions. Rather than thinking that as a single person you are powerless, consider the impact that one determined individual can have. Be strong.

Regards,
Kunal

Hi Kunal and Rajat,

I agree with you, but they don't give me a chance to perform. They never appreciate me whenever I am right and comment on me however they like. It hurts me. Anyways, thanks a ton. I SHOULD MYSELF.

Regards,
Chandana :)

Chandana,
I don't think it is because you are a lady. In every organization, it happens. People do try to dominate the newly inducted employees. The best way, as per my viewpoint, is to adjust by making friendships with everybody. Initially, everybody may avoid the same, but gradually the situation would improve. There is no point in complaining to the boss every time as the boss would get irritated.

Santosh Iyer

Dear Chandana,

Simple rules you can follow to come out from this problem:

(1) Do what you feel is right; in this case, you will enjoy your job.

(2) Try to learn positive points from your co-staff and bosses, and accept them in front of them.

(3) Forget your past experiences with them. Remove all mindsets. Try to feel your presence and importance. Forget what others think about you and your role. People will accept you as you perceive yourself because our thinking becomes our behavior.

Try it and then give feedback.

Dear Chandana,

Don't make others feel that being a lady you are not able to compete with males and that you feel insecure. You have to be bold enough to face this world independently, and this will help you not only in the office but also outside. Times have changed, and females are doing better than males. Change your mindset and do not make such excuses.

YOGENDRA

The issues raised by Chandana are symptomatic of a larger phenomenon confronted by new recruits/inductees. There is a lesson to be taken by organizations also. This highlights the need for a formal induction program which helps in the acculturation process. Otherwise, the new recruit feels lost in an alien environment. The system of mentoring which exists in some organizations also helps the new inductee learn the ropes and to find a foothold. It is the role of HR professionals to make use of these tools for the betterment of organizations.

Ashok

Dear Chandana,

I suggest that you keep your boss informed every day by sending a simple email. If your boss is cooperative, keep him in the loop, let him know about the situations, and prepare yourself for the usual behavior of human beings.

Regards,

Chetan Prajapati

Hi,

The situation you are facing is common for newcomers. Do not feel discouraged. You might be feeling obliged to listen to everyone considering their seniority, and at times everybody's suggestions may sound good but practically difficult to implement.

First, understand that each department has a deciding superior. The simple rule is to stick to your boss's instructions. You could smile and listen to all suggestions but make it clear to them by saying, "I will discuss this with the boss and do the needful." You are likely to get reactions like "you cannot discuss everything with the boss," etc., but do not bother. You are responsible and answerable to your boss, and he is the one who is going to appraise your performance. So all matters are to be put in place as per his instructions. Explain the situation to your boss and get his permission to call him on his mobile to seek his instructions in case of urgency. Since he is not being regular in attending the office, I don't think he would mind. Anytime you have difficulty in any matter, call him immediately and solve the situation.

Secondly, the HR department is always expected to be cordial to everybody. You should be an embodiment of tact and diplomacy. You should be friendly, non-offensive, and at the same time make it clear to everyone that you know your rules of functioning and reporting. Thank people for their suggestions but do what is good for the office and approved by the boss. Over time the others will realize that they cannot influence you.

Thirdly, do not encourage anyone to waste your working time, even if it is an interfering senior colleague trying to advise you. You could respectfully tell them you will listen to them after finishing your urgent assignment. As an HR person, you should set an example for a day's work turnover or productivity, without indulging in prolonged discussions. Hope you are getting my drift.

Lastly, protecting your personal space and self-respect is in your hands. If somebody behaves funny, deal with them as you would in your normal life. Somebody else in the office cannot come to your rescue in such cases unless you give a complaint. Hence nip these things in the bud.

You seem to be a patient and accommodative person. Just add the qualities of being clear about your role, confidence, and talking frankly without being offensive. You would turn out to be a wonderful HR person!!!

Good luck!!:icon1:

Jyothi

Hi All,

I am working as an HR executive in a company, and I am the only lady in the organization. Every day I am facing the same problem because my boss has shifted to another place, and therefore, he is unable to come to the office regularly. The other people of this branch (male) are not behaving properly towards me. They always try to dominate. One individual doesn't like it if I am talking with another person. Everyone forces their views on me, telling me what to do and what not to do because I am new. Sometimes, this causes trouble as their views differ. I am really confused about what to do. I have already complained to my boss once for other reasons. He is very understanding, but it feels like a constant struggle. Please, somebody, help me out.

Regards, Chandana

I think you should first analyze the root cause of these sorts of dominations. Then you can work out certain things to resolve these problems. Secondly, I suggest that a person is often dominated by others if he/she shows a restless expression on their face. Try to avoid that. Another thing is when you are new in any organization, you do not need to overestimate others' problems and underestimate yourself. Try to talk or discuss less (I do not mean to entertain) with people whose attitudes you are not clearly aware of. Also, we should always work on weaknesses rather than strengths.

Mahesh Jadhav

Dear Chandana,

I can understand your position as a female member. Keep just two things in mind:

1. Don't let people or situations rule you; instead, you should rule things in a precise way.
2. Make the male counterparts understand their right position in your official circle, and you should also define your own position. Never give importance to one over the other. Try to have a cooperative team environment rather than being dominated by individual aspects.

3. Never cry for help. Take a stand, work systematically, analyze things, and create your own position.
4. Act according to your legitimate power and authority. Seek guidance from superiors and experts in your field, and do not get confused by others' opinions.

Females can be more successful in any field if they understand the scenario and work accordingly.

BEST WISHES,

KIRAN ARORA

Dear Chandana,

You are newly recruited, and on top of it, you are a female. Most of the new recruits face this challenge - the challenge of being accepted. It is not surprising. The only solution to your problem is to have the grit to withstand the challenge. Remember, knowledge is power. Try to learn as much as you can about the organization and the job. Familiarize yourself with the procedures of the organization. If anyone tries to act inappropriately (I hope you understand what I mean), do not fear, because there are enough protections in place for female employees now. Act according to your personality. With time and your determination to persevere, you will overcome the challenge of acceptance.

P.K. Misra

Dear Chandana,

I totally agree with the views of M/s. Jyoti; she has given a mature opinion. The problem you are facing is faced by every newcomer in this field. To come out of this problem, you have to be strong and understand what your ultimate aim/goal is, which should be to become a successful HR Professional. I will give you a simple example to illustrate this. For example, you are going to be a 25-story building that is to be constructed, and there are other similar buildings of 3, 4, 5, or 6 stories already constructed (i.e., your staff). So initially, you have to start from the beginning, i.e., putting your foundation correctly. This is the time you have to work more, struggle a lot, face ups and downs, but keep patience. There may be an endless number of problems, but you should face them. Once your foundation is finished, then you have to grow upwards, and your building should equal your staff, meaning you should match them in knowledge, experience, etc. Once you are confident, then move forward and so on, until you reach the 25th story. When you look from the top, the other building structures around you will appear very small and tiny. At that point, they cannot reach or compete with you anymore because you have grown beyond their reach. You may think back to when you were small in front of them, having taken their support to reach this height. Without support, no building is constructed, and once it is built, it doesn't need any more support. So, up to the stage where you are completely built, you have to be patient, learn from your staff and colleagues, mingle with them, be friendly with them. Sometimes they may frustrate you, but keep patience and understand them. Each individual has some good qualities; find out and praise them. They will begin to understand you and support you. I have faced similar problems in my profession and have adopted this policy to achieve my goals. This is entirely my opinion and may differ from that of my senior and junior colleagues.

Regards,

Suresh G. Nair

Dear Friends,

Every one's suggestions are good. JYOTHI has given a good answer. Nowadays, the HR person's job is more vital. They should always coordinate with each department. Don't hesitate; if any problem arises beyond limits, pass it to the boss. Because the boss is the ultimate responsible person to support you. First, note down the weak points of each and every one. When the time comes, put it in the notice of the boss. Newcomers always face the same situation, but one of the colleagues may help and provide support. Please search among your staff. Don't panic. Every day's situation is a good step and lesson for climbing the ladder. Only then, from all directions, you may be strong in the future.

Good luck!!!

PBS KUMAR
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Dear Chandana,

As Jyoti said, every newcomer faces such types of problems. In my department, I also faced this type of problem initially, but I decided to continue my job. Now, I am the one from that crowd who is still working; the rest of the crowd has already left their job and is working somewhere else. I am now working as a senior person in my department, and I receive full support from my boss and my new team.

So, don't panic, be strong. All the best!

Hi Chandan,

A person can only be dominated if he or she allows the other person to do so. Without your permission, no one can bother you. Above all, you are HR; you are the one who provides guidance to members and the organization. Be very attentive and listen to what they want to say. This gives them the feeling that they are heard. Do whatever you think is best suited; this will solve both problems.

Regards,
Swinal :)

Dear Chandana,

Whichever organization you work for, please bear only one thing in mind: that you do not work for the people, but for the organization. Do those things which you feel are right for the organization. Do not bother about what everybody is doing to you, because that will ultimately lead to your own disaster. Take every situation as a lesson, as a challenge, and overcome those critical situations. After all, these are things that normally happen everywhere.

Chandana:

Please do not get upset about this. Try to be bold. The HR folks should be more courageous. Just fire that particular guy in front of everyone and tell him that if he repeats the same, you are going to take disciplinary action against him. If HR thinks there are a lot of ways to discipline employees, be very bold and raise your voice. While releasing the increment, include his behavioral aspect so that the remaining employees will fall in line. You do not have to tell your manager about this. I have also faced a similar situation in the office, although the scenario was different. All the employees in HR are females, and I am the only male. The subordinates never cared about me. I waited for the right time and gave them an opportunity to make a serious mistake. The moment they were caught, I immediately fired them from their employment. The entire atmosphere came under my control.

Do not worry, things will happen, but wait for the right opportunity.

Regards,
Srinivasa Rao
Senior Manager - HR

This is a nice posting and you have received many replies as well, but neither did you mentioned in your posting nor does anyone asked you…what do you mean by dominating? What these guys are trying to do by dominating you? Are they asking you to do some favor for them; or are they trying to bully you; they are disturbing you? Since when are you working in this organization?


If you are new in HR profession, kindly note the following:

1)Don't go by words of people. Don't do anything if they are asking you to do in a informal interaction or during the lunch break. Take everything in email. Whatever they are asking you to do, ask them to send you an email.
2)Don't do anything which is not mentioned in the employee manual / handbook.


3)Take instructions only from your Boss or CEO and no one else.
4)Remember, you are not working for people; you are working for the company.


5)Also remember, there will always be love-hate equation between HR and staff members. Don't try…don't even make an attempt to impress everybody. You will not be able to do that.


I hope these inputs will help to certain level.


Thanks and Regards

Dear Chandana,

I can clearly understand your predicaments. However, you must have a few golden rules as a working person:

1. Your boss is a colleague in your profession and not your protector/patron.
2. Your relationship with your boss is position-based and not person-based.
3. When it comes to your interaction with your office colleagues, remember: you laugh and the whole world laughs, you frown and you will be alone. So, don't ever take the help of your boss's name, position, and personal rapport to further your cohesiveness in the team. If you do that, you will not have any identity of your own!
4. Furthermore, do not even make the mistake of reporting the happenings in your office location to your boss who is at a different location unless specifically asked for.
5. Enjoy every moment of your work, have a laugh with everyone, stop thinking about what others are thinking about you, etc.

Thank you.

Dear Chandana,

Find below a few tips:

1) When people try to dominate or insist on their views, don't go against them by expressing your views immediately. Just drop an email asking for reports or supporting documents on their views. Make sure you cc your boss and all necessary people, e.g., the other person's boss (loop in your boss). In the meantime, be ready with all documents supporting your ideas and reply with the same. Leave the suggestion open so that you can win if your view is correct. People will also respect you as you prove to be knowledgeable and transparent in your communication. Whether the outcome is positive or negative, you will gain the confidence of your boss and others. Moreover, you are creating a win-win situation.

2) Limit your verbal communication and communicate mainly through email. Try to find support within your team by identifying a reliable person. Discuss issues with this person separately, and whenever they come up with a good suggestion, encourage them in front of the team. This will foster healthy competition and encourage others to provide valuable input.

Regards,

Rajesh

This is with regards to the issue raised by Chandana. We would like to suggest to her that whatever work she gets, it has to be in black and white (on paper). Make sure you know your key performance areas (KPAs) properly and perform accordingly. Even if you receive tasks orally, be sure to put them in an email to the concerned person and do not forget to CC it to your boss. This will surely help you keep track of your activities. Hope this will help you.

Regards,
Mercy & Jayshree

I have a query with regards to "BULLYING" in offices. It happens in every corporate company, but why does it happen? I've changed 3 companies as of now and still facing such problems, but I don't really understand the motive behind this. And surely this was not the cause for me to leave the job.

Regards,
Mercy

Dear Chandana,

I suggest you not be very friendly with your employees. As your boss is not there, you have to handle everything, so don't get dominated by anyone. Let them realize that you are HR and listen to their views. Don't ignore them but make them understand that the final decision is yours.

Best of luck!

Dear Chandana,

Be calm and still, but be strong in your emotions and profession. Things will change. Try to concentrate on developing yourself.

Take care.

Rozario Rajkumar

Thank you so much to all of you.

This is for Sanjeev, you asked me about dominating. Dear Sanjeev, actually, they are dominating me with their views, even though their views are not similar. They are treating me as a fresher because I don't know much. Every day, they change their rules and regulations, which affects me the most as I am the only one interacting with people daily. When I do not agree with their views, they tell me, "You don't know anything; you are a newcomer," and try to force me to change myself.

Anyways, thank you all so much. I will change myself even though I am already on the path of change.

Regards, Chandana :)

Hi Chandana,

Being H.R is Dominating task & in this field for the freshiers every Organization employer treat in the same way. So don't panic and stay where you are and be yourself first try to find out why they are back of you all the time & find out the solution rather complaining your BOSS , be Frank , be Strong , be Clear in your thoughts and know your job first if you do that ,then there is no way you will succeed in your Professional life.


Thanks,
Best of LUCK !!
Syed Hussain.

Hi Chandana,

As an HR professional and a woman, I can understand your situation. However, in this case, you need to be strong. You must realize that in a department like yours, you cannot allow anyone to overshadow or dominate you. You have the power and authority to do what is right; just show this strength to those individuals.

Regards,
SS

Hi All,

I am working with an EPC Company as an HR officer and handling the recruitment part. We operate globally across 17 countries. Regularly, we receive a large number of CVs from our various consultants and job portal.

I am currently feeling overwhelmed and unsure about how to manage all these CVs in a systematic way and maintain a CV database properly so that we can easily access them when needed.

Please provide your suggestions. I am eagerly awaiting your valuable opinions.

Thanks,
Sandipan

Hi,

One thing you should keep in mind is that others always feel jealous of someone's success. They do not want to follow your orders, and you are only working for yourself. So, enjoy the work; this is the nature of human beings.

Regards,
Vijay Sharma

Dear Chandana,

The next time these male chauvinists try to explain your job to you, just give them a piece of advice. Without hesitation, tell them that you have been selected for the post only because you know the job and are good at it. Otherwise, if these individuals were good HR Managers themselves, there would not have been any need for your position.

Regards,
Ranjeet

Hi Chandana,

You have garnered many sympathizers on this forum. What will you do next?

As a female employee, you possess the ability to identify and understand a man's motives well when they respond to you. It is essential to handle them appropriately and with respect.

The responses to this post seem to be growing, much like the Tale of Hanumanji. I don't believe this subject deserves this much attention.

Regards,

Sawant

Hi!

Few points to ponder:

1. No one is bad by birth. Time and environments make them so. Have confidence in others, do good to others, be nice to others (does not mean that you have to please), and know your work well. Overall, have confidence in yourself.

2. Know your job profile and have a clear understanding of your management's expectations. After all, you are working for the company, not just for the employees.

3. Of course, as an HR professional, one of your jobs is to look after the welfare of the people. An HR should act and work like a bridge between the employees and management. Understand your boundaries and the tasks assigned to you.

4. Go to your boss with multiple solutions to solve your problems, considering your perspective. Put yourself in his shoes and try to understand what he can do within his limitations.

5. As a new recruit, especially in HR, it might be a bit challenging to adapt and integrate easily. However, having empathy and understanding the culture and processes of the organization might help you gain perspective on the organization and its people. Indeed, you should do this.

6. Lastly, it's better to introspect and a piece of advice - SMILE always. Smile even when you are feeling down and live your life. Running away will not help. Show that you are not affected. Keep your chin up!

Good wishes and Cheers!

Hi everyone,

Chandana's problem is not a one-off issue. It is typical and has ramifications that may make or break her as a colleague. Whether the boss is male or female, a new worker tends to feel safe as long as their boss is present. For the only female worker, male colleagues do tend to test her patience with their rudeness and snide remarks. We have all advised Chandana to remain strong, committed, and determined to face these challenges, and rightfully so.

I would like to share from my experience. For each person, there are two facets (normally) - the 'Professional' and the 'individual'. In this case, it is Chandana, the professional, and Chandana, the woman. If Chandana emphasizes her personality as a woman and suppresses her professional side, she may be respected as a woman but will not be respected as a 'professional'. This is the opportune time for Chandana to present herself as a no-nonsense professional who is focused on the company's objectives and, in doing so, take bold steps that signal to her male colleagues to treat her with respect. Her bold steps may include setting an example by addressing any individual who crosses the boundaries she sets.

I understand that it is easier said than done, and there will be pressures. However, this could be her chance to prove herself!

Now, Chandana,

Analyse all replies to your original problem. It is nice to see that everyone is telling you to be strong, etc. (The purified essence of all self-development books is there in this thread now!) I am sure that I am writing to the future VP HR of your company down the line. "NISCHAY KAR APNE JEET KARON" (Guru Granth Sahib).

Prasad

Dear Chandana,

I completely agree with Rajesh on this. You should be using less verbal and more written communication with such colleagues. Also, do not forget to CC your boss on all important matters. This way, your colleagues will be cautious about what to discuss. Remember, as HR, grievance handling is your job.

Never react immediately, as that can damage the relationship with your colleagues. Your intention should always be to build strong relationships with your team. Take the time to listen to them, as each person will have their own strengths and positive attributes. Identify and acknowledge these qualities, as people appreciate hearing positive feedback about themselves. Such small gestures can help break many barriers.

However, if the situation escalates, consider sending a memo stating that disciplinary action will be taken if the behavior continues. This should be a last resort.

Good luck.

Regards,

Dear Chandana,

Same was the case with me as well. What you can do is simply perform your job with full dedication. Avoid getting involved in any kind of frustration. I mention frustration because others might be feeling that way. Instead, always convey that you have learned many valuable things from them. Help everyone around you and make it clear that as an HR professional, you are here to interact with everyone. Show respect to others, regardless of the reactions they give you. By consistently following this approach, you will definitely notice a change over time. Believe me, change happens gradually, so just relax and don't ignore all of this.

Hope you will manage well.

Swati

Hello friends,

I am working as a Senior Officer-HR in a software company in Pune. This is a medium-scale company with 250 employees. I have received an offer from Infy, Pune with a similar job profile. Considering the current situation (COVID-19 pandemic), is it a good time to make a job change?

Please advise.

Thanks,
Apathrose

It is possible that your colleagues - all male - are being perceived to be dominant by you. It could be that they are being overprotective of you, being the only female. Use it to your advantage as you know you can! :-D I have seen this happen before; trust me.

Being the only woman in a male-dominated office could also be a huge advantage for you. Be positive and become dominant step by step.

All the best... :icon6:

Chandana,

You will find this in every organization; be calm and try to avoid their talks.

Rupesh