Facing Family Pressure: How Can We Support Usha in Her Struggle with Infertility and Dowry Issues?

Is this fair, colleagues and friends?

Divorcing because a female doesn't conceive. Here is my friend Usha, who is in a problematic situation. Still, dowry problems exist in South India. She is being tortured as she is not carrying and being in a joint family.

Any suggestions, please help me.

Try contacting some women welfare organizations who can support her or her parents. Friends can speak with her in-laws. If it still does not work, then it's best to move.

It is between mutual understanding of a couple; if it breaks, all problems occur. As per my knowledge, nowadays many medical developments are available to conceive or can go for test tube. My neighbor couple also have not had children for more than 10 years, and they got a male child through test tube last month. Kindly advise your friend. If you want to, you can contact me at hrd@jgspinning.in.

We are living in Independent India, so she has many rights for her married life. You should advise her that she can convince her hubby very well. She is living in a joint family, so she can approach "Older persons like his In-laws" and her parents as well. Arrange a meeting so that they can resolve the issue. Infertility is curable now. As Venkat mentioned, there are facilities available like "test tube baby." She needs to consult with a good doctor.

Thank you, Sonali, Venkatachalapathi, and Kesarpriya.

Now, there is a great misunderstanding and conflict between the girl's in-laws and her husband.

What to do?

First of all, you have posted this query in the wrong section. Kindly move it to General Discussions. This problem is not only in South India but all over India. Even in my city, I read in the newspaper at least twice a week about married women being burnt or committing suicide, etc.

If your friend Usha and her husband are educated, they should be intelligent enough to tackle the situation.

Hi,

It is very important to know what her husband's role in this situation is, as his support is very crucial in these kinds of situations. Secondly, she can try using medical technologies, and in India, there are many such places. I guess she shouldn't lose hope. If any help is needed, please feel free to get back.

Regarding organizations that can support her or her parents, friends can speak with her in-laws. If it still does not work, then it's best to move.

Regards,
Nish

We have abundance of knowledge, we have conquered space and the oceans, but we still live inside the same well of our social and cultural norms. Unfortunately, in India, every year around 5000 women are put to death for the sake of dowry, and many thousands more women suffer humiliation and harassment silently on this issue. The saga does not end with dowry; the second danger zone is conceiving a child, and the third is to give birth to a SON, and the fourth and the fifth, expectations go on building. A society that treats women in this manner is deplorable.

In the above case, if she is not conceiving, why only she is blamed? It is a matter of infertility, and even the husband could be responsible. Has he undergone any such test for infertility?

Many couples go under various tests to ascertain and treat infertility problems, and after several years, they resort to test tube or whatever method that may be suitable.

However, it is so painful that the in-laws always have two different expectations. One for their daughter and one for their daughter-in-law. They do not want even the slightest difficulty for their daughter but are stone-faced towards their daughters. This attitude has jeopardized many families in our society.

Also, in terms of employment, both employee and employer critically evaluate each other regarding duties and responsibilities, as well as benefits, perks, etc. Various applications are filled with all necessary data, interviews are conducted, and then the employment contracts are signed. After going through all these processes, the employee still has the option to leave the company if there is any major dissatisfaction, or the employer may terminate the employee for non-performance. Whereas, while choosing a spouse, very little consideration is given to find all relevant data about the spouse and their families. Most aspects are assumed, and therefore problems appear from day 1 of the marriage.

In general, my opinion is that one should be careful in making the RIGHT CHOICES in life and leave the rest to God.

I do hope that your friend gets necessary help from her elders and in-laws.

Sorry for the long post.

Fayaz

Thank you, Nish, Ravi, and Fayazahsap.

Let's put the issue to God; only God can help her. In fact, both are well-educated. Her husband now believes that the wife is not as important as their parents. He is also harassing his wife. Can we go to a station to file a complaint regarding this problem, as it has already been compromised through police officials, and she has been under harassment for four months?

Is there a way to file a complaint after her husband gives her a divorce notice? Will the complaint be accepted after her husband gives a divorce notice?

This is the most misunderstood fact that being awarded a degree means being well-educated. Apart from the degree, a person should also have a strong and sound character, along with qualities such as compassion and empathy, in order for us to consider them educated.

In the above case, someone who lacks love and understanding for their life partner is worse than an illiterate.

She can contact the Police Commissioner's office and lodge a complaint against dowry harassment. He will soon be behind bars. There is no need to wait for his notice to arrive in order to lodge a complaint as that's a separate issue.

Friends like you should be able to provide necessary emotional support in such times of distress.

Fayaz

Dear Friends,

All elders are asking her to wait patiently until her husband realizes his mistake. Going to the police will be in vain, right? Then, she will regret filing a complaint. If a complaint is made, her husband will seek revenge on her. Even if her husband returns, he will hold a grudge.

Moreover, we are attempting to meet her husband and discuss their life together. Let's see! God is great.

Thanks, friends, for sharing with me.

Hi

i think usha and her husband should go through the thorough medical check up and then think about the other medical methods to conceive baby. Because I think they too don't know what is the reason of infertility (from Husband side or wife).

If the educated husband doesn't want to understand the situation of the wife then I think she should take some help from the Women Welfare Organization….rather then suffering the torture.


Hope we will not do similar type of behavior in future if it happens with anybody known to us…….right????????

Regards,
Nandita

Hi All,

This situation being discussed here is beyond our hands. It has to be dealt with from different angles within different phases with different expertise. There is no "one single solution" for this problem. But, a simple suggestion that I can give the individual involved is to "decide for herself". Everybody is discussing "her life". It is now up to the girl to decide what to do and face the end result. It is her and her alone who can do something about this. She is not a commodity that her in-laws can have a meeting to decide what to do; she is not a liability that her husband can now decide to dump her, etc.

People, unless the girl involved in every in-law situation starts identifying her strength and starts respecting herself, these incidents will always appear in papers every day.

Stay blessed,
Hepzi