Why Bosses Are Bosses And Not A Good Guide Or A Friend

Hi All,

This has been a question for me as to why bosses are bosses and not good friends or guides. Let's talk about members' views on this topic.

Regards,
Michael George

I do agree with Seema.

I met with the most inspiring managers and motivational leaders in the management field. I am fortunate that I learned a lot from these managers, and it has been a huge boost in my personal life.

Hi,

Not all bosses are just bosses; they can also be mentors, guides, and friends. It all depends on how our communication flows with them. They are the individuals we look up to and aspire to emulate. In my experience, all my bosses have been good, which makes me believe that I am also good.

Sadhana

Hi Michael George,

I agree with you. Not all bosses can be your friend. Finding a mentor or a guide in your boss is extremely rare, and what you see more frequently are bosses who are simply too bossy. Nevertheless, you can learn "managerial qualities" from him because most of the time, you see him exercising it on you! It takes a lot to be a leader than to be just a "boss." Most of these "bosses" are made by default rather than by their credentials. This is my view.

I have attached an e-book named "Leader-Manager" in the forum organization development. I request you to read it; it's very interesting, George.

Sowmini

Hi, I am learning a lot from my boss. To my conclusion, bosses are not friends or guides because they think that the position they have acquired cannot be touched by us in the current years. So, they always remind us that if you want to be a boss, then you must beat me in this race. Only then can you succeed. This means that you have to perform better than me in the upcoming years to become my friend; otherwise, guide me on what to do with you.

- Anurag Sharma

Hi,

I do agree with Seema and the others that we learn and value our relationships with all our seniors. They are mentors, guides, and good friends also. My boss, with whom I work and report, is junior to me in terms of age, but in terms of attitude, he is the most inspiring manager, and it's a great motivation to see him lead the pack effortlessly. It has given my career and my personal life a huge boost.

One must accept and discuss positive thoughts and cultivate the same in others. That's how relationships in HR work; otherwise, life would be hell, and you would turn out to be just another rubber stamp of your organization. Guys, get out and understand manpower, and orient them with your goals; you would see positive things happening. Great bosses are made out of their popularity in a group, and they don't fall from the sky. Great reading.

Vijay

I do agree with Seema. Please change your view. Maybe there is an exception, but it's not generalized. It's your capability to move your boss from a boss to a friend.

Hello,

Boss is a position in the hierarchy of an organization and has much to do with management concepts like "chain of command," "leadership," "motivation," etc., which are all tools for collective performance for the organization. If a boss is a station where the buck stops, then the bosses do not have to be friends.

When it comes to managerial styles, there is a wide choice of styles to choose from, but each is still focused on ensuring performance. Whether a particular style will work best depends upon the urgency and criticality of the task, as well as upon the personalities of the people involved.

In life, generalizations are odious and should be avoided. To that extent, I am in agreement with most of the views expressed but would like to emphasize at the end that there is nothing wrong in bosses being bosses so long as they are not coercive, abusive, close-minded, and unduly authoritarian/dictatorial.

Relationships with seniors, juniors, and colleagues depend on the inputs received from participants in the interactive relationships.

Cheers,

samedan
June 24, 2008

Hi George,

Actually, it's not the way you think. I have always come across good bosses who helped me learn, and even their bossy nature helped me understand how to lead and what not to do when I am in a leadership role one day. Therefore, it's our attitude that creates problems, not our boss. Though at times you may have to deal with tough bosses, if you consistently encounter such situations, the issue may be with you, not your boss. Take some time to reflect on what might be going wrong. I hope you agree with me and make an effort to identify and address your concerns.

Thanks & Regards,
Nimisha

I would like to agree with Sowmini to some extent on his argument. Mentoring and guidance from a boss are entirely dependent on the relationship you have with your boss. If you and he are the uptight type, then it makes it extremely difficult to share issues. However, more often than not, you will find one or two things that are worth addressing. You just have to have a system of discerning the good and the bad from each experience with your boss. Eventually, you may find yourself realigned to his or her way of thinking. In this way, a closer working relationship is cultivated.

Hi George,

I believe bosses are always there to guide and show the right path. The boss I am currently working with and reporting to is an inspiration to me because of the way he handles all situations; it is amazing, and I have learned a lot from him. I think every boss behaves in a different manner depending on their experience and attitude. Every boss has their own unique style of working, whether it is in a positive or negative way, but you can always learn a lot of things from them. I would like to suggest that not all bosses are the same.

Dear George,

I would say that it all depends on the perception of the subordinate. If they think the bosses are not treating them properly, then no matter how much the boss tries to help them out, they will never improve. On the other hand, if a subordinate believes it is for the enhancement of their leadership skills, then they will definitely take things in the right spirit.

Hi,

With my five years of working experience in the same company, I was fortunate to have a boss who was more than a friend. What is important is the manner in which you treat and look at your boss. In the human mind, if things provide mental satisfaction, they will be beneficial. Always try to impress your boss not with words but with your work. In simple words - work with your boss in a smarter way, not the harder way.

Hi George,

Good question! Very few become leaders after having become bosses. But bosses can't be friends is difficult to judge because most of the time when they are with you, they are really very nice if you are talented and fulfill their needs with your competence. You know Huge Prather wrote in Notes to Myself that liking is a function of need. Let me tell you, whatever be the level of friendship, the moment you are no longer capable of fulfilling the needs, the friendship slowly begins to fade, and you don't even realize what has happened. If you are not very useful to them, then perhaps they would maintain a distance and keep you busy with routine.

Bosses can be friends, but for that, please give them confidence that you are dependable and competent. It's hard work, but it is possible.

Regards,
Ramesh Sood

Not always... At times, they are our friends and always there to help us whenever needed. But you need to have a good impression on your boss.

Hi George,

A boss is also a human being and not the ultimate authority; therefore, he may expect the same treatment from his superiors. Most individuals in higher positions are mature and understand that their team's performance is crucial for their own success. In the current environment, every boss must engage with their team to ensure work is completed for mutual benefit.

While there may be a few exceptions, it's essential not to generalize and focus on the positive aspects. Let's look at the best in every situation.

Best regards,
Kameswarao

The concept of 'Boss is always right' has evolved. You shouldn't focus on how the boss behaves with you or what their nature is. Instead, consider the knowledge they possess and evaluate if it could be useful to you. React based on this assessment. By doing so, you may find your boss to be good because your attitude has changed.

However, if you feel that your boss lacks the necessary knowledge, then do not feel obligated to respect them. Simply focus on doing your best.

- Malviya G

I disagree with you that bosses are not good guides or friends. My case is totally different. I have a boss who cares like a parent, educates me like a teacher, protects me like a shield, and plays with me like a child. Hence, it's not like that. Bosses are not always so. Bosses can be like my boss.

The position that bosses hold can't afford to be your friend; it all depends on how you perform in the organization. If you have consistent performance, they will, at times, treat you as a friend, but they can't continue this forever as it might give them a sense of insecurity.

Ditti

Bosses are not always bossy.

In my 14-year career, I have worked under bosses who have been very helpful and able guides and mentors. They have taught me the most important thing, which is man management, something you never learn in business schools.

When we get down to practical working, the approach has to be different. We cannot simply follow rules and regulations without being human. This is what I have been taught by all my bosses.

My boss from my previous company was sometimes so rude and rough that I used to be disturbed almost every day. He was always behind my back to improve my writing skills. It wasn't that I was bad at writing, but he wanted me to improve it further. His tagline was "Touch the Heart." This is where I was lacking, and he pushed me to be what I am today.

Today in my current organization, I am considered to be a good communicator. This is only because of my boss.

I think we have to agree that if all of them are good every time, then there will never be a learning process, and we will remain the same throughout without changing.

Hi, I feel that all bosses are not the same. Based on my personal experience, I feel that I have learned a lot from my boss, and he is like a friend to me.

Hi George!

In my opinion, bosses are not only bosses; they are our mentors, leaders, teachers, and guides for our careers. We learn and enrich ourselves with the knowledge of our boss. At the end of the day, they are our boss, and they need to ensure that their subordinates are productive and accomplishing the tasks allocated to them.

Hence, I would say bosses are bosses and also friends, mentors, and guides; but they are still the boss!

Regards,

Cirus

Hi George,

It's a very nice topic to discuss about bosses. Not all bosses are the same; some can be friendly and good guides, from whom we can learn a lot of managerial skills. However, some bosses tend to show their power due to their position. I have encountered many bosses in my career, and each one has been different. Some bosses let internal or departmental problems affect their behavior, leading to displays of anger and ego towards their executives.

Therefore, it's clear that there are bosses who strictly adhere to their authoritative roles, while others take on a more friendly and guiding approach.

Hi,

During our course of professional life, we have come across different types of bosses. These bosses have different attitudes, approaches, ideals, and ways of working. Many times, a boss wants to boss only and will not become a good guide or a friend. The reason is very simple - it is fear! Fear of being overtaken by his subordinate.

On the other hand, there is another category of bosses who actually become good guides, well-wishers, friends, and mentors. These individuals are not just bosses; they are leaders as well. For a person to qualify to receive these qualities from his boss, he should be honest, hardworking with a zeal to learn, punctual, have some vision in his life to progress, and show gratitude.

What will a boss do if the person is a Dead Horse? If you have an interest in learning, achieving the company's goals, are ready to work hard, and use your brain, then no boss will be just your boss; he will be everything for you! This is because not everything can be done by the boss alone, and he needs a supporting hand. In gratitude, he will become your friend, philosopher, and guide.

-Srinaren

Hi George,

I don't agree with you. I have had the most amazing bosses from whom I have learned, and what I am today is a credit to them. They have been good guides, mentors, and friends. I have learned a lot from them.

Thanks to my bosses!

Cheers,
Gladies

I think you need to change your view regarding this because as we want to see this world, the world will look the same. So, keep thinking positively.

With best regards,

Recently, many reports reveal that the relationship between the boss and staff is not good. They seldom talk to one another. Most of the staff say that their bosses are bad tempered and their boss always scold them without reasons. Thus, they are unwilling to communicate with their boss. How can the situation be improved? The boss should improve themselves and to have a good quality. In this posting, I am going to state three qualities that are important for being a good boss.
A good boss should have good-mannered. When the staff have done something wrong, the boss should not scold them at once. He/she should give their staff chances to improve. If the staff still doesn’t improve it, he/she may give them some warnings, rather than scolding them. Sometimes, scolding them would have an adverse effect. They will be very angry and won’t follow your instructions later. Besides, if the staff are late to the office, the boss should listen to their explanations. Sometimes, there may be a traffic accident and will cause serious traffic congestion.
Moreover, the boss should be considerate. He/she should not always ask the staff to work overtime. The staff are already very tired after a long day of work and they don’t have much energy to work for extra hours. If they still continue to work, they can’t easily concentrate and the work efficiency is much lowered. They may also make many mistakes while they are working. The boss should not always ask them to go back to the office when they are having holidays as they have to restore their energy after working for a whole week. In addition, if the staff have to work on some kind of projects, the boss should not force them to finish them in a short period of time. He/she should give sufficient time to them to work on it, otherwise the staff may finish the projects .
Apart from being considerate, the boss should be fair to all staff. He/she should not be partial to someone. It is very unfair to the other staff. They would be very angry and will not work for you wholeheartedly. The boss should equally allocated the work to each staff. The workload of each staff should not be too heavy. If there are not enough staffs in the office, the boss should ask more staff to help.
All in all, it is very important to be a good boss. The boss should communicate more with the staff and they will have better understanding between one another . If the boss is a good one, all the staff would respect him/her. They would be happier while working and a sense of belonging is also developed towards the office.

Regards,
Nawas

Hi Michael,

I would rather differ from your view because most bosses are real friends. They may be harsh with you to get things done, but most of the time, they protect you from the wrath of the higher-ups by taking the blame on themselves (they don't have a choice). They guide you and only force you when they feel it's the only way out.

Regards,
R. Manoj

Hi,

We need to look at this from a boss's view too. He can say that a subordinate is not a friend. There are bosses who understand that they can learn from subordinates. As per the above discussion, all bosses cannot be a friend or guide, but some bosses are. It also depends on how the subordinate uses this relationship. You can be a friend at a personal level and be professional when it comes to work, both at the same time.

Anu

Actually, a boss means:
[B]B = BEST
O = OPEN-HEARTED
S = SUPERVISIONARY
S = SUPPORTER

However, some individuals do not behave in accordance with these qualities. Therefore, they are neither friends nor guides; this behavior is often due to ego problems.

Quote from Michael George:
"Hi All,
This has been a question to me as to why bosses are bosses and not good friends or guides. Let's discuss members' views on this topic.
Regards,
Michael George"

What HR activities should be implemented in the company from the beginning? Kindly respond to this question as soon as possible.

Hi Nimisha,

I agree with you. Human nature is always to find mistakes in others, especially in the office. All of us have to identify our own mistakes and understand our nature so that we can solve the problems ourselves, not leaving it to the bosses or the organization. In every company, there will be at least one negative point, so we need to avoid that and continue working sincerely. Sincerity and hard work do count in every aspect of life. I, too, have had good and bad bosses, and I was not mature enough to recognize my own mistakes. Now I am realizing those mistakes and trying to improve. I hope I can succeed.

I do not agree with your view. Bosses can be good friends or guides for their subordinates, but that depends on the rapport built between them.

You can always benefit from their experience and knowledge. You can develop decision-making power by observing your boss, but for all of that, you should be a good and sharp learner.

Pramod

Hi All,

This is what I found interesting for this topic. Let's keep this in mind whenever we need to deal with our team.

A boss creates fear, a leader creates confidence. A boss fixes blame, a leader corrects mistakes. A boss knows all, a leader asks questions. A boss makes work drudgery, a leader makes it interesting. A boss is interested in himself or herself, a leader is interested in the group.

Thanks,
Jhulan

Hi all,

If a boss is acting like a friend, then I don't think that people will start working more; rather, they will be more involved in personal issues. In the office, he should act like "bosses"; once out of the office, he can be like a friend. Do not forget, even he is a human, not a devil.

Hi Pampi,

That's all about human perception. You try to look in the same manner as you were looking in your previous job. Don't think that maintaining good relationships will ensure all your tasks are done properly. Always think positively. I hope you will change your mindset. Wishing you a good future and take care.

Dear,

Actually, it all depends on the boss we have above us. If he is knowledgeable and has a guiding nature, he will teach and guide us.

Most bosses want to share and suggest if they have good colleagues. Every guru wants a chela!

If you are good, your boss will definitely try to be good in front of you. Bosses have also been at the same stage; they have crossed the same path and understand the feelings.

For example, our father and mother were also children, and now they are our father and mother. They have understood us since childhood and can recognize our behavior and interests.

They want to help us grow on the positive side and have plans for our future.

Similarly, the boss knows who we are and how to help us grow if he is good.

Take care,

Rameshwar

The way you think. I have always come across good bosses who helped me learn, and even their bossy nature helped me understand how to manage and what not to do when I become a boss one day. So, it is our attitude that creates problems, not our boss. Though at times, you may have to cope with tough bosses, if you always encounter such bosses, it may indicate that the problem lies with you and not the boss. Take some time to reflect on what might be going wrong. I hope you agree with me and try to identify and address your issues.

Bosses are bosses if you see them from a work angle. But they can be friends if you view them from another perspective.

Hi, I agree that it all depends on how your boss is. At times, we do come across our seniors who really make us learn a lot, and at times they just show their position.

Hi George,

Bosses are bosses, no doubt in that; they are there to run the show. If he becomes a good friend, then can he make decisions without any prejudice? He is a boss because he has the quality, skill, and communication. We, as HR professionals, should try to identify these qualities. If we appreciate these qualities, we should adapt them into our lifestyle, as everyone has a dream to become a boss.

Regards,
Vivek Seth

Hi Michael,

The question is pretty interesting. My point of view on this is, it "depends".

Bosses can be good friends as well, but it is very important to maintain a professional distance and be approachable at the same time. After all, he has to get the job done from the person, and if he gets too close in the process, then that might become a hindrance. It's a tightrope walk that each manager has to navigate.

It's a good question. But the answer differs from boss to boss as the character of the human being differs. In any other company, the boss has to play a role as a friend, boss, guide, mentor, or even as a brother. But in most companies, that is not happening.

Here, some of our members have written that their bosses are behaving like a friend. Reading this itself gives a good impression about them. To my knowledge, I can say that "the man (Boss) who recognizes the hard work of the employee or subordinates, meaning they have to give respect for the work done by an employee through performance appraisal at a good rate, promotion, salary hike, by giving some awards, or at least by giving a word of appreciation will do a lot from the boss." So, the boss will always play a dual role; first, he/she must understand that they are at least human beings, then they came to the position as a boss. So, they have to look back at the way they have come from step by step.

If I am wrong, please correct me.

Thanks,

JAYANTHI

Hi Michael and other friends,

I read an interesting article from McKinsey Quarterly regarding bad bosses (McKinsey calls them "jerks"), the topic we are discussing currently. Thought of sharing with you all. This article is authored by a professor at Stanford University, and he strongly argues that companies can take specific and interrelated steps to root out jerks and bullies and build a more "civilized workplace."

"Because companies that harbor jerks may also suffer from reduced levels of creativity and innovation, as well as impaired or dysfunctional cooperation within and outside the organization. That is no small matter in an increasingly networked world."

Thought this article might be interesting to you all, and I am posting this here as an attachment. Please read it and leave your comments.

Regards,
Sowmini.

Hi Seema,

It's not like bosses are only bosses but not a guide or mentor. Bosses help you learn things, sometimes by being your friend and sometimes by being a boss or by scolding you. But their main motive is to get the best out of you. You may feel bad about their bossy attitude sometimes, but in the long run, it always helps you.

Now let me tell you one incidence: one of my friends was not happy with his boss because his boss gives more importance to his colleague, even though the colleague is technically less sound and my friend is more competent. His colleague is given more opportunities than him. His boss told him, "I do not have confidence in you." My friend was depressed by his bossy attitude. He shared the situation with me. I asked him to tell me every incidence since he joined the organization. I found that from day one, he started complaining about work, talking about his rights. I noticed a behavioral problem in my friend. I told him it's not because of your lack of knowledge but because of your wrong attitude that is prompting your boss to be bossy with you. Sometimes bosses have to be bossy to set things on the right track. They need to learn how to be friendly in a formal way so that team members feel comfortable sharing their problems and views while still being ready to follow orders. Bosses should not become so friendly that team members take their instructions for granted.

Regards,
Durga

This is my first post after ages, anyway, it's good to be back!! :)

I think the simple answer to this question is that this reflects the difference between a "Boss" and a "Leader"!! At times, Bosses are just that and at times, Bosses are Leaders as well. Bosses direct you and let you know what is expected of you whereas a Leader may guide you, help you, and mentor you to achieve what is expected!!

A Boss will say "Go" and a Leader will say "Let's go"!!

I have worked under so many bosses in one organization, and I was fortunate enough to gain so much from each one of them. Some were simple Bosses, but others were true leaders. Even these Leaders differ in many ways; some influence you through their Charismatic Characteristics, whereas others influence you through their ability and Authority where they coax you into achieving things which you thought were never possible.

However, I think it is upon us to get the best out of a Boss or a Leader.

Hi,

It depends on ourselves how we perceive the Boss. Always remember, he is the Boss. Understand the type of work he requires and what he dislikes. Always prioritize his preferences.

Anand

Hello Michael George,

Gone is the concept of "BOSS"; today, we need mentors, guides, or leaders. Earlier, we believed in the concept of a boss, but with all the changes and flexibility in the environment, the need of the day made it fail. After realizing the need to modify the concept of a boss, we have seen the emergence of the "MENTOR" who inspires, guides, and works for employees' professional as well as personal development. So, the BOSS is still the BOSS for those in favor of this, but a company looking for growth and success should not accept these.

Regards,
Saurabh

You will find all kinds of persons in the organization, but the man who works as a MENTOR, stays for the long term, and is accepted by the fellows; this is the real success of any leader (according to the theory of acceptance). Otherwise, it's a failure in the long run.

It is similar to ask grass not to be green and rock not to be hard. A fabricating picture of the boss seems to be embossed as a not caring or self-centric person. I feel every action generated by the boss leads to a learning experience. In the long term learning experience, the action or behavior of the boss has something to teach us.

A goody-goody approach will lead us to nothing. Individuals learn more from mistakes, and that leads to the proper crafting of skills and competencies.

Regards,

Simmy Saini | Google.