Senior Director Upset Over Birthday Celebration Differences – How Should HR Handle This?

Dear Members!

I have come across a very strange situation wherein one of my seniors is not satisfied with the company, and the reason that he states is something we are unable to understand, being in HR. The situation is:

We have a senior person working at the Director level in the company. There is another girl who is working at the entry level with us. The two have got married now. As a company policy, we celebrate the birthdays of our employees, and in this regard, we had celebrated the birthday of the employee who is at the senior level a little differently. During his birthday party, all the management and the senior staff were present.

A few days back, it was his wife's birthday. As a company policy, we did celebrate her birthday but not in the manner her husband's birthday was celebrated. This means being at the entry level, her birthday was celebrated with other people at the same level. (We celebrate birthdays of all employees together on the last working day of the month.)

This time the employee of ours who is at the senior level got annoyed that we did not celebrate his wife's birthday in a similar fashion as his. He feels dissatisfied and wants to quit the job.

Now, we are in a fix as we are unable to understand what we should do? We tried to convince the guy, stating that his wife is not at the level where the same treatment as his can be given to her, but he just doesn't want to understand anything.

Kindly advise what we should do? He is an efficient person, and we do not want him to leave the company.

Kindly advise............................. Waiting eagerly for your suggestions.

Regards, Prachi Jain

Hey Prachi,

Are you really sure he is an efficient person... If he is, why can't he understand such a simple thing, that too, after spending so many professional years of life and working in such a cadre... Well, try to make him understand the situation that it would bring a feeling of discrimination amongst other team members of his wife. Because in a corporate setting, one is respected for his roles and responsibilities and not for being somebody's wife or husband. Moreover, policies cannot be changed for anyone. If he wishes, he can celebrate his wife's birthday outside of the office and invite the entire staff. If he still does not understand your point, then I would rather say that he does not have the right decision-making ability, which is a must for a leader...

Regards.

I too am not sure if he is really an efficient person. In case he is efficient, maybe he also has some good opportunity in hand and he is trying to move out of the company and is hence creating this mess. Otherwise, he should understand the company's policy or else request for some change in the policy.

Hi Prachi,

Somebody from the Director level, if you have any HR Director, should talk to him and counsel him, and explain the situation positively. Rules should be the same for everybody and that needs to be explained to the concerned person. Also, if the rules are broken for one person, as in the case of a birthday party only, if at the time of his wife's increment or appraisal, he will have more expectations, then that will create a problem. So, this issue needs to be addressed now, and a wrong precedent should not be started looking at future consequences.

We also have a rule that both husband and wife can't work in the same organization; one has to leave if they get married. This depends on the company, of course. This is something you can keep in mind if any changes in HR policies are to be made so that such incidents can be automatically avoided.

Regards,
Harshad

Hi Prachi,

I agree with Harshad. If he is an efficient employee and I understand that he must be having good experience, this behavior is not at all expected. This is such a small thing and he is creating a hill out of this mole. We can understand how he will behave at the time of performance appraisals. I do not recommend couples working in the same company. This can really disturb the culture of the organization. Why do you think that he wants to leave? Maybe he has also understood that he and his wife should not work in the same company. He might have been facing some issues at home related to office matters. Maybe he also wants to escape.

My suggestion - Find a replacement. He has decided to go. If not today, he will leave tomorrow. Don't allow this situation to get aggravated. Also, don't hype this issue. You can find a better professional than him.

Regards

Hey guys,

I have just joined this forum, and it already seems to be a very interesting one. Well, in this case, I agree with the views that Prachi, Anubha, and Harshad have put forth.

However, I also need to say that his efficiency has nothing to do with the unrealistic expectations that he has from the organization. I understand what I am going to say is gonna sound a bit direct and blunt, but I guess you should just let him go if he wants to because this is just going to get uglier with each issue he comes across where he gets a chance to compare the treatment meted out to his wife and himself (with all his efficiency, he obviously does not understand the difference in the levels they both are at).

//Harshad, do you think that counseling and explanation are warranted for a person at a Director level?

It should be a simple diktat to him that what he thinks is totally nutty. If he gets that, you get to keep this efficient guy; if not, it is a win-win situation for the organization anyway.

Reg,

Pravin

Hi Prachi,

I agree completely with what Anubha has to say on the matter. Here are a couple of points:

1. If the person at the senior level is experienced and mature, he should have respected the company policies and adhered to them. If he hasn't done that, then he doesn't deserve to be in such a situation.

2. The company shouldn't change the policies and procedures based on the likes and dislikes of an employee, whatever level he or she is at.

3. If this person at such a senior level behaves in the manner he is, then he doesn't deserve to be in that position.

Sit and discuss the same with him, but don't budge on your point and maintain your stand.

Regards,
Falak

Hey guys,

Thank you all for your valuable suggestions. However, my problem is that he has been working with the company for the last 7 years. He is very efficient and has proven this over a period of time. My company does not want to lose the employee, and being at a level where it's me who has to interact with him, I don't know what I should do.

We cannot afford to lose him, and at the same time, we cannot afford to celebrate his wife's birthday.

Please help me solve this issue.

Prachi

Hello Prachi,

It's a difficult situation. But the core issue is that this person wants to bend the policies of the firm for his wife. What next? Special promotions for her. Have you considered how it will affect the morale of the rest of the staff? I too agree with all the people above and feel that if a director wants to quit over an issue like this, then let him quit. Just don't budge and take the gamble, and I feel he will buckle because he would not like to lose two household jobs in one day. Face the challenge boldly; otherwise, if you accede to one outrageous demand of one guy, then you have just triggered an uncontrollable chain reaction.

Riyaz

Hello,

Let him quit.

Celebrating birthdays is a policy issue in the organization. The Director and his wife are not on the same level of the hierarchy and cannot expect to be treated "specially". His superiors must make an attempt to set his perspectives and conduct to conform to the organizational culture. If the gentleman does not understand this, then despite his efficiency or competence, it is better that either he mends his ways or he goes.

In any case, the organization is superior to any and all individuals, and HR philosophy does not suggest that policies must be bent for the whims and fancies of anyone!

The skies are not going to fall if he goes or is asked to go. The organization will reconfigure itself and continue to exist, grow, and excel without him despite some initial setback it may suffer from initially. That is the cost the organization will have to pay to retain its sensibilities. Who knows, his exit may even be a boon in disguise. Let the thought of life without him paralyze the organization.

Finally, if all this was not to happen and he had gone for his reasons anyway, would the organization not have readjusted to function competently in the new reality?

The answer to your predicament is obvious if you develop clarity of vision as outlined above.

Regards,
Samvedan
July 17, 2008

Try to explain the difference between personal life and professional life. Both should be balanced. In a professional environment, personal feelings should not supersede professional decisions. You can also check whether your policy states that two people from the same family cannot work in the organization. If that is the case, then you can certainly say that this organization has already breached its own policy due to the contribution your director has made to the organization.

Regards,
Rakesh

Dear Members,

Are we talking about a professional here?

As stated by many of you, these are just his gimmicks. He has a better job in his hand, and he just wants to leave. I would agree, but the questions we need to ask are:

1. Does his wife feel insulted or enraged by the kind of celebration she got?
2. Does she also have a job offer, or does he plan to take her along to the new company as well?

My suggestion:
Try finding the answer to question No. 2. You may solve this whole mess.
Moreover, let the guy leave if he wants to, but try retaining his wife.

Regards,
Abhishek Bhatara
R&A Services
Pune

Hi,

Thank you, everyone, for your valuable suggestions. Abhishek, I have done exactly what you have stated. I had a long conversation with the wife of the Director, and according to her comments, she is not interested in leaving her job. Furthermore, she herself is unable to understand her husband's behavior. In the meantime, we have informed the director that if he wants to quit, he can, as we cannot change the policies of our company to suit his convenience. We have also made sure that the wife is still working with us.

Please let me know if there is anything extra that I can do to solve this situation and also retain the director, ensuring there is no further issue concerning him and his wife.

Do reply, everyone.

Prachi

Hi Prachi,

It looks like from your answer that the girl is more mature and realistic than her husband. But time and again, you have said that the Director is efficient and has contributed to the organization.

One thing we all have to agree on is that even though he has married a girl of a lower cadre, she becomes the WIFE OF A DIRECTOR and definitely deserves better treatment. For example, if any Director's wife or relatives visit the company, we definitely take care of them because they are family members of the Director. Applying the same analogy in this case, the girl is first the Director's wife and later an employee at a lower cadre. You should be happy that after marriage, the Director has not promoted her to a higher cadre. You have to treat her as the Director's wife in celebrations like this, and I am sure nobody will object to special treatment for her because she is the Director's wife.

Under the above circumstances, I feel that you should talk to the Director that this type of situation has come up for the first time and hence this lapse, and in the future, this will be handled differently. By doing this, you will satisfy the ego of the Director, and I am sure even the management will not be bothered.

Lastly, one thing is true - EVERY RULE HAS AN EXCEPTION.

All the best.

-Srinaren

Hi Prachi,

Thank you. As I have mentioned, if you go and talk to him and explain that his wife will be the first director's wife and then an employee, and she will be treated specially henceforth, he will definitely understand and will not quit. With this, his ego will also be satisfied, and he may be feeling how to get out of this situation since this unwanted mess has been created by himself.

- Srinaren

I think your company should celebrate his wife's birthday in the same manner as the director's birthday, as she is now the wife of a director. I think it's not a big issue to deal with such issues; implement an anti-nepotism policy where no two members of a family can work together. 😁😁

Dear Sam,

But what about other people in her team and the rest of the employees in my company? What procedure should be followed with them then? What will happen to the ideology of being fair with the employees in the company and how should we deal with the dissatisfaction that will be created amongst other members?

Do reply.

Prachi

Ms. Prachi,

I am not doubting your conversations with the concerned lady, but try reading between the lines. People at times say something but mean a totally different thing. You being in the HR department may be seen by her as a person who isn't trustworthy (because of your proximity to the decision-makers and the nature of your job) to be told the real details. Have someone else also find out about her intentions, someone not so close to her but of the same level or designation. Maybe the results may surprise you, even shock you.

Meanwhile, what does this director say about leaving the job? Maybe the celebration was just the last straw in the inflated ego this person may have. Or maybe his wife nags him after office hours. It is inevitable that they don't carry some office-related problems home, and he is genuinely frustrated by this constant nagging at home. You need to tread carefully into this territory. Try talking to your HR manager or the company head about this, and they may shed some light on the matter at hand. Maybe he has discussed these issues with them.

Also, try to make all concerned understand that you have no hidden interests other than solving the matter in the most humane manner, without bending rules. Rules or SOPs are not to be bent but followed to the last letter. They are here to handle daily situations. God knows if you accede to this director's demand for a royal birthday bash for his wife, some other chap may want other unjust demands to be fulfilled.

Moreover, it sends a very bad signal to the company employees, and they too may feel exploited, overstressed, or may feel plainly cheated or not treated fairly.

Regards,
Abhishek Bhatara

Dear Prachi,

I have also faced this problem in my organization as we had two brothers working together. One gets annoyed just as the other was not treated at par. The best solution is an anti-nepotism policy. :)

Thank you.

Hi,

Well, maybe you can convince your management to "lead by example" by creating a common policy and taking action for events that check disparities between different levels, promoting a sense of equality for all.

Best regards,

Hi Prachi,

Quote:
Dear Sam,
But what about other people in her team and the rest of the employees in my company? What procedure should be followed with them then? What will happen to the ideology of being fair with the employees in the company and how should we deal with the dissatisfaction that will be created amongst other members?

Do reply.

Prachi

Unquote:
The other people in the organization or those who are in her department will not feel bad, and they should not feel bad as she is the director's wife first and then their colleague. There is no need to follow a different procedure with them. Whatever procedure you are currently following should hold good in the future as well. This is an exceptional case and has to be treated in a different way. I feel our friends have jumped to various conclusions like his wife nagging at home, etc.

-Srinaren

Hey Prachi,

I really agree with all our friends, but I think it's time to play smartly. I'm sure you must have tried your best to convince the director, and he's not in the mood to listen to anyone. In this situation, I believe that the person who can help you break through is his wife.

Try counseling her. I know you don't have to explain things to her as she must be aware of the situation or may even be the creator of this problem. Nevertheless, try to speak to her and convince her in a way that she acknowledges that this kind of discrimination is unprofessional. Persuade her and indirectly convey the message to your director.

I think this approach should work if you present it well, considering you are familiar with every move of your director.

Hope this works for you. All the best, and keep us informed so we can help you.

Bijal

Dear Prachi,

I fail to understand how a senior person of a director level can act so much immaturely. Secondly, how a director's spouse is allowed to work in the same premises or the same company. If he wishes to quit, I guess he is doing a good favor to the company.

Amit Shelar

Dear Prachi,

If your company really wants to keep him back and agree with all things that he keeps asking in the coming days also, then I would like to suggest you speak to that person, saying that the company will arrange a get-together party. The reason for this could be that they both got married or some other reason. But the important point in this should be that you need to announce that this is organized by that particular person, and on the other side, the company should take all the expenses of that party, which should not be known to others.

By this, you may get a chance to keep him back in the organization, and other employees will not come to know that the company will do such things to keep back a person. This may not be the correct way of handling, I do agree, but depending on the case, you need to go with that, so I have suggested this idea.

But as Harshad has mentioned, what will your company do if in the coming days he will come back for everything about his wife. So better replace him right now, or if your company wants him back, try to do as suggested above and also try to convince your management to start looking for a replacement.

I know this idea will certainly not sound good at times, but in case to gain something, you need to lose something and in most of the cases like this, it will be money.

Let us know what will be the result at last.

Regards, Amith R.

Dear Prachi,

What I feel is the company shouldn't discriminate against employees, at least for birthday parties. A birthday for every employee is as special as it is for any senior employee. You should start celebrating birthdays in the same manner as you are celebrating them for senior employees.

Regards,

Shaloo

Rules should never be bent, but they can be updated to cover more scenarios.

It is also very realistic that a wife may nag her husband about some office issues at home. Wives who are not working or working in other companies do that, so it is a realistic possibility that his wife can also do it. No sane professional may act in this way, other than in the case wherein he has found a better job or has decided to quit. My suggestion: let him go or if he wishes to stay, find a new and higher designation outside the company. I am sure you have ways to do this.

Dear Prachi,

I do agree with Shaloo, but in your case, this is not the right time to think about changing the Birthday Policy. Well, I mean to say, do give it some thought after this problem is solved. You can reduce the budget for senior celebrations and increase it for juniors; this may not affect the overall budget.

Regards,
Amith R.

Hello everyone,

I am also relatively new to the group, and this looks like a really interesting scenario. I agree with Riyaz. It is a difficult situation, but Prachi, I really think that this behavior cannot be accepted, at least from a person of that level. You might need to talk to your management and subtly put your views across on this front. You might also want to check if there are any strings attached to this kind of behavior in terms of his attitude otherwise. His being in the organization for a long time should also help you get this info. It might help you get a better dimension of the whole issue. Also, as Riyaz rightly pointed out, if this has no past history... then who knows, he may be asking for her promotion next! Cheers...

Aarthi

Well... Mr. Sri Naren,

Every coin has 2 sides. I agree that being the wife of a director, she definitely deserves special honor. So, at the time of her husband's birthday, let her be given a special red carpet treatment - being the wife of a director. But can you apply the same for her husband as well? Can he be treated as the husband of any normal employee? Can you do it... If the matter is so sensitive, then possibly the chairman, president, or the owner of the company should take the lead at this level.

Hi Bharathi Sarkar,

As you said, being the wife of a director, she definitely deserves special honor! But she need not be given special red carpet treatment during her husband's birthday celebrations; instead, she may be given the lead in the celebrations.

Your question - Can he be treated as a husband of any normal employee? Can you do it...?
The answer is - Yes, he can be treated as a husband of any normal employee, provided he is not a director or a top management person.

The whole issue has arisen because the girl is the wife of a director. Irrespective of the cadre she is in, she deserves higher status in that company as her husband is the director of the company. Being the director of the company, he has every right to expect that his wife be given higher status than the normal employees.

There is no need for the Chairman, President, or the Owner of the company to take the lead as they also expect that their wives - whether they work in the same company or not - be treated specially, and they deserve it.

Regards,
Srinaren

I read your dilemma and some interesting viewpoints. It appears that your director-level employee knows that your company considers him indispensable. That is why, despite knowing the company policies, he is trying to enforce his will. He should be counseled that his wife is not just his wife but also an entry-level employee with the company. As such, she should enjoy perks applicable to her status as an entry-level employee. Also, apprise him that you value his services, but he is violating company norms. Giving preferential treatment to his wife would damage morale and discipline. If counseling does not work, arranging an audience with the top brass of your company would be appropriate. A person who gets perturbed over a small issue like birthday celebrations may not make a good leader. Nobody is indispensable! But the basic fabric of the organization is.

Hi Prachi,

This is not a solution to your problem but a suggestion to avoid such incidents in the future. We also celebrate employee birthdays, but we don't have two different systems. All employees are treated in the same way. Birthday celebration is one of the opportunities for HR to show the employees that we are all one, and it will help to build good employee relations. Employee morale will improve when senior management people attend and wish during their birthdays.

Regards,
Ramesh

---

Hey guys,

Thank you all for your valuable suggestions. However, my problem is that he has been working with the company for the last 7 years. He is very efficient and has proven this over a period of time. My company does not want to lose the employee, and being at a level where it's me who has to interact with him... I don't know what I should do.

We cannot afford to lose him, and at the same time, we cannot afford to celebrate his wife's birthday. Please help me solve this issue.

Prachi

Hi Prachi,

I believe the issue may lie with the child's ego. You might not be in a position to address this directly. If you consider him a valuable asset, you could try persuading his wife to intervene. Allowing him to resign might lead his wife to do the same, sending the wrong message.

Vinodh

Dear Prachi,

Now it is evident that the HR policy is right to mention that husbands and wives should never work in the same place. In case you do not have this included in your policy, please suggest this point.

Normally, it is surprising to find a person sitting at a Director Level to behave so immaturely. I am not so sure if he would really put in his papers because his wife's birthday was not celebrated similarly to that of his.

I would suggest you keep this matter at a low key as it is so trivial (a personal matter). Wait and see what would be his next course of action. In case he does start to treat his colleagues badly (including yourself), then put the ball in his court and ask him, "How would you want to resolve this issue?"

Regards,
Mallikatr

Here I want to tell one thing - not specifically related to this case but in general as well. If somebody complains about anything, their complaint should not be ignored if it comes with an appropriate suggestion or solution.

In this case, the director holds a position where he has some undefined tasks to be completed for the company, in addition to his core responsibilities, which can be considered a moral responsibility. For example, he could have considered a solution to the problem before filing a complaint. However, individual personalities differ from person to person, and you cannot help if someone does not understand this.

Secondly, I personally do not believe in creating any distinctions among employees, whether they are at a junior or senior level. If he/she is an employee, they should be treated equally, especially on such occasions. Birthdays and anniversaries come once a year for all. Do they occur daily or weekly for junior staff, hence should be celebrated in a similar manner as senior staff? If there were similar modest functions/celebrations (not extravagant) for everyone, this problem would have never occurred.

This is my opinion, not a decision.

Hi Prachi,

Best idea... Just forward this topic thread to him. He will understand what stupid demands he was making. He will be able to analyze the situation from the majority's point of view.

If you forgo this policy, what about other existing policies? Will you bend each and every policy just because she is the director's wife? Being a director, he should have that much common sense not to bend rules or show favoritism. The only way is to convince him of the impact on the morale of the people working there.

Please refer to the post by you at https://www.citehr.com/113121-direct...ame-his-3.html where you have written something for professionals. If this guy is not a professional, then he should not be in the organization, especially at a director level.

I feel he is not suitable for the position of director. If a director wants to break existing systems and rules and establish new ones for the betterment of the organization, then I can agree that he is suitable for that role. If he is truly suitable for that position, then he should have asked his wife to leave her job the day he married her, but instead, he is demanding something that goes against the interests of the company. It is better for these kinds of individuals not to hold such a position because in the future, he may act against the company for his own benefit.

Thank you,
Shiv Kumar

Let's try and put this in the correct perspective if possible. Here are the facts as per Prachi:

1. One senior male employee serving the organization for 7 years, currently at a Director level position.
2. Stakeholders (Management) are happy with him as he has proved himself over and over again for the last 7 years.
3. Marries another employee but who is at a very junior level.
4. Officially celebrates his birthday and enjoys it.
5. Now has a problem with some official celebration of his wife's birthday.

I hope I have the facts correct? So what's changed? Believe it or not... Quite a lot has changed. As a matter of fact, very few individuals that I know of over the last 17 years of my professional life across 3 continents would remain the same person in the journey from point 1 to point 5.

First and foremost, it's not his feeling that's coming across in point 5, it's his wife's. She is the one who is upset at not being treated like a Director's wife, and her means of communicating this is through her husband. So here is the first problem... Whom should you pacify - The director or his wife? But here is a bigger problem... Today it's her birthday, tomorrow it could be her appraisal? It is precisely for this reason that a lot of organizations do not allow spouses to work in the same organization. What does your company policy say about spouses working in the same organization? I'm positive this clause does not exist.

Now here is the main problem... Is the wife wrong in expecting to be treated as a director's wife? Is the husband wrong in expecting a certain level of respect for his wife? No, not really. I have read all the comments about people talking of professionalism, efficiency, blah blah!!! How many of us can tolerate our family members not getting the correct treatment from our office or colleagues or even friends.

Prachi, this is an opportunity for you to understand fast what many people take years in learning. How to Manage Expectations?

I think you can solve this problem... It's not going to be easy, and the solution will not come on day 1 because most of the time change is a time-consuming process except when you are changing clothes... LOL.

PM me and let's discuss the how's and the what's. Whatever the outcome, we will share it with all our friends in this forum.

Cheers,

Navneet Chandra

Is he serious? If he is so bothered about it, why doesn't he throw a party for his wife in his own time and at his own expense and invite all the work colleagues... surely at his level and his salary, he could afford to do that!

Is it me or do they start making less sense the higher up the corporate ladder they climb?!

Hello Prachi,

A rule is a rule for everyone. No one has the right to bend it. It's not professional. If you are so sure that he is dedicated, then the Director of HR can talk with his wife to make her understand that if today the rules are changed for her, it will be very difficult for her to work there. Her colleagues will keep their distance from her. If she understands this, then half of your problem is solved. I hope this will work out.

Dear Members,

Thank you so much for all your valuable suggestions and comments. I have somewhat tried to solve the problem and am putting the step-by-step process in front of you. Please let me know if I have done it right or wrong. The process that I have followed is as follows:

Step 1: I have initiated a policy regarding spouses not working in our organization. In case two people decide to marry, then one of them will have to leave the organization. Many members pointed out correctly that our policy structure was silent on such an issue.

Step 2: The birthday celebration policy has been changed. As per the new policy, birthdays/anniversaries of any employee (senior/junior) will be celebrated in a similar fashion, and there will be no favoritism in this regard.

Step 3: Now, the main issue regarding the director and his wife.

Well, I was missing something very vital in any organization called "Grapevine". I had a long conversation with colleagues (at the similar level) of both the husband and wife. I just wanted to understand if they had actually discussed something with them or not. I was shocked to get some facts from them and could realize that the entire story was a plan of the wife to prove the fact that she is the director's wife to her colleagues.

Step 4: We conducted a joint counseling session for both of them (in the presence of management and the owner of the company) and put the entire picture in front of the guy. He is apologetic for his behavior now. He accepted that he did whatever he did because of all the wrong attitude of the wife at home. He is currently in a state of disbelief that his wife could actually do such a thing.

Step 5: Understanding all the details now, the management has decided to get rid of the girl since she has used the power of her husband being at a very senior post. The husband has been given a warning since his behavior was also not acceptable.

The girl has been given a week's notice to hand over all the tasks that she has in hand and leave our company. We have also made it very clear that the company will not give her any relieving letter as a punishment for her behavior.

A step further, the colleagues under whose influence the girl has done such a deed have also been asked to leave the company and are given a week's notice by the management. The company has also decided not to issue any relieving letter to these people.

Well, members, I am still in a state of shock and disbelief that people can actually do such a thing considering the fact that we do try to take maximum care of our employees.

I just wanted to know if I have done the right thing or not, and if there is still anything further that can be added in this matter to make it more transparent and a lesson to all the other employees of the company. Please let me know if I have done it right or not.

Waiting for your responses eagerly...

Regards,
Prachi Jain

Well, what if those people whom you think you have terminated and you are not going to issue a relieving letter as a punishment... if they come together, they may even throw you out of your position/job. So, don't tell us that you did all of the above, and don't let the employees know it's your idea. Show that it is a joint decision of management and not yours alone. Hope you got the hint.

Hi,

I think in this case ego has been hurt. You want the director to stay in the company. More than policy, psychological analysis is needed.

What can be done is, if you speak to his wife and try to explain the problem (not mentioning how important her husband is for the company). She can convince him.

As he is newly married, he is hurt because his wife has not been given due respect, which he thinks, though it is not so. If you convince his wife, I am sure he is going to calm down. Maybe the reactions he is having are being instigated by his wife.

As you know, women rule! :)

Dear Members,

Thank you so much for all your valuable suggestions and comments. I have somewhat tried to solve the problem and am putting the step-by-step process in front of you. Please let me know if I have done it right or wrong. The process that I have followed is as follows:

Step 1: I have initiated a policy regarding spouses not working in our organization. In case two people decide to marry, then one of them will have to leave the organization. Many members correctly pointed out that our policy structure was silent on such an issue.

Step 2: The birthday celebration policy has been changed. As per the new policy, birthdays/anniversaries of any employee (senior/junior) will be celebrated in a similar fashion, and there will be no favoritism in this regard.

Step 3: Now, the main issue regarding the director and his wife.

I was missing something very vital in any organization called "Grapevine." I had a long conversation with the colleagues (at a similar level) of both the husband and wife. I just wanted to understand if they had actually discussed something with them or not. I was shocked to get some facts from them and could realize that the entire story was a plan of the wife to prove the fact "she is the director's wife" to her colleagues.

Step 4: We conducted a joint counseling session for both of them (in the presence of the management and the owner of the company) and put the entire picture in front of the guy. He is apologetic for his behavior now. He accepted that he did whatever he did because of the wrong attitude of the wife at home. He is currently in a state of disbelief that his wife could actually do such a thing.

Step 5: Understanding all the details now, the management has decided to let go of the girl since she has used the power of her husband being at a very senior post. The husband has been given a warning since his behavior was also not acceptable.

The girl has been given a week's notice to hand over all the tasks she has in hand and leave our company. We have also made it very clear that the company will not provide her with any relieving letter as a punishment for her behavior.

Furthermore, the colleagues under whose influence the girl has done such a deed have also been asked to leave the company and given a week's notice by the management. The company has also decided not to issue any relieving letter to these people.

I am still in a state of shock and disbelief that people can actually do such a thing, considering the fact that we do try to take maximum care of our employees.

I just wanted to know if I have done the right thing or not, and if there is still anything further that can be added in this matter to make it more transparent and a lesson to all the other employees of the company. Please let me know if I have done it right or not.

Waiting for your responses eagerly.

Regards,
Prachi Jain

Dear All,

As discussed by me and a few other members, it is the wife's nagging at home that is the root cause of this problem. I was ridiculed by a member, but I stand vindicated and hope the person in question stands humbled.

Regards,
Abhishek Bhatara

Hi Prachi,

What you have done is the best in the interest of the company. Most organizations have a policy not to recruit the spouse of an employee or even couples. However, one great learning for us here is that not many organizations have a policy on two employees getting married. We don't face challenges as long as they are in different departments, but it becomes really hard to manage when they are in the same department.

I suggest assigning a day to hear employee suggestions or grievances so that these sorts of things can be handled before they occupy your time for days. As you mentioned, it's not good to have different treatment for different levels of people, as that will always cause disturbances.

Implementing this decision may be challenging in many ways and could even create embarrassment among your employees. Therefore, communicate to your employees why such a tough decision is necessary (at least with senior staff) without embarrassing the Director. This communication can be done in a planned or unplanned manner.

Hi Prachi,

This is purely a case of inflated ego and misplaced expectations. You have celebrated your wife's birthday as per the norms of the company - nothing less and nothing more. If that is the case, then what is this senior man sulking about? His wife, being a junior company employee, will not attain the status of a senior employee just because she is now married to him! Threatening to leave the job on this count is an immature reaction.

I would suggest that another senior executive of equal rank or a director of your company speak to him frankly about the issue. I am confident that this individual will come to understand the reason and realize that the matter is too trivial to warrant resigning.

Best of luck,
Mohan

Hi Prachi,

This is a case of Positional Power confused with Personal Power. This is very common in corporate settings due to immature individuals occupying higher positions. Let the efficient director leave to make room for another one, but you will be able to set a precedent that no person, even if very efficient, is more powerful than the organization.

Dear,

No doubt you are in confusion that he is an efficient person and losing such a person is a great loss. So, what do you say about keeping his word? Will you violate organization policy matters?

Secondly, as he is sitting at such a senior position, he should be professional enough to follow organizational policies. What he does is a resemblance to other employees in the organization.

Don't make him feel that he is an important member of the organization. Try this, and you will see that he will not quit.

Regards,
Abhijeet Sawant
(Manager P&HR)

Hi Prachi,

I think if anyone has mentally decided to leave the company, you should never stop such an employee as he has decided to leave. Being a director, the issue is very trivial. Secondly, if he really wanted to go, he could have resigned and would not have waited for all of you to stop him and pamper him. The organization will always run. Never bend your policies for one employee. Thirdly, if you are planning to retain him, think of the precedence he is putting in front of you. He basically wants to be pampered and change the rules of the company for himself. Take all top management in confidence and have a grand farewell party for him.

Regards,
Maya Sharma

Hi Prachi,

It may be a striking coincidence that we faced somewhat a similar kind of situation in our company. We have a policy on employees' birthdays, where we provide Sodexo passes to them. The value of the Sodexo passes depends on the employee's level within the company.

One of our most senior employees, whose wife was at a middle level within the company, experienced a discrepancy in the value of the Sodexo passes they received. This situation led to dissatisfaction from the senior employee, who then blamed the HR department and even threatened to resign.

Facing a dilemma as we couldn't afford to lose such a senior employee, we sought special approval from our CEO to issue additional Sodexo coupons to the senior employee's wife. Recognizing this as a loophole in our policy that could affect other employees, we held a meeting with our steering committee and CEO, amending the birthday policy to state that all employees, regardless of grade or level, would receive gift coupons of equal value. We justified this change as a means to promote equality among employees.

The revision was well received by all employees, and we believe that taking immediate action in such unusual and challenging situations is crucial. I encourage our HR colleagues to share their feedback and any similar experiences they have encountered.

Regards,

Harsha.

If this person is senior enough to assume the role of the Director of the company, he must also be able to understand how to draw the line between personal and professional life. I suppose this is why it is safe to say that spouses shouldn't work for the same employer, as it can cause such issues.

Dear Prachi,

You deserve special appreciation for understanding the root cause of the situation. Many times, personal egos or family matters cause a lot of issues in the workplace. It is always better to have a common policy for celebrations rather than inviting problems and dissatisfaction among employees.

Regards,
Harikumar

Hi,

I feel that this Director is acting in a totally unprofessional manner. He might have already received a good offer and is merely using this incident as an excuse to pressurize the HR dept. It would be prudent if a senior member of the company speaks to him and helps him see reason.

Regards,
Stan

This is indeed weird. I mean, to see someone at a director level, who should lead by example, behave like this. Doesn't he even have the capacity to think about the other employees? After reading through, I wonder how efficient he really is. If he were my colleague, I'd happily show him the door, because one rotten apple can ruin the whole bunch. I think he should get a grip and learn to look at his personal and professional lives as two different entities. God... some people can be really difficult, eh? And Stan, I totally agree with you. For all you know, he might have gotten another offer.

Harsha,

Have you actually solved the problem? NO... you have just postponed the inevitable. The problem will surface again. This time it was Sodexo passes, next time it could be something else.

I think all of us are missing the point here. We must try and separate professional life from our personal. I understand it is extremely difficult to do so but an attempt must be made. Once a person steps into the office, they are no longer a wife, sister, etc., of anyone else in the organization. They are simply employees (guided by the organization's hierarchy and policies) like the rest of them. If anyone, absolutely anyone, has a problem with this, then they are bound to create problems for which there are no simple solutions apart from parting ways.

I think you immediately need to start educating everyone about Organizational Culture and the need to separate personal from professional. People will either take a hint and change or they will leave. Either way, it will only make your organization stronger.

No one, and absolutely no one in any organization, is indispensable. They create some kind of difficulty when they leave, but that's about it. It's temporary until someone else comes and takes the responsibility.

Cheers,

Navneet

Dear Prachi,

What does your company policy say about a husband and wife working in the same office? Please clearly communicate to him that he should not bring his personal ego of seeking equal treatment for his wife to a place where all employees are treated uniformly. I believe he is raising these issues not from an employee's perspective but as a husband to his wife.

Consider explaining this situation to him or finding two alternative solutions.

Regards,
Rajeshwari

Hi Mahalakshmi,

It's quite clear that he might be having a different offer or have already decided to leave the company, as this minor thing shouldn't be disturbing, especially at this level. Understand what your superiors have to say about this, as it is very sensitive and likely to disturb the entire team.

Thank you.

Dear Prachi,

To solve this at the moment, do one thing - buy a special gift from the company's account and let the director give a chance to present it to his wife, as she is indeed his wife and he is the director of the company. You can become a little bit extra special for her since she is an exception among the other employees. However, your HR director must counsel the director in a polite way, explaining that this behavior is unprofessional.

Thanks,
Anju

Hi Prachi!!

This person has blown this issue out of proportion. However, I have a comment to make on the treatment of employees. I feel every employee in the organization is the same and should be treated similarly.

We also celebrate birthdays at the office on the last Friday of the month. We have entry-level, middle management, and senior management all celebrating together in one gathering. So, we order a big cake which the birthday babies for the month cut, and then we distribute pastries to the rest of the staff. If required, the employees can call their friends and colleagues for a personal party later. This ensures that there is no heartburn or ego hurt for anyone.

Regards,
Shweta

Dear Prachi,

From your explanations, I understand that the birthday party is not the main issue. If your employee is in such a valuable position, he will not make these kinds of issues. He will not create any issue even if you did not celebrate his wife's birthday.

If he has an ego, then let him go. If he wants to leave, ask him the reason for leaving the company in writing.

Otherwise, when the next performance increments come, give an extra increment to his wife (offer the same personally now).

Thanks,

Sunny

Dear Shaloo,

I am very pleased by your thinking. Birthday celebrations are not to be a level-oriented function in any organization. All employees should be treated the same way for such functions/celebrations. The director should have made a fuss to generalize the point rather than personalize the whole thing. That would have made him appreciated more by the company employees.

Hi Prachi,

I feel:

1. The director having such views is not fit to hold a senior position.
2. Birthday celebrations should not be a source of discrimination amongst employees as there is nothing official about it.
3. Since the wife is understanding and mature, the director's behavior should not be taken seriously. HR or MD should speak to him and ask him to make his own wise decision as he has all rights to make decisions for his life and career. He should not be given undue importance and should be plainly told that although his absence from the company would be a loss, the company shall continue its growth with somebody else on board. Nobody can take undue advantage of the company and its manpower for personal gain. If someone tries to, he is deemed to be unfit despite his contributions and sincerity.

Regards,
Deepak Mittal

Hi Prachi,

I cannot comment on whether the person is efficient or not, but one thing I'm sure of is that once the person has decided to leave the organization (he has totally made up his mind), there's no use in holding him back in the company. Even if this person decides to stay back, his performance is never going to be the same as it used to be before. Please let me know what you think about this.

Goodbye

Hi Prachi,

Between the devils and the deep blue sea, eh? Well, doesn't seem to be so. Here, if I am to understand the situation well, it seems like he is aware of his significance in your company. After 7 years, it seems like he thinks himself to be indispensable (maybe the company has relaxed some rules for him before) and also feels above the company policies. Either this is the situation or the likely situation is that he must be having something up his sleeve (or even worse could be the influence of his new-found wife who may be trying to establish her supremacy over her colleagues). Whatever the situation is, in fact, now I believe he is in limbo. He may not be in a position to withdraw his remarks now (which would be seen as a defeat from his side in front of his staff and his wife).

I would suggest that you talk to him clearly, ensuring that the HR policies and objectives have to remain in place, and propose a quick solution to the problem by advising him to tell his wife to prove her worth (of course she has, by marrying him) but also at the workplace, which may make it acceptable for her teammates to appreciate her and themselves propose a gala birthday for her next year. Something like throwing the ball back to his court. Now that is another ego situation for him.

Hi all,

It has been my experience that celebrations vary at different levels of an organization. We expect different levels of responsibility at the various tiers of an organization, and we also anticipate varying levels of maturity.

The Director's behavior is inconsistent with what you have described as "efficient." I wonder if he is truly "effective." One can be efficient but not effective.

If he is threatening to quit over such a mundane issue, then clearly something else is at play. I would expect the Director of HR, who should be a peer and share a similar level within the organizational structure, to have a private discussion with him.

Regarding his "irreplaceability," that's a myth. While it may be painful for an organization to have a senior employee leave, no one is so central to the organization that they should hold it "hostage" or create discord over such a minor protocol issue.

I would do my best to try to uncover the real concerns, but ultimately, if he is threatening to leave, my attitude, after being thoughtful and reasoning with him, is "don't let the door hit you."

Cheers.

Hi Navneet,

I completely agree with what you said, "professional life should be separated from personal life," but tell me one thing... do you think it's practically being done? Well, I and many of our HR friends will say NO.

In my case, when a senior and critical member comes up and says that his wife should also get the same benefit, or else he will resign... what can we do? If we say that we will go by the policies, then the management will fire us. I am just highlighting the practicality of the problem. As you rightly pointed out, yes, I have not solved the problem, but at least I have done the best we could in that situation. The culture change cannot be induced only by the HR department; we also require the support and cooperation of top management.

Regards,
Harsha.

Hi Prachi,

Please understand first that no one is indispensable for the organization. Go on an executive search secretly and get every formality done outside the organization. If the need arises, do the hunting yourself. Once a rule is violated, there will be numerous instances. Before you have a replacement, handle tactfully. Once a tumor develops in a vital organ, it's better to remove it than to destroy the whole system... but make every move with doctor's precision.

Regards,
Bishwajeet

Hi Prachi,

I am an HR practitioner from Malaysia, and I have been following some of the forums posted on CiteHR.

What I see from your narration of the events - my opinion is that the HR Director has an attitude problem. He may be a good performer, but anyone with an attitude problem will definitely, or at least at one point in time, cause problems for the company. Our responsibility as HR personnel towards the company we work for is also to reduce the exposure that the company is subjected to due to human problems such as this.

To elaborate further on the attitude problem - what I see is:
1) EGO - whereby he wants his wife treated well because she is the Director's wife and not in the capacity of an entry-level staff.
2) CORRUPT - whereby the thinking that he has, that the company owes his wife the 'director treatment' itself expresses corruption not in the form of money but perception/expectation.

I am a Malaysian Indian and have traveled to India frequently. India is a beautiful country, and its richness has enchanted me - creating a desire in me to return to it as often as possible.

As for its workforce - from a global point of view - it needs more maturity and 'openness' by means of exposure to the outer world and global HR practices. Your decisions, from what I see in the forums posted, are emotion-based, not rational and practicality-based.

I wish you good luck in your hunt for a new director - preferably one with more maturity or at least matured thinking.

If my comment has hurt any readers - please do accept my humble apology.

M'sia HR

Dear Prachi,

This one is really tricky. I suggest that your HR Head has to get involved in this. He has to explain the rationale behind it. Preferably, it would be nice if a female goes to him personally and discusses with him. I am pretty sure that his wife has developed an ego who has in turn instigated her husband. You could also think of going to their house personally and do the explanation. Believe me, HR works best at homes.

Regards,
Sandeep Powar

Dear Prachi,

First things first - the best scenario would have been if the individuals at these two different levels had gotten married, and one of them should have moved out of this company. This is especially true if it is not a family-owned company, where the Director might have the freedom to celebrate anyone's birthday as he pleases.

The Director appears to be entangled in his personal ego, which the company policies do not permit to be fulfilled. He feels frustrated that he is unable to satisfy his wife despite his position. Perhaps hosting a private party organized by his friends outside the office could have partly addressed the issue.

If the staff members feel that trying to please this boss is not crucial, then the Director could explore other options, and the company should consider finding a replacement. Adhere to the policy of "no one is indispensable" and plan a systematic replacement process. There are plenty of potential candidates available.

Siva
Counsellor and soft skills coach

Hi Prachi,

Celebrating employees' birthdays, as you mentioned, is a policy (whether it is documented) or you are following a simple practice. If it is a practice, you can be flexible on this. It doesn't mean that you should celebrate his wife's birthday in a similar fashion as that of the director. Of course, you can invite her husband (Director) and his team members along with colleagues of her level. If it is a written document, you must not deviate from it.

Regards, Rajiv

Hi Prachi,

Good morning!

I am really surprised that people at such a top position can behave like this, but now this is not an issue of discussion. Basically, he should understand that personal matters should not be taken to an official level. Even though it's a matter of celebrating his wife's birthday, if he has so much love towards her, he could have celebrated it in a different manner. He should not ask HR people to celebrate in the same way.

Now, in this case, I think first you should try your best to retain him; otherwise, let him make his own decision. From any point, this behavior doesn't seem right. You can find another director better than him. Just let us know afterward what happens.

All the best!

With best regards,
Shweta

Most people spoke on efficiency, but did anyone think of the maturity involved in this episode?

Firstly, the "Director" should be mature enough to understand that the policies of the company will have to be stood by irrespective of any other aspect. An organization looks at all their employees as individuals and not relations of any kind.

Secondly, like some mentioned, he is probably looking for an excuse to quit the company for better prospects. However, this is the most immature manner of conducting oneself.

Check to see if his wife is willing to help you out of this. If not, let him go. You can speak, convince, negotiate only up to a point but not beyond. Once you do your best and still feel the person is not coming around, you have to let go.

Agreed, he may be efficient, but he is not the only one. Look at the brighter side and understand that you now have an "efficient yet immature director" on board and can easily get a "Mature & Efficient" director too. Just look around and you will know what I mean.

Regards, Gogo

Hi Prachi,

I just went through the entire issue, and since he is a director, please get him to focus on other things than such petty matters. I agree with Harshad when he mentioned that both spouses should not be allowed to work in the same organization. We have a similar policy in our organization, and the decision about which person needs to quit should be made as soon as they decide to get married. If he still insists on celebrating his wife's birthday, quote the policy, but also suggest to him that he could celebrate his anniversary the way he wants at his own cost :).

Thanks,
Niveditha

Dear Prachi,

This sounds very silly... A person in such a position will never act in such a strange way if he is really efficient and capable. Just think before you confirm that he is efficient. Discuss with the top management what to do about him. It is suggested that you talk to the person (director) once again, explaining to him his responsibility in the company. His reaction to the situation is revealing his maturity levels. Do you really need him to be responsible for such a high position? First, thinking in such a silly way itself is strange, and secondly, threatening the company by resigning is very, very strange. Just ask him to leave the company. Be practical. You can find a better person for such a high position. Do not worry.

Wish you good luck & all the best.

Regards

I really wonder how can a husband listen to their wife on anything and just follow it blindly. In this case, the Director is also at fault.

Hi Prachi,

As you have stated, he is an efficient person. I don't think he is, because this type of behavior is not expected from a Director Level person.

Try to make him understand that HR policy can't be violated; he has to adhere to the policy of the company and understand how he can direct what should be done or not.

If you compromise once, every time he will come up with new problems and dissatisfaction and try to take advantage.

As an HR professional, you should not allow any person to go against the company's policy. Be firm with him, regardless of the position he holds. Otherwise, he will make you dance like a puppet.

Thanks,

Rashmi Pandey

I have come across a very strange situation wherein one of my seniors is not satisfied with the company, and the reason he states is something we are unable to understand in HR. The situation is:

We have a senior person working at the Director level in the company. There is another girl working at the entry level with us. The two have recently gotten married. As a company policy, we celebrate the birthdays of our employees. During his birthday party, all the management and senior staff were present.

A few days ago, it was his wife's birthday. As per company policy, we celebrated her birthday but not to the extent her husband's birthday was celebrated. Being at the entry level, her birthday was celebrated with other employees at the same level (we celebrate all employees' birthdays together on the last working day of the month).

This time, the senior employee got annoyed that we did not celebrate his wife's birthday in a similar fashion to his own. He feels dissatisfied and wants to quit the job.

Now, we are in a fix as we are unable to understand what to do. We tried to convince him that his wife is not at a level to receive the same treatment as he does, but he does not want to understand.

Kindly advise on what we should do. He is an efficient person, and we do not want him to leave the company.

Kindly advise... Waiting eagerly for your suggestions.

Regards,
Prachi Jain

Hi,

Maybe that person is efficient in his work, but he is not professional at all; otherwise, he would not create issues like this. You need to convince him that the rules are the same for every company, so he should not act like a child. If he is still not convinced, then you should be diplomatic.

Send an email for apologies and also announce that we are changing the rule: either we will not celebrate the birthday of any employee or will celebrate all employees' birthdays in the same manner. Let him realize his mistake.

Regards,

Harshita
HR Executive

Dear Prachi,

It is a pity to know all that, especially coming from a senior-level staff Director. I would suggest letting him resign and not trying to stop him. Imagine what he will say in his next organization, "I left my previous company because of this reason."

Another approach could be to not discuss this matter any further, as this might just be his "heat of the moment" reaction. Later, he may not insist on the same, and then the HR Director can counsel him.

Regards,
Sanjeev

Dear Sravani, Prachi,

True that the HR Department has to discuss these kinds of issues with the top management or the CEO to find a solution. But what if the CEO or a top management board member himself does these kinds of things?

I just want to say that there won't be any foolproof solutions for these problems because we often see people at very senior levels engaging in such behavior. Does that mean they are not aware of the policies? They are very much aware of the policies but engage in these actions to demonstrate their power and send a message to other employees that they hold authority in the company, and policies and procedures can't restrain them. These issues have to be handled on a case-by-case basis and resolved promptly.

Regards,
Harsha.

Dear Prachi,

It is really unfortunate to see senior-positioned people behaving in such an unprofessional manner. What I would emphasize is that at any level, there should be an HR round focusing on the emotional quotient. This would enable us to assess individuals more deeply on how they can handle various situations.

Please consider allowing him to resign rather than letting narrow-minded individuals disrupt the overall professionalism of the work culture.

Best regards,
DG

Hi Members!

Thank you so much for your suggestions and responses. I am really confused simply because the whole matter is within the knowledge of the CEO. Understanding the fact that policies cannot be compromised upon and agreeing to the decisions taken regarding his wife, he still wants the Director to stay in the company. At the same time, he expects HR to reach an amicable solution so that such situations or related issues do not arise in the future.

Can anyone suggest what this "amicable" solution can be while keeping in mind that the Director who created the entire fuss has to stay back?

Do let me know....................

Prachi Jain

Hi Prachi,

It's really surprising that a person holding such a senior position is behaving in such an immature way. He should understand that the lady's birthday was celebrated by the organization not because she is his wife but because she is an employee of the organization. If she is given a special celebration, then other directors will expect similar celebrations for their spouses. If you are not firm now, tomorrow he may ask for a relaxation in the rules for his wife. Rules and policies are meant to be uniform for everyone. I personally feel that this person is just threatening to leave - just to satisfy his ego or maybe he has got another offer and wants to quit without disclosing the reason. HR departments, in such cases, have to be firm. If he wants to quit over such a petty issue, he is not worth retaining. Keep us posted on what finally happens.

Regards,
Kirti

Hello again,

Many of us have made the suggestion that a senior person, a peer needs to informally and collegially inform that his demeanor is not consistent with his role and level. If he continues to act as a "prima donna" over this birthday issue, in my judgment, one should question his ability to be of continued value.

I fail to understand why one would think a "director has to stay back"? Is he family to the owners? Is he a significant shareholder? If the answer to these is no, then I am not clear as to why the senior leadership will not confront clearly childish and unprofessional demands.

Let me find the door, as many have said, no one is so "indispensable" or as Beyoncé said, "don't you ever get to thinking...you're irreplaceable!" Truth is, no one is.

Best regards,

Bruncha

Hi Prachi,

After reading this issue, I will say that you should suggest to your management whether they can afford to spoil the morale of the whole organization for the sake of that director. They will find the answer.

Hi all,

I agree with the views of Prachi, Anubha, Harshad, Falak, and others. The senior employee, who happens to be a director, does not seem to have the foresight to remember his wife's birthday, which appears to be important to him. As a responsible person, he should have come forward to celebrate the occasion through his voluntary contribution and set an example. The action taken by the HR department is absolutely right, and no regrets are necessary. In any case, present the factual situation to the top management for them to decide on the issue. The demand of the senior employee is uncalled for.

Krk Rao

Hi Prachi,

I agree with Riyaz that this situation could result in becoming an uncontrollable chain reaction. You will have other people in the organization also asking for favors for the person they like, and each time this situation will be quoted as an example, and you will also find yourself being accused of being biased. So rather than thinking of the loss of the present situation, try setting a benchmark for the future. Everyone needs to understand that they have to abide by the rules of the company, and the company will not stoop down to fulfill employees' personal desires at the expense of their rules and regulations. If your boss wants to show loyalty and concern to his wife, he should realize there are better ways to do that than getting favors from the company. Professional and personal relationships should not be confused.

Thank you.

Look at this problem laterally. Can you look at some fringe benefits, if your org. policy is okay with it, and this may keep him cool. What I meant is, you working with him for quite some time will be knowing his strengths and weaknesses. Look at the areas of his interest. Can it be capitalized? After all, you cannot do another birthday party again for the same person.

Secondly, has there been any other birthday party that was celebrated after these two incidents? If yes, is it relatively at the same level or different? Accordingly, you address him. Since he has been there for the past seven years at that senior level, he himself must have gone through different phases of these celebrations over the years.

"I feel this could have been arranged by his wife (maybe)." Since he is already in line with her, kindly approach this issue through her and solve. It will be better.

Regards,

Bhanumurthy

I can hardly believe that a person occupying such a senior position would act so immaturely. If he has really behaved in the manner you have narrated, then his EQ quotient seems to be low, and he is not the right person to have in that position.

Hi Prachi,

While I agree with almost everybody here on one thing, that this guy is really nutty and has a typical attitude, at the same time, I also understand your position as HR. So, the best thing according to me could be to talk to his wife. Try to make her understand that he (the director) is a very important part of the organization, and so is she (since she is his wife). Try to put your point across to her. Tell her how she would have reacted if she were in your position. Try to convince her so that she, in turn, convinces her husband.

Now, since the birthday has passed, you can always talk to the management and get her a nice gift. You can persuade your management that since she is the wife of an important person who feels neglected, the gift can serve a healing purpose. The expenses could fall under the category of business development or employee retention.

I hope my suggestion is not too weird.

Thanks,
Aayush Dubey

Hi Prachi,

Even I don't think your 'Director' has the right emotional intelligence to understand such simple logic in the organization. This is a very simple concept to grasp. Anyway, I'm not sure about such 'weird' behavior. But I totally disagree with certain comments that 'husband and wife' cannot work in the same organization. What's the harm in that? Any team member is evaluated based on their roles, responsibilities, and deliverables. Then why this thought?

Thanks,
Mahesh
Open Systems India
www.osas.com

Yes, Prachi,

What Ravi has said was right. Terminating those employees is not the solution for this; the policies of the company have to be strong. Also, as rightly said by Ravi, you should show this as a joint decision. Because there is something called a consumer forum where the employees can pull the company into legal issues. Hope you got the point.

Regards,
Harsha.

Hi Prachi,

I would like to add that yes, what everything going with you is wrong, but I think you're working in a non-MNC company and in such companies, rules and policies change from person to person.

I think you have to proceed in this direction, like you can do something that will hide your mistake from management's view, as on her birthday, you didn't celebrate it in that way, and accept that mistake. Because in non-MNCs, it is a normal thing that upper-level people think they can make and break the rules according to their own way, and it's going because the first rule of any job is that everything will be fine and good when your boss is happy. Everything is fair in a job when your boss is with you. So, keep your boss (management) with you and take this thing lightly and solve it.

Sonu

What business is your company involved in? Is it a call center or the fashion industry?

Furthermore, I feel that someone is casting a shadow of doubt or simply playing a prank on you. No one at his level would do such a thing.

In any case, check your credentials within the organization. If you find yourself clear, then don't continue working in such an organization. You'd be better off quitting. Your intellect and hard work should be utilized in a more productive environment.

Most of the time, HR is on the defensive side as if they are trying to please others. It's not just a matter of the day, but also a matter of policy, processes, equality, and parity among employees at various levels. Don't feel bad about it; see how best you can put across your point and stand by it with conviction. At least you will not regret it later.

Enjoy...

Hi,

Please discuss this with your management and make the decision accordingly. In the meanwhile, you can also explain the policy well since he has been working for the past 7 years and knows the policy very well. Even if he would like to leave the organization, that's up to him.

Don't lose heart. Cheer up.

Regards,
Savithri

Hello,

Yes, sometimes employees act more emotional than rational at senior levels too. Your director is feeling humiliated because his wife was not treated as per his expectations. You need to suggest that he can organize a birthday party for his wife outside the office, somewhere, and invite all the staff members. HR will reimburse the bill in the form of a token or bonus. You cannot afford to lose a high-caliber person over a very trivial issue, and you should convince him to make him feel valued.

Additionally, his wife is his weakness. It would be better to try to convince her, especially since she also works in your company. She may have a better influence on his decision and help change his mindset.

Good luck.

Regards,
Bindu

Prachi,

The company does not deserve a Director who is not mature enough in his thinking to understand the ways of the company. Don't hype this issue... let go of the person. He has decided to go and is just looking for meager issues... Invest your time and effort to look for a suitable replacement.

Regards,
Suja

Hello Prachi,

If I understand correctly, "Your company is insisting you to do all possible tricks to retain him." Am I correct?

From all your statements, it is clear that this person wants to quit his job and is finding some flimsy reasons to justify his decision. I don't expect such behavior from a person who has worked for such a long time in a company, who doesn't even understand the basic policies.

I would suggest you to talk to his wife regarding the issue. She may understand the situation. If this, too, is not working, then the only choice is to go ahead and say goodbye to him.

Regards,

Siva (www.anbusivam.com)