Navigating Workplace Dynamics: How Should HR Handle a Spouse's Influence on Job Performance?

Addressing Workplace Challenges in Personal Relationships

Both the husband and wife are working in the same organization. They both have a good track record of working in this organization. However, they are in different departments and often need to interact with their colleagues. Recently, the wife has been facing issues from her husband, as he does not want her to interact with male colleagues. This restriction is making it challenging for her to effectively carry out her job responsibilities.

It is worth noting that the husband appears professional and interacts well with other staff members. Despite this, the situation at home is affecting the wife's work environment. Previous attempts at counseling have not resolved the issue and may have even led to further complications.

HR's Role in Resolving Personal Conflicts Impacting Work

In this scenario, what actions can HR take to address the situation appropriately? The current dynamic is creating a difficult work environment for the female employee. It is essential to find a solution that respects both individuals' professional roles and personal boundaries.

Regards,
Kamal Amrohi

Yes, both husband and wife can work in the same organization depending on the company's internal policy.

Regards,

Jitendra Tomar

Rajesh,

What kind of counseling have you given? Is it emotional or relationship counseling? If you provide emotional counseling, it will work out.

Raj

After going through your post, I personally feel that her husband wants her not to interact with a particular male employee (it's not with all the male employees). Please check on the same. If possible, bring that lady in to find out what exactly is the issue between them because of which she has an impact on her professional life. Otherwise, talk to someone to whom she is really close to gather some info. Maybe you can get a clear idea of how to resolve this issue.

Sorry to hear about a situation like this. Have you had a counseling session with the mentioned lady employee, or was that feedback given by another counselor? Could you please state when this problem started? How long have they been working in the company, and was this an issue from the beginning or did it start recently?

One possible solution could be for HR to consider moving the husband to a different role through a passive promotion, where he would have less opportunity to check on his wife's activities. This suggestion stems from your mention that both individuals are valuable assets to the company.

Additionally, it would be advisable to speak with the female employee to determine if this problem is due to interactions with all male employees or specific individuals.

If you are an HR professional, handling such situations would indeed be a crucial aspect of your role.  Anyway, all the best! 

Kind regards,
[Your Name]

I suggest HR terminate the husband and allow the wife to continue working, for the simple reason that he is narrow-minded. It doesn't matter how professional he is in his interactions with colleagues. It's a clear indication of his mindset that when it comes to the opposite sex, he has different intentions. He appears to be professional, but internally he views the opposite sex as mere objects.

Regards,
Mohan Rao.

Suggestions for Managing Workplace Dynamics

Good topic, especially for HR. I have a few suggestions. The best approach is to place them in the same department or assign work in such a way that they need to collaborate with another employee of the opposite gender for an extended period. This strategy will prevent them from focusing solely on their partner. It can help resolve the situation promptly for HR, the individuals involved, and their colleagues. Either they will learn to work together and understand their mistakes, or you may soon see a separation. The workplace is for work and not a place to address personal matters.

Regards,
Bindu

Dear Mahr, Thanks for your response. She had a counseling session with HR. She has been facing this problem for the past six months. They have been working at the company for around 5 years. It was a love-cum-arranged marriage. Both are from the same caste and religion. They both work in different departments. She is good-looking and has good communication skills. She interacts well with everyone, including her husband. It's not a particular problem with one male colleague, but with almost everyone. She was feeling a bit depressed and was considering resigning. So, what emotional support can we give to this employee? Our company won't entertain promoting people based on these types of problems. Thank you. Regards, Kamal Amrohi

This kind of situation is very common where a husband and wife are working together. There are some steps that can be taken to address this problem:

Steps to Address Workplace Issues Between Spouses

First, give the husband more responsible work (but not overload him, as this could worsen the situation) and motivate him by applauding his efforts in public. This might help reduce his narrow-mindedness slightly.

Second, if the above doesn't help, HR should tactfully warn the husband that if his behavior doesn't change and it hampers the other employee's (wife's) performance, the company/HR will have to take strict action against him. If required, also explain that if he doesn't behave positively, his job may be at risk. This will really help him get back on track!

Third, being in HR, you can also consider shifting the wife to another branch if you need to preserve the work environment. Of course, this should be done after counseling with the wife in this regard. As someone already mentioned, it's important to know the root cause, and the wife's close friend or colleague might provide some insight.

It's really nice to see that within a very short period of time, there have been a lot of good responses and a few bad ones as well. For example, Mr. Roy. Yes, I agree with Mr. Ravishankar - how can Mr. Roy advise in such a way? It's not a solution, and it's really not fair.

Regards

Understanding Mutual Trust in Relationships

A husband and wife relationship is based on mutual understanding and belief. Both should realize that nothing will happen due to interaction in the office. Some husbands are jealous of their wives, and vice versa. My wife is working, and she interacts with many guys every day, but I never felt that something wrong is going on because I know her very well. Similarly, I also interact with many beautiful girls in the office, and my wife never objected or minded as it is a part of our profession.

So, I suggest that husbands should be more broad-minded and try to accept the reality in the modern world. A villager may object in such circumstances, whereas an educated person would never think so. Best of luck.

In most organizations, rumors will inevitably arise. Hearing unwanted gossip about one's spouse from colleagues can be frustrating for both the husband and wife. In this scenario, the husband should sit with his wife and address all the rumors circulating about her in a straightforward manner. He should also advise her to limit interactions with colleagues who are spreading such rumors.

HR's Role in Addressing Workplace Rumors

The HR team should be vigilant about addressing these types of issues in the organization as they can impact the organizational culture.

Thanks,
NareshG

I feel, as an HR professional, you should look into the problem faced by this female employee. This is definitely a sensitive issue concerning the relationship between husband and wife. HR should first check with the lady to understand her perspective on this matter. It should be communicated to her that she cannot avoid interacting with her team as it is essential to collaborate with them to accomplish tasks and to establish good relationships with them. If she strongly prioritizes her career, she should discuss this with her husband and take a firm stance. This issue cannot be overlooked as it affects both work and the work environment.

HR should have a conversation with the husband to discuss observations, inquire if he has any concerns, and if it is simply a case of possessiveness, HR should provide counseling and make it explicitly clear that he should not interfere with his wife's or colleagues' work, as it impacts productivity and the work environment. Additionally, it should be communicated that if this behavior persists, concrete actions will be taken. Ignoring such behavior in the workplace is not acceptable, as it constitutes misconduct. If necessary, it may be required to let go of such an individual. Work should be kept separate from personal relationships, and HR must ensure that such situations are appropriately addressed.

Regarding the Message from Mahr to Kamal Amrohi

I would recommend the following corrections:

Dear Kamal Amrohi, I am sorry to hear about the situation you are facing. Have you had a counseling session with the female employee mentioned, or was this feedback provided by another counselor? Could you specify when this problem initially arose? How long have they been employed in the company, and did this issue arise at the beginning or more recently?

One potential solution for HR could be to promote the husband to a position that keeps him occupied and less able to monitor his wife's activities, especially considering that both individuals are valuable assets to the company. It would also be beneficial to inquire with the female employee if this problem is due to the presence of male employees in general or specific individuals.

If you are an HR professional, this situation presents a real challenge. All the best in handling it!

Regards,
Madhu

Regards,
Madhavi

Considerations for Managing Personal and Official Dynamics

In this case, two points have to be kept in mind:

1. Personal
2. Official

In order to ensure that their personal lives are not endangered, especially when both husband and wife are working in the same organization, the best solution for the HR Department is to reallocate and assign the wife to a different department where there will be less interaction with male colleagues. This is because the husband does not want his wife to interact with male colleagues.

By adopting this approach, the personal lives of the couple will not be endangered, and they can continue working in the same organization. One possible reason for this situation could be that the husband is experiencing an inferiority complex.

Dear Madhu,

Thank you for your response. We also had a counseling session with her husband. On one occasion, he was in the company canteen sitting in a corner when he overheard some negative comments being made by his wife's colleagues. It turned out to be the entire team.

Regards,
Kamal Amrohi

As Maliniluky suggested, try to find the exact problem and refer to the policies, as most companies do not allow husbands and wives to work in the same organization. If you are able to pinpoint the exact issue, try to resolve it. If you are unable to resolve it, consider transferring one of them to another nearby branch.

For the sake of their long-term relationship, it would be beneficial for them to openly discuss the issue and work towards a resolution. Additionally, observe if there are any ego issues or if one of the staff members is being dishonest with her husband, as this could be part of internal politics.

I hope you will be able to resolve the issue promptly. Regards

Dear Mishra, Thank you for your suggestions. Now, management has decided to fire one of them. They don't want to lose their best employees because of these two. The management doesn't want to discuss any more of their personal lives. So, who should be fired? In this situation, what can HR do?

Regards, Kamal Amrohi

Dear Kamal Amrohi, After all the discussion, I would suggest advising the female employee to seek counseling for her husband from a private psychologist. Since you mentioned that his issue arises if his wife interacts with any male employee, advising him directly may not be effective and could potentially lead to major personal issues. Please refrain from discussing this topic in group communication within the office. If you happen to notice anyone doing so, it could have a significantly negative impact on their family life, especially if the male employee in question overhears. I hope you understand my perspective in a positive light. :)

Best regards,
[Your Name]

Again, don't let anybody just walk in to that male employee to give a word of advice. It would precisely bother that female employee. I would suggest you check with your HR team on what has been stated by Ms. Bindu here in the thread. Hope that's a nice idea... :)

Best regards,
Mahesh

It is common sense that if both individuals work in the same organization, they will interact with all departments because, without proper communication, the organization cannot run smoothly. However, the key point is that your wife should only focus on official tasks and communication with all departments. She should avoid forming close attachments with anyone other than you.

Some good responses from mahr, nareshg, and kkmishra. One of the most childish and foolish responses already noticed. To lose or terminate anyone is not a solution.

As resulted from all over, a husband needs further fair and cheeky counseling. Means counsel, by the way, doesn’t put directly or individually.

Being some male employee gossips and comments badly, one of these husbands feels bad and narrow-minded. More focus is required on the people gossiping and the person in the wife’s department who must have some bad intentions toward that lady.

Types of Training Programs

There are many types of presentations and film trainings by which you can run a program in your organization, where you appreciate and award the people who are best in manner in front of the opposite sex... or award the best working pair... and also, side by side make some common comments and announce atrocious to the gossips and abusing type of activity... like don’t name your organization people who gossip, use some news around your company or location where some guilt or any case regarding the same has been done... and make a notice board... that such shameful activity has been done... in so & so company in today’s such a modern culture.

Also, please make an emotional touch in those training sessions that from such bad activities (like gossip and narrow-mindedness) anyone in the family gets disturbed. The bad life may start for such a family’s child.

Means try to create an environment for all where everybody tries to prove themselves as an excellent husband/wife, and not involve themselves in bad gossip.

All the best.

Regards,
Gaurav Arora

I think the best way is to act professionally. Take the lady employee into confidence and issue a memo to her (since you say that her non-interaction with colleagues will hamper work in due course). Let her show the memo to her husband and explain her problem. She can explain to him that her professional reputation and career can be at stake. I am sure they can solve their problems internally in a much more effective manner.

If the husband is professional, he will stop intervening in her professional life and give her the freedom at work, which would be good for both the lady herself and the organization. If he is unprofessional, he might ask her to resign. This also will be good for the organization in the future as you would curtail creating an unhealthy environment in her department. Let them internally make decisions on their respective future.

Ask the lady whether her husband has a problem with any particular male employee or with all her colleagues. If her husband has a problem with a particular male employee, then she needs to stop interacting. If the problem is with all her colleagues, then she is advised to change the job. One reason may be that her husband does not have much to do, which is why he has started to behave like this. So the best way is to give him some more tasks to do.

This can only occur when one has more time to think about these silly things. Increase the husband's workload so that he does not have time to dwell on such matters.

By the way, no marital problems can be resolved by anyone other than the couple themselves.

Regards,
K. Sarkar

Dear Sarkar, Thank you for your reply. Well, the husband mentioned that her colleagues were speaking really badly. They had a bet on the color of the undergarment she wore, and one of the colleagues lost the bet. The person who lost the bet was hosting a party. He shared these details with his wife, yet she continues to interact with those colleagues in a very friendly manner.

Given this situation, what actions would you suggest?

Regards, Kamal Amrohi

I think you should talk to both of them. Running away from the situation, leaving the job, or filing a divorce case will not be the solution to any problem. Maybe her husband does not want her to talk to a particular guy. Check if you can transfer either of them to another branch or office.

Hi Kamal,

Company demands work.
Relationship demands trust.
Everything starts from the heart and mind.

Addressing Workplace Dynamics for Couples

Female employees should focus on showing maturity and helping their husbands understand that they are working for the company just like any other non-couple male and female colleagues. They should emphasize the importance of their work and focus on understanding each other's basic needs rather than engaging in unnecessary arguments.

- S. S. Suryavanshi.

Understanding Relationship Dynamics in the Workplace

Every problem has more than one possible solution. One point is that both husband and wife have already spent a reasonable amount of time with each other; therefore, they must understand the feelings and emotions of each other. This problem might be due to only one person, the person who is not liked by her husband. When a husband sees that his wife is talking openly with someone else whom he does not like, it will obviously hurt him.

The ultimate solution is for the husband to be clear about the particular person or for the wife to analyze on her own behalf whom her husband does not like, regardless of how nice the third person may be. Divorce is not the solution. It can lead to more problems.

I feel now that you have done personal counseling for each of them separately, it's time to bring them together for a discussion with HR and, if possible, a professional counselor, trainer, or coach. Mention to them that the HR department has observed these rumors and unnecessary discussions, which may be causing problems for the organization, its culture, and the work environment. You can listen to both of them and leave the decision to them on what to do next. Be very clear that you don't want the organization and its culture to be affected by any personal issues.

Dear All,

This situation is very common in organizations and in our society. Both individuals should be called individually and asked about the problems they are facing, with a promise not to disclose any points they don't want to share. Half of the problem will be solved through cross-questioning in privacy.

Later, after discussing this with a trusted individual, call both of them together and address the problems they are facing with each other. Present the emotional and social reasons to encourage reconciliation. Regular counseling is necessary for a few days continuously to help them calm down.

If there is an issue with a particular person in the organization, remove that person from the situation.

Regards,
Ram

Dear Shama,

Thanks for your response. I can't get you. Change the position of the woman. You mean to say designation or place? But I don't think by changing the designation or place it will work out.

Regards,
Kamal Amrohi

Hi Mr. Kamrohi, as I got to know from the thread posted, it's a very complicated situation. In my point of view, it is always a tedious job for an HR professional to satisfy both the husband and the wife if they both are in the same company. For a situation like this, I think, as many have advised, you should find the specific one who is the real problem for the husband. Moreover, they should both also be given some projects to achieve together if possible. This could be the best solution if they talk together without anyone interrupting them. Whatever the solution may be, you should act promptly before it causes degradation in productivity. Best of luck.

Considerations for Employee Termination

Firing should be given due consideration. Explain the situation to the male employee. Allow someone close to him to have a conversation with him.

If you have decided to proceed with termination, then you should consider firing the female employee. I really wonder why this issue has reached management without proper discussion within the HR department.

Regards,

Did you mention, "She will stop working with male colleagues if you stop dealing with your female colleagues," and still, he is doing this? It means he doesn't want his wife to work. Counsel both the husband and wife at the same time and try to solve their issues. Since you have a policy on relationships, you have to be a family dispute manager too. 

Dear Mahesh,

Well, that lady is close to management. Maybe she might have discussed this problem with them, as the directors are directly involved with the project unit. Not sure!

Thanks for your response and to Bindu as well.

Regards,
Kamal Amrohi

It would be more appropriate if you could reconsider the decision of termination and explore internal solutions. Perhaps, modifying the tasks and Key Result Areas (KRAs) of the individual in question without interfering with her personal life would be beneficial.

By providing an opportunity for intervention, you could suggest that the individual arranges counseling for her husband with a psychologist. It is important not to overlook this possibility as it may prove to be helpful. My advice is not to disregard opportunities, as people often regret missed chances.

Best regards,
Mahesh

My dear 'Amit Mba,' it's not the husband who is the writer, but the HR of that company. So, dear, it would be better if you check that.

I am not well experienced to suggest anything. Nevertheless, I am discussing here. I read about the problems between a wife and husband. Theirs is a love-cum-arranged marriage, which means they must have understood each other well. However, after 5 years, problems arose, indicating that the husband might have heard some negative comments about his beloved. Instead of the wife hesitating, she should be asked to understand the situation. I suggest that the husband share the problem with his wife personally to explain why he is behaving this way.

If the wife is unwilling to listen to anything from her husband and insists on maintaining the same attitude, then so be it. However, the husband should be advised to be more open with his female colleagues in front of his wife, allowing any comments to surface in her presence. This way, she may comprehend why, at one point, the husband cautioned her about being careful around male colleagues.

We are given only one life to be happy. Let it be so. Please excuse any mistakes in my words.

Dear Kamal, after reading today's post by you, as you mentioned that the husband heard 'some' colleagues talking about his wife's undergarments, it's obvious that any husband will be taken aback, especially when his wife is not showing concern to such 'bad comments' made by colleagues (even when he tried to make her aware of them). So, it's very natural that the husband will react negatively because he cannot let anyone speak badly about his dear wife. In this situation, it's the wife's duty to understand her husband's emotions and be aware of such colleagues, especially those. She should somewhat change her behavior towards them by being reserved but at the same time maintaining friendliness and cooperation so that the husband is relieved.

Honestly, initially, I felt sympathy for the lady, but now, Kamal, after reading your post today, I'm feeling sympathy rather for the husband because he is helpless to save his wife's name and fame. So, I think the lady should be cautious; that will solve all the problems.

I feel that you should hear both of the employees individually and then make a wise decision. If it's going to hamper their relationship, then it's better to have one partner transferred to another branch office (if available). Anyways, suspicious behavior has no remedy and no end to it. If you can afford to lose one of them, then you can try to persuade either of them to resign. All the best!!!

Dear Kamal, just check as mentioned by my fellow HRs if the problem is with all the males or with selected ones. Also, try to get some feedback on the persons (if few) with whom the problem arises from their department to find the attitude. Because all the time males are not wrong, the husband might have sensed something amiss. I am not supporting the husband, still try to have some idea about both the individuals involved and also try to have an interaction with the female involved to find out the root of the problem. You can do it, man, you will do it. All the very best.

Addressing Personal Issues in the Workplace

Husband and wife working in the same firm. The wife is facing problems due to her husband. Firstly, internal company policies should not interfere as this is their personal issue. They should sit together, talk, and try to resolve it. Why doesn't her husband want her to communicate with others in the office? Is he trying to protect her, or is he becoming overly possessive? There must be a significant reason behind this behavior. Problems can only be solved through open discussion.

Addressing Relationship Issues in the Workplace

It's a serious issue. There should be a counseling session for both to try to identify the core problem. What I feel is that the fault lies on both sides, so it is very necessary to find out the core problem. For a good relationship, mutual trust and understanding are very necessary. The aim should be to develop a healthy climate where both can understand each other's problems.

Perhaps the problem is very personal, directly impacting their work. The HR manager should help them understand how exactly they both should behave and the need to foster a healthy relationship.

Well, I do not suppose that HR has the responsibility of talking about the spouse relationship. In this particular case, I feel that if there are communication problems that have somehow affected the outcomes or objectives of the company, and this has been ongoing for some time, and the problem has been raised by coworkers or supervisors, only then the issue needs to be discussed with the female employee.

It should be made clear to her that whatever the reasons behind it, either she should explicitly mention them, perhaps it's a matter of sexual harassment, and if not, then she should develop better communication and interpersonal skills to meet the company's objectives. She should be made aware of the results and the people affected due to her lack of communication with colleagues.

That depends on the company's policies and rules if it is possible. Organizations establish rules regarding relationships. In this case, it is an emotional relationship, not a professional one in an organization where only professional relationships are encouraged. It is essential to maintain a good work relationship.

Dear Roy,

You have totally missed the point. It is the HR of the organization who wants advice on how to handle the situation amicably. There is absolutely no need to go into the matrimonial life of the couple and sermon the gentle lady about the action she should take and go as far as a divorce. You should refrain from giving such wrongful advice.

Rajendra

Dear all, Thank you very much for your response. However, I have not yet reached a conclusion. As professionals, what should we do? I do not wish to interfere in their personal lives, and they also do not want anyone to interfere in their personal lives. Both individuals are from different departments and are crucial to us. Our management is not keen on relocating them to different offices, especially since we do not have operations in India; all our activities are overseas.

The husband has proposed resignation, but the management does not want to lose him. Should we accept it or not?

Regards, Kamal Amrohi

HR Perspective on Spousal Employment in the Same Organization

Being an HR professional myself, I never encourage having a husband and wife working in the same organization. The situation could lead to favoritism or conflicts, such as the husband having private discussions with one colleague and instructing the wife not to interact with male colleagues. However, since they have been working together for a long time, issues have arisen recently. Perhaps, the problem arose because the wife started interacting too frequently with a particular male colleague, which made the husband jealous.

Since you have interacted with both parties, you may have a clearer understanding of the situation. It might be advisable to separate them. By keeping them apart in the office, they will have fewer opportunities to engage in non-work-related discussions when they do meet.

Thank you.

Dear Roy,

You have totally missed the point. You are suggesting bypass surgery to the wife for the husband's headache. It is the HR of the organization who has a problem and wants to solve it amicably. There is no need for you to interfere in the couple's matrimonial life and go to the extent of divorce. You will ruin somebody's life with your misplaced advice. Understand the problem before you suggest any action.

Rajendra.

As per your statement, the couple has a very good track record, and the problem has cropped up only recently. In that case, you will have to track the root cause of the problem to find a remedy, and mind you, it is not as simple as it sounds. This would involve the cooperation of all those who are close to the couple. If you find that things are not under control, then call the concerned party and tell them in no uncertain terms that if the trend continues, one of them shall have to quit the organization.

Regards,
Rajendra.

Dear Kamal Amrohi,

Finally, you should rework the KRAs of the female employee. Ask that particular female employee to take her husband for counseling. Advise the female employee to act according to her husband's wishes. Encourage the male employees to become good friends with him and discuss the situation.

Again, you don't have many options to explore here. Just give it a try... 

All the best! 

Regards,

Personal and Professional Boundaries

Personal problems need to stay at home, and work needs to be work. The husband should not bring his jealousy and insecurity to work and act like a control freak. They just need different personnel in charge of them and have them in separate working areas.

They can handle their emotional problems at home; that is what trust and communication are about. It is not up to a company to change processes or a woman's job because of her husband's insecurities. If you don't have a policy on relationships, then you can make one. But if hired knowing they were married, it's the business's fault. You can also send one of them to another location, and that'll help.

Reciprocal Demands and Professionalism

The wife can reciprocate the same demand to her husband, i.e., not to talk to female employees. Hopefully, this will make him realize what he is asking for.

All this shows that the husband lacks professionalism, and the wife should also ensure that she tries to eliminate the behavior that her husband doesn't like at his workplace.

Once again, we find lots of responses in a very short time when the subject involves problems pertaining to gender issues, where there is no perfect solution. The INSTANT POPULARITY of such threads indicates the members' interest in 'human' issues?! Or, is it the fact that it is easy to advise or voice opinions on such topics??

After going through the discussions, one point that has been missed, in my opinion, is whether only the symptoms are being treated instead of identifying the root cause of the problem?

I request members to ponder over the following questions in an attempt to find a holistic, appropriate solution:

- Why disciplinary action against either the husband or the wife?
- Have they committed any misconduct, or are they the 'victims'?
- Is an office canteen, with employees around (including the husband of the female employee), a "designated place" allowed by the management to crack dirty, perverse jokes about female employees; the color of their innerwear; and giving parties in continuation of "outcomes" of "perverse acts" by certain employees??

Why has there been NO ATTEMPT by the management or HR to take action on such delinquent employees (male colleagues of the woman employee)??

Does it not constitute "SEXUAL HARASSMENT" at the workplace, considering the following points:

- The victim does not have to be the person directly harassed but can be anyone who finds the behavior offensive and is affected by it.
- The victim can be any gender. The harasser can be any gender.
- The harasser does not have to be of the opposite sex.
- The harasser may be completely unaware that his or her behavior is offensive or constitutes sexual harassment or may be completely unaware that his or her actions could be unlawful.

Moreover, does it not constitute Hostile Work Environment Harassment, where speech or conduct is “severe or pervasive” enough to create a hostile or abusive work environment? Examples of inappropriate conduct of a sexual nature include sexually oriented jokes, sexually explicit emails, screen savers, posters, cartoons, and graffiti, and unwanted verbal and physical contact. The standard used to determine whether a hostile work environment exists is whether a reasonable person, in the same or similar circumstances, would find the conduct offensive??

Is it not violative of Article 21 of the Constitution, which guarantees the right to life and live with dignity, and Section 509 IPC, which makes it a crime to indulge in “word, gesture, or act intended to insult the modesty of a woman”??

Why does the concerned HR not take a written complaint from the husband about the incident along with a list of persons who were witnesses to the act and proceed accordingly??

All good companies have a Sexual Harassment Policy, as mandated by the Supreme Court of India, which defines and details the procedure for dealing with such complaints. I am referring to a few links below which contain the Sexual Harassment Policies of certain organizations, which I hope would be useful in drafting a policy for one's own company, if not in place already:

http://www.du.ac.in/du/SexHarass.pdf

http://www.tatapower.com/aboutus/pdf...ass-policy.pdf

http://www.bayergroupindia.com/pdf/S...ent_Policy.pdf

Policy against sexual harassment in IISc

http://swasti.org <link updated to site home>

I request members to give their opinion on the above.

Warm regards.

Addressing Workplace Conflicts Between Spouses

If any one of them doesn't leave the organization, no doubt they would be heading towards separation. That position would be awkward and non-reversible. So, for the present, one of them should leave that organization and get a posting in some other organization. But still, the position won't change, as the wife will have to interact with male employees in that organization also.

If the husband has any allergy to his wife's interaction with male employees, he should not have married an employed female. The other alternative, therefore, is that the wife should avoid employment for now. When with one person's salary they won't be able to manage, the husband may require his wife to work.

Dear All, both husband and wife are working in the same organization. They both have a good track record of working in the same organization. They are working in different departments and they have to interact with all their colleagues. For a few months, the wife has been facing problems from her husband. He doesn't want her to interact with male colleagues, but it's necessary for her work. Although her husband appears very professional and interacts well with the staff.

In this case, what can HR do? They have already conducted counseling, which led to more complications. At this stage, what can the female employee do?

Regards,
Kamal Amrohi

By the way, what is the hitch in posting the husband in your foreign office if the company doesn't want to accept the resignation of the husband? That way, a temporary solution would be very much there for the company as well as the couple. Otherwise, a solution provided in my previous post above can be implemented. But, if your company doesn't want to leave any of those employees, that way your company would be acting as selfish and would be making more room for their legal separation rather than a patch-up solution.

Seeking Professional Guidance

Dear all, thanks a lot for your response. But still, I haven't got a conclusion. As a professional, what do we have to do? I don't want to interfere in their personal life, and they too don't want anyone to interfere in their personal life. Both are from different departments and are important to us. Our management will not be interested in sending them to different offices, as we don't have any operations in India. It's all abroad. The husband has come up with a resignation, but the management doesn't want to lose him. So, shall we accept or not?

Regards, Kamal Amrohi

Dear Kamal,

You can't have your cake and eat it too. In short, you can't keep dismissing suggestions and then ask for more. It's like tying someone's legs and asking them to run. The only option left is for you to seek opportunities in another organization.

Rajendra.

Addressing Workplace Relationship Challenges

This type of situation is very common in any organization, especially when both the wife and husband work within the same company. First, one should check whether they have a strong relationship or not. Then, check with him why he felt that way. The husband and wife should sit together and discuss this issue. No one can help them unless he gets some doubt about an incident. He will not behave like that unless something doubtful arises. Probably, the woman knowingly or unknowingly showed some interest in someone, or somebody misguided him. It is better to inquire with their close friends and find out what is going on with them too.

An old Oriya saying goes, "It is foolish to get into the tiff of a husband and wife." I hope you understand what I am saying. Please do not counsel on those issues. If they are a newly married couple or a young couple, it may essentially be jealousy or possessiveness on the part of the husband, which is good if it is within limits. The lady may be advised to talk to her husband about what exactly is bothering her. They are the best counselors to each other. Involving in their relationship is counterproductive.

Hi Kamal,

If the husband is ready to avoid interaction with female colleagues, why is he expecting that from his wife? He has to believe in her. In this world, there are many relationships other than what the husband is thinking. Dirty mind. Is it?

Dear Mr. Amrohi, apparently, the issue seems to be a professional one, but at the bottom, it is very much personal. If you do not counsel the gentleman keeping in mind the personal areas, you may lose out on a valuable resource (if you consider him one). The gentleman, I feel, is suffering from some kind of insecurity. Please try to find out what exactly is bothering him. He needs an analyst-cum-therapist to help him overcome this. I hope you remember the movie "Abhimaan."

Just talking to the gentleman will not suffice; you also need to speak with the lady. I am a qualified psychoanalyst and therapist. If you need any help, please feel free to seek assistance.

Regards,
Dr. Srabani Basu

Dear Kamal,

I am sorry to hear about the management's decision in this case, and HR has only three ways to handle this situation:

1. Request a transfer to a nearby branch or outlet, if applicable.
2. Retain the male candidate. Retaining the female candidate as a key performer may result in personal life disturbances that could affect their professional life.
3. Call both of them in and inform them of the management decision, allowing them to decide who will leave. This step may prompt them to reconsider their behavior in the office for the next three months to a maximum of one year. During this period, HR should have a backup plan for the female candidate or the lower performer, or both.

I hope the issue will be resolved soon.

Regards,
Kauhsal Mishra
New Delhi

Dear all, Thanks for your positive response.

Summary of All Threads

1. Counselling
2. Shifting
3. Filing a case

No one has come up with practical examples from their companies. This is a very common issue, and I think this site is having young HR professionals. If I refer to a book, I can get these types of suggestions.

Regards,
Kamal Amrohi

No one can help them if the problem is solved in the company; it has already created a gap between them. Only they both can help themselves. For their personal life, mistakes are made from both sides. One has to quit.

If you read carefully, Raj's comment (Super Moderator - take action against employees who are the cause of this situation, which will satisfy the couple and give a lesson to them), you will get the solution. As management has already decided to fire one of them, the way to handle the situation is already given in previous comments. The only thing left is to take action, which is possible only by you. We can only suggest to you, but the action should be taken as per the situation, which is only clear to you. So, think carefully before making a decision and update us if possible to close the matter, as many members are involved and valuable suggestions have come up in the scenario.

One Last Suggestion Based on Practical Life

Try to convince the management to wait for some time and divert employees' minds to another topic by conducting a new event or through new notices. Simultaneously, mentor the couple that they should not be bothered by these types of situations; it will be forgotten soon by everyone as time passes. Also, try to discipline the employees who started this.

Regards,
Kaushal Mishra
New Delhi

First, I would suggest you change jobs, whether you or your wife... I don't think a husband and wife should work in the same organization. There are many reasons to support this, or you can understand the same as you are experiencing this, right? You can't ignore this truth.

It is quite likely that the origin of this problem is at home, and the spillover is seen in the office. As Rajeshkannan suggested, an effective counselor who reflects empathy could delve into the dynamics and facilitate both parties to see the problem in order to handle the issues, unless the husband is highly clinically suspicious.

Regards,
Rajrm

There should not be any ill feelings between wife and husband.

Understanding each other is important.

Husbands should understand the mentality of their wives.

I feel that to bring about a permanent solution to the problem, one should call both of them and state that as their relationship is creating an issue in the organization, only one of them can stay. The moment this is communicated, invariably the message would be clear, and the issue could be resolved. If, however, it continues, one of them should consider moving out.

Regards,
Amarendran

I have gone through the entire thread giving facts about the case and different opinions given by members. The case is about a husband and wife working in the same organization. The husband overheard some bad gossip about his wife, became suspicious and possessive. He wants his wife not to talk and mix with male colleagues, which has strained the relations between the husband and wife. HR has talked to both of them, and HR is seeking opinions on what should be done to come out of this situation.

Opinions and Suggestions

• Management and HR have a very limited role to play in this case. Employers have to forget that they are husband and wife and treat them as two individual employees. They should expect normal behavior and performance from both of them, and the same should be conveyed to them. Their status as a married couple working in the same office should not hinder the organization and their individual performance. If it is creating any sort of problem, then both should be counseled and warned to improve.

• If any bad mouthing/gossip is abetted in the office, then management should take strict action against those responsible for it. The concerned employee (husband or wife) should also come forward and lodge a formal complaint with management so that a proper investigation and action are facilitated.

• The husband's expectation that his wife should not speak and mix with male colleagues is childish, foolish, and reflects a Stone Age mentality. He should not have married a working woman if he has such a mindset. Management should not support such a request from the husband since it is very difficult to work and perform in a group environment without talking and communicating.

• There is no question of management sacking either the husband or wife in this case. This extreme step can be considered only if their performance has stooped very low. In that case, sacking will be done only after giving enough time to improve and after taking intermediate steps like oral warning, written warning, counseling, other punishments, transfer, etc.

• Management should also not think of transfer since the same problem can occur in any department. In case an employee requests a transfer, such a request can be considered on merit and subject to the availability of a suitable vacancy in another department. If an employee's request for a transfer is due to harassment in a particular department, the first step is to take action against the harassment.

• Every employee has to understand that they have to work and perform in a given environment and they cannot be insulated from bosses, colleagues, subordinates, clients, and customers coming from different backgrounds with different mental setups and intentions.

• I feel management and HR are unnecessarily involved in a personal matter and are getting carried away. The same is the case with most CiteHR members.

Thanks & Regards

Dear Kamal,

Are you from HR? I have some doubts...

I think this is an imagined story created by you, similar to another non-HR question about a short skirt.

Dada

I don't agree with the suggestions by Mohan Rao. Why can't HR terminate the wife? Ultimately, whoever is terminated, the financial burden has to be borne by the family. HR is not "god." It's not correct to terminate someone; after all, it's their pride. And positively, in today's world, everyone knows how people are rather fond of having extramarital affairs. So, sort these things out.

Regards

Why Terminate Husband or Wife?

On what grounds? What is their fault? Are they not performing? Have they committed any misconduct? Have they caused any losses or embarrassment to the company?

If the answer to any of the above questions is yes, then is termination the right punishment? Is it not too severe a punishment?

Answer these questions! Think!

Dear Kamal Amrohi, in spite of such a tremendous response, since no solution has come up so far that satisfies you, it appears that you already have some line of action up your sleeve. Under the circumstances, however, I would suggest that as a 'competent' HR person, you should not interfere in the personal lives and personal relationships of employees. After all, you do not have any written complaints or evidence, and whatever has emerged is hearsay and imagination of concerned persons, including yourself.

Organizations (including 'over-enthusiastic HRs') should allow employees to lead their own lives and not intrude upon their privacy, especially in the case of relationships between couples, when there has been no reported loss in productivity. Instead of finding completely 'fictitious' excuses to fire an employee.

Regards.

Dear Kamal,

Please show these 8 pages of comments from CITEHR to both the husband and wife. Try to evoke an emotional response regarding their attitude and the topic discussed. Make them realize that they could risk losing their jobs in any other organization under similar circumstances. Even though your company is committed to resolving the issue, ask them to consider changing their attitude and behavior.

Regards,
Gaurav

Dear PSDhingra,

I feel your information may be right, and if it is like that, the faith of this site and people who think and than give replies may be hurt. Thanks for informing us.

You can collect information among staff to identify the root cause of the problem, whether it involves a single male employee. Additionally, try to determine if the particular employee is indeed behaving in such a manner based on your observations. If the specific employee is valuable to the company, consider transferring the male employee to a different location under some pretext.

Regards,
Rams

Well, counseling is okay provided both parties are ready for it, and the counselor should be an outsider. Why shift? It is not going to solve the problem. There will be males around in other departments as well. Filing a case - Against whom? What will be the charges? This is wild imagination! Instead, take action against those who are gossiping and bad-mouthing, provided the husband or wife lodges a formal complaint against them.

Hi,

I personally think one must leave the job because discussing this problem not only spoils official life but also personal life.

Dear Kalyani Thakur, as per your post on 27th May 2010, I would like to mention that your initial words are correct. It seems that the husband must have heard something very bad, which is why he is suddenly reacting in such a manner after working together comfortably for 5 years.

However, the suggestion that you gave would rather worsen the situation because, at that time, rumors and comments would come for two persons (now it is only one person - the wife). It would have worked better if it had simply been a friend-circle.

Sorry for that.

Spousal Relationship Impact on Workplace Dynamics

The husband has submitted his resignation, which suggests he is 'right' to protect his wife. Had he suspected or misunderstood her, he would have asked her to resign instead. In such situations, a sensible and responsible wife would have stopped him and understood her husband's emotions, which this lady is not doing. Instead, she is disrupting the environment. So, how can this be a sign of a good wife? This is a matter of spousal relationship problems, rather than a management or HR issue. If she fails to handle her personal relations, how can we expect her to develop and maintain an understanding relationship with her colleagues? This indirectly implies that she cannot be a good employee as well.

Mr. Amrohi, my suggestion is that you don't accept the husband's resignation. Instead, the lady should be warned and possibly terminated for further disrupting the office environment.

Understanding the Extent of Colleague Badmouthing

Dear readers, please take note of this quote to understand the extent of the badmouthing that the colleagues engaged in. Naturally, any husband would lose his temper and ask or suggest his wife not to talk, or to reduce the frankness of her interactions, with those colleagues in order to keep her safe.

It is disheartening to see that even after 11 pages of posts, only a few people could grasp the real issue, which is that the wife is not understanding her husband, thus causing him to feel helpless.

Dear All,

According to me, ask your wife to analyze where the relationship is lacking. Why are all these issues coming up now when previously everything was fine? Tell both wife and husband to work together to solve this problem. If her husband is becoming possessive, please remind him that his wife is his only one, and no one will take her from him. So, relax and instead of wasting time on trivial matters, enjoy your life to the fullest and support each other in all aspects of life.

Regards,
Shilpa Singh

Temporary Transfers as a Solution

I feel that giving a temporary transfer to both husband and wife to a new place would help. Generally, jobs these days have a lot of stress, and when relationships are not nurtured, they tend to wither away. When the couple gets a chance to be away from the situations causing insecurity, they are in a better situation to sort out their problems. New challenges tend to distract them and unite them to face the new environs.

Challenges of Company-Level Counseling

Emotional or relationship counseling when given at the company level tends to bring in complications, possibly because their ego is hurt. They feel that their colleagues would get to know about it, or it may affect their career in a big way, or they would become objects of gossip. Their insecurity itself makes them deny the facts.

Regards,
Olives

It seems you have not seen responses from all the members on all the pages of this thread. Would you like to suggest what right the company or the author of this thread has to interfere in the personal affairs and disputes of the husband and wife if the company does not have any written complaints against any employee?

Even the identity of the author of the question is in doubt. He is not forthcoming with any clarifications to the doubts created by some community members. For example, you may like to see my own posts at:

1) https://www.citehr.com/256227-husban...usband-10.html
2) https://www.citehr.com/256227-husban...ml#post1153009

In my view, he is just entertaining himself by creating a fictitious problem and is undecided even after having a huge response from members, but just continuing with his fun-making stint.

Dear All,

Thank you all for your response.

Well, the Management has accepted the resignation, as they don't want to put their nose into their personal life.

Regards,

Kamal Amrohi

Dear Ravi, we tried our best to convince both of them; we had counseling and all. But Mr. Husband doesn't want to continue. Anyway, the situation was more like personal, so it was like we are interfering in their personal life. They are highly educated and grown-up people, so it's up to them. So we left the decision for management. Thanks for your response.

Regards,
Kamal Amrohi

Dear Dada,

These types of problems usually arise in the HR Department because employees interact with us as we recruit them, and they trust us. They often share personal information with us. Who has the time to imagine a story like this? Even if I were to imagine one, why would I choose to post it on such a reputable site where I have learned so much? Thank you for your query.

Regards,
Kamal Amrohi

I tend to agree with Ravi. It feels like an anti-climax. The working couple had to suffer for no fault of theirs. Moreover, there was no attempt to take any action against those employees who use the "office canteen" for indulging in inappropriate, disruptive behavior—this is where the concerned HR has failed to take a definite punitive action.

Regards.

I feel sorry for the couple, but it's unfortunate because the one most affected is the wife and not the husband. Nowadays, most companies have dual employment policies to try to keep couples/families together. It is important to talk to the husband and explain to him that his wife needs to interact literally with everyone around her work area unless he needs her to stay at home. I have witnessed a couple of cases in my organization, and it is very stressful.

Regards,

Dear Mr. Hansdah,

Please come out of the imaginative world. Well, the comments were not passed at the office canteen; it was a canteen outside the company. Wake up, Hansdah, now the issue is over. You never came up with a solution and just beat about the bush.

Regards,
Kamal Amrohi

My dear friend, in my humble opinion, once a member posts a thread, he should go through all the responses minutely. Also, he should go through his own posts minutely. You seem to have missed my two posts on the 28th of May itself (your thread was posted on the 26th of May), wherein I have put up certain questions.

As far as your contention that "You never came up with a solution and just beating about the bush," I agree with you to the extent that I DO NOT BELIEVE IN GIVING SOLUTIONS ON A PLATTER and SPOON-FEEDING!! Had you read the post minutely, you would have got all your solutions and answers. However, since you are not an HR person, it's not expected that you should understand all the underlying issues.

Now you say that "Well, the comments were not passed at the office canteen, it was a canteen outside the company." Please RE-READ YOUR EARLIER post, wherein you had written: "Once he was in the company canteen sitting at some corner. There he heard about some wrong comments being passed by her wife's colleagues. It was the whole team."

Further, you had written in a subsequent post: "Well, the husband was saying that her colleagues were speaking really bad. They had a bet on some color of the undergarment worn by her & one of the colleagues lost the bet. The person who lost the bet was giving the party. He told these things to her wife, but still she is speaking to those colleagues in a very friendly way."

You explain the apparent contradictions now that you claim otherwise. Dear friend, an HR person needs to be very careful about the statements he makes, as they are at times required to give statements in judicial and labor courts. It is good that you are not in the HR department.

- You also missed the post by Bindu, despite being repeatedly pointed out by Mahr.
- You did not take kindly to Mr. Dhingra's (who is a very senior person in terms of experience) posts - accusing him of being a young, inexperienced HR; whereas a poster should be thankful to everyone who has taken the effort and spared time in sending a reply, even if it criticizes the issues involved. Obviously, you were only looking for some pat on the back, rather than solutions.

Hope you will read this post carefully, without any anger for not getting the reply in the manner you would have wanted it to.

Regards,

Dear Hansdah,

The reply addressed to you by the author of the story clearly indicates his irritation towards any good advice for an HR professional. From the thread and his other additions, you can see that the husband of a female employee, who had very serious objections over the interaction of his wife with male colleagues and their derogatory comments, preferred to tender his resignation. Furthermore, the wife, when not ready to adhere to her husband's advice to avoid interacting with her male colleagues, even when they made derogatory comments, indicates that she did not have any objection even if her colleagues insulted her. This great HR professional was not interested in posting the husband and wife at different offices of the company. So, the husband might have thought that the problem would end with his own resignation and he would feel relaxed and happy in his married life. Still further, the author of the thread preferred to get his resignation accepted by the company, even against the advice of the majority of the members of this community.

Probably, the author of the thread thinks the problem is all over with the wife now, on acceptance of the resignation of her husband, and neither she would have to interact with nor listen to the comments of her male colleagues. REALLY GREAT!! He does not visualize that he paved the way for more such serious indiscipline in the company, where her male colleagues would get a total free hand not only to tease but could even dare to molest her in the absence of her husband being nowhere in the picture to see all.

The author of the thread preferred at one time to say, "Once he was in the company canteen sitting at some corner. There he heard about some wrong comments being passed by his wife's colleagues. It was the whole team." Another time (in a recent post) he states, "Well, the comments were not passed at the office canteen; it was a canteen outside the company."

In fact, I consider and have already termed it as a totally fictitious story created by the author. It is not a case of a single contradiction from the side of the author of this thread. If you see all his contributions to this thread, you can find several contradictions. In fact, he tried to add spice every time to make his original story more delicious and attention-grabbing by adding several new and even contradictory contributions to attract more and more comments from community members just for his amusement. I had already expressed my doubt whether he is really an HR professional. A person who could become the cause to pave the way for more and more indiscipline within the organization by preferring to accept the resignation of the husband can never be an HR professional.

Needless to emphasize, there must also be other female employees in the company. If such bad elements, whose behavior could lead to the husband's resignation, are not tamed and made to learn some lessons in time, the other women employees are also definitely likely to get maltreatment from those bad elements. Rather, they may also already be getting the same treatment from those employees.

So, can you think, the person who authored the story and ended the climax with the creation of an explosive situation for his own company and all of its women employees simply to leave the company to earn a bad name for the company for the time to come, could be an HR professional?

My dear friend, in my humble opinion, once a member posts a thread, he should go through all the responses minutely. Also, he should go through his own posts minutely.

You seem to have missed my two posts on 28th May itself (your thread was posted on 26th May), wherein I have put up certain questions.

As far as your contention that "You never came up with a solution and just beating about the bush"; I agree with you to the extent that I DO NOT BELIEVE IN GIVING SOLUTIONS ON A PLATTER and SPOON-FEEDING!! Had you read the post minutely, you would have got all your solutions and answers. However, since you are not an HR person, it's not expected that you should understand all the underlying issues.

Now you say that "Well, the comments were not passed at the office canteen; it was a canteen outside the company."

Please RE-READ YOUR EARLIER post, wherein you had written, "Once he was in the company canteen sitting at some corner. There he heard about some wrong comments being passed by his wife's colleagues. It was the whole team." Further, you had written in a subsequent post, "Well, the husband was saying that her colleagues were speaking really bad. They had a bet on some color of the undergarment worn by her, and one of the colleagues lost the bet. The person who lost the bet was giving the party. He told these things to his wife, but still she is speaking to those colleagues in a very friendly way." You explain the apparent contradictions, now that you claim otherwise. Dear friend, an HR person needs to be very careful about the statements he makes, as they are at times required to give statements in judicial and labor courts. It is good that you are not in the HR department.

You also missed the post by Bindu, despite being repeatedly pointed out by Mahr. You did not take kindly to Mr. Dhingra's (who is a very senior person in terms of experience) posts - accusing him of being a young, inexperienced HR; whereas a poster should be thankful to everyone who has taken the effort and spared time in sending a reply, even if it criticizes the issues involved. Obviously, you were only looking for some pat on the back, rather than solutions.

Hope you will read this post carefully, without any anger for not getting the reply in the manner you would have wanted it to.

Indeed, it's a good decision. At the workplace, after a specified limit, it's not the relationships that really count; it's one's professionalism. They are recruited and placed there to work for the company. That's the reason they are coming to the office daily, right? Both are mature enough to understand this, and if they can't sort it out, then let them leave.

As an HR professional, you did your best. Still, if it is not working out, why drag the same story daily, which can only bring unwanted rumors and headaches to HR and others in the workplace? After all, it's not a counseling center. If that's the case, the situation is different.

Regards,
Bindu Paul

Yes, I agree with Mr. Mohan Rao's opinion. That husband is narrow-minded, or he should marry a housewife. When a girl child starts her career from LKG, she would mostly be in a co-educational environment. Why do opinions change as they grow up? If women have to work, they have to interact to survive in companies. That is inherent. So, I don't think whether working in the same company or different makes a difference. Narrow-minded husbands will behave in such a way. Anyways, both working in the same company is more beneficial regarding professional and personal life.

Thank you,
Madhavi.

Dear all,

Thank you for your coordination and suggestions.

My humble request to the Super Moderator is to block this thread and, if possible, to block my ID as well so that I cannot post any more queries.

Regards,
Kamal Amrohi