I'm shocked to say the least to read what your organization wants from you or wanting you to handle. The mandate you seem to have is not encouraging at all, hope this doesn't hamper your future.
Every body talks about the best HR practices, it is good, but merely bringing in the best cannot give the desired results if some bad HR practices co-exists in the organization, especially the one you are engaged with.
Do not think that I am being sarcastic, but honestly this is the interpretation from what I perceive from your mail.
1. Do not even try to close the gap between the management and the employees, and you are to ensure that.
2. You don't fire anyone, they will go out on their own, else learn quickly how to do this.
3. Retention is one area where you have no tension at all, because people will never be allowed to build any passion or purpose in the workplace.
4. Show no difference between "rank" and "yank" for if you ever coach, you might develop people and if you do they will begin to like the organization, and when they do, they will develop some passion, that's going to discomfort you.
5. Encourage a diverse environment so that no one will ever feel included, for if they do, it will discomfort you
6. Do not go out to reach out or rescue any overwhelmed employee, for if you do anything like that you will simplify the work environment which will improve "life and work balance" and that's not what anyone wants, isn't it.
7. Doing all this will ensure that your career will not accelerate the development of HR in you or the professionals who work with you for if you do, you might all turn out to become skilled business consultants, and that's not what the organization wants.
All that I have listed here are pretty poor practices, please do not fall into this trap. Work to the opposite of all this.