[ *A circular was found in one of the office notice boards*]


Dear STAFF*,

Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to

raise the efficiency of our firm.

__________________________________________________ ________


It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.

a) If we see you driving a *Honda*, we assume you are doing well

financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we

assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.

c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore

you do not need a raise. *


Each employee will receive *52 Annual Leave days a year *(*Wow!* said 1


- They are called *SUNDAYs*.*


a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that

they can look healthy.

b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to

maintain their average figure.

c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed

to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill. *


We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.

- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.*


Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.

a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.

b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll

will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.

c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company

bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to

pay your salary. *


As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.

- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.

- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.*


All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted

from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges will

be deducted from your salary.

*Important Note*:

Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have 4MB connection.

Just for information, *73%* of staff will not be entitled to any salary for

next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.

__________________________________________________ ________

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive

employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,

irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,

contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Best regards,



7th September 2006 From India, Chandigarh

Dear Jay, All I can say is that am not a part of the Organization from where it comes from...:) Have a great day and a better weekend. Regards, Sunaina
8th September 2006 From India, Chandigarh
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