I have gone through the above discussion, and I am also facing problems. I am a government employee. I am facing problems from my colleague who continuously keeps watch only on me to see whether I am doing my work or not. Previously, nobody used to keep watch on anybody. But now, he has started this, and he continuously does this every now and then. Whenever I attend any calls, whether personal or work-related, he stares at me all the time, making me feel uncomfortable. He always comes to my lab and never goes to another colleague's lab. Also, he never says anything to male colleagues; he always directs his comments towards me. Furthermore, he divides other work among other staff and never does any work himself. Although he is not the Head of our department or even in charge, his attitude implies otherwise as he insists that he is the head, and we must follow his instructions.
Many of us go out for lunch, and I have a one-year-old baby. Whenever I go home to visit my baby, he calls and asks other colleagues where I am. He also backbites about me to our supervisor, even though I complete all my work. Please guide me on what I should do. I feel dizzy (vertigo) every day due to this situation. He is creating a bad impression on my mind, and I constantly feel insecure due to his behavior.
Please reply.
From India, Ahmedabad
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Many of us go out for lunch, and I have a one-year-old baby. Whenever I go home to visit my baby, he calls and asks other colleagues where I am. He also backbites about me to our supervisor, even though I complete all my work. Please guide me on what I should do. I feel dizzy (vertigo) every day due to this situation. He is creating a bad impression on my mind, and I constantly feel insecure due to his behavior.
Please reply.
From India, Ahmedabad
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Addressing Workplace Harassment
Do not get scared or feel tension from this situation. Report his conduct in writing to your Head of Department (HOD). I am sure, being a government department, there must be an Internal Complaints Committee.
Next time he approaches you, firmly and politely tell him not to disturb or interfere in your official life. Is he your superior or supervisor for your work? Regardless, clearly tell him his attention is unwelcome and document his behavior in writing.
How is he with other women in the department? Are there any complaints from those female employees? Finally, do not be intimidated. There are enough rules to correct such behavior.
From India, Pune
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3180Do not get scared or feel tension from this situation. Report his conduct in writing to your Head of Department (HOD). I am sure, being a government department, there must be an Internal Complaints Committee.
Next time he approaches you, firmly and politely tell him not to disturb or interfere in your official life. Is he your superior or supervisor for your work? Regardless, clearly tell him his attention is unwelcome and document his behavior in writing.
How is he with other women in the department? Are there any complaints from those female employees? Finally, do not be intimidated. There are enough rules to correct such behavior.
From India, Pune
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Hello Prerna,
Kindly follow the advice already given. Only concern yourself with his verbal interaction and do not focus on his presence. We will only be aware of someone staring at us if we pay attention to their actions. If we look away, we will not realize they are watching. Therefore, their gaze will not affect us. This is what our grandchildren do. When I stare at them, they are indifferent; they simply look elsewhere and are not even aware of my gaze, and I am "fooled."
From United Kingdom
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Kindly follow the advice already given. Only concern yourself with his verbal interaction and do not focus on his presence. We will only be aware of someone staring at us if we pay attention to their actions. If we look away, we will not realize they are watching. Therefore, their gaze will not affect us. This is what our grandchildren do. When I stare at them, they are indifferent; they simply look elsewhere and are not even aware of my gaze, and I am "fooled."
From United Kingdom
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Follow the advise given and very important keep your cool and dont let your anger burst as it will back fire on you. Be patient and overcome your fears first.
From Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur
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From Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur
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Like other members suggested, you don't need to worry and allow his actions to disturb you. As long as he or anyone notices that his actions are having some effect on you, the chances are that the same behavioral pattern only increases.
A few queries. How big is your department team? And how many females? What is this guy's level vis-a-vis yours—meaning is he at your same level, or junior, or senior? You already mentioned that he is NOT the boss. Since when is this happening? You mentioned you have a 1-year-old kid—is this happening after you returned from maternity leave or even prior to that? Does your husband know about what this guy is doing? The more details you give, the better the suggestions that are actionable.
Regards,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
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A few queries. How big is your department team? And how many females? What is this guy's level vis-a-vis yours—meaning is he at your same level, or junior, or senior? You already mentioned that he is NOT the boss. Since when is this happening? You mentioned you have a 1-year-old kid—is this happening after you returned from maternity leave or even prior to that? Does your husband know about what this guy is doing? The more details you give, the better the suggestions that are actionable.
Regards,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
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Thank you for giving advice. The more information is below.
He is not a supervisor; this job has been given to someone else. He is not senior; we are from the same batch—his rank was 4th, and mine was 25th on the list. Due to this difference, he shows bossy behavior towards everyone. However, in front of males, he fails. He harasses three ladies in the department, but mostly, he harasses me. I am a senior female faculty member, with the rest being six junior females, seven male staff, and one head.
I verbally informed my head about the situation today, but he gave diplomatic answers. This is the second time I have complained, but it seems to be in vain. He never takes any action against my colleague. Once, I informed the female institute head, who advised me to wait for a month and then report back if his behavior doesn't change. He has been behaving this way since he was transferred here from another place.
I have shared everything with my husband, who also encourages me to be bold and brave. However, I fear confrontation because, in the past, a fight erupted when I tried to speak up. To avoid conflicts, I remain silent. Every time, he asserts his authority, leaving me speechless. He acts as though he owns the department, and while two other ladies are facing problems, he targets me more.
Regards
From India, Ahmedabad
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He is not a supervisor; this job has been given to someone else. He is not senior; we are from the same batch—his rank was 4th, and mine was 25th on the list. Due to this difference, he shows bossy behavior towards everyone. However, in front of males, he fails. He harasses three ladies in the department, but mostly, he harasses me. I am a senior female faculty member, with the rest being six junior females, seven male staff, and one head.
I verbally informed my head about the situation today, but he gave diplomatic answers. This is the second time I have complained, but it seems to be in vain. He never takes any action against my colleague. Once, I informed the female institute head, who advised me to wait for a month and then report back if his behavior doesn't change. He has been behaving this way since he was transferred here from another place.
I have shared everything with my husband, who also encourages me to be bold and brave. However, I fear confrontation because, in the past, a fight erupted when I tried to speak up. To avoid conflicts, I remain silent. Every time, he asserts his authority, leaving me speechless. He acts as though he owns the department, and while two other ladies are facing problems, he targets me more.
Regards
From India, Ahmedabad
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As far as I can see, things are moving on the right track.
With regard to your line ".....once I told the institute head... Female ... She told me to wait for 1 month then come if he doesn't change his behavior.....", I suggest waiting for a month. It's quite possible that the Head may speak to this guy to keep away from the ladies in the meantime.
Can you please elaborate on "......Every time he shows me a rule... And I get speechless....."? It's a bit confusing. What rules allow someone to behave this way?
I don't think you actually need to get into a fight with him or anyone else for that matter. Quite often, the mere possibility of someone responding in a tough way keeps the other person in check. It's something like many—if not most—people following the law not because they think it's the right way but out of the 'Fear of Law'. And in such matters, everyone today knows what the Worst-case Scenario can be—escalating the issue to the Sexual Harassment Committee. If your organization doesn't have one, the automatic choice would be to go to the police. How to handle this angle can be reviewed after the month. There are many members in this forum who can suggest the most appropriate course of action.
Until the 1 month suggested by your Head lapses, I suggest ignoring this guy. Meanwhile, also keep updating the Institute Head and the other 2 ladies on what's happening. Let the Head not get the feeling that all is well in this 1 month.
Regarding the other 2 ladies, even though you update them on what's happening, don't have too many hopes that they will come to your rescue after a month—human nature being what it is [especially in India], people tend to react only when THEY begin to get affected.
All the Best.
Regards,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
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With regard to your line ".....once I told the institute head... Female ... She told me to wait for 1 month then come if he doesn't change his behavior.....", I suggest waiting for a month. It's quite possible that the Head may speak to this guy to keep away from the ladies in the meantime.
Can you please elaborate on "......Every time he shows me a rule... And I get speechless....."? It's a bit confusing. What rules allow someone to behave this way?
I don't think you actually need to get into a fight with him or anyone else for that matter. Quite often, the mere possibility of someone responding in a tough way keeps the other person in check. It's something like many—if not most—people following the law not because they think it's the right way but out of the 'Fear of Law'. And in such matters, everyone today knows what the Worst-case Scenario can be—escalating the issue to the Sexual Harassment Committee. If your organization doesn't have one, the automatic choice would be to go to the police. How to handle this angle can be reviewed after the month. There are many members in this forum who can suggest the most appropriate course of action.
Until the 1 month suggested by your Head lapses, I suggest ignoring this guy. Meanwhile, also keep updating the Institute Head and the other 2 ladies on what's happening. Let the Head not get the feeling that all is well in this 1 month.
Regarding the other 2 ladies, even though you update them on what's happening, don't have too many hopes that they will come to your rescue after a month—human nature being what it is [especially in India], people tend to react only when THEY begin to get affected.
All the Best.
Regards,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
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For example, the arrangement of the lab and staff, whether in the lab or in the staffroom, he insists on following his rules, claiming that it's the only correct way. Despite my best efforts in the work I do, he always finds mistakes and asks me to redo it. Strangely, the same work I used to do before was always approved without any issues.
Whenever he plans to go on holiday, he burdens us with his workload, whether we agree or not. In such instances, he cites rules, but when we have urgent tasks or are on call for other work he didn't assign, his ego takes over. He tries to make us uncomfortable, even making unwarranted visits to the ladies' staff room just to monitor my activities, whether I am busy or not. While he frequently points out my errors, when I pointed out his mistake once, he resumed all his previous disruptive behaviors.
From India, Ahmedabad
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Whenever he plans to go on holiday, he burdens us with his workload, whether we agree or not. In such instances, he cites rules, but when we have urgent tasks or are on call for other work he didn't assign, his ego takes over. He tries to make us uncomfortable, even making unwarranted visits to the ladies' staff room just to monitor my activities, whether I am busy or not. While he frequently points out my errors, when I pointed out his mistake once, he resumed all his previous disruptive behaviors.
From India, Ahmedabad
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One month has already elapsed since my institutional head told me she would talk to him when he returned from his old place. He behaves as if we are peons and he is the head. He never speaks politely; he always issues orders and never allows us to work with freedom, which is not the environment of our institute. He wants to create an environment where we should fear him and not argue, regardless of whether he is right or not. Our head has only told him to run the department according to his will. In this case, my head thinks that he is the only person who is working, while others are just passing time and earning a salary for that. Although my head knows everything, he doesn't want to say anything to that guy.
From India, Ahmedabad
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From India, Ahmedabad
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Looks like he is only picking you as a victim because you highlighted his mistakes. In my opinion, it's harassment, and I think it's time you visit your lady superior with a written complaint, urging the company to step in and take appropriate action.
Finally, when he refers to rules... are you following the rules and the established SOP while carrying out your duties? You may want to recheck on this before going further as he might turn around and accuse you of not following the rules/SOP.
From Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur
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Finally, when he refers to rules... are you following the rules and the established SOP while carrying out your duties? You may want to recheck on this before going further as he might turn around and accuse you of not following the rules/SOP.
From Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur
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Dear Friend,
Please check the Sexual Harassment Policy of your company under the 'Vishakha Guidelines 1997'. Take immediate action as per the guidelines; don't wait for any seniors' action/recommendation.
Regards,
From India, Mumbai
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Please check the Sexual Harassment Policy of your company under the 'Vishakha Guidelines 1997'. Take immediate action as per the guidelines; don't wait for any seniors' action/recommendation.
Regards,
From India, Mumbai
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Dear Ms. Prerna, I think you got responses/answers from CiteHR. I would like to suggest you give him a serious verbal warning about the matter. If he stops all these activities, it's okay; otherwise, you should make a written complaint. A complaint register is maintained in all government offices. Involve your other staff in this matter.
Secondly, do not respond to his verbal instructions if he is not your HOD. If he asks for any job status, provide it in writing with a CC to your HOD or senior staff. In the email, mention the status of the job as "per your verbal instructions."
With thanks,
NVD
From India, Indore
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Secondly, do not respond to his verbal instructions if he is not your HOD. If he asks for any job status, provide it in writing with a CC to your HOD or senior staff. In the email, mention the status of the job as "per your verbal instructions."
With thanks,
NVD
From India, Indore
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Dear Prerna, you are in a truly unfortunate situation. But don't give up, as you don't have a choice but to assert yourself. I mean assert your individuality, self-esteem, privacy, etc. Such people are an unavoidable nuisance and exist in every organization. It is just like you can't choose your neighbors, so you can't choose your colleagues too! But yours is a government organization, and hence it should mandatorily have a committee to address cases of sexual harassment. You should make a written complaint to the head of that committee. In case there is no such committee, write to the top boss of the region or the organization itself. Give details about how you have approached managers at different levels earlier. If still nothing happens, then write to the National Commission for Women. Believe me, it may stir up your professional life initially, but the final outcome will surely be better.
From India, New Delhi
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From India, New Delhi
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Handbook on Sexual Harassment of Women at Workplace.pdf