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Thread Started by #airavat19aks

hi all
I know our citehr is not a field to discuss all these topics,it was initiated to help the hr fraternity gain more info.but today the situation is quite odd &d help of other HR members is needed.
A person is working at a well known pharma compny of d country. d hr dept consists of her (hr officer) & d boss (gm-hr).d hr officer is 27 & gm is 62 with a well settled family.today d gm hr proposed d hr officer ovr phone........told though he knows he shouldnt say these stuff bt he cldnt help bt say that he is very much attracted towards her,& if he was some 30 yrs younger would have liked to marry & all these nonsense.
d girl is just perplexed aftr hearing all these.she wanted to shoot him straight away but alas!!!!
Please suggest from now onwards what her attitude should be while working with him?it will be very silly if for this reason she leaves the job specially in this market whr new job is hard to find. please guide
7th February 2009 From India, Calcutta
7th February 2009 From Saudi Arabia
kindly shut ur durty mouth up.stop writing dirty comments.

to the moderator(s)
this person 'badlooser' hs thru out posted meaningless & utterly nonsense posts at citehr.several ppl have already requested to block him.kindly do so.

7th February 2009 From India, Calcutta
Badlooser - that really is a bad thing to comment.

AKS really is in a situation. And it really is a Nonsense from the GM.

I am sure AKS - you would be careful enough for not letting the GM get any chance of approaching you. Also warn other colleagues around you on this guy. Thats on the precaution side.

On the offensive side, work with a cold face with the GM and behave professionally ONLY. Whenever he approaches on such things - BE VERY FIRM in giving the answer back on the face. (It is a good idea to do that in front of few people, as witnesses).

You meanwhile need to see who is the next person in the escalation ladder. Being in HR you can also get easy access to sexual harrassment policy (if there is one, else time to initiate one, though this policy would be difficult getting in place with the GM). Easier said than done, but you can take this challenge up and make a difference.

Remember, all big revolutions start from a single person (mind).

Meanwhile, I am sure other members here will also be able to guide you on this serious issue.

Guys please help AKS here.
7th February 2009 From India, Delhi
Its really a pathetic situation...AKS i think firstly get urself updated on sexual harassment act for more help i m attaching pdf file on this for u. Also try to collect some proof like if he msg then save it or his mobile bill details if he call anytime...
Also in office be very blunt and blank abt his approach.....and some more employees in ur confidence...
But at the end i can say ITS ONLY U WHO CAN PROTECT URSELF....BE BRAVE:icon1:
7th February 2009 From India, Delhi

Attached Files
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File Type: pdf sexual harassment act.pdf (274.1 KB, 1388 views)

Hi <link outdated-removed> ( Search On Cite | Search On Google ) ,

I am father of son of your age, I don't mean what you uttered because you did not realise my holiestic view and banter to ease your tense feelings and giving too much importance to this on this site which is out of propertion.

Your boss is ridiculous in his behaviour and you have to take this casuly because someone wise person of your fathers age knowlingly would not behave so frivolously with you knowing you are office staff and that will bring him disrepute.

He must be joking and just kidding with you and may you also have some weakness to which he got attention because otherwise he would not have bahaved in this manner until he finds something exciting to from your end. You first introspect, then straightforwardly ask him what exactly encouraged him to proposed you in this manner this blunt question will qualm and quench his curiosity in you.

Wish you best of luck and hopefully you will take all advise sportingly.

7th February 2009 From Saudi Arabia
dear mr badlu
the way u have written is really shameful .if someone is in problem we should suggest our idea .if we donot want to suggest we can keep quite.requesting u not to do in future. i too got upset after reading your reply.
j s malik
7th February 2009 From India, Delhi
Hey AKS, someone just uploaded this document for an aggressive boss issue.
You may also like to go over it.
Hope it helps... please dont fear anything - you are brave - there are all friends here to help you find a solution. So please SMILE.
7th February 2009 From India, Delhi
hai, as if to me u just ignore this issuse from ur mind once if u do that u feel free then u take any decision u want..
keep do ur work in routine... answer him only offically.. dont worry.. i dont have much exp to dal with but its my suggestion
take care
cheer up bye
7th February 2009 From India, Mumbai
I just wnt to say pls inform yr super senior boss if any otherwise this will cause u problem in future from him site to u. Never give any single chance to yr GM to raise any finger towards u in front of any one in the office.

7th February 2009 From India, New Delhi
Dear AKS, Better be quiet and shift to other concern better than this take this as lesson and be in distance with all
7th February 2009 From India, Pondicherry

I have a different take on this. I think one can develop feelings for a person and it is quite but natural for a human being though to fall for someone. Yes we do understand the age difference here ( What if Salman Rushdie does the same nobody minds). You may wish to consider the fact that the boss has been truthful about his feelings for her. What she can tell her boss, without giving a cold face and only serious stuff , is that she was very uncomfortable to know that he had feelings for her and that she respected her as her father and guardian. she can also mention that she is already engaged/ married/ in a relatioshionship etc..Avoiding the boss and creating a stressful work environment will not help.Storing messsages, texts, mobile numbers will make things worse as the person will always have a negative attitude towards the person.Take it on face and handle the whole situation very politely with very little embarrasment to yourself and him. Make sure that u don;t speak to anyone regarding this in the office.You do not really have to go through the Anti SExual Harrasement Manual and approach the Ethics Officer now. You may wish to escalate to that level at a later stage if you see no improvement in the situation. All the BEST
7th February 2009 From United Arab Emirates, Dubai
I saw this post initially when it was posted in citehr and was thinking whether to reply or not, But lots of bad people are there, some demand favours and some give favours to climb up the ladder.
But obviously you cant be disturbed at work, some girls in your case may choose to give favors and relax in the job if the boss too is of their age, and some may directly choose to fight back.
In this some may even choose to leave the job, because sexual harassment case means both the male and females name is going to be defamed, even if the female has not done anything her name gets defamed. And for females once their name gets defamed its too hard, but try your best either to SOLVE IT THERE or GET A SMOOTH EXIT.
7th February 2009 From India, Pune
Now as a true HR ur realizing the HUMAN in the HR, but dear this is absurd, and the boss for his age of 62 should think 1000 times before setting up such proposal. And if she mentions that she is married, engaged, he will tell her just for favors its a very complicated case, and to handle it you need to be having excellent logic and presence of mind, because tomorrow if you get stuck up it will be stuck in quicksand.
7th February 2009 From India, Pune
Seniors (elders) are required to protect, guide, lead the young ones, not propose to them. Nishabd and Cheeni Kum is Bollywood - this is real life. And this 62 year old has a FAMILY.

A 27 year old has gone to work place to work. Not to accept propoasls from seniors. And her intentions become pretty clear by the very fact that she has posted this issue here and sought help. Yes, she has to say a POINT BLANK NO.

To secure herself, she needs to have this escalated - coz how many other such girls would have had the guts to come up and report the matter? Professional matters to be handled professionally. She is not over-reacting in any case.

Also, as an HR person, it is her DUTY now to have the Secual Harrassment Policy in place (if already not done).

As human being, giving all humane considerations, it is advisable to respect the 27 year old's NO and stop approaching her for any other favuors. She has refused to accept such advances and her intentions need no proof. (AKS please second me on this).

Nonsense has to be killed FROM THE ROOT LEVEL before giving another chance for any other serious threat. The 62 year old who has a FAMILY, may rather go and show feelings there. None of us are casanovas and none of us cannot NOT control our feelings. Its on you how you exercise your controls... on yourself.
7th February 2009 From India, Delhi
With all due respect towards the opinions shared here on post, would like to put forward following points in my argument:
1) I am not saying that what the boss is doing is justified or correct. NO! NOT at ALL. But we must all remember that we do not live in an idealistic world...
2) You do not have any proof of being proposed so that you take up with the senior management.
3) I have no clue what the boss is still doing at 62 when the retirement age is 58.
4) Please do not make a mountain of a molehill. The guy has proposed ( you know what that means_ i guess you do-ASKING.) To accept it or not is your prerogative.He has not forced himself on you.
5) The reputation and perception of HR within the company depends on how you handle the situation.
6) You may start jumping and crying about someone proposing you or confidently handle the issue, speak face to face and nip the issue on the bud.Choice is yours.
7th February 2009 From United Arab Emirates, Dubai
Hi All,

To some extent I agree with Pritesh in the sense it is quite natural phenomena . But yes , considering the fact he has his own family and is elder to her, should not have uttered this nonsense.

I suggest that the girl should be very strong and behave normal to that stupid GM otherwise it may create a negative and stressful environment for her and she may not be able to concentrate .
But yes she needs to speak to the GM very seriously on face to face about the matter clearly and warn him indirectly :icon7:. I am sure if he is sensible enough, he will understand.

On the other side if this matter comes to limelight , it might affects his reputation and so he might find a way to throw her of the company, which will not be good for her.


7th February 2009 From India, Delhi
Its true that making issue of it its not good but yes you have to be aware whts happening around u...Yes its not an idealistic World but we have to survive in this world only so its always good to know where we r heading and wht we can do abt such issues.
My point is that AKS is facing this issue she only knws wht r d other issues related to this so by sitting outside we can just guide her in our own best ways..
And knowing abt laws will always benefit her coz whts stored in future no one knws..
I dnt think anyone over here is suggesting her to scream or cry on this issue...all r just giving her various ways to tackle this...HOPE point is clear now
7th February 2009 From India, Delhi
I agree with Vijeta... no one is suggesting she screams or make a mountain out of molehill, but yes, she needs to oppose it for sure... while maintaining the reputation and perception of HR.
We all need to give her the confidence and encouragement to face the situation and not just ignore it.
All the best
7th February 2009 From India, Delhi
I don't agree with this post at all in principle, Because its personal matter between individuals whether they accept or reject its their personal view. If tomorrow she and he accept each other we have no opinion then....

We must acknowledge the fact that life is game of possibilities. Just because of social taboo we can not form any opinion and justify or critise people because our conservative beliefs.

Due to change in lifestyle in big cities people accept new norms to become successful in life and who cares what matters same likeminded people do not come on citeHR to share successstories becuase its their personal matter.

Here we think in conventional manner to maintain old economy social decorum of SriRam Sena kind of dogmatism which is not viable and practicle.

Its thinking of progresssive minded people and conservative thinking whether you accept or reject its not our problem.......

We should keep our subject clean and consious of whats our focus and objectives.....


7th February 2009 From Saudi Arabia, Riyadh
Look for some other options---if u have confidence and qualificaitons--donot worry there are lots of jobs for right candidates---one should not compromise on self respect-----
7th February 2009 From India, Delhi

I do not think that this issue is unusual; per media data Office Romance is in full swing at India Inc.

My personal advice for your colleague would be:

Not to run away from the situation, Face it!
Introspect as to what situations/behavior from your colleague would have given GM the confidence to indulge in such activity. GM’s entire credibility is at stake.
Set up an official 1:1 meeting with the GM
Confront the situation and let him know that this is not appreciated
If things does not improve, file an official complain OR escalate the issue.

7th February 2009 From India, Vadodara
+ 100 marks, it is upto the girl to decide what she wants to do and she should not follow the advice of members. Even one month back I had a personal issue in my life, but instead of posting it here, I asked to my close friends and then got it solved. So some things are to be discussed with close personal friends and not with strangers on some discussion site, else she can post in forums which are specially made for discussing such type of issues.
7th February 2009 From India, Pune
well i think attraction carries two things one is LOVE and one is LUST.........and the boss is in mood of LUST...................
well give him 3 warnings..........meanwhile to take action get the proof for it......
then personally tell the matter with your boss, if its female boss then very fine and along side tell to his wife also..............
after all the saying goes like this.............
"If you sow an action, you reap a habit.
If you sow a habit, you reap a character.
If you sow a character, you reap a destiny."

7th February 2009 From India, Mangaluru
I agree with the comments by Badlooser and Captiancook.............
Basically this story seems to be fabricated story of self glorification of beauty that lady has psychological desire to acknowledge her strength tobecome beautiful to get attention of male colleauges.
Specially, those who understand the psychology of ladies of their psychological needs it will not be appropriate to blame lady for using this site for her praise and sympathy as psychological needs of ladies who posted this issue.
There are two sides of coins one Boss and another subordinate both are mature enough to use their common sence to decide what to do?
THen what they expect from citehr members we to do here.......
total bakwas and fully faltu post doesnot deserve the attention but because its interesting gossip story material of popular bollywood film masala everyone wants to jump into post..........
waste and waste only......
7th February 2009 From Saudi Arabia
I guess you should pull out the sexual haprassment policy if he gets into it again but before that tell it to his face in private that you do not appreciat e his advances n tht hes your fathers age or even grand fathers
7th February 2009 From India, Mumbai
Over Reaction And Acting, No One Is Sure Of What’s Truth Behind This Story, People Just Being Provoked And Express Nuisance...
7th February 2009 From Saudi Arabia
My Request To All The Members....please Do Not Entertain Such Issues On This Site...without Knowing The Fact....she Is Mature Enough To Handle This Issue....i Am Sorry Aks.....but Please Don't Use This Forum For Personal Problems......i Might Be Wrong But Please Handle This Issue On Ur Own B'coz People Will Advise You Many thing (including Me...) But That May Not Be Suitable For You.... And You Are The Best Person To Judge The Situation And Act Accordingly......
What Say Seniors.....???
7th February 2009 From India, Madras
Dear AKS,
Let me ask you..............are you the HR Officer yourself?...............If not, how come you have mentioned somewhere 'MY JOB'.............in your query.

Anyways, no issues..............There are certain things we need to look at when dealing such situations(Case to case basis). They are -
1. Never ever bother about the AGE.......................you mean to say that if the boss is just 2-3 years old, she would accept that proposal??? I doubt it.
2. The boss as an HR personnel has breached his ETHICS.
3. HR Officer need not take this up very seriously and make a hue & cry of it. This is common with any BEAUTIFUL lady.

What I suggest is -
1. Being a HR Officer, you need to maintain your cool, be an ANGEL, take this as a COMPLIMENT ( because you are beautiful whether people agree to it or not).
2. People at that age (62) say something like that, please do not get bugged up for you need to understand in what circumstances he said that. You even may say, that's none of my business. If that is the case, then you shouldn't be asking us for suggestions..................hope you got me.
3. As you know, Life is a JOURNEY with lots of such people travelling with you & also getting down at their stations. Cheer up, lady.
4. You need to become a COUNSELOR as early as possible to help others in such situations, as well (not quiting your job or being negative in your attitude, etc).

God bless you!

7th February 2009 From India, Hyderabad
Dear All,

I have gone through the all posts and comments sent by different people with different openion. Some of them are trying to say same thing but with different words.

I would like to put my views on this issue.

First of all I would say that I have sympathy with AKS. Being an HR professional it is very important to understand people and their imotions. Women have got this power of sixth sense greater than Men.

Behaviour of others is controlled by our attitude towards them. If we are very open minded and people understood the same then its quite obvious to get such kind of comments from others.

"Beauty lies in the eyes of beholder" its a very common saying but we don't mean it.

This is not the problem of Love or Lust.... this is very common when man and woman work together. Some people become friends, some behave like brother n sisters, some keeps a professional relationship, some try to make a time-pass kind of relationship.

Now 99% time this relationship is governed by Females.

This is not the first time happening with a Girl like you and this is not the last incidence going to happen. Only difference is in age and marital status.

But does age & marital status matters always??

And most important thing.... keep in your mind that -
In our indian tradition..... Chahe galti kisi ki bhi ho.... badnam ladkiyan hi hoti hain.....
Instead of wasting your energy in resisting such kind of defame I suggest you to take it as learning and take a justified decision.

If you are really beautiful then you will face the same problem always.

But you have not given any detail that what have you replied when he has called you and was proposing you. That was the only turning time you could handle the situation wisely.

Go ahead with good decision of yours. Be brave and apply the funda of Managment by Objectives. Convey your feeling as you consider him as father .... etc etc. If he is holding a reputed position then he must understand the same.

Good Luck!!

7th February 2009 From India, Bhopal
Dear All

thnx for all these replies.

i would like to give answer to some questions that have come up.......

first d boss is 62 yrs old bt is still at job coz he is on extension......

second,some members seem offended by this personal post.i fully agree dat citehr has the motive of helping the hrd ppl in their professional career.i feel itz a very staunch site for any hr personnel.this particular post was posted to get d comments of d hr fraternity.the only reason for posting this post in a public professional forum is feeling of oneness dat the undersigned feels towards any hr person.some might think its overexpression.but then.every1 has got d freedom of thought........

third,since in d ages were mentioned someone has written if d boss wasnt 62,wuld the girl have accepted in that case.my dear fellow member its not a question of accepting or not accepting in case of a younger boss.the ages were mentioned to let it know how a person can approach another who is even younger than his own daughter.

human mind & nature are difficult to decipher.still,when one says anythng the entire scenario should be kept in mind.the world wont remain this sweet if we really start speaking up our minds.we really should keep in mind where to say what.itz ofcourse expected from a gm hrd of a premier company.

thnx again for all the suggestions.
7th February 2009 From India, Calcutta
dear avi
Dont worry things will get all right. Treat them in other way. The person who proposed is psychologically affected. You can find these kind of people very where. once if you know how to tackle ( since iam in the social work field) Don t create a big issue treat them in fron t of your collegue that he is like your father and purposefully show him that you are treating him as your father defenately he will change. quiting the job will show your weakness wherever you go u find these type of people. put him in a corner as if he is your real father.enjoy don t make it as a issue even if u quit and join other place somehow they will talk about this. that will spoil the career.he may be in a family aversion state. find his childhood experience, if he is married you just try to meet his wife and be friendly with her.
7th February 2009 From India, Madras
Hi Baby,

This Is Utterly A Confession Of Fabricated Story And Has No Chance Of Offence Or Got Offended By Any Of The Responses Specially Matured And Senior People Like Me Very Well Read Between The Lines That This Post Is Frivolous And React Accordingly As Per The Quality Of The Subject And Post.....

Some Senior Members Expressed Frustration And Their Anguish Disproportionately Just Because Of Misunderstanding......

I experienced in my 18 years of career there are two kinds of professionals:

1st one those who are theoretically strong but practically failure in their professional career and been rescued by the jobs of consultants or lecturer or visiting faculty to any institutes....because they did not survived in the field just because they lack practical approach in profession.

2nd kind of professionals who are not theoretically strong enough but they are most successful in dealing any situation and problem in professional life because this is their strength they work and survive in profession.

For Those, Who Misjudged The Notorious Nature Of This Post And Reacted Out Of Proportion, I Will Say That They May Be Theoretically Successful Personnel And Labour Laws Expertise But Less Practical And Experienced Enough To Apply Their Judgment And Knowledge In Real Life.............


8th February 2009 From Saudi Arabia
I am appalled that a person in HR is so unprofessional as to make inappropriate comments/remarks/suggestions.
Is it possible that he was trying to be funny ? Are you sure it was not someone else pretending to be the GMHR as it was on the phone.
But if it was the HRGM & he was serious - you have a problem.
You are quite right in stating why should she leave her job but is she then prepared for the boss to continue to make verbal advances ( which if not dealt with can lead to physical advances and sexual harassment) ?
I would suggest that she take up this matter in writing with the HR Gm. Let him know , in no uncertain terms, that she did not find the conversation funny . In fact it made her very uncomfortable and that she was surprised that a person of his calibre should resort to tactics of sexual nature be they verbal or otherwise. If the GM continues in this manner she will have no other path but to seek an interview with the person above him .
Name him and shame him if the victim is absolutely positive the voice on the phone was the HR GM.
8th February 2009 From United Arab Emirates, Dubai
You are quite right in your comments. Sexual harassment in the work place is soul destroying. To negate it to a joke is dispicable. This is a professional forum and if we cannot make a positive contribution we should not make any comment at all.
As a HR specialist for 35 years I have dealt with sexual harassment cases from sexual jokes to full scale sexual harassment. I have seen how it has affected both men and women and the result of such behaviour is not edifying.
If this is a joke ( accoding to Bad loser) then it is something the webmaster must deal with. However if it is a case then it is worrying and if we can assist the victim with advice we should do so.

8th February 2009 From United Arab Emirates, Dubai
My only request is to disclose this type of person before everyone. We are in the HR dept, whr we are one to the change environment like building good team work, good attitude etc.
See if you start, then possibility many of the US will share their bitter expeirence, whatsoever place they are working.
EXPOSE that name of that BASTARD let the whole WORLD knows. So from next time neither either anyperson will try to do this type of behaviour is whichever field she is working
Eagerly Wating for the name
With Regards
8th February 2009 From India, Ahmadabad
hi AKS
Just be diplomatic and ignore all the comments that 62 old yrs guy is telling. as per your initials AKS shows u have the power to fight any of the war's. be brave and just follow your inner soul which tells u to do, but by using the brains. u are near to the solution. think of it just for 30 minutes with your eye closed and you will get the solution. REMEMBER 1 THING, the problem in one's life is to be solved by self only, no one is going to come to solve it. so do it BEST OF LUCK.
8th February 2009 From India, Vadodara
There is nothing to feel bad rather appreciate the GM's frankness and had the nerves to speak to you! This is not the end of the issue. Get along as ever you did prior to the phone call and befriend his family members which he should be aware of. Rest assured his behaviour towards you will be more of fear rather than trying the odd trick!

8th February 2009 From India, Bangalore
I wish to agree with Badlu's logic.
The boss is a senior person and holding the position of GM-HR (deservingly?). He must have earned this position with a lot of hardwork and I am sure he also knows all about psychology, sexual harrasment, motivation and all related issues. He would have definitely dealt with cases of sexual harrasment earlier in his career and would not put his career/ reputation at stake.
Keeping these aspect at back of her mind She should speak directly to her boss and tell him frankly that such comment makes her very uncomfortable and are not welcome. She is also advised to work with confidence and talk to the boss to the point about work related issues only.
Avinash Tyagi
8th February 2009
Mu suggestion would be that the girl should be very firm in handling her relation with the GM very professionally. no one can intrude your personal space unless u gice the other person that flexibility. If still the things go beyond any control, the girl always has an option to take it to higher management. If nothing works out, she should move out and stop this at once. It will hamper not only her personal & professional life but also affect his family.relations are more important as compared to career aspirations.
8th February 2009 From India, Aurangabad
This amonts to sexual harassment. Such incidents are unfortunate and yet not uncommon in the corporate world. Power and position does allow such perverse notions to surface and seniors tend to manipulate events and situation to take control over unsuspecting juniors.

Some give in and become unwilling victims but for some (like the lady in this situation) it is repulsive. I think the best option in such circumstances is to ignore any casual off the cuff remarks made by the boss, be firm when the boss makes overt advances. However, she has to be extra careful with her work since any deficiencies in her work can be used to put further pressures. She may also choose to confide on someone she can trust in the office.

This is stresfull but i am sure, the GM-HR shall realise that the lady is unavailable once he is cold shouldered. If not, then pray that this recession takes its toll on him or he perishes in some natural calamities. And finally, if nothing works be prepared to fight and loose the job. Because, Jobs once lost may be still be available in the open market but one's character and self believe once lost will be almost impossible to find.
8th February 2009
This is one more misconception..........

No one can help her she has to help herself..........to become upright in her approach to boss and to this forum by not posting faltu Mischievous postings......and wasting time for sympathising with her unnecessarily because we do not have access to her Boss to speak him on this subject.

so remember you cannot help her nor anybody else...........

She must give contact number of her boss we citehr members will send our envoy to him to express our sentiments.........:-D

We should misinterprete this as sexual harrashment.....
There are some myths of harrashments, Seems like managers would have gotten the message about sexual harassment, but many are still confused. Here are the facts about some of the most prevalent myths:
Myth--Harassment must be by someone employed by the company.
Fact--Clients or customers of an employer can also commit sexual harassment against your employees. For example, a restaurant customer can commit an act or repeated acts of sexual harassment against an employer’s waitress.
Myth--Sexual harassment is about men harassing women.
Fact--Although acts of sexual harassment must be grounded in discrimination that is based on sex, the sex of the offender and victim is not controlling. Therefore, females can commit sexual harassment against males, males can commit sexual harassment against other males, and females can commit sexual harassment against other females.
Myth--Harassment can only be charged by the person harassed, not by witnesses.
Fact--Some courts have held that bystanders, or mere witnesses to unlawful acts of sexual harassment, may also be victims. As a result, an employee who bears witness to sexual harassment that is directed toward another employee may also find protection under the law.
Myth--If the harasser didn't intend to offend, there's no harassment.
Fact--Intent doesn't matter. It's the reaction of the person who is harassed that counts. "I was just kidding" won't hold up in court.

Captain Cook

8th February 2009 From Saudi Arabia, Riyadh
You are right - it is the wrong time to look for a job. It would be near impossible to pin him down on a charge of sexual harassment. Without witnesses the nearest option for the victim would have been if she started sobbing on hearing the proposal from her boss and related the incident to her office colleagues or her close ones. I am convinced she did none of these - hence the appeal for help. The organisation will no doubt listen to the boss and dismiss your allegations as it is much easier than to haul up a senior member who will deny her story. The way he has broached the subject indicates he was on a "fishing expedition" trying his luck. If she had fallen for it he strikes "gold" - if it fails he has nothing to lose. He may have his own version too.

Advise your friend to be careful in her dealings with the dirty old man. He may be having problems at home or denied the means to satisfy his urges and is trying his luck by using his "persuasive" station in life. Whatever it is he will try again and your friend needs to be prepared. She should ensure she is not caught in his cabin and should deny his invitations to go out alone. She should relate any incidents bordering on harassment to her colleagues and follow the office guidelines on dealing with harassment.

ganapathy ramasamy
8th February 2009 From Malaysia, Melaka
Hey All,

I read each n every comment on this post....
First of all, my reaction for those who said it a waste or useless post is quite different........

I agree that being a HR Officer, she is mature enough to take decision………..But the thing is that everyone is not same or thinks alike or have same maturity level that others have already attained through their experiences or exposure to such things earlier.

May be it’s her first job and she is not able to think in that way and is not that mentally strong to take decisions and is still in learning stage. Please note that I am not particularly talking about only a girl who has posted it, I am talking about each and every woman who is working in this corporate world.

Also some have talked about psychology of a woman. To those, I would say in loud words that if they understand soooo much about a woman’s psychology or sixth sense, then they must at least understand that a woman generally needs confirmation from others while taking any decision in her life. It can be while choosing a dress, mobile or even filling a form to apply for a post.

And please don’t misunderstand that I am saying that a woman is generally mentally weak and she can’t take her decisions alone. The point is that our society and way of bringing up the girls make girls to have somebody’s confirmation. That person can be her father, brother, or husband or just a friend or may be persons from CiteHR forum. A woman can discuss or seek any advice about anything to anyone if she feels comfortable in doing that. So there is no point in over reacting about inclusion of hers this particular experience with all of us.

Anyways, if we are already aware about it and don’t want to waste time on such issues, then we should ignore it. But may be this discussion is being read by other girls/boys

(believe me still such people exist who have no clue about such issues, and we can’t say that they are ignorant………..itnaa bhi nahi ptaa etc etc J but it’s only this that they din’t get that much exposure as they must have got. I would quote “better late than never” for those J ))

who are not at all aware about such issues and can have guidance from these posts and may become mentally more strong to deal such kind of happenings.

May be she just wanted to have confirmation from others about her decision (that she must have thought) or just wanted to have others opinion to take out best possible step.

I am quite happy to see a number of posts in this discussion with totally different opinions and suggestions.

I have nothing different to suggest to AKS about it, as already all generous people have done its analysis from each and every angle.

One thing I would like to say is that a number of movies like “Life in a Metro”, “Corporate”, “Fashion” (the latest one) have already been made covering such issues. So consider the situation from each and every aspect and take your best decision.

All the best!!!!

Cheers J

Always Wishing Good for You…..
Silky Bhardwaj
8th February 2009 From India, Chandigarh
Dear, aks,
Remember, one thing no one can disturbe you without your permission , if you feeling low it is because of you,,,,,, Don't feel dull. collect ur courage, and look the situation form diffrent corner, if you can not change the reality than change the eye who see the reality, i have faith in you only you have the best solution for this problem, not need to get afraid from loosing job... live with dignity.....
Best of luck
8th February 2009 From India, Delhi
1.Every action has equal and opposite reaction
2.There is no smoke without fire
3.Clapping needs both hands
4.That's all natural phenomena
Pondering above well known sayings INTROSPECT urself u might find the answer
8th February 2009 From India, Mumbai
Hey guys,
I beleive the situtation which was uploaded is fictious. If i am correct, the GM_HR would have asked her opinion before uttering any thing and being in that position and worked for so many years in HR, sure he must be knowing the pros and cons of the problem.
If really he has proposed, then the HR-Officer has every right to receprocate in that manner and she can complain or she can straight away refuse the proposal. Only the issue is how far HR-Officer has strength to say NO.

8th February 2009 From India, Bangalore
Hello AKS,

Be very professional and dont carry this burden for long, just forget it and be carefull in your approach. He should feel sorry and guilty about himself by seeing you and your boldness, he should feel that you are not that type of girl, what he was expecting, dont give too much importance to this issue and dont tell this incident to your collegues, tell one person who is very good friend of yours and may be trusted, becasue in future it will help if some other incident occurs. One small tip for you in your future professional life. Whenever you meet a new person who may be either your boss / collegue or junior, dont get very close and go into unwanted discussions which is not related to your job, until you know them very well, because you cannot read anybodys mind and their intentions. So why take chance, precaution is better than cure. Good luck and never think of leaving this job, because this type of incidents will always be there in your professional life. Take this as a chellange. Best of luck.:):)


Suresh G Nair
9th February 2009 From India, Kochi
Don't yo think this is covservtive thinking of "ShriRamSena" Idealogies:-D.......
IF you are professional be professional but your personal matters such as dating and proposed for marriages are not official subjects.......:-P
You cannot discuss here.........:icon6:

9th February 2009 From Saudi Arabia
Dear AKS,
I feel very shame because of such a HR person spoiling our HR community. How it is happening......as advised many professional please react face to face in front of other colleagues. Dont discuss this with other colleagues, it will spread out overall the company and your name may get spoiled.
Also reach your Harassment escalation path confidentially. I feel some evidence required for that while approaching harassment cell being the Nonsense is sitting in a senior position in that company.
Else give us the nonsense GM(HR)'s mobile no, the group members will teach him a lesson.
Dont worry.....Relax...
Sekar Devaraj
9th February 2009 From United States, Morristown

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