Facing Public Insults from Your Boss: Should You Stay Silent or Speak Up?

I have been insulted by my boss in front of my colleagues and subordinates sometimes, and most of the time, I leave the place without any reaction. Is this the correct approach, or should I respond with assertive skills?

Velu, the first question is: are you attracting bosses who insult you? This is a fundamental question because if there is an inner trigger in you which makes people insult you, then that has to be first removed. One or two sessions with a trained psychiatrist or psychologist will help you determine this behavior. I am saying this because you had mentioned that "most of the time I quit the place without any reaction."

Most mobile phones have a recording device. Next time your boss shouts at you in front of your colleagues, simply record his outburst. Then play it back to him when he is in a mellow mood. Most bosses will be shocked to see their behavior. Use the time to explain how such shouting demoralizes you and prevents you from being your most productive best.

Whatever be the provocation, do not retaliate immediately. Wait for an opportune moment. If after your reasonable explanation your boss still behaves unreasonably, then escalate the issue to his higher-ups.

Hi Velumani,

Insults are injuries to one's self-respect, even more so if it happens in front of others. Why don't you talk to your boss about it when he is relatively in a sober mood? Inform him that such insults are actually affecting your performance and morale. If it is happening time and again, better late than never, discuss the matter openly with him. If the behavior continues in the same manner, then, as suggested by Shekhar Suresh, escalate the issue, but be prepared that sometimes it can backfire too.

You can visit the link provided for more information: [Citeman](http://citeman.com) - hope it helps. There are people who have shared their own stories and solutions.

Regards,

Hi Velu,

Please check if your manager is reacting the same way with the others or if you are singled out from the rest. If you are singled out for these insulting remarks, try to understand what sparks his anger towards you. If it's outside your performance and something personal, such as being the only employee in his team who doesn't speak his mother tongue, looking better than your manager, having more admirers than your manager, or being more knowledgeable than your manager, then just leave it there.

You can then meet him at leisure and ask him which aspect of yours irks him the most. If he is still angry, take it up with the higher-ups. I like your approach here - NO RETALIATION. You can just add, "SORRY BOSS IF I'M WRONG; I SHALL CORRECT MYSELF HEREON" - surely, this calms their flaring temper against you and helps them rethink the way they handle you. (This is an outcome of my personal learning and I'm sure it works.)

Regards,
Jean Walter

Well, there is no technique on Earth to get the boss to admit that he has made a mistake or make him repent or improve on his behavior by a subordinate. Believe me, you may read thousands of topics on "How To Deal with a Boss" online, in books, or articles, but a bad boss always remains a bad boss.

Now coming to your point, are you interested in knowing how to digest insults by your boss? Or are you wanting to know how to react to the situation?

If you want to know how to digest insults, start learning to be shameless like so many bosses do in front of their top boss. That's the way you get paid for hearing insults and humiliation and continue a long career in a company. Put a smile every time you are insulted, and if your smiling provokes more insults from your boss, learn to say SORRY for no reason at all. Learn to be Deaf, Dumb, Blind, and better still Brain Dead. Practice makes a Man Perfect.

If you want to know how to react to the situation, then here it goes: First, find out what makes your boss angry. Is it something related to your work performance or attitude? Are you responsible for making him behave in such a way? Are you good at the job that you do? Are you being made a scapegoat for someone else's mistakes? Can you rectify yourself and improve on the same? If you come out clean from most of the introspection, then you should now ask your boss what is the reason for him hurling abuses at you, and that too in front of other employees. You get paid for doing the work assigned and not for hearing abuses. Report it to the top management with a grievance letter stating the same, maybe to HR and any other higher-ups. If the higher-ups are in favor of your boss and you are sure nothing is going to come out of it and they might retaliate, then in that case, START LOOKING OUT FOR A BETTER JOB. A day's life with dignity is much more than a lifetime of disgrace. Regards

Hello Velumanihrntc,

Before you decide to 'retaliate' or do anything on similar lines, please go through what Shekhar Suresh, Archna, Jean Walter, and 28677c5420521383353edc6e6 have mentioned and asked for. First, you need to understand 'why' it's happening, and only then can you devise or think of 'how' to respond. The key here is to "respond" and not retaliate. 'Retaliate' includes a negative response or 'reaction,' whereas 'respond' excludes negativity.

To summarize what they mentioned in addition to my points, please provide the following inputs:

1. Are you the only one your boss picks on for this treatment/insulting?
2. Since when have you known your boss—both as a boss and as a person/individual? Sometimes proximity influences behavior.
3. How have your appraisal reviews been—good, okay, or bad?
4. You mentioned 'he insults you,' but you haven't specified the exact context/topic under discussion when such insults happen. Without delving into the details, could you mention a couple of instances? It's crucial because unknowingly you may have triggered it through your choice of words or actions.
5. While it's typical for similar situations to occur in office politics, repeated occurrences require a response. Determining what this response should be is essential.

Regards,
TS

Insulting means assaulting one's self-respect and social status. Please do not tolerate the way things are going on. Please take proper action; otherwise, this may become a routine of your boss.

Thanks for all of your help. I understand now. I will work on handling situations with emotional intelligence to prevent them from recurring. Thank you once again for promptly addressing my concerns.

Dear Velu,

I think whatever you do, your boss is not satisfied with you. So, first of all, you need to understand why this is happening. My suggestion is that every day you discuss with your boss regarding your job and take suggestions. If you don't have an interest in sitting with him, still try to do it for your career. After a few days, you will see good results.

With regards,
Pradip Saha

All the above suggestions are good. I would like to add one more Gandhian thought: "Nobody can insult you without your consent."

Regards

I think you should respect yourself first; only then will you be able to earn respect from your boss and subordinates. That's it. Have a positive attitude. If you are not wrong, you should react promptly but in the right manner.

Thanks

Thank you to all of you because this has been happening to me for the last 1.5 years, but he still has not understood. Kindly tell me what I can do?

With regards,
Sameer K Ghosh

Hello Sameer K Ghosh,

It would be more meaningful and appropriate if you provide the full details of your case. Even though superficially, both yours and Velu's cases look similar, they are definitely not identical. The situations, background, mentality of your boss, or any other factors could be different. Therefore, what can be suggested to him may not work for you... Please note I used 'may not.'

Regards,
TS

Dear Velu,

All the members have provided really useful responses to you. Before you decide on how to respond to this situation, it is crucial to determine the root cause of why your boss is behaving this way, according to you. Once you reflect on this, all the other members can offer you more assistance.

Regards,
MK

Hi,

The same prevails in almost all organizations. I think nothing is above self-esteem and pride; don't allow anybody to play with the same. If you feel the work done by you is in accordance with the guidelines set by the company, then there is no point in becoming submissive. Read the book "ANNOYED YOUR BOSS & SURVIVED."

ALL THE BEST!!!

Regards,
AV

Hi,

Please help with suggestions.

I have recently joined a company as an assistant manager, and I am required to report to two bosses. This situation is leading to a lot of chaos in my job profile. My Key Result Areas (KRAs) have not been defined, and I am required to do operational work as well, whereas I am a hardcore sales guy. Most of the time, this confusion in the reporting structure leads to delays in clearing my outstanding conveyance bills due to conflicts between bosses.

I am the only sales guy and don't know what to do. I got the job after a lot of effort, but the job is adding a lot of stress.

I have tried talking to the bosses, but no solution has been found yet. What should I do?

Please help.

Hi,

It's irritating to handle a situation when bosses start treating you very personally at times in work. When there are small changes in responsibilities and we get busy with assignments within other teams, the bosses really act aggressively. This leads to office gossip and politics.

I want to understand why these personal relationships develop. Why do you want to establish them when we are well aware that we come to work here without intending to form any kind of personal relationships? Even occasions like personal parties and condolences are viewed as favors.

Velu, good to see you. I think we are sailing in the same boat. You know, because of my bad English and grammatical mistakes, my boss scolds me every time. Initially, I felt so bad, but later on, I realized that he did everything to help me improve myself. Last but not least, dear, you know in this life, what matters the most is your approach towards life. If you are hungry for anything, you must focus on your goal and just not care about bad people. At the end of the day, 'meter chulna chaiye,' just kidding.

With regards, take care.

Please feel free to send me a Private Message whenever you are comfortable.

Managing Your Response to a Difficult Boss

Regarding your mention of "boss is behaving like I am his slave," what your boss (or anyone, including me) does or says is not in your control. What is in your control is your response/reaction. So, you decide how you should respond to the situation rather than allowing your boss to dictate how you should respond.

Regards,
TS