hr.vidyab
1

Dear all...

I have found somthing for you.....just enjoy...

HRD NOTICE OF A COMPANY TO ALL EMPLOYEES

[ A circular was found in one of the office notice boards ]

Dear STAFF ,

Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented

to

raise the efficiency of our firm.

1) TRANSPORTATION:

It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your

salary.

a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well

financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we

assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.

c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and

therefore

you do not need a raise.

2) ANNUAL LEAVE :

Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year ( Wow! said 1

employee).

- They are called SUNDAYs.

3) LUNCH BREAK :

a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so

that they can look healthy.

b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to

maintain their average figure.

c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time

needed

to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

4) SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.

- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

5) TOILET USE :

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.

a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.

b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper

roll

will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.

c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company

bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to

pay your salary.

6) SURGERY :

As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.

- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.

- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

7) INTERNET USAGE :

All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be

deducted

from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges

will be deducted from your salary.

- Important Note: Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have

4MB connection.

Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary

for

next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months

salary.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a

positive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,

irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,

contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Regards

HR Dept Head

From India, Kolhapur
PROFESSIONALS AND BUSINESSES PARTICIPATING IN DISCUSSION
Viral Shah
Service
V. VENU
Sales & Marketing
Hr.vidyab
Student
USHA RANI DAS
Hr Recruiter
+1 Other

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USHA RANI DAS
Hello,
I think by seeing this notice all employees will be self motivated to
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
any guess
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
place eligible candidates in their positions who will really contribute for the well being of the organisation
and inturn will start searching new jobs for them by using the internet connection of the company itself ,
keeping a mind set of leaving the company with out notice period and contributing their 1 month salary to pay the bill of internet connection.
Regards
Usha

From India, Mumbai
Ram Niraula
2

EXCELLENTO

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

raise the efficiency of our firm.

1) TRANSPORTATION:

It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your

salary.

a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well

financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we

assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.

c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and

therefore

you do not need a raise.

2) ANNUAL LEAVE :

Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year ( Wow! said 1

employee).

- They are called SUNDAYs.

3) LUNCH BREAK :

a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so

that they can look healthy.

b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to

maintain their average figure.

c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time

needed

to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

4) SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.

- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

5) TOILET USE :

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.

a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.

b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper

roll

will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.

c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company

bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to

pay your salary.

6) SURGERY :

As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.

- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.

- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

7) INTERNET USAGE :

All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be

deducted

from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges

will be deducted from your salary.

- Important Note: Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have

4MB connection.

Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary

for

next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months

salary.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a

positive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,

irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,

contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Regards

HR Dept Head[/QUOTE]

From India, Mumbai
Viral Shah
11

wonderful............Hilarious.........Excellent quality of Humor.............
Thanks for sharing & keep posting more n more.......
Hi.........Tom n Jerry the best...........how r u???? nice to see u again on citehr......after such a long time.......

From India, Mumbai
V. VENU
1

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
From India, Hyderabad

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