Viral Shah
Energy Sector
Hr Executive
Hr. Khaiser Ali Shah
Hr - Consultant / Generalist
Manager Hr & Admn
Hr Executive
+2 Others

Thread Started by #durga2

Hi Friends,


I’m working in an IT company as HR executive. I have done MBA. Prior to this company I was working with Kotak Mahindra Bank as Management Trainee but into hard core sales. I worked over there just for 3 months & then left the job coz my major was HR and I always wanted to get into HR field . I joined Kotak coz its better to have something then nothing & moreover you learn something out of everything. I was looking for the opening for HR which is very hard to find for a fresher. My fiancée was working in an IT co. & he told me that there is requirement in his co. for HR Executive. I applied & got through & joined the organization. But now sometimes I feel that it was a wrong decision joining this organization. Many times when my fiancée comes to me with his problems so I always treat him as an employee & try to handle his grievances. But people get the impression that I am getting personal especially when it is in connection with some other employee in the organization. If I ignore his problem it would be an injustice with an employee & if I try to solve his problem people try to make it personal. I do not understand at times how I should behave. Many times I have noticed my fiancée’s boss doing discrimination with him & when he discusses the matter with the boss his boss try to take the revenge by some other way like over interrupting in his work. Taking report of work done for every hour. His boss gets personal. Finally when my fiancée comes to me with this problem I do not understand wot to do. Jst few days back He told that he has joined a coaching institute for the preparation of CAT so his boss yelled at him why did’nt he take permission before joining the coaching center. He replied he goes for classes only on Sundays & its entirely a personal matter so why should he take the permission from him & moreover when it is not effecting his job. Now he says it is mentioned in the policy that u can not join any coaching without prior permission from ur boss. My fiancée came to me to get it confirmed so I said it is nowhere written in the policy. Now their relations have become worst. He is a technical guy. Company is not providing him any training & now he wants to do courses by his own from other coaching centers & boss has objection with that. I’am completely a fresher. I have only four month’s experience. Before kotak I was working with a consultancy as Trainee Recruiter. I worked with this consultancy for four month coz I was in fourth Sem( Regular Student) & I had to go back for external exams for one month. So I resigned from the Org. Now I generally do not question the profile coz I have little fear of losing the job being less experienced. I feel better be quite & learn patiently, learn to survive in worst environment that would give me great learning. But still please suggest me the way out.
22nd January 2008 From India, Delhi
Dear Durga,
Really a disgusting situation, when you don't have a solution and still want to servive in the same organization then; one among you should come-out of the organization prior to the conditions go more worst than current. In this case what I suggest is to convince your hubby/finacee to look for another job. As you cannot find a job due to lack of sufficient experience then let your hubby/fiancee find one for him since he already has a experience and he is at technical end and the most important thing in this case is your hubby/fiancee's manager is creating a problem not yours, you can still work there and can gain experience in HR.
HR is a humane department, it is a strategic partner in the organization so do not feel youself helpless. Keep trying! do not loose hopes! there are still lot of things to be learnt, this experience is just the beginning so prepare your self
Wish you all the best.
Khaiser Ali Shah
22nd January 2008 From Saudi Arabia, Riyadh
Dear Durga
First of all be unbiased in your profession and be faithful to your organisation. Request your hubby/fiancee to search a suitable job
for him if he does not go well with his immediate superiors.
22nd January 2008 From India, Madras
Being HR of the organization asking him to find a suitable job is also difficult.
And for my hubby it is quite difficult coz when he joined the org. he was technically very sound but co. put him into presales department as a consultant saying that he speaks well. but in this co. presales is nothing. they are never sent for any implementation. they read about the technology & then give the consulting to the clients which is actually a very wrong way to do. a consultant should be more sound than an implementation guy. so at least co. should provide them training and send on project with implementation guy to understand the things clearly. having theoretical knowledge is not enough without practicals. he as only one years exp. as a consultant which is quite less. Please suggest wot should he do in such miserable condition.
22nd January 2008 From India, Delhi
Hi Durga,
These are the situations where u must be pro-active. The Bosses will be discriminating the sub-ordinates, its common in every company.
At present u r into HR, though u may be a less experience but u r HR. keep it in mind that u r working for the company but not for single employee (ur fiancy). This is a great oppurtunity for u to find a solution.
keeping the base(problem) of ur Fiancy and try to solve the problem of the other employees. That's the spirit of HR.
Escaping from the problem is not the solution.
Santhosh Kumar.P
22nd January 2008 From India, Hyderabad
Hi Santosh,

I have seen employees here who feel that its better be quite & after one year

jst move to other companies. They do not question even if they scolded for baseless reason. They say boss is always boss even if he is wrong. We are not here to serve the org. for all life so why fight. work patiently & if boss yells at u be quite & dont question him, complete one year & move out. They follow this philosophy. There are some employees who come to me with their problems but request me not to tell the bosses. But it is related with the boss so how would be the problem solved without their involvement. I told the employees if they would not stand for their own problem so even God can not help them out. Even if i raise the is in front of COO of co. he would definitely ask me names of the employees having the issues or they would think its me who is making stories. I promised the employees if they are ready to fight for themselves so I would give my 100 % to get the problem solved but they said the system can not be improved & its true. I do not know wot to do
22nd January 2008 From India, Delhi
Dear Sexy,
Nice comment but, in this case they are psychologically harassed by a superior and ultimately according to their organization culture "Boss is Boss" which is a natural characterstic of a manager, he will be credited professionally for doing so.
The real meaning of the BOSS is Bastard Off Sucking S h i t.
Khaiser Ali Shah
22nd January 2008 From Saudi Arabia, Riyadh
u are right sanjana but we are not married yet. He is my fiancee. we are getting married in the month of March.
22nd January 2008 From India, Delhi
Thanx Khaiser

When u a r at pain & find someone who can really understand the problem u feel little lighter. Actually one who is sitting at the top he always says that its not a lala co. but always behaves like a dictator. He says if problem exists so plz communicate & if we do so he do everything to justify his own points. I gives us a feeling that as if he has decided not to listen anybody so we stop giving more explanation. I still remember when I attended my first meeting i was the only one participating & putting views & no one else was participating & after attending some more meetings I understood that they know that its useless to speak in the meeting when u know that decision has already been taken & your view can not bring even a little change. I feel that when such experienced & mature people are following this philosophy of" Be quite & follow what is said" so I'am too young too change the culture of this Org. Once i had clashes with the COO of the co. coz of his such nature. I got so furious that I said " I really dont know where I have been wrong". My friends said u should not have spoken like this & that to wid COO. They said who do not reply him are mature & sensible. Next day I called up My COO & apologized for my behaviour. My friends say that he took lot of pain & made tremendous effort to get to that position. an inexperienced person has no right to question his decision. If u do that the Org would not stand by u coz they recognize his capabilities. But I feel that such would be the environment of Org .I would not be able to prove my capability.
22nd January 2008 From India, Delhi
HI, This type of situation is very critical, always faced by manager.
this can be solved only by discuusion with concern persons
also, it brings u near ure finance or..
plz handle the situation with emotional intelligence.
Arbind kumar
23rd January 2008 From India, Ahmadabad
Dear Durga
I have read all your postings.
I will take some liberty as most of the responses had been ( I did not say all) done with the presumption that you are right.
I get a feeling that you are seeing most of the things in your organisation as perceived by your fiance It is natural phenomenon and he has been closer to you and he must have been talking to you for some time now
You are looking at only negative things in the organisation.
Can you take some time now and try to jot down atleast two positive aspects in the organisation?
After doing this exercise, do let us know how you feel about the organisation?
Please remember all organisations have positive and negative aspects. You must try to find out both
If in your opinion there is nothing positive in the organisation, then it is better you quit this organisation. Otherwise, you will tend critisise the organisation;s culture to others and a HR person is not supposed to do this.
23rd January 2008 From India, Chennai
I think siva is right, in your case it seems that you are exploring a lot about your organization; in one aspect i. e. in order to have better suggessions it is OK but a HR person should not be giving out all his/her organization cultural issues openly and Siva is also right by saying that there are lot of rights and wrongs in an organization so instead of looking at the negative ones try chasing the positive, ultimately if you cannot find positive ones then the only solution is the same as I suggested you in my previous mail.
Khaiser Ali Shah
23rd January 2008 From Saudi Arabia, Riyadh
Hi Khiser,
U are right but i'am exploring this to all because i want to improve the culture of the organisation which seems quite impossible to me & I need everybody's help. Being the only HR in the organisation if i choose to be quite so better to quit the job of HR but if I take the responsibility to make improvement in culture but How????? We talk about big things like ethics, values, employee benefit but are we really following ethics?
23rd January 2008 From India, Delhi
Define your values and etics. If your etics and values do not match with the values of the organisation, then do not bstay there.
That is why I asked, can you identify two positive factors about the company. Try you will get If you do not get, either there is some major problem in your organisation or there is some thing in you which is blocking you to see positive.
23rd January 2008 From India, Chennai
Right Shiva,

For me ethics is not only deciding what is good or what is bad ofcourse it is certainly a part of ethics but ethics means doing a right thing. Now what seems right to you might not be right for me. Coz nothing is right or wrong it is ur perception that makes something right or wrong...now again questionmark?????????? When we are working in an organisation we know that all the employees are from different culture, values, their prorities are different, emotions, likes, dislikes are different. In such case we form one culture keeping huminity and organisation development in mind & form values. Values which protect the interest of all i.e, employees, employers, organisation, & society. Living these values is ethics for me. Shiva as u were asking me to tell u two positive things abt the Org. I thought a lot & found one i.e, we have two week off-saturday & sunday. it must be very surprising to u but its true that after straining my head a lot i found this silly point to like about the co. While addressing all employees big people of the co. say big things to the employee & all feel highly motivated but in reality is nothing is followed & great words vanishes in air. Now employees do not value these big promises. Coz u can fool all, all the time.
23rd January 2008 From India, Delhi
Hi friends,
It may give u impression that i'am exploring a lot abt the org. But I feel that I am making this community more meaningful by putting the problems of the organisation forward which are major reasons of high attrition rate. Please contribute to solve the issue.
23rd January 2008 From India, Delhi
Hi Durga

Nothing is silly. Two saturdays off is not silly. It may look silly to you now. BVut look at why this was introduced. Generally saturday off is given to make people to spend little more time with family

Spend litte more time with friends

May be little more time to relax his body and mind.

You have just stated your career and looking many issues from theoretical perspective.

I am not referring toyou and i Can quote instances where a girl and a boy love so much and they dont see any negative points in the other. They get married and they try to see only negative points!!

You said something about your COO You said he has worked hard to reach this position. This organisation of yours recognise hardwork

You said you retorted and spoke back to your COO

They did not sack you immediately That means you have freedom of speech people must have cautioned you in your interest not that it was companys culture. Your observations might be wrong.

Tell me how many employees are there?

What is the Turn over?

What waqs the capital base?

What is the profit/loss you are making?

When was this organisation started?

Answer these five. I will identify some more positive points about the company.

23rd January 2008 From India, Chennai
Agreed for all the conversations happened.... think about it.... really is it the right time for any of you to leave the job (except for the Harassment)
.... if both of you do not feel the need right now then stick to your work ...... do the best that you both can.... u have a career and your personal life..... look at this way..... this also proves how competent you are for yourselves as well as for your career......
Forget that he is your fiance..... what would u do if it would have been some other person..... how would your fiance have behaved if you were not the HR....... think it that ways....
the Boss is ....... ****** there can be 2 things :because of your relation with your fiance or some other reason.... if it is for his personal thing with your fiance..... then u dont have to worry..... solve it like anormal HR but with Proofff.. and i dont think so the boss is behaving like this for yo being his fianceee... but because he took this matter to HR....
23rd January 2008 From India, Mumbai
Hi Meera,
Thanks to show your interest in solving the problem. u are absolutely right. but the problem is that i want to sort out his problem as I do for others problem but in his case I am little hasitant because if I take step to sort out his problem my senior would say i am getting personal though i am not, i am jst treating him like other employees. And if i do not sort out his problem so it would be an injustice with an employee.
23rd January 2008 From India, Delhi
Hi Durga,
If it had been that your fiance was working on a profile that he was not ok... with.... then why did not he leave that time.... why has he been waiting...... come on....... why are u thinking of that point at this time...... why did u both not hink about it earlier.... why.... cause he is now having problems with his boss.....
if that is the case then u r just giving an excuse to move & blame it on some other thing.....
dont take this as a negative point....
Rather i would suggest you to be calm ...... do your work as you used to...... coordinate with as many employees as you can.... and try to sort out their probblems also.... this will inturn give u some time to think about some other and a better option.........
Just remember one thing...... dont let this get into your relationship.....
23rd January 2008 From India, Mumbai
I agree two week offs are the most motivating factor but that is the only reason which pampers an employee to stay in the org is really surprising. Liking a point which keep u away from the org......but not a single which shows your interest of coming to office????????????????? Well this org is an infant company. it has not completed even one year. And in last few months more than 10 people have left the organization.
23rd January 2008 From India, Delhi
but why are u worried about your boss.... well lets face it..... it would have been the same case if it would have been your brother or sister.....
and if u still feel that your boss will take negatively that u r supporting your fiance.... tell him/her to handle the situation..... and note every single conversation.... put it on mail if you want.... so that it does not show that u are doing biasness.....
let your boss take a call.. and if there is a similar problem like the one that your fiance is facing ....... get that too in the notice of yor boss.....
23rd January 2008 From India, Mumbai
Actually the profile of presales is wonderful. If u see in other companies it has lots of value & they play a vital role. but here nothing is as such. this org is quite new. when he was offered the profile he was very happy & gladly accepted it but later he found that there is no role of presales actually. and now his technical soundness has also faded down. Now he is neither a sound technical guy nor a perfect consultant. now that he wants to do ceritification by his own for skill enhancement his boss says u can not do it without my permission. Now think you can not rule somebody in his personal life. thats hight
23rd January 2008 From India, Delhi
Dear Durga Then you all have to work as a Team If you are not feeling part of them better quit You will do great service to them. Probably you are expecting a readymade cultue It does not happen Siva
23rd January 2008 From India, Chennai
Dear Siva,
Had I been expecting a redymade culture I would nt have been so worried. I was expecting the solution from u all to improve the culture but sorry u seem not to have the solution better than quiting. It would be like either let the things happen as our other employees follow or quit from the Org. In both the cases I would be doing injustice with my job of HR.If u being HR giving this solution then i feel i'am too young to even think of the solution.
24th January 2008 From India, Delhi
Dear Durga
You know that HR people cannot change the culture of the organisation, unless the organisation do not wish to change its culture.
In your case, I do agree with Mr. Siva's view.
24th January 2008 From India, Madras
Hi Mr. Kumar,
What is the job of HR plz tell me? why do we read all crap in books of HR when the reality is jst the contrary. Are we here jst to do the clerical job? I had read in MBA HR is one who can make people behave by learning their behaviors. HR is more a psychologist & can scan the problems. Plz tell me who form the culture of the Org. its the employees & employer, so who can change the culture?
24th January 2008 From India, Delhi
Dear Durga
In any organisation, the culture is formed by employer only and not by the employees--------I repeat by employer only and not by employees.
I do not want to elaborate the functions of HR, but one thing I can say that
in certain cases, though the reality is controversy to theoratically what we had read in colleges, please gulp it,or compromise it moderatelywith the employer, instead of rubbing the situation.
With regards
24th January 2008 From India, Madras
So u would not be disagree with this point that is one of the reason of high attrition rate.
24th January 2008 From India, Delhi
Hey Durga,,,,

Best of Luck for your marriage and may god give you and your better half so much strength to tackle any type of problem........ see...... it is a life....... and what do u think about experience.......... to learn about your work in any organization is not an experience... as per my knowledge.........u should have the exp. of a people living in the world tooooo...... that's u are learning in your org..... and yes ur decision is right........ tell your hubby to change the job without doing anything else....... though he is not having an experience of his field.and as far as your job is concern...... keep going with this job and without informing any colleague that u are not satisfied with the job...... and after one year...... switch over to other job...... meanwhile if ur better half will have established a good relations with the management in his new job.... he may help u toooooo. so i think as far as your job is concern time is a main factor that u have to pass in current org.. and take all type of exp. which will surely help u not only in your new job but in your LIFE also....... so dear don't worry and let time do its work...... And i pray for u guys that YOUR TIME WILL COME EARLY.................... :)
24th January 2008 From India, Mumbai
Hi Durga..

Knowing about your issue I can just say few things about it. As you said that you are working as a HR Representative you must be having your immediate boss too. Rather than discussing it out here you should talk to your Immediate boss and take his/her advice. And every company has a heirarchy. If you or your hubby thinks that there is something wrong being done with you then you can go ahead and ask for Skip level meeting with the supervisor of your boss or your hubby's boss. Any person can reach to the top most extent of the companies hierarchy till your issue is resolved. It is not atall hard to atleast get email address of the higher level people of company where you are working. And as it is if you people are thinking about leaving the company then why not give a try talking to every level till you get proper solution. Even if you cant reach the skip level managers you can atleast mail them and put your situation infront of them. And even after talking to higher level people if they cant make their system proper then its better not work in that company where they have such ethics of work. I would just suggest you that if your boss is of no use then go for skip level and email high level people and bring this to their notice and then if you are not answered then leave the company. If you leave the company now people will still say that you were wrong. And even if you go for any interview and they cross check with your company for verification your boss may not provide correct info to the company who would be hiring you. So think aout your career and then decide anything. Go ahead and atleast try to take action on it. If you want to know any thing else you can mail me at .
24th January 2008 From India, Pune
Thanks a lot Viral, I think u are absolutely right. I alone ca not change such big people & cna not put the future of new guys at stake. in such case ur idea is best to opt. thanx boss take care
24th January 2008 From India, Delhi
Dear Durga


What is culture? Let us now come to something concrete if you wish

I can narrate many incidents, but i will take up one incident and narrate.

It was a factory with 2500 workemn with three shifts and continuous process industry. It was the practice that all workmen go out for Tea during the shift. When I joined, I was shocked to see this. I observed this for three days and went and asked the General Manage about this.( I was 33 the youngest of alkl HODs) He said there will be bloodshed if we change try to change this practice. Next day I called all the unions together to my room (5 unions) I asked them are they happy to have this practice, They said it is the management who wants this and not the workmen!! I took them to the GM

The next day, the 30 year old practice waqs changed.

The Cultrural element here: Practices breeding indiscipline

Method of Changing Frank Discussion in a language which people appreciate.

I can offhand talk about 10 to 12 such instances.

I never asked you to quit. But, i was emphasisng you to see the other persons view point.

I could have left responding as I dont gain anything out of this exercise.

Myself and Kumar were seeing a small mistake in your approach.

You are listening only one view point. To make a judgement, we need to hear both.

One employess view point is known to you .( I am not giving any importance that hi is your fiance)

His boss's view point is not heard by you. Or if you have heard, you have not shared.

Is it not fundamental logic taught in MBAs tha before taking a decision you must listen to all views?

My question and Mr Kumars question is "have you done this fundamental step?"

24th January 2008 From India, Chennai
Dear Siva,
I 100% agree wid wot u say but I'am not seeing it from one employees point of view. These are the views of all employees. But they do not come forward to raise voice. They are quietly quiting the organization.
25th January 2008 From India, Delhi
Dear Durga please try to come out of that sitution,and join a company where you can work independently ok Ananth Khatokar
25th January 2008 From India, Bangalore
Dear Durga
Dont say anything.
We all have faced such crisis in our career.
We have put up proposals for HR Survey and Conducted surveys by neutral HR Consultants. The results are shared privately . We have seen drastic improvements.
Now it is your skill to get this proposal approved. Many do not agree for this immediately. If you talk about your MBA qualification, you wont get support. Brainstorm with people about Attrition. Then highlight there may be many reasons. Say that your HR Policy may be faulty or Communication id faulty and Salary may not be alright
Dont ever talk about bosses
Float this idea Some senior people may syupport You must talk to t COO and get his blessings
If a survey is conducted, you must be neutral. Make the person who has conducted the survey to make presentations
You will succed That is a professional approach
You dont pass judgements. Make someone study it dispassionately
Are you seeing the starting point now??
25th January 2008 From India, Chennai
Thanx Siva,
Let me gather the courage to put this point in front of management. Coz many times I am made keep quite saying that I have less experience & the company could run without HR even. But by getting so many views really I learnt a lot & frankly speaking got tons of relief. Thanks to you, thanks to Mr. L Kumar, Mr. Viral Shah, Ms. Meera and all members of Cite HR Community who actively participated & tried to understand my problem.
25th January 2008 From India, Delhi
Dear Durga Great. That is the spirit. If you need any help, advice, idea....you can count on me and you can count on cite HR memebers Best wishes Siva
25th January 2008 From India, Chennai
Dear durga
I know your problem as a male hr and it has been a problem that has leaked out of any personal discussion between you and your fiance. Now do one thing kindly ask you boy friend to go for a change.
26th January 2008 From India, Delhi
Dear Durga no point getting disappointed in this please ask your feance to discuss the the matter with his Boss and try to solve it then and there it self scaping from any proble is not a solution
26th January 2008 From India, Delhi
I feel u r biased too much towards ur hubby.I believe not only him even other employees might be having problems...when u enter in to the org ,try to keep ur personal relations aside...If u r not able to do that,ask ur hubby to approach any other HR person.So that he can serve him professionally rather than emotionally.and its always better if he has that conflict handling capability.I believe an open talk can solve issues and build relationships.
29th January 2008 From India
What if husband wants to resign and wife is in her department ..should wife be questioned for not informing the boss abt husband’s decision on looking for other job and resignation??
23rd May 2015 From India, Bangalore
Husband - wife communications are always confidential.
Her duty of HR does not mean that she has to inform the company about her husbands plan to look for another job.
Yes if she knows her husband is doing something illegal in the company,she can be questioned for not bringing illegalities to notice of authorities.
Looking for job /change of job is an inalienable right of every employee.
23rd May 2015 From India, Pune
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