From Anonymous
Hi, I am 45 year old lady and my supervisor is around 30. He fell in love with me at the very first week. And now I feel that I love him too. I am married with a daughter. I tried much to quit this feeling but it's getting worse and worse. What is your suggestion to get rid of this issue?
8th July 2017 From United States, Calabasas

usually i don't answer anonymous query, but even..............

as you are from US, it is presumed that such relationships are common there but i still advise you, if you are enjoying happy married life, then it is better to avoid completely this relation, you should immediately END your relationship with your supervisor.

you are also aware of the fact as you had used WORSE and WORSE, stop it before it destroy you and your family.


state more facts to get more response.

for further clarification you can mail/whatsapp me.
8th July 2017
Suneel Moudgil, Advocate
Legal and Compliance Consultant
whatsapp - 8053900017,
juristshub.blogspot.in
Thanks for your reply
Actually, I have no relationship with my supervisor. I am doing my best to keep our relationship professional and stay away from him as much as possible. But this hadn't helped us remove that feeling. I haven't let him tell me anything about that but he's showing his feelings in any possible way and it's been difficult for me to ignore him heartedly.
8th July 2017 From United States, Calabasas
Rash,

Your own statement is contradictory, on one side you are saying " I have no relationship with my supervisor", on other side you are saying, "it's been difficult for me to ignore him heartedly"

I advise you to ignore and end your WORSE and WORSE relationship with supervisor and create and spend some great and intimate moments with your husband and family.

You didn't state about your husband, pls say.
8th July 2017
Suneel Moudgil, Advocate
Legal and Compliance Consultant
whatsapp - 8053900017,
juristshub.blogspot.in
Rash,

Your query does not fall directly in HR Management per se but suppose some 45 year old woman employee were to approach her HR Manager and explains her problem, then how he would respond, same way let me respond.

You have been enamoured by the 30-year old supervisor. While attraction towards opposite sex is normal but such attraction has to be bound by the responsibility to your family members. If this foolish and unreasonable fondness crosses it's limits then it will not just destroy your life but your spouse's and daughter's life as well. Your self-gratification could cause grave injustice to them. The supervisor is far junior to you. Your more than half of the life is over whereas he has a long a way to go. What if he responds your passion now but later abandons you say after 5-10 years? Then who will take care of you in old age? Disowned husband or a young daughter who faced trauma because of parental separation?

He could be responding to your overtures that has underdone of intimacy. But then these may not last longer.

Life partners are needed most after 60. Who will get what kind of diseases cannot be said. In India, there are millions of cases where either spouse has taken care of another ailing partner for the years together.

Hindu philosophy teaches us that kaam (prurience), krodh (anger), madh (arrogance), moh (temptations) and matsar (jealousy) are the main five enemies of a person. The strength of the person lies is not allowing any of the enemy to defeat him. Presently, the enemy called kaam is trying to overpower you. Therefore, rise and and fight with it with all your vigour. To gather strength, you may take help of professional counsellor.

The immediate solution could be to quit the job. Possibly your financial situation may not permit to do so but in the larger interest of your life as well as family, this decision would be sound decision. But in next job, make sure that you do no repeat this mistake.

Thanks,

Dinesh Divekar
8th July 2017 From India, Bangalore
Dinesh Divekar
Business Mentor, Consultant & Trainer
Bengaluru - 560092 (India)
dineshdivekar(at)yahoo(dot)com - +91-99001-55394
Beware of the false knowledge, it is more dangerous than ignorance.
Thank you all for your detailed reply
Sorry if my message seems contradictory. We just love each other but haven't even talked about it
I am doing my best to stay out of his sight not to talk to him even about work. I send emails or messages about work rather than going to him. Because I agree with all your comments that's why I am asking for a practical solution. I don't like to talk about my husband and there's no guarantee that he take care of me after 60. But I just don't want to destroy my daughter's life
I am looking for a practical way to remove that feeling from my heart that he created it and feeds it everyday. I can't quit my job now
9th July 2017 From United States, Calabasas
Anonymous 
Hi Rash, Probably what would help is to realise that everything we feel is in fact chemical signals to our brain. What you are feeling is possibly a results of where you are in your life and perhaps a promise of a fresh start and the fact that a lot of what you are imagining this person to be is an image created by your mind. The reality could be much different and such is the case, where many find the person they are having a relationship with, to be different when the shine of a new relationship wears off.

There is nothing wrong with feeling fondness towards another human - and often the rigours of life tend to rub against the old bonds. But what you've built with your current husband has value - the strength that time provides are often ignored when you objectify a relationship - wondering what's in it for me. Perhaps that new phone has better features. This phone will probably not last that long anyway. But people are not objects - they reflect what you shine at them - what are you shining on them these days? So you could either strengthen what you have or choose a new path - both have risks and rewards. And the choices you make will create your life.

All the best - hope it works out well for you.
9th July 2017 From India, Gurgaon
Anonymous 
Thank you indeed This was the best answer very helpful I wish I could star it but there’s nothing to be able to star it as useo
9th July 2017 From United States, Calabasas
Dear Rash,

Dinesh Divekar has given you detailed response and another person, who prefers to remain anonymous, has given you sound advice. We can't click that response as Useful, as the person has remained anonymous.

Here is my pennies worth of observation from your comments. Your comment "I don't like to talk about my husband and there's no guarantee that he take care of me after 60. But I just don't want to destroy my daughter's life." indicates two things to me. One, that you care for your daughter very much and, two, that there is some problem in your marriage. We tend to fall in love with people who care and show affection, especially if we have a problematic marriage. Dinesh Divekar has pointed out the difference in the ages; and, here in the UK, they term it as falling for a "toy boy".

If you did not have any children, it would not have mattered that much. Especially so, if you are unhappy in your marriage and want to end it. So, the best thing to do is to dress more modestly than now and keep contacting through emails than in person as you are doing.

Wish you all the best and may the LORD help you.
10th July 2017 From United Kingdom
Have a nice day
Simhan
Learning and Teaching Fellow (Retd), The University of Bolton, UK
"It is never too late to learn or improve oneself"
Dear madam,
I think you need to do serious introspection as to what is it that you like and why in your younger colleague despite your being married and having loving daughter and loving(?) husband.

People seek happiness outside which they don't get inside. Nothing wrong if your love and liking stays at the level of deep friendship driven by purity of feelings and not by physical attraction which is hidden pull.

Perhaps it is satisfying for one to know that she is found attractive by an younger colleague and she may like to flow with it.But wisdom lies in accepting the resposibility of married life fulfilling the same. Otherwise, if you get caught in the whirlwind of avoidable emotions, at the cost of present responsibility, result will be obviously disastrous.


Wish you keep your feelings for younger colleague at bay and move forward to lead happier life.


Regards

Vinayak L. Nagar kar
HR-Consultant.
10th July 2017 From India, Mumbai

 

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