Dinesh Divekar
Business Mentor, Consultant And Trainer
Greatsushila
Sr. Executive Hr Admin In Japanese Mnc Corporate
Nisha_29
Hr Manager
+1 Other

Thread Started by #Nisha_29

Hi team
I have to send one mail to candidates, who has applied for HR and cleared two rounds of interview, but now the position is on hold.
I have to send her polite mail that she was very good in all her round and have to inform her that position is on hold now, we'll get back to you first once we resume with the position..
Plz help me in drafting this mail
Thanks
Soni
18th October 2016 From India, Mumbai
Dear Candidate Name,
Hope you are doing good.
As you are aware that there is an opening for HR in our organization and you have shown your pleasant interest in applying for it. Later attended two rounds of interview at our office also.
But, Unfortunately we regret to inform you that the HR position is kept on hold as the Hiring Manager was too busy with his important schedules meeting with clients.
I will let you know once the hiring manager gets back to us regarding this position.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
Thanks & Regards,
XYZ.....
18th October 2016 From India, Hyderabad
For ASHTERLI: - In your draft, you have mixed formal and informal language. In official communication, usage of informal language is discouraged. The second challenge of your draft is wordiness. It needs to be made crisp.
All the best!
Dinesh Divekar
18th October 2016 From India, Bangalore
Hi Dinesh Can you please help me with the draft. Thanks Soni
19th October 2016 From India, Mumbai
Hi Dinesh, can you please let me know the informal language which you think I used.
19th October 2016 From India, Hyderabad
Dear Ashterli,

Spoken language is different from written language. Latter is little formal than former. Above all, in official communication there is no place for informal language. I have provided suggestion since you have asked for those specifically. The corrections on your draft are as below:

+++++

Hope you are doing good.: - This is informal expression and could be used for friends. In contrast job candidates are unknown and approach you for the professional purposes. Therefore, this sentence was not required.

As you are aware that there is an opening for HR in our organization and you have shown your pleasant interest in applying for it. Later attended two rounds of interview at our office also.: - This is a spoken language. There is nothing like "pleasant interest".

But, Unfortunately we regret to inform you that the HR position is kept on hold as the Hiring Manager was too busy with his important schedules meeting with clients.: - Words like unfortunately should be used minimally in formal communication. Do you know whether hiring manager was busy? Why write false statements? Secondly, meeting clients or for maintaining schedule is part of his job. No company can keep position on hold because "hiring manager was busy". Can Production Manager keep production on hold because he was busy?

I will let you know once the hiring manager gets back to us regarding this position.: - Statement portends disconnect between hiring manager and HR department though both supposed to work in tandem

Sorry for the inconvenience.: - Once you have expressed regret in your earlier paragraph, what was the need to say "sorry". Word sorry is used in extreme case where great disservice has happened

Final comments: - Drafting shows the depth of a person. Drafting shows maturity of a person. Well-written draft projects image or culture of the company. Therefore, one should be cautious in choice of one's words. A candidate with excellent command over English might not like to join a company if he/she receives poorly worded letters.

+++++

Thanks,

Dinesh Divekar
19th October 2016 From India, Bangalore
Dear Nisha,

Generally I recommend junior members to write drafts and upload over here. However, in light of the corrected draft of some other member, I am providing you a draft in official language.

+++++

Date: -

To,

Mr/Ms _________

______________ (address of the candidate)

Delay in Completion of the Recruitment Process

Dear _______ (name of the candidate),

1. I take reference your application for the post of ___________ (designation). In the initial scrutiny, your application was found suitable and later twice we had called you for the interview. Thanks for attending both the interviews. We appreciate your interest to join ______ (name of your company).

2. Though the recruitment process is on, due to some administrative reasons, we expect it to get delayed and as of now we are uncertain when it will reach its logical conclusion. Nevertheless, we at ________ (name of your company), do not wish to encumber you with this uncertainty and should you come across with better opportunity, we recommend it to avail of.

3. I reiterate my appreciation for your interest to grow our organisation. We will approach you in future at the right time.

Thanks,

_____________ (name)

_____________ (designation)

+++++

Final Comments: - Next time I recommend you writing on your own and uploading your draft. Practice and feedback are necessary to build any skills, whether business writing skills or otherwise.

Thanks,

Dinesh Divekar
19th October 2016 From India, Bangalore
Thanks Dinesh! This is really awesome draft. I really want to learn more in writing mail, can you please suggest to task/websites from where I can learn more? Thanks Soni
19th October 2016 From India, Mumbai
Dear Nisha,

If building drafting skills were to be easy by reading some material from some websites, then you would have build those skills by now. Yes referring websites is good however, while practising business writing you need a guide who can give you feedback for the improvement. Drafting is an art. Because informal communication or informality as a whole this art is dying, it is not on deathbed as such. In my above draft, I have not used the words like regret or sorry yet conveyed the meaning. It comes with practise and you need to work under superiors who are very good at drafting.

Today, I have provided sample of one more draft and you may click the following link to refer it:

https://www.citehr.com/573434-memo-p...probation.html

To build business writing skills, buy books on business letter. Yes, I am recommending reading books and not "tips" which are freely available on the websites. Tips may augment some skill set but you cannot acquire mastery just by relying on the tips.

All the best!

Dinesh Divekar
20th October 2016 From India, Bangalore
Hello
I am seeking for job change (having 8 years experiences in automobile and FMCG mfg. plant, now working with Japan MNC corp office).
Location :- Delhi NCR
Pls mail me on
Thanks a lot
Regards
Sushila Yadav
20th December 2016 From India, Gurgaon
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