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Hi, I read quite a few discussions regarding mental harassment and noticed the solution offered was "Talking to the MANAGER". And I sure did that. My lead has been harassing me ever since I joined the organization (8 months back) which includes shaming, raising voice, being rude like all the time and not appreciating any work, being biased and what not.. And what makes it all so hard is the fact that she doesn't know anything at all..I literally spoon feed her all the concepts we follow and sometimes even comprehend the mails for her..

The woman is 42 year old and she used to think NAGALAND was a country and yes I educated her on that too... And now I think everything is piled on and I am not able to take any more crap from her...So, I went to the Manager...And when he didn't take any action..I went to HR who directed me to Senior Management...So, Ive mostly spoken to everyone and still no action....So, I resigned...since I've signed a bond for 1.5 yrs..Now, they are making an issue about it irregardless of the fact that they made me do this...I know I shouldn't abscond but I don't see any other solution...Please I don't want feedback like go talk to everyone and stuff because I DID...still nothing...I cried my eyes out..Nothing...I just want to know if my pay slips will be counted as my experience or my work is going to be waste and If I can get another job after absconding... No ones helping me so far so I don't see the clean exit as an option here..I don't have that much money on me to pay off the bond..Any help?

From India, Pune
Dinesh Divekar
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Dinesh Divekar

Dear ID,
It is unfortunate that whatever is happening with you. Nevertheless, absconding is not a solution. On the contrary it will only lend credibility to whatever she has been doing.
Before giving any solution, you need to tell us about the evidence that you have for the workplace harassment. You have approached your Manager and HR. What evidence do you have about your approach?
Write a letter to the Head HR about your grievance not being redressed. If nothing works then litigation is the final solution.
Dinesh Divekar

From India, Bangalore
IT companies are backed by a lot of money & political influence. As employees, most of us have faced similar situations. Please try to find a good human rights lawyer who will know how to handle your situation.
From India, Chennai

Hi ID,

I don't have a solution, but I would like to put across a few questions and share my thoughts based on which you may arrive at your own way forward.

1. Does the boss behave in a similar manner with anyone who is competent to do his / her job or is she rude only to you? It seems her behaviour is driven by inferiority complex. If it is a pattern with other subordinates as well, stay away from her. Anyway, you don't have anything to learn from associating closely with this person.

2. Is this a family owned business in which the said person has high stakes? If yes, there is no point countering her or taking up the matter with the higher authorities. It won't be a level playing field. Tone yourselves down and swiftly look for jobs elsewhere. Which industry is this? What is your functional area? Do you find opportunities around? Does the organization already have a bad reputation?

3. Is this your first job? If so, the eight month stint with an organization of that sort won't really help much in your career. Once you have an offer, serve a one month notice, ask for your experience letter and pending salary (they will probably hold back your salary once you serve the notice). If they don't budge, serve a legal notice and they will fall in line. The legal validity of the bond is questionable and I don't think they will pursue with it. Document the kind of training they provided. Probably they haven't done much. A learning organization will certainly not have a boss of the sort mentioned in your mail. Since you have already resigned, you may even offer to stay back for an additional month to ensure smooth transfer of responsibilities. If you haven't found another job yet, start searching aggressively. Absconding without a job in hand will make you look like a loser. Be bold, you should be the winner!


From India, Kochi


Pl provide your clarifications to the queries & remarks by Robin.

BEFORE getting into what I wish to say, I am with ALL the members that absconding is NOT the solution.....while you may manage to run-away/exit from this issue/problem, you are giving scope for other more long-term problems.

There would be a lot of variations & nuances between situations--so your conclusion "Talking to the MANAGER" is the panacea for all evils would surely put you into more trouble, rather than solving your problem. While "Talking to the MANAGER" is surely the best bet IN GENERAL, you also need to focus on the 'how' & 'when' parts....which depend on OTHER factors.

Like Robin mentioned, IF this is a business of a Family OR close friends [where your Lead has a high stake], the 'when' part doesn't even exist in your case.

Based on what you mentioned, this does seem to be a situation of inferiority complex with your Lead [I concur with Robin].......usually such people tend to 'feel' threatened by those who are better/smarter than him/her, especially when the one who is better is in a place/position to highlight the comparision aspect glaringly [which you are]. And IF they do indeed have some power [in your case, she's your boss], they don't hesitate to use it adversely. But like I usually say.....what she says or does is NOT in your hands; what's in YOUR hands is HOW you RESPOND.....that's all. Nothing more, nothing less.

Further to what Robin has asked, pl also confirm the following aspects/points ALSO:

1] How big is this Company?

Based on what you mentioned, it seems that you DON'T have any job for now & you need to begin to hunt around.....IF that is right, then suggest break your issue into TWO parts.

For any IT guy the more the gap between jobs, the more the chances of loosing touch with the skills. So--

A} Take back you resignation.....don't go on a ego trip FOR NOW at least. Even if you are not given any work, don't crib. Just go along with the tide. IF your Lead thinks that she had you controlled, let her make her own set of assumptions.

B} Begin to participate in Freelancing sites.....there are many in the West who look for coders to do work @ LOWER cost to them. I see quite a few Indians participate in such Forums....this ensures you keep in touch with your skills AND also earn nominally. The danger in this direction is that one 'tends' to get greedy after a few successes....if you know what I mean.

C} A couple of months before your Bond is set to expire/complete, begin to look for opportunities....I am sure you would get what you want. But DON'T make the mistake of committing that you can join ASAP......match it with your Bond period. Also, some Companies have the Notice Period AFTER the Bind completes.....better checkout this aspect @ that stage. Else, they extend to Bond period.

Any further suggestions can be given only after you give better clarity on the queries.

AND, a word of advice for YOU. Looks like your nature is that you don't like to take any nonsense lying tend to give it back without thinking twice.

Nothing wrong per se in this....except that one needs to learn to handle people like your Lead WITHOUT blowing your top. That's experience......IF you don't, then chances are that as you grow up the corporate ladder, this very trait that CAN be a Plus sometimes WILL also begin to be a drawback in your growth. Hope you get the point.

All the Best.



From India, Hyderabad

Well! I will say this.
" One needs to be diplomatic in dealing with people and one should not play with fire (i.e. power)."
Go back to your previous firm, talk to that lady, make her think that she won over you, she controlled you.
Now and then disturb her with little questions, even though you know everything. Make her think that you are less intelligent than her. Complement her among crowd. If possible do help her in personal chores. Try finding out another job and get out of the hell. But remember you will encounter such people everywhere.
Brother! It is tough to implement above tips, but you have to do it.

From India, Kolkata
NVN Lakshmi
Add on to the above , also consider Before absconding please take time to think[B][U] " Are you running away from the person or with the company or situation ".
what is your step when the same thing happens in your 2nd company also . will you again abscond or face it.
We have to prepare ourself to face anything in life that is a challenge but giving up is not a right thing.
Please think dear.

From India , Hyderabad
Thanks everyone for the feedback...I’ve decided to stay back for now....Will try my best to cope up...Great article Nathrao...Eye-opener! Thanks again all!
From India, Pune
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