Asso.prof.(commerce & Management)
[email protected]
Finance Manager
Hr Manager
Kritarth Consulting
Posh Programs; Hr Management Consultants
Adoni Suguresh
Sr.executive (per & Adm)
Scalper :-)
Presently Working As Dy Manager Hr &
Learning & Teaching Fellow (retired)
Human Resource Domain
+3 Others

Today as I was walking into the office ( I am the HR person of this location) , my boss made a comment about how I have been coming dressed colorful and how he wants to give me the title of Khushboo of our office ( A fat heroine, I am also a plump person). then one other guy said he thinks Jayalalitha suits better.
I told this to my vertical head and she said to confront them and tell them that they should not make any such comments in future. She also said that she will report the matter to our head.
My fiance after hearing this feels that I have to mail them or react strongly.
I feel so angry and my self esteem is at all time low. Should I message them?mail them? talk to them directly?

Really looking forward to the senior members of the community to help with this situation

It is really a nasty and dishonest comment on the colleague. No one should spare this by just looking at them in a great anger. Being as a boos to a HR official he shouldnt pass those comments that easily.
My suggestion for you is to report this to your higher authority through a mail. And also you should demand an apology.
Your management should issue a warning letter to those people and also show cause notice.
Ravichandra Paanem

From India, Hyderabad
Hi, I understand your situation, Please address your company management through Email communication yet if any further action has not started.
From India, Hyderabad
Your vertical head is correct, you should have confronted it at the very moment. You should address your agony to your higher management through an official email, since you are into HR also seek their help/advice to curb such nuisance of passing lewd comments and making the atmosphere ugly. Please also refer if you have any policy on this regards, if you have you can issue a show cause notice asking explanation for such misconduct.
From India, Ahmadabad
As of now I think your vertical head can issue an oblique " sensitization " notice for all. The wise will get a hint. If it continues you may resort to more forthright measures suggested above.
While your feeling low is understandable, sometimes people are just not aware if their comments hurt. So have a confrontation only if required.

From United States, New York
Hello All

Thank you for your valuable comments.

I would like to write here about how I dealt with the situation which may be right or wrong but I still want to post it here.

After a whole day of contemplation, I decided that I just had to have a decent , non emotional confrontation with my boss. I went to his cabin and told him I needed to talk to him about the comment he made. He was defensive and said it was a harmless comment and his usual way of communication. I told him clearly

1. That in your understanding it is harmless, but for the person on the receiving end could perceive it differently

2.You being in a leadership position if you resort to this, it is the worst example for the rest and there comments could be lewder than yours

( then he was like 'good point' in a very patronizing way)

3. I also told him, if he thinks its so harmless he should try making the same comment to some other woman and gauge by the reaction ( Unnecessary statement)

The thing is at first he refused to apologize, he was staring at me as if now you have made your point you can leave. However when I made these points. he said I apologize if I have hurt you. I am quite appalled that he did not even realize the loose nature of his comment.

To the second guy, I could not confront him because he speaks only the local language and if I talk in his language, I was worried if I would be able to get across to him exactly what I meant. So i wrote him a simple mail saying I would appreciate it if you refrain from making personal comments on me like the one you made in the morning to which he has written back 'Sorry'.

As Mr Hardeep said sensitization would be my next step. Meanwhile I have reported this incident to my senior and she has registered the same with the Head HR. I am thankful to all the replies. There was a small self effacing part of me which said ' you are making a mountain out of a molehill' but the replies here gave me the courage to go ahead.

Well done Anonymous. Your actions were well in keeping with the severty of the situation, without blowing it up. It is good to not let people get away with such comments while at the same time not blowing it out of propotion. So kudos to you.

From India, Madras
I would suggest register a complaint against them online.
First of all, send a written mail about the incident to your supervisor. You should have something in written against them.
Also you need to look if they did so in a friendly manner, if that is the case I would say its fine. But if they were making fun of you, you should seriously take strict action against them
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From India, Mumbai
Dear friend,

I share your emotions. But I have to caution you that you shouldn't land up as a 'laughingstock' when you press the confrontation attitude. What you are going to do when your colleagues giggle at the back of your's as you pass by and in your absence? Such things are very common in the families, at work places and in public as well. You can't afford to pick quarrel with every such person. I would suggest you should enjoy the atmosphere taking it sportively. May be if you are still serious talk to such persons one 2 one and request them affectionately that 'referring you with such fat personalities hurts your feelings and please don't repeat it any more' . I'm sure many of them would appreciate your feelings and desist from doing so. One or two still might continue to do that whom you should ignore instead of confronting with them. Take it sportively and try to reduce your girth so that the references automatically would vanish and earn appreciation of everyone. How about your family members & other friends are they fall in line ?

From India, Bangalore

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