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Please pour in more information which would enable us to suggest you appropriately.
1. Your roles and responsibilities in the organization
2. Your and manager's work relationship prior to this occurence
3. Are you not allowed to reply to e-mails sent by employees?
4. what was mentioned in the e-mail , what was the reply sent by you- what you actually wrote, was it a commitment over raise or comment, etc.?
5. what duties are you presently performing when you say she is not letting you do anything?
6. Any benefits given which have been withdrawn from you now?
7. Is it just because of one e-mail that your manager is annoyed with you or there have been other incidents too? What does she say when you try to talk to her.
10th September 2013 From India, Vadodara
10th September 2013 From India, New Delhi
Please call for a formal meeting with your manager and ask for directions with pointers .
She is likely to react more . Give her a complete listening. Once she is done speaking, ask her what actions from your side will stop her treating you like this. Tell her directly that her actions and words are going beyond your limits. Seek her assurance in building synergy in the environment.
After the meeting mail her all that you two have discussed and thank her for the meeting.
If she continues to treat you badly, mail it to her manager and seek her guidance to resolve this. But before that, ensure you haven't left any stone unturned.
If you have already tried my suggestion, you have no reason to wait. Find a mentor in your organization. Seek to develop yourself , not just with this situation, but in every manner
10th September 2013 From India, Mumbai
Thanks for your kind suggestion, kindly have a look on details:
I look after Joining and exit formalities, recruitment, Salary account opening, dealing with vendors for stationeries, Coffee & tea, Mobile bills, new mobile numbers, issuing appointment letters, ID cards, maintaining excel records for all these activities for PAN India locations.
I have authority to send mails to everyone, one of our old employee had sent goodbye mail to us on his last working day, we were good colleagues so he was keep on asking for my reply, so I wrote a casual comment (on what he wrote, not official) to him by mistake I clicked on reply to all.
In front of everybody she is shouting at me, if any employee come and asks me for anything she scolds them too.
She is working under director only, no other manager for her.
I tried to talk to her, I called her for meeting too I begged for apologies many times but she was keep on shouting and passing sarcastic remarks. Whenever I try to talk to her all of sudden she shouts very badly.
I am simply coming and going back from office, I am only updating myself and searching for new things which could enhance my knowledge.
If any other information is required at my end please ask!
10th September 2013 From India, Bangalore
Then there is no option but to talk to the Director in a polite way(preferable when she is present before the director) and apprise him of the facts while reminding him start of the incidence and about her behaviour otherwise she will apprise the Director which will adverse your position.
V K Gupta
10th September 2013 From India, Panipat
In India, "Saans and Bahu" is bygone era. Even soaps like "Kyuki Saans Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi" are also bygone. But few cherish this very mentality of typical "Bharatiya Saans". Nothing can be done against these modern "Saans" of the corporate world. Therefore, bear with it. Count the days and call it quit once you get new employment.
Dinesh V Divekar
10th September 2013 From India, Bangalore
I am not sure but yes I have seen this. My apologies if I am wrong.
I am not trying to demotivate you but I have seen such cases. May be your boss do not want you to continue with the organization hence she was finding the reason and she got one.
This is very common practice when the manager wants somebody to leave they start insulting them in public for no reason.
What you can do look for another job, once you get one call a meeting with your boss and the director of the company. Do not complain about anything but yes put your foot down and tell everything to the director and resign.
10th September 2013 From India, Pune
So, an old employee sent a farewell mail to all on his last working day. You replied to this; but by mistake copied the reply to all.
Well, thee first part is fine, in fact most apropriate; however, the second part is a mistake, which you too admit.
The Director, rightly, took it lightly and in good spirit and advised you not to repeat the mistake.
The matter should have ended there. But your manager is taking this incident as an excuse to strip you off the responsibilities and make your existence redundant.
If you have studied "Games People Play" , a book on Transactional Analysis, by Dr. Eric Berne; during your MBA classes; you would have immediately noticed and recognized that your manager iss playing the game of "NIGYSOB" - wherein the person, say A, stalks his or her victim, say B; and waits till the intended victim makes a mistake. whereupon A pounces on B and gets her pay-off.
http://wikipedia.org <link fixed> )
Games People Play | Eric Berne | Creator of Transactional Analysis
So, she must have been waiting for this opportunity. You don't have to fall in despair, and play the victim game of 'Why it Always Happen to Me?' (WAHM).
(Cite Contribution) and others have already suggested you, the ways how you can fight back and beat her at her own game.
10th September 2013 From India, Delhi
What I suggest after going thru the problem you have been facing, you try somewhere else.
Why I am saying this because you have to work with this manager and have no authority to talk beyond this under
these circumstances, it will be better you look for new
job. You will definitely get the job.
All the best....don't get disheartened, it happens in work-life.
Be positive, think positive and look for the positive.
11th September 2013 From India, Delhi
Sometimes we must adapt the policy tit for tat. Otherwise, this kind of people will not stop their nature. Prove yourself as an efficient staff & a needy person to the company.
wish you all the very best & everything will be alright soon.
11th September 2013 From Saudi Arabia
You have options enlisted in front of you. If you fear nothing will work or that even the director will not be able to bring any improvement in your situation then call it quits! I see no point in continuing at your job by compromising on your respect. I, on personal level, do not think that this is huge issue. More so, because you have admitted your error and apologised too.
Many times people having the authority tend to misuse their power by making work environment terrible for the "chosen" one. Also, on the introspective note, do ponder if in past too your manager has been complaining or not satisfied with your performance? Or is there a trust issue between you two? As she would have found this is the best time where you could be easily nailed. Secondly, there is no gurantee that after this episode she would not silently hold grudges against you. On your another mistake there could be more serious reactions from her.
My colleagues and Seniors here have guided you aptly!
1.Try speaking to her gently and ask for feedback 2. If she is not ready then you can always approach your director to intervene 3.If none of your approaches are working then leave the organisation.
IF you put up with her abusive / wrong behavior then you yourself are permitting her to ill treat you.
11th September 2013 From India, Vadodara
I would like to suggest you that started recording the conversations she has with you and also collect evidences about this behaviour.Please record her behaviours from time to time without putting your remarks or opinion about her behaviour.You could also record her voice whenever she shouts at you.
These facts and evidences will help you a lot to prove her incorrect behaviours and also to take legal action against her if the situation demands.Even when you take a discussion with your director please put forth her recorded voice and other evidences before the director so that he also realises that you are speaking on the basis of facts and evidences.
Be firm with her on many things and in many ways without sounding non co-operative, rude, or arrogant.
Even if you want to retaliate do it by being polite and assertive.
Please take a step at a time on her behaviours.
Hope this helps.
11th September 2013 From India, Mumbai
Thank you so much for your kind suggestions and precious time, now i am also thinking to switch.
i would like to share few more things, i have observing since long that we always recruit candidates with low salaries and recently we have recruited one female in our team she is a fresher with basic (very low) salary. my manager and she belongs to same community too... she cannot ask for high salary as well as she can speak Kannada, Telugu, and Tamil language where i can speak only Hindi and English. My manager cannot speak proper Hindi and she doesn't like to speak English may be this can be the strong reason behind her behavior. Because i have not done a single mistake before and initiate so many new things, she doesn't have any strong reason to terminate me or ask me to leave.
Well i am very glad to have motivation and support of you all.
Thank you very very much
11th September 2013 From India, Bangalore
Don't worry no reply to an email is wrong until it causes a compliance issue & damage the business. When you got an Company email address that is the approval given by the company that you can send email & you are authorized to do so. Here I fail to understand the severity of the damage caused by you unintentional mistake of replying. Two things,
1. Who was the person/Employee whom you replied to?
2. How was your manager's relation with the employee to whom you replied?
If you are able to find answers for these questions I am sure you will come out with a solution. Moving out from the organization is a very good option. However what is the guarantee that the next boss you get will be a good one what if the life gets more miserable? So wait, you have been in the system for a long time now, 2.5 years is not a small time. Cool down think, find out the story behind the scenes of your manager's behavior.
Its always said " Every Dog has his day" and this is evident in our corporate world. So wait for your turn watch every step for some days and every thing should be back to normal in few days.
The Best part is that you are from HR, so take this as a conflict and decide which mode you want to use to resolve this (Flight, Fight or Freeze).
All the Best.. Cheers
11th September 2013 From India, Chennai
I had also faced similar situation in 2 of my previous companies. At that time I was not that experienced. So, I couldn't handle the situation properly. Be smart and brave. You have to do 2 things:
1) Keep searching for new job. But finding a suitable job instantly is not easy. So, for few days, you'll have to be patient and optimistic. Since, these days, you have ample time during, so if you have internet access at office try searching jobs on job portals, linkedin etc.
2) Try to do something innovative for Admin or maintaining the old database. Show your innovation to the Director. And, during your meeting with Director, you must say that you are sitting idle these days as you don't have any task assigned. When the Director asks you about the reason, then you open up. But very cleverly. Don't use too much of negative words for your Manager. No complaints against Manager, only show your interest for work and career growth. Then see what happens.
Do not endure harassment anywhere, be brave and act smart.
11th September 2013 From India, New Delhi
The best medicine is to win their heart from peace.
You have to find a loop where you can ease her by consider her good qualities.
Don't be emotional rather use your intellect... Sometimes people will have to bend to goodness.
Write a apology email keeping her higher authority in BCC and also mentioned the date from when you sent a wrong mail till to date..
Every time she screams at you, dont bend your head down.. neither say a word.. because every one is watching you.. if you do any one of these. she will win that game becuase you have proved it from your actions..
As mentioned by someone on the thread, arrange a meeting with your director and your manager, when your director questions your manager and you..
what have you done from your side.. you have the proof to show that you were sorry for what happended via emails and personally.. But no hope till to date.... its becoming difficult to work..
After all at the end of the day the director will backup managers.. however he will surely warn her not to behave in such way..after you leave the room...
so good luck.. as suggested by other's you can also look for another company tho.... however i suggest you not to run anyway from problems.. slove the problem around you.. and you will be successful life long...
Last word "Never ever quit the company becuase your manager is not good" quit only for your further growth..
All the very best... :)
11th September 2013 From India, Bangalore
Today also i spoke to her and again i got damn rude reply but i got to one thing that the person was director's relative and she doesn't want anybody to raise the figure on her, whenever she did any mistake she use to put that on me, she never agrees that it was her mistake. this is the first time i have done this silly thing in my overall career even i regret for this as being HR i shouldn't have done this but it happened i can't change it now. that person also doesn't have any problem as we were good colleagues and she hates that person.
I have taken switching as a last option if things will not workout. i also fail to understand why she is reacting like this!! one thing i can assure myself and you all too that i really very good at my work even you could call me a workaholic, no one can find a mistake in my work. only one place where i am lacking that i cannot speak south languages so some time when people cannot communicate in English have to take help from others to avoid miss communication which she doesn't like, and like many silly things are there which doesn't comes under professionalism. one more thing my first company was ICICI bank people were highly professional there so am i, but when i behave professional she tease me and shout at me that i am behaving as over-smart!!
If you could provide me your mail ID I can list-out some few silly things (which I cannot write here), so you can suggest me better. Because I am not doing job just to earn money or I have studied. My carrier is very important for me; I do have a goal to achieve.
11th September 2013 From India, Bangalore
Director's relative.. This is sufficient. She rules her department.
It’s not about the email that you sent. Stop thinking from the angle about your way of work and start thinking in different perspective. By any chance, knowingly and un-knowingly did you hurt her emotions?
If you think so.. Then your approach on professional front will not work out.. Ask her a direct question.. By your luck if she answer's make sure your silent..And listen to her completely.. Once she is finished... finally ask her what can be done from your side to be forgiven..
This will be the last resort.. or dont waste time and start looking for growth..
All the best
11th September 2013 From India, Bangalore
As you told, your Director excused you and advised not to repeat again and that is also known to your Manager, I do not think that, this will be the reason why your Manager behaving you like this. Try to know.
And, If there is no reason except this you have mentioned, you have three options,
1-Report to your Director
2-Keep patient and continue, thinking that, it is a part of professional life
3-Start to search another.
It is totally depend on you, what you choosing. Because it is not a matter of policy, procedure, principle. It depends on your personal procedure to face and solve the problems in your life.
11th September 2013 From India
#AnonymousTry and find a mutual friend whom will try and reconcile both of you. S/he might be your workmate or just somebody from outside. If that fails, you can ask for transfer to another department.
12th September 2013 From India
It was observed mostly if a girl's reporting authority belongs to same gender boss then such kind of problem happens. This does not apply in every case but observed in many.
I would suggest you to find another job as you informed that your boss reports to the Director so I don't think it will solve your issue because the Director will definitely favour to your boss. Secondly, if the Director agrees and suggest your boss to keep calm then it might possible your boss may hurt with this and she would create problem in future specially at the time of appraisals and all.
So don't react much, be cool.
I would suggest to find another job without discussing change for the job with anybody in your organization.
12th September 2013 From India, Indore
I am also thinking the same way you have suggested, but little confusion is there as its being only 2.5yrs since i am working here and as far as my concern it is not a long time, so will it be a right time to switch! or will it effect my career?
12th September 2013 From India, Bangalore
Having gone through the entire correspondence (suggestions etc) I feel that you have to take two pronged steps in the situation:
1. Approach the Director, explain the entire sequence of event and also the behaviour of your boss seeking his guidance in right earnest. In the process please also express your apprehension very mildly of your boss coming on you heavily after his intervention ; and
2. Start looking out for another job, even though it is at par or so.
12th September 2013 From India, Delhi
If you are planning for a move then don't even open the issue with your director. You need to move out without any negative vibes.
Once your director is involved he would accept you to continue with the organization.
However, by your luck if you get an opportunity in another company then it will be difficult to complete your notice period.. and also to convence your manager to approve for the resignation...
2.5 years is more than sufficient to look forward.. i keep browsing for HR positions.. i have come across many requirements in Linkedin, Monster ,Naukri..
Don't put down your papers and then start searching.. Start searching and get the offer letter.. and then quit..
12th September 2013 From India, Bangalore
12th September 2013 From India, Lucknow
It appear from your write up that their is some problem of Interpersonal relations
and communication gap between you two but I suggest you sit with your Manager
talk one to one.Definitely your manager will come out with the problem and to be
resolved.You will find your Manager will be more caring & will pass on the responsibilities
once you win his ir her trust
12th September 2013 From India, Pune
12th September 2013 From India
Some managers are like this type who are egoistic and do not understand basic fundas. You have only two choices left with you, i.e. is take the matter to your director and tell him what is happening and ask him to mediate and help you or look for a change continuing in the same organisation.
14th September 2013 From India, Hyderabad
In addition to my earlier posts, there are few more points which I would like to share and it should be taken into consideration pertaining to this topic:
(1) The reaction also depends on the wordings you have used in the mail written by you.
(2) You know one saying "DOOSRE KE KANDHE PE BANDOOK RAKH KE GOLI MAARNA" sometimes it happens with the Manager's also. It might possible that this would be happened in your case.
(3) Only because of that email your manager had taken all responsibilities from you that sounds some inappropriate. There must be some earlier issues between both of you and now your Manager has grab this opportunity. Well, I am not saying that you have done something wrong earlier but if yes, just learn from this.
(4) Even if you can talk to the Director to resolve the issue but the possibility of rise of your future in the same organization will be very less.
(5) Don;t ever leave any organization/seniors with negative feelings. I mean to say when you will leave this organization never quarrel with anybody before or @ of leaving. Somewhere/somehow it may create problems in your future.
I also agree with some of the members to take leave for few days etc but the approvals for the leave etc are under control of that Manager with whom your time is not good. What if your manager refuse your leave? She (Manager) may create another issue on your leaves? If you have some misunderstandings then bad impression comes first in anybody's mind. So as per my view, if you take leave for some days or so then the difference between both of you may be increased.
I agree with Ms. Radha and 2.5 years is quite sufficient to look forward. Stay calm, keep watiching other job without informing any of your single office colleague at all. You can share the same with you family members, friends but not in your organization at all. in the meantime, try to be good with everyone in the staff especially to your Manager and other seniors.
I would request Senior members here to correct/guide me on my views.
14th September 2013 From India, Indore
I think u have gained most valuable suggestion now. But what i tell u that being a girl, u have to be bold and beautiful while working in industries particularly for HR field. So i suggest u to have courage and take action in diplomatic way. U start recording of conversation between u and yr boss as to have proof of yr boss' behavior. Then u start to report yr director directly and bypass yr boss and realise yr boss that u can also have courage. This thing u can only do when u have no fear of termination and if u think of switchover. Secondly u can also find another job wile working in yr organisation. Swati, remember in industry, this kind of problems are part and partial. So u have to accept but it does not mean that u lose yr courage as u will also become department head one time. So if the person in front of u is polite then u must be double polite and if the person in front of u is abuse u and if she is yr boss then being a HR person, u start to think in diplomatic way to defeat her.
See Swati, if u have problem in work then u will never ever have satisfaction from yr work so better u switch over but not like in cowardness manner but with courageous manner.
If any help, u can mail me.
15th September 2013 From India, Surat
15th September 2013 From India, Moradabad
First, I appreciate you, that your breaveness.
Recenetly these kind of ancident happend with me. I knew my weakness and my strong point. I stick with my athics, and my respocibility yet due to my manager misbehaviour I had to left my job. I got batter opertunity right now I am a very good possition just after a six month. Last week I visited my previous company I found that My seniour possition is in danger situation. He is not getting any respect from staff and management. So, I advice you change your job and proove yourself.
16th September 2013 From India, Rajkot
Every one make mistakes. You have not anything majorly wrong. So have confidence. Never loose your self respect and self confidence. As some one already told, try to speak to her directly as why only she is treating this way. If she doesnt respond well, you can definitely immediately speak to your director. Kindly note, once you want to directly speak to her itself will be a warning to her that you are not a dumb and she cant keep bullying you.
Never ever loose your self respect. Dont let such people be, to just satisfy their ego.
16th September 2013 From India, Chennai
Please get it sorted out with the Director or which ever senior person in your organization before she gets you fired from the organization pointing the previous occurrence.. I think your manager is more egoistic and getting more aggressive.
This is a serious matter.
16th September 2013 From India, Mumbai
I feel you should go to your Director in this situation. Our immediate supervisors are like our gurus. Each and every thing we share with them at least during our entry level work. If the managers only are not allowing us to clarify the issue then what is the use of being the guru. I think your manager is making it a little personal being a professional which should not happen. Even i get scoldings from my manager for not doing work properly. she will make me understand properly, so in this case i dont need to go to director or any other management person.
16th September 2013 From India, Pune
Even though my reply to your mail will be the last, i hope...you can tell me the following. As a trainer I give examples to all concerned about the various activities happening in the organisations and it would be a lesson for them to cope up or quit. I would request you to give the company name personally in my mail id as I keep going to lot of companies and also know the top management. I have also solved several issues by telling the management that instead of losing 100 good people lose one top person who may be the culprit.
since i did not access the site for so many days I didnt see yours. pls reply to
I think u would have quit by this time
17th September 2013 From India, Bangalore
2. One thing goes in your favour that your director has taken it lightly. Keep on hunting a new job. Try that she should not find your another fault untill you get a new job. If she does not want to speak to you, do not beg again and again for work. One day she herself will give you the assignment.
3. If you want to take a risk, gather your courage, go to the director and speak the situation fearlessely without bothering the result. I have worked for 25 yrs in corporate world. I have won the situation many times applying one or the other above mentioned methods.
17th September 2013 From India, Kharar
first of all this is the first thread i have read with more than 1300 view
most of the point are already covered in this thread by seniors
my suggestion for the course of action if not already pursued would be
first you should write an apology email to your manager CC your director on that email wait for at least 24 hours or more to receive any response
if you don't receive any response flip the recipient of that email TO Director and CC manager again wait for 24 hours or more to receive any response.
If no response again mark an email TO both of them
if still you don't get any response file a hot line complain or go to grievance cell and place you complain with them.
I Assume that you would get some sort of response
As mention : its up to you to flight fight or freeze
if still situation persist , it would be intelligent of you to file a mental harassment case of them.
As per you mentioning that some one tells you when you behave professional to be over smart, there are people you cannot perform work professionally and when they see others doing it effortlessly would always comment some cheap comments. you should be happy about it as this shows that you are doing your job with perfection and those are critics when each successful professional have to bear with
17th September 2013 From Netherlands, Group
As it is very clear that you have done a mistake by mistake and your manager is overreacting on it.
See every Superior shows his anger if your mistakes are getting him/her down. If it has happen then you should try to bring some respect for him/her.
A capable employee never takes decision in hurry as well as in negative sense. You should also take a decision to work with her by changing your views about her or to just changing your company but Are you sure will get a favorable manager in other company. I would like to say you just go ahead at the same company while performing your duties as usual but not ignore a single thing whatever you are learning from her behaviour.
17th September 2013 From United Arab Emirates, Dubai
I read all above mentioned comments, and here my comment goes:
At very first place, if you are working under someone else, really does not mean to tolerate insult. Be professional in this case, your manager is not one to control you. who matters is, your director.
if you think that there was not any confidential matter in a mail, there is no point to create and involved in a war. So be very precise and to the point.
And no need to beg atleast, this is something your manager wants and you do that. You are satisfying her ego. and she enjoys that.
Stop doing this, better you concentrate on your work and avoid her, your colleagues know your work, so do your director. so be happy with that.
Have a meeting with your director, there is noone who can stop you for this. Ask him directly that you would resign if things continue in this way.
You have pretty good experience, field of HR is vast, explore yourself and enjoy your career. do not allow anyone to criticize you.
18th September 2013 From India, Pune
I can understand and feel your situation. Because, i have faced the same issues with my boss during my 1st employment.
There are few seniors, always shows some character (specially to the reporting personnel)
Those people have the attitude of self dominance. They want, he/she want to dominate the office premises.
If, anyone comes equal to them (specially juniors). They will definitely put their shoes on our head to dump.
Be patient & start looking for a change.
Until U be calm for while & better you stay away from your boss until u get your new job.
18th September 2013 From India, Chennai
I am following your post from many days. Can you please let us know what steps have you taken and if so any changes in your work environment?
Did citehr help you in putting things in reality?
Looking forward for your comments
18th September 2013 From India, Bangalore
18th September 2013 From India, Hyderabad