Sexual Assault - Who's At Fault - Men Or Women? - CiteHR
Dinesh Divekar
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Ramanarg
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Sunita Meena
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Nashbramhall
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Ankita1001
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Anita P Panicker
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My dear friends,
Gang rape of a medical girl student in Delhi some time back is highly obnoxious and nothing but an atrocity against women. People from all walk in a haste blame men folk altogether. Please also refer the article en-captioned 'What's Wrong With Indian Men?' by Kalpana Sharma appeared in The Hindu last Sunday.
Are really men alone at fault or are doing such nonsense against women all the time and women never indulge in activities? My dear fellow members of citeHR - including women friends would endorse my vies written in my blog:
Who's at fault - Men or Women? <link updated to site home> ( Search On Cite | Search On Google )
Warm regards,
Ganesh Ramachandran
Founder : Life Improvement Mind Engineering (LIME)
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I believe its men who should take care of their gazesss
Of course women will wear what they wish to wear, just cos of avoiding a man's gaze they wont be so modest in their dressing right
A man will definitely look at a woman whether she is wearing Burkha or anything, its their nature...
And for those women who wear clothes just for men's attention then that's different case Then i believe they should take care too
Men will always lust after women Thats why we have marriage, to put that lust in an allowable not anarchic,constructive framework.

I too agree that Parents teacher and elders should work together to enlighten their children on sex at the time right and manner, ensure their moral support in effectively handling their mental stress and lovingly guiding them to neutralize this natural urge.

After reading your blog, I wish to ask few questions:
I do not deny the fact that females at times are a little more revealing than needed. But how about the cases where conservative girls face same problem?
Who is at fault when a girl is raped by her own family members like uncle or cousin or even father?
What would a girl do when her own brother feels to be physical with her (have read this query and was shocked)
I can understand the urge and how natural it is but if you would scan, you'd find some common traits in people who are involved in such acts which as you quoted is they can't think straight and have issues of ego clash or whatever...
Dear Mr Ganesh Ramachandran,

Who is at fault men or women? For your question I would say neither is at fault but then it is parents of rapist they are at fault. They failed to imbibe social or religious values on their children.

Today we blame poor policing or patrolling of our roads. However, let me ask simple question, why do you require policing?

The trouble with current and last generation is that we are going away from our religious values. India is a secular country but then secularism is often mistaken as giving short shrift to the religious values that are taught to us. Secularism means keeping all castes, creeds, religions as equal and not get biased.

In the World War I and World War II, stories are replete with atrocities against women done by European or Japanese soldiers. However, wherever Indian soldiers went, there were neither rapes nor atrocities against women. Our forefathers, though illiterate cherished values wherever they went. Indian soldiers earned accolades because of their chaste behaviour.

History teaches us that when wife of Mughal Sardar was caught, (King) Shivaji Maharaj told to treat her like "mother".

Two things follow us constantly - one is your shadow and another is our values. While shadow is seen immediately, it takes time to see values of a person.

Thanks,

Dinesh V Divekar


Suneeta.... you live up to the quote you mentioned at the foot of your posts - you argue with authenticity not raising the voice. I honor your views and please note our friend Ankita's views on this. I never blame women altogether and deplore bracketing all men as bad. As a counselor, I handle many teen-age issues (at least one a month) and teen age children are obsessed with this thought losing their concentration in their studies. Please read the views of our friend Dinesh - yes he is absolutely right when he cited Indian Army. Children with values and virtues never allow their minds polluted.

My worry now is that this atrocity against women is spreading in villages also where (as expressed by Ankita) conservative women are there. I am a proud father of daughter who is married and settled at Bangalore. I know the risk and dangers a woman would face in public especially when she goes out lonely. This issue needs multi-pronged attack.

I sincerely thank my above friends who shared their thoughts openly and boldly.

regards.

Ganesh Ramachandran
Declaring a city safe or safest is not makes a female safe.

I read so many messages, all claiming just one thing, when you can lecture your daughters on what to wear, how to walk in public, how much to smile/show/laugh/trust.... you should be giving similar lectures to the sons who are going out and teach them to respect females.

As Mr. Dinesh ji cited examples about indian soldiers and shivaji. They were then trained on virtues, culture. That is as added by him missing.

It is not just the fault of parents who fail to preach their children, but there are several issues to it which needs to be tackled -

1. Western culture - I am a Mumbaikar and love to walk on Marine Drive, but couldn't go after some pecular hours coz of the embarassment that I've to face.

2. Movies - Today's cinema has become more vulgar than entertaining. As claimed in Dirty Picture, movie needs just 3 things - Entertainment, Entertainment, Entertainment. There are family movies, healthy movies that are block busters.... why use cheap methods is something i fail to understand, these days, can't go to cinema with parents coz of the fear that we may have to face embarassment. Atleast at home we can FF the things or simply change the channel. We don't have the option in theaters.

3. Porn - Access to porn movies is so easy these days. In India they say it's illegal. But every single person (i won't claim just males here coz there are a set of females too) who sees it...

Even an animal needs taming. Just because we have superior brain, don't mean we are superior to these animals unless we tame and train ourselves to be different from them. An urge to have s** and to have it at any cost is what every animal would also have. We are human with superior values but the day we forget those, we just go back to our animal instinct.

================================================== ====

Sunita:

The constitution of marriage don't hold back people to lust... Extra marital affairs, partner swapping is something that is common...

I would like to share an incident I read in a paper - 2 couples had been to a vacation (2nd honeymoon kind)

The guys were out discussing while females were getting ready as they're to go site seeing... However, the females don't know that in the dark of the night their partners were swapped who returned to the right place in the morning. And hubbies claim their wives don't know abt it, neither on that night neither till date (which is weird)

And this is not a picture story I'm citing a true caselet that i had read some time back...

And I believe this was as good as a rape (as you had it w/o the consent of the other partner)

================================================== =====

Again there are males who would get involved in relationships only to satiate their personal needs and then leave the poor girl... Who's to blame... I can understand a girl becomes emotional... and takes a wrong decision but that was more out of trust and love from a girl's end while all of us know the motives of such guys...
Ankita you are so plain and frank in your expression nailing so strong in minds the facts and the realities. Kudos to you. Regards. Ganesh
Dear All,

I would like to share my views with you all. I have gone through views shared by various members. I wish to inform you all that, my views are religious and unbiased.

George Bernad Shaw quoted "I have always held the religion of Prophet Mohammed(PBUH) in high estimation because of its wonderful vitality. It is the only religion which appears to me to possess that assimilating capacity to the changing face of existence which can itself make appeal to every age. I have studied him - the wonderful man in my opinion for from being anti-christ he must be call the Savior of Humanity" Indeed Prophet Mohammed(PBUH) is the Greatest Man ever to grace this planet because he is the LEADER OF ALL PROPHETS for having practiced and demonstrated ISLAM as prescribed by ALLAH. He taught the entire mankind "how to live a peaceful and happy life"

Both MEN & WOMAN are at FAULT because the society in which we are living "IS NOT PRACTICING A LIFE WHICH IS PREVENT SUCH INCIDENTS". We cannot blame humans because HUMANS ARE BORN TO MAKE MISTAKES, henceforth HUMANS need and must to be guided/coached/counselled towards the right path, almost every second in our lives and this has to be done by our Parents, elders(may be elder brothers or sisters).

The major questions are

"WHAT RELIGION HAD TAUGHT US TO DO AND NOT TO DO?"

"WHATEVER GOOD THINGS ARE TAUGHT TO US, ARE WE PRACTICING IT"? OR "ARE WE INDIVIDUALS PRACTICING THE GOOD ASPECTS OF OUR RELIGION?"

"IS OUR LAW GOVERNED AND BASED ON THE ETHICS OF OUR RELIGION THUS PREVENTING SUCH FUTURE INCIDENTS(WHICH IS RUINING HUMAN LIFE AND DESTROYING PEACE ON THIS EARTH)?"

"ARE THE CULPRITS PUNISHED IMMEDIATELY ONCE THEY ARE CONVICTED GUILTY BASED ON EVIDENCE?" - PUNISHMENT SHOULD BE EXTREME AND SO SCARY, NO HUMAN SHOULD DARE TO COMMIT SUCH MISTAKE IN HIS LIFE?

"ALL THOSE ELDERS/SENIORS PRACTICING THE GOOD ASPECTS OF OUR RELIGION. ARE PLAYING THE ROLE OF A ETHICAL LEADER/GUIDE TO THE MANKIND?"

"HOW MANY ARE TRYING TO STOP SUCH BRUTAL RECURRING INCIDENTS"?

"


There are many questions to be asked. In ISLAM,

1) MALE & FEMALE are taught "TO LOWER THEIR GAZE", thus avoiding DIRECT EYE CONTACT with opposite gender.

2) FEMALES are taught "TO COVER YOUR ENTIRE BODY WITH VEIL" so that your STRUCTURE do not provoke male's STIMULI which is NORMAL & NATURAL HUMAN TENDENCY

Punishments in ISLAM are EXTREMELY SCARY and THE BEST ones as prescribed by ALLAH and narrated by Prophet Mohammed(PBUH), hence humans are scared to commit mistakes or sin.

ALLAH (SWT) had sent 124000 PROPHETS in this world just to DELIVER THE MESSAGE OF ALLAH (SWT) and teach us THE PRINCIPLE;S ISLAM. All PROPHETS did their best during their regime. The last Prophet Mohammed(PBUH) is considered to be the LEADER of all PROPHETS. His followers are taught to live a BETTER LIFE. Since we Muslims DID NOT PRACTICE NOR LIVED THE LIFE BASED ON PRINCIPLES OF ISLAM TO THE CORE, we committed MISTAKES and SINS. Hence ALLAH(SWT) had punished many in this world itself and no doubt they deserve punishment after death as well. In the recent past, Muslims have started learning many things,PRACTICING ISLAM based on its principles as prescribed by ALLAH (SWT) in QURAN and demonstrated by Prophet Mohammed(PBUH) in his entire life.

ISLAM is a religion that will never HARM anyone on this earth, including our neighbors and enemies.

I saw a message promoted by a protester, "MOTHERS MUST TEACH THEIR SON'S NOT TO RAPE". What if, i promote this message, "ALL MOTHERS MUST TEACH THEIR DAUGHTERS TO DRESS DECENTLY THUS NOT PROVOKING MEN'S STIMULI". There are many females who cannot control their inner instincts/feelings, hence they themselves indulged in many illegal activities(after marriage affairs). Can they blame MALES for their NON-SELF CONTROL NATURE?

If highly difficult for Democratic countries to control such incidents unless they start practicing THE BEST PRINCIPLES of THE RELIGION. Even ILLITERACY is also one of the reason for these incidents besides HOPELESS & BIASED LAW & ORDER SYSTEM.

It was predicted by our PROPHET MOHAMMED (PBUH) such incidents are bound happen just because females have started living a Independent life which is beyond their limits/boundaries. More worst is about to happen in the nearest future....NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.

With profound regards
Dear Ms. Ankita

I totally disagree and beg to differ with whatever you had come across in the news paper regarding partners(wife) unfortunately/unknowingly swapped. Its highly impossible for such incident to happen. Someone had spread the WRONG MESSAGE.

With regards to WESTERN CULTURE, it is the WORST CULTURE found in the world, hence you will find IMBALANCED LIFE and the worlds higher number of PSYCHO's and PSYCHOLOGIST are from WEST. There is NO SECURITY, NO PEACE NO LIFE and lot more.

I apologize to include this message about ISLAM which is the religion of 200crore people on this earth. Just try to inquire as why many WESTERNERS, PHILIPINOS and many other country nationals are accepting ISLAM. Why DR. ZAKIR NAIK, DR. BILAL, YOUSUF ESTATES and more promoting THE PEACE PROGRAMMES THROUGH PRINCIPALS OF ISLAM. Infact, they are not PROMOTING ISLAAM nor they are forcing anyone to ACCEPT ISLAM because its HARAM(ILLEGAL) "TO FORCE ANYONE TO ACCEPT ISLAM". Since many had realized the facts, they are delivering a MESSAGE associated and defining the BEST RELIGION ON EARTH.

Religion plays a IMPORTANT ROLE in defining our living style. Without religion, there is no life on earth nor anyone can find peace in his life.

With profound regards


With due respect to all religion,

I believe sir, if you go to the roots of it, all religions teach you same things -

Respect All,

Love All (by that I mean the motherly, fatherly love and not the meaning potrayed these days)

Respect everyone's dignity and privacy...

No religion teaches what most of people are practicing. So irrespective of who you follow, follow a religious path is all that i can say coz it is one thing that can keep us grounded to virtues.

I agree to you. "To err is Human" But raping someone, forcing yourself on someone is not a mistake, its a crime. And it is not necessary everyone commit mistake and learn. One can learn from other's mistake. Who learns? have we been taught to learn from others?

My parents always tell me - Every single being teaches us something. Some people teach us how should we behave, Some others teach us how we should not. It is upto us who to follow and who to not.

Parents, religion, prophets, teachers can all be guiding people... Ultimate decision taker is "WE" rather "ME" a person in that situation.

"How many are trying to stop such brutal recurring incidents."

Reminds me of 2 Christian boys who were going with 1 girl who was being teased with some road side romeo... Till a point they beared but when it started getting too much, these guys replied back. The 2 guys, to save this girl, lost their lives, people stood their seeing tamasha.... they didn't help this girl reach safely, but when these 2 guys tried to help her out and faced problem, not even did they dare to call up police who can handle....

When we pledge we say every Indian is our brother & sister, I believe those would have been live statues even if the girl would have been their own sister/daughter and those guys their own brother/son....

Nothing against Islamism... But the way you are potraying your point it seems non of Islam males commit what is mentioned. The most irritating bunch in my office who would scan you worst than an x-ray machine are practising Islam - they'd go for namaz, they'd strictly follow religion.... But they don't respect females...

Sad part is We can't follow religion blindly... We need to understand what it means.

Just as Islam asks a female to be in Burkha or Pardah... You believe that wearing Burkha makes a female safe? Sorry to state, I wish if you could have been a female you might have understood that its not females but the nazar (the way some one sees) that should have pardah... Why is a woman allowed to be without burkha in front of her father & brother? Coz they wont have a bad nazar....

I would not comment. As i said before, no religion is harning any one. No God would harm any one... Only individuals harm. And who ever harms, we should see them as an individual not as a practicer or promoter of XYZ religion. Irrespective of the religion followed or the position held, a crime is a crime is a crime. There can't be discount.

Again for your question sir, I asked who is at fault when a very conservative lady, who is fully covered is raped?

By saying so you put up the whole fault on females. I don't say females can wear what they want to... I had confessed that many females are over-revealing... and then it would be their fault... But how about these overly conservative females....

I dont understand if you have got the right grip of word democratic

Sir, if it won't be democratic, females would still be supressed. We have had always been a patriarchal country. You, me, and all know what had females beared. Even after living in a democratic country, it is existing which is a shame. That don't mean you stop progressing.

Progress is what we move towards, side effects ought to be handled. We can't sit and say oh it failed... Sorry but that was really not a healthy thing to do (my personal view and belief)

Females have started living an independent life which is beyond their limits or boundaries....

Which century you live sir? We need independence because of foll reasons:

1. If father dies, males would want to eat us up like we are flesh and they are hungry wolves.

2. If a lady marries, and is abandoned, she has no scope. All wolves still are their...

3. What would a lady do who becomes widow with a small child to support.

4. A lady has a self dignity. Today I want to stand on my feet and make my dad proud. I am glad he has always supported me. He never stopped me, he instead taught me to fight back and be strong enough to protect myself....

And as you stated above, I never said stop teaching girls, what you're teching... But I just said also teach guys to behave themselves...

[If you are offended by that, sorry but I can't help. That is the fact.]

============================

General msg:

Males should put their ego aside and should know where their fault is. Blaming it conviniently in females is not going to help you grow....

=========================================

@ Ganesh:

Yes, putting my points strongly coz if we look at it this happens:

When a girl is raped and she files a case, questions are asked to this poor girl victim than the doer.

Why were you there? (Was that a no-female zone?)

What were you doing there at that hour (Nonsensical Qn coz she might be returning home or might have gone down to take a medicine she needs urgently... No females is stupid enough to risk her own dignity and move)

How can he rape you? (I don't know)

You might have given him all wrong indications? (What? what wrong indications? Did the girl asked you to jump on her?)

Why don't you put such questions to the doer and embarass him than adding pains to her?

Not just these they'd add vulgar questions and she would prefer dying than facing all this drama....

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