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Dear all, Please share with me that How to talk with our egoist and respect less seniors.??????
From India, Bhuj
Dear Mr Sameer Luhar,
For some persons Ego stems out of
1.0 Qualification
2.0 Age
3.0 Position
4.0 Combinations of the above.
While speaking we must ensure that none of the above is hurt.
If it is a matter of survival or struggle for peace, occasional praise could work.
Respect has to be won by knowledge, efforts and performance.
It is obtained over a period of time.
Common solution for both is Patience.
V.Raghunathan………………………………………………………………… Navi Mumbai

From India
Dear Mr. Sameer Luhar,
In all offices; this is a common cause in behavourial tendency. It might be just their habit or some kind of personality issue. They always feel "ITS MY WAY ATTITUDE" which might make you feel low and dismayed but there again you can get your ideas heard.
- You have to firm with your ideas without showing out anger on the other person. [NO MATTER how deeply he hurts you: never return a word back]
- If it doean't matter to you personally then dont even bother arguing [CHOOSE your battels wisely]
- Whatever the ideas that enior gives you listen it & understand it in a broad perspective [NO CIVIL BEHAVIOUR from your end which might put you both in trouble arguing]
- If you want to be in your good deeds speak to that senior privately that he/she has been ahowing frustrations which might hurt him at anytime need.
- If verything else fails; there is always the management that sits ahead of that senior. Go to your boss mediate the same so yur boss can eventually deal with that mulish senior.

From India, Visakhapatnam
Dear Sir/ Madam,

Good idea earned from Sharmila Madam and Raghunathan Sir. I am also facing same problems with my Seniors and in that case my Senior is not working in my workplace. I am working in a Project office and boss is working in the Regional office in other City. But in time of communication over telephone, always he is angry over me and shouting me regularly. I have understand that I am not in his good book. Some Seniors are commonly thinking that they have right to firing to the subordinate. And they always enjoy to firing that. It is very difficult to manage this type of egoist Seniors. But this type of Seniors are normally not too much dangerous in point of view of Promotion/increment to the Subordinates. Usually they are not mentally strong (read brave).

My idea is, in that case subordinate has to go straigt to the boss and discuss with him that because of his (Senior) behaviour I am facing difficulty. Subordinate can request him politely not to shout too much. This approach from Subordinate should be one type of gentle warning. But it will react well.

Please always mind that "Quiet Boss" is more dangerous than "Shouting Boss". Shouting Boss is just can shouting, cannot capable to do anything. But Quiet Boss can do "anything" quietly.



From India, Hyderabad
Dear Mr Shibaji Debnath,
You have made some very valid observations about the shouting and quiet bosses.
Having recognized both, including what they are capable of doing, you are very close to solving the problem.
Almost all of us go through such situations at some time or other in our life.
Boss is like a traffic signal - not in our control.
I am merely stating the GURU Stephen Covey's words here.
What he recommends is the FREEDOM to choose and be Proactive
Please tell to your self :
"Come what may I am not going to get dejected.
I will calmly handle the situation."
What is very important is to control our own reactionwhile making our response.
Believe me, a calm approach will also ensure that you don't fall a victim to BP or Sugar problems
In addition to being cautious,ignoring and hoping for better times is prudent.
V.Raghunathan..................................... .................................................. .... ........................Navi Mumbai

From India
Dear Mr. Shibaji,
It's good to see a person like you who virtuosly learn out of time. I got delighted after reading this phrase - [Usually they are not mentally strong (read brave)]. Most of them get their nerves out when facing any situation with a self-centered person. Regardless to the job, one has to learn and keep learning that self-seeking people are just good examples to teach us out of books.
One colossal suggestion to all who stand their seniors is "WIN with SILENCE" coz "ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS".

From India, Visakhapatnam
Dear Mr Luhar, Debnath et al...

This issue is becoming more prevalent with a diverse workforce and more Gen X and Gen Y entering the workforce while the Boomers and seniors hold onto their beliefs in a workplace culture that is slowly shifting due to globalization and communication. More employees are yearning to be included in discussions and decisions so while I may agree to be patient and exercise restraint I would also caution to accept the status quo and go with the flow. Remember, no one can take advantage of you or demean you without you giving them permission to do so. Having said that, it is equally important for your superiors to be aware of this situation if and when the line is crossed. I am not sure what the issues are but perhaps it explains why some employees need coaching and development on HR policies.

Bullying and harassing as well as hazing are things of the past and one does not need to condone or sanction these behaviors from seniors or for that matter peers. It is just the reality of the world today in the workplace. What is worrisome to me as I am reading this is that there is a pervasive culture of condoning this type of behavior, why is that? Old school is out and it is time to change to meet the needs of employees. In my travels and assignments, I have witnessed some amazing workplace cultures having managed teams and departments across several countries and geographies and surprisingly, of all the places people express gratitude, the workplace is dead last, according to a recent HR survey. The results are surprising because while business has changed, old story leaders behaviors have not.

Only 40% express gratitude or communicate with respect to their colleagues frequently and you would think that it has changed with all this advances in technology and innovations in the workplace. One reason is a widespread assumption among managers that setting tough goals and pushing people is the only way to improve productivity. So basically you have two options, talk with your manager and or HR person for next steps assuming you are up to it. Secondly, is to look around and abandon ship instead of quietly taking the abuse and ridicule from these bullies, your health and sanity is far more important than the pay check you receive. Perhaps if enough people do it, the culture will shift and until that time comes, you have to consider carefully your options within reason. I hope this helps and wish you well and thanks for allowing me to share my thoughts.

From Canada, Mississauga
Dear Sir/Madam

I fully agree with above all observations, suggestions and discussions.

In continuation of this I like to add that following things should also be analyzed :

# Why senior is shouting?

# Is it his/her habit?

# Are they only shouting or also appreciating the work?

# Do we meeting the work expectations in term of quality and pace?

# Do we present our work in time without any flaw in view of the seniors?

# Is there any area for us to improve ourself?

# Each person is different and having his own characteristics. In this connection I like to appreciate Mr Shibaji Debnath to cop-up with situations & his observations.

# I believe that every problem have solution

Such problems can be handled by proper tactful communication. It may take time but works.

Also like to repeat


Keep Patience.

Further, rendering my sincere thanks to Sharmila madam, Mr V raghunathan & Mr Moenair for guidance and Mr. Shibaji & Mr Sameer for discussion and waiting for comments on the points raised.


in such situations take one look at yourself that is there any

From India, Nasik
I was having same problem in my previous organisation. It was my first job. I was working as a professor for management studies in a B-school. I'm not discloding the name for the sake of college and other staff's reputation. Why should they suffer due to one bad person..?? Anyways...

Everyone knows the level of authority a principal has with him/her. It is as good as a general manager if we compare it with corporates.

The principal was having same kind of attitude that Sharmila mam has mentioned above. Principal was good for nothing. Nobody speaks good about her.

Here is serial-wise index of her harassment method.

1. New task is appointed to a professor without taking into consideration the skills and time required to perform it. (event organisation and other clerical work)

2. Task is appointed by her decision taken solely and not in any meeting. (Meetings were usually convened to declare who is getting what..!!)

3. No guidance is offered at initial level to perform the task as per the standard expected by her.

4. Always rejects the ideas proposed by the task performer. (She always have complete picture of tasks and sub-tasks but never tells to anyone)

5. Points out the ideas for exclusive rejection along with a deadly insult in next consecutive meeting. (For replacement of ideas with the one proposed by her)

6. Purposely creates obstacles in completing the task when person implements the replaced ideas. (Then why to suggest..??)

7. Not a single word of appreciation at completion of task / event. (Person receives edification that he was able to perform it with more accuracy if he dedicates his life to the task.)

8. History repeats again and again. (1 to 7 above)

I tried to keep mum and didn't argue with her. So she increased the power of her harassment.

I approached the trustee and management committee of the college but they betrayed my trust as all of them were spies of the principal.

So i left the job. (Thank god it was a contractual appointment. No need to resign, automatically i got terminated with honour as contract period ended.)

From India, Vapi
Always remember, neither friendliness nor enemity with a crocodile is advisable if you wish to swim longer with him/her.
- Just keep your cool. Keep observing what specific points does he counter to you based on which your boss is unhappy with you.
- Identify what kind of answers is he expecting from you and in what sort of language be it in verbal/written communication and try to align with the same.
- Keep your communication pointed and crisp with such a boss, always helpful as it doesnt open many avenues for a potential conflict.
Hope this may if not solve your issue, atleast help you.

From India, Pune

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