Dinesh Divekar
Business Mentor, Consultant And Trainer
Skhadir
Strategic Business Management Includes Revenue
Ashoknegidi
Training Operations - Csr
Arunchitlangia
Trainer - Soft Skills
Nashbramhall
Learning & Teaching Fellow (retired)
Svaloor
Consultant
+4 Others

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Hi,
I recently joined a company as HR manager and the management told me about a particular employee who is really very hot tempered and does not want to mingle with anyone.
He sits in his seat through out the day and does his work and is always alone(even does not come off his seat during breaks).
The management doesn't want to throw him out because he is a very productive employee, but they want the HR team to make him socialize with all.
I once noticed that when one of the HR executive asked this employee to join him for tea, he literally started screaming at the Hr saying 'i don't want to come for tea with anyone...just leave me alone', leaving the HR person go embarrassed in front of all.
This is a very tough situation...will anyone please tell me how to handle such person so that I can pass it on to the entire HR team.
Regards
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If he is a productive employee that wants to be left alone, what's the problem? Why should anyone be forced to socialise?
I am no HR person; but if management had asked me, I would have asked them "why?". First, one needs to gain his confidence to find out what is bothering him. How long has he been with the firm? Has he been like that since he joined?
Dear friend,

First and foremost, let me give you feedback that when you ask some suggestion in the public forum, courtesy demands disclosure of your name. Secondly, you could have told what type of your company is, what is the designation of this person etc.

After going through your post, I feel that this person may have some family problem. Else he might had troubled childhood that has driven him to reclusion.

Hope you are Keralite and that person is also a Keralite. I have benefit of working with persons from all the states of India. My 30 years of experience or observation is that overall Keralites are snobbish and introvert. Now when one Keralite says that his Keralite colleague is introvert, then I can imagine the gravity of the situation.

This situation needs to be handled by some senior person. This senior person must be elder person as well. I say so because today we have so many seniors around who are youngsters as well.

This elder person can give feedback on importance of social skills or giving up these solitudinarian tendencies. Leadership demands establishing connection with others. Introversion beyond a point is counter productive. Today at his level, working alone is fine. However, at senior level one has to handle people issues. For this interpersonal skills are quite important. Secondly, this elder person can also tell what Daniel Goleman has said. He says that 85% success comes out of relationship and 15% from intelligence or qualification. How anyone can develop relationship without communication?

Secondly, today we are in 21st century. Much depends on personal branding as well. For this networking is quite important. How anyone can promote one's brand without networking? Leave aside personal networking but today virtual networks like Citehr, are also are important.

I recommend you nominating this employee for training programme on "Emotional Intelligence", "Personality Development" etc.

My second recommendation is on instituting well designed "Mentoring Programme' in your company. Mentoring is ongoing activity and on one fine day he will open up. However, make sure that you devise this mentoring programme in right earnest else any half baked approach will do more harm than good.

My last suggestion is to the manager of this person. What manager of this "Mr Introvert" is doing? Why is he not taking initiative to develop social skills in this person? Department's manager is the right person to develop junior's personality. No one can do (except one's mother, of course), as much as manager can do.

Ok...

Dinesh V Divekar


Hello Dinesh,
I respect and appreciate the suggestions you given. Nominating the employee for a good 'personality development course' will be the best solution.
But Dinesh, I totally disagree with the reasons that made you to conclude that both are keralites.
I am from Kerala , I could see some language slang issue with keralites, but even with that they are very active and very helpful in offices.
Thanks and Regards
Shanto Aloor
Consultant
Dear,
If the any employee is not ready to mingle with anybody just absorve him out side i mean family and functions, If he is not same behave as in office.
Try to understand his problems may financial or family or something?
Tell to your all employees that speak with him continiously then he may come soclise!.
I agree with Simhan, that if he is productive, don't bother him too much.
That said, yes, HR functions demands that this person should be taken care of. Here I agree with Dinesh Divekar, that he may be having a troubled family situation, which is personal and it is his choice or discuss or not.
I my view, you or at least one designated person has to take a greater responsibility.
The process will be very slow.
Start with greeting the person with a smile. Even if he do not return the smile, continue. Then shift to Hello, How are you and so on. Develop the trust. Do not ask direct personal questions. Find excuses to visit this person and be nice to him each visit. Once you are able to gain his trust this person will break down and share every thing with you. Do not disclose this information with any one - not even your boss.
Having released the emotions, this person will start socializing.
Arun Chitlangia
Dear Shanto Aloor,

What I have written about people of particular section of country is based on my observations of last three decades. Hope you agree that period of three decades is no insignificant. Neither slang nor offence is intended against anyone. I never wrote that they are not helpful.

Couple of years in college and my daughter has also come to same conclusion what I have about them.

One has to accept what one is. Notwithstanding legacy of Bal Gangadhar Tilak or others, today we find that Marathis lack intellectual assertiveness. I have openly told this to whoever needs to be told.

Feedback Shanto is feedback. Whether to accept it or disregard it is one's personal choice.

DVD

Hello Dinesh,

I respect and appreciate the suggestions you given. Nominating the employee for a good 'personality development course' will be the best solution.

But Dinesh, I totally disagree with the reasons that made you to conclude that both are keralites.

I am from Kerala , I could see some language slang issue with keralites, but even with that they are very active and very helpful in offices.

Thanks and Regards

Shanto Aloor

Consultant
Dear New HR

I second to Mr. Simhan and Mr. Dinesh.

I couldn't digest your sentence "The management doesn't want to throw him out because he is a very productive employee, but they want the HR team to make him socialize with all.". Is this the way an HR MANAGER communicates? It sounds SLANG & JARGON. No wonder, management can do anything because at times management has NO SENSE in dealing with their employees, as most of the management's are SELFISH and they only understand NUMBER GAME(PROFIT & LOSS).

I wonder why management wants to go against employees when employees doesn't go against management. Management has NO RIGHT to FORCE anyone to do something which is associated with PERSONAL LIFE.

Before posting your thread, did you ever tried to study the psychology of that particular employee while considering these study points 1) HEREDITARY BEHAVIOUR 2) FRIEND'S CIRCLE 3) FAMILY ATMOSPHERE - CURRENT & THE WAY HE WAS BROUGHT UP SINCE CHILDHOOLD 4) LIVING AREA/LOCALITY 5) HABITS 6) CHILDHOOD BEHAVIOUR(STRESS ON THIS POINT AND ASSOCIATE WITH VARIOUS FACTORS SUPPORTING HIS HOT TEMPERED NATURE)

When you said he is productive, i am sure that he is cooperating with this TEAM MEMBERS. I don't think so he is working INDEPENDENTLY, isn't?

On my behalf of me, kindly ask your management

1) "To what extent your employees and organisation will benefit if that particular employee socializes with the rest"?

2) Did your management incurred FINANCIAL LOSS due to his STRANGE BEHAVIOR?

Kindly get back to me at the earliest.
Dear all,

I am a practising senior HR professional and HR trainer for 2 decades. Personality development of an individual is a journey where destination is not easily identifiable given the complexities themselves attached to external and internal factors for a person. It is best to see his profile and build relationship. I am sure the individual has been termed as productive in terms of bottom line for the management. No body is blessed with perfect qualities. Like there is no perfect employer all the times. Therefore the management, peer groups are reflection of his personality.

By nature there are some individuals who do not wish to be disturbed or simply do not not like to mix with others. yet they enjoy and satisfy themselves with what best they can do at home or anywhere. You may call it introvert. Be it so. What is primary is the self esteem as a person and the contribution one makes for others and for himself/herself. There are millions of us who are extrovert in all possible ways do not contribute at all meaningfully and consistently to organisation, and for ourselves including to loved ones. Yet we enjoy and carry on with our routine lives. Are we all satisfied and happy at all times? By nature we evolve and change with circumstances. Let the management of his company not take this gentleman as some one who is indifferent or keep a watch for his behavior.

All the very best and seasons greetings.

V. Rangarajan.
Hello friends,
I feel that the employee we are here discussing has chronic emotional tone/shade of ANGER. First of all what I believe that, it is the fault of recruitment department who employed such person who is not fit with their organization.
Handling of chronic Anger personality is to deal him with BOREDOM, means don't react anger with anger or don't create dispute. Try to sort out the things, events or topics he is interested in and definitely everybody has such topics. After discovering those things start communication over those topics and try to develop rapport which will create an emotional link with him. After strengthening that emotional link which will take some time change process can be implanted.
Habib Ullah Khan
PTCL Pakistan
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