I try so hard to improve myself and to eliminate all my limitations like fear to speak in group or public and to work towards my goal... but this doesn\'t last long ... soon i get depressed when i see others going ahead of me... but i want to be successful and different... tell me something so that i stop underestimating myself by seeing others better than me
From United States, Fremont

Get Empowered With Critical Leadership Skills That Drive Change →
Promoted: XLRI Leadership & Change Management

Hi Riya

Your problem of lack of self esteem and the answer to it lies in your own sharing above. The answer lies in your statement ' soon I get depressed when I see others going ahead of me'.

Let me elaborate on it. People normally tend to compare themselves with others ostensibly to find areas of improvement for themselves. However in the process of comparing we end up making the mistake of 'selectively' comparing. This is like school days when most parents would pick up the marks of those who scored highest in a subject and then compare their child's score for that subject with that of the topper. The net result is that the child's performance seems average or mediocre even if the child is in the top percentile overall in the class.

On the other hand in the business world, they use a term bench marking to compare products with those of the competition. Here all parameters of the product are evaluated against that of a competing product. The areas of deficiency are then identified and efforts made to rectify it so that the product meets the customer expectations when evaluated with a competing product.

Ideally you must focus on your strengths and abilities rather and aim to make the best of these assets that you posses. At the same time be realistic about your weakness (e.g. your fear of public speaking that you indicated in your sharing above) and systematically work towards eliminating it. As you are prepared to work towards your goals, it is important that you WRITE down your long term, medium term and short term goals preferably following the SMART goal formula. Do not forget to periodically review your goals and make changes as you deem necessary. You must periodically benchmark your progress with those of your peers not merely as a measure of evaluating competition but to give you a realistic feel of how you are faring.

Finally, it is essential that you are motivated. While the extrinsic motivators would be vital for career growth and financial well being, in the long term it is the intrinsic motivators that will determine your passion, zeal and persistence to achieve your professional, personal, financial, social and self actualization goals. You also need to regularly identify, enjoy and celebrate the big and small success that you achieve, to keep your enthusiasm high, your motivational levels at peak levels and reinforce your own self belief.

I would also invite you to go through the inputs in the following Inspirational and Motivational blogs listed below, which can also give you a lot of inputs on keeping your enthusiasm, spirit and zeal alive and dynamic.



Best Wishes

From India, Mumbai
I agree with Jecob.
Stop comparing with others.
Have some one to give you feedback.
Work up on the weak areas.
Focus on your strengths and utilize them
Earn Your Right to Speak - that means you have to be expert in your topic. So research your topic well.
Practice - Practice and Practice
I was exactly in your position few years ago. Today I am the most confident person and very successful not only in Public Speaking, but in whatever I do.
Wish you the same.

From India, Mumbai
Hello Riya,
Both Mr Jacob and Mr Arun have given excellent inputs to you.
In self development the focus should be on SELF.
So to progress in LIFE compete with yourself !!!
Set bench marks and raise the bar yourself.
Positive and sure progress, no feeling of being diffident, no loss of self confidence and no jealousy !!!
V.Raghunathan..................................... ....................Navi Mumbai

From India
Accepting your weakness is your biggest strength. Therefore you know what you need to work on. Build a good vocabulary which is key to good communication. Subscribe to Readers Digest. Rehearse your presentations in front of a mirror. Don\'t rush, develop voice modulation and above all remain confident. Do not be afraid of failures. Analyze what went wrong and work on it. I am sure over a period of time you will be able to master the skills of communication. Good luck and best wishes.
From India, Mumbai
Firstly,thank u so much B.Jacob, arunchitlangia, V.Raghunathan and envirocarelabs for understanding my problems and giving me such a positive feedback... This was the first time I had shared my stress reasons with others and asked for the solution... B.Jacob , yes that is right I focus more on my limitations... so despite having other abilities I don't show them or use them to achieve my goals... I have already got sick of being depressed all the time and now I want to come out of it... because of lack of self-confidence I have missed many opportunities in the past -- this thought too makes me feel like a loser... but i don't want to now think of past any more and want to start new fresh life with more confidence and belief on myself... may be that's better choice to focus more on working hard towards goal rather than finding out the probabilities of winning or losing... That's right I should not be afraid of failures and should compete with myself...


From United States, Fremont
Hi Riya,
Good to see a positive reply.
The quote below should work as a booster.
Do not think of yesterday - they bring tears
Do not think much about tomorrow - they bring fears
Think of Present and make it Pleasant
V.Raghunathan..................................... .............Navi Mumbai

From India

You have received very good feedback above . CiteHR is indeed a wonderful forum for finding solutions to difficult problems.

I would like to add a different line of thought: Whenever you feel depressed or frustrated seeing more successful speakers or people, remember, that at the end of the day You and only You have been responsible for the successes that you have achieved so far. Whatever you have achieved is through your own efforts not through others `favours'. The very fact that you want to be more successful and different shows that you have the spark. Let that spark ignite the fire of self improvement. Instead of constantly focusing on other's strengths, focus on their weaknesses and how you should avoid those weaknesses.

Yes, adoption of successful methods is definitely a good way to improve but so is removal of weaknesses. Focus on your weak areas and how you can remove those first from yourself.

And, yes you have rightly linked Public Speaking to success. Focus on this aspect and you will see immediate results that you are looking for.

all the best.

Prashant Sharma

Public Speaking, Leadership Training, Communication Skills Training Gurgaon - firstpersonality.com

From India, Khopoli

Hi Riya. Your problems are actually not problems. They are just behaviors which you don\'t want for yourself. Behaviors are the result of how we carry out the thinking processes in our mind. Our mind thinks in a language called \'VAKOG\'. We create scripts in our mind through this language and that script is embedded in our mind like a program. Every time you come across a certain situation (in your case - when you see others, when you stand to speak to a group, when you have goals set before you, etc) these scripts run a process in the brain producing a certain behavior. It is quite complex than what I am saying.
You can change the scripts or programs in your mind to produce different results than it is producing now. You can define your own result and create scripts to produce those results. I have helped thousands of people including myself over the last 24 years to do this and much more complex things.
Read through my website http://tekton.co.in.
Any question feel free to write

From India, Thana
Dear Riya
Loads of good advice and let me add my bit.Basic problem lies in our thoughts, so regulating your thoughts to a more positive bend will cognitively steer you towards positive behavior.So start practicing mindfulness and noting the positive aspects of here and now .
Mohua Roy
Specialist Behavior Trainer

From India, Calcutta

If you are knowledgeable about any fact, resource or experience related to this topic - please add your views using the reply box below. For articles and copyrighted material please only cite the original source link. Each contribution will make this page a resource useful for everyone.

Please Login To Add Reply →

About Us Advertise Contact Us Testimonials
Privacy Policy Disclaimer Terms Of Service

All rights reserved @ 2021 CiteHRô

All Material Copyright And Trademarks Posted Held By Respective Owners.
Panel Selection For Threads Are Automated - Members Notified Via CiteMailer Server