Altercation/fight With The HR - CiteHR
Recruitment/talent Acquisition, Career Counselling
Junior Manager (hr)
+3 Others

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Hi all,

I have joined a company,where there are total of 10 employees,all males, and i am the only female HR...I am a fresher and joined 1 month back here...learning rapidly and grasping things related to my work,as i have no HR head over me..but one of my collegues, who handles accounts taunts me daily over my job and work,that i dnt work and comes early,go early and various other an HR i remained cool n calm for over a month and tried to tell him in friendly manner that how i am doing my work and problems and solutions...but still he is the same....i helped him in various matters also,without any delay...but when i asked for any help he always ignored.....after so long i was adjusting,but 1 day i just told him in a loud voice to mind his own business,as i know how to handle my works...since then he is not talking to me,and as i told u all male fellows are there in my office,they also taunts in my back, to that accounts fellow to mind his own business and work properly,and they laugh...i know i have done a wrong thing as in the begining of my career,but listening wrong about your profession and about yourself daily is also wrong i think...

please help me in sorting out this problem of mine...

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Hello Sujata,

While empathizing with your situation, it always pays to keep one things in mind--ALWAYS.

What the other person does or doesn't do is NOT in your control, while what you do [in this case, YOUR RESPONSE] is always in your control--gender isn't an issue here pl.

When the accounts guy or others taunt you, MAYBE you are showing the response mechanism which they are EXPECTING? So, obviously, that would only lead to more taunts. Going by what you mentioned, you REACTED rather than RESPOND. Got the point?

I recollect a quote here: When someone insults you, Top it. If you can't top it, Laugh at it. If you can't laugh at it, Ignore it. If you can't ignore it, probably you Deserved it. This would aptly fit into your situation I guess.

Suggest learn to 'top' what he says--ALWAYS with a smiling face, AS IF the comments haven't affected you a bit [which is DIFFERENT from the comments actually affecting you--if you notice]. Maybe, you can say something like, 'you seem to be having a lot of time. How I wish to have the same free time? How about swapping places & then may be you can go early--anyway I am OK with working late OR I can participate in your barbs/discussions....etc?' Hope to you got the point. This is just an example--it all depends on the situation & your presence of mind @ that moment. But all along the way, NEVER let your work get effected.

Over time, things should settle down--in your favor.

All the Best.


Hi Sujata,
Just remember one thing when someone is talking at ur back that means u r 2 steps ahead. So, don't react to whatever they say. keep on doing ur work with a smile on ur face which is little difficult in this kind of situation but trust me this is the best way to respond.
good luck.
Dear Ms. Sujata,
It happens to us and only by us. Individuals who stand their ground may be admired for their unfaltering mentality. This kind of conflict makes a "win in any respect prices" attitude and might serve to push the conflicting members apart. One person could finally get his way and the other person might carry a grudge that's never resolved. People who follow such kind of conflict are typically extremely aggressive and self-righteous. They feel that compromising is an indication of weakness.
Therefore, you have to do whatever is going being cooperative and consenting.However, be tatic while approaching your colleagues as you may want to function like a HR to fix the problem by being submissive. Hope you got what am I trying to tell you (be in a passive- agressive approach).

First , you need to understand the cause for their behaviour. You are a HR professional. HR itslef is viewed with envy by employees from the other department as it enjoys some power and clout with the management. Secondly You are a woman HR in a male dominated office, learning things faster and gaining control ovre people mangement issues quicker much to the discomfiture of the male colleagues who appear still not free from male chauvinism.

I recollect a story about Buddha. There were some pundits who became jealous and envious at the popularity of Buddha with masses. One day when Buddha was giving spiritual discourse under a tree to his disciples and people, the Pundits came over there and insulted him by throwing abuses at him and taunting him and his knowledge. Buddha did not react and he was smiling. After the Pundits left, his disciples asked Buddha,"Master, how you are able to smile and could remain unaffected by their behaviour." Buddha said " if some body is giving a coin, if you take it, it will remain with you and if you do not take it, it will remain with the giver". So Buddha was sure of himslef and so he did not take any of his taunts and thus the Pundits, knowing that none of the taunts/insults could penetrate Buddha, left the place totally exhausted.

Therefore, the first thing you have to do is not to react to their taunts. If you react to their taunts, they feel that they succeeded in their mission. If you do not react to them, they feel they failed in their mission. This feeling of failure which is a negative emotion will tire them after some time and finally they fall silent.You should realise that your self-esteem is earned by you only and no body has gifted it to to you and therefore, no body can take it also away from you, however hard they try.Therefore ignore them and watch their behaviour. Please do not allow these incidents to interfere with your role as HR which means that you need to take decisions/actions on merits of each case not with any prejudice. This may finally affect their behaviour for better.Things are bound to change. Take it as an opportunity to manage a conflict. all the best.


HR & Labour Law advsior

I fully agree with meenakshi that just remember one thing when someone is talking at ur back that means u r 2 steps ahead. Concentrate only on your work and give best result.
If u r in HR field than it is part of your profession that how can handle these types of people who can create problem on your path.
Dear Sujata,
I too joined this plant being the only female employee among 150 men. I know how u must be feeling and wht all u must be enduring.But, i guess at the end of the day thats how professional life is.. Things will remain the same untill we try to change i suggest you to be patient.such situations take time.keep working honestly and i m sure your work will fetch you the respect you deserve.Apart from that, dont pay heed to what people talk behind you.....
All the best to you
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