RegalEagle
Professional

Hi all,

Just browse this funny Dictionary!!!

IRISH MEDICAL DICTIONARY

ARTERY - - - - - - - - - The Study of Paintings

BACTERIA - - - - - - - Back Door of a Cafeteria

BARIUM - - - What Doctors Do When Patients Die

BOWEL - - - - - A Letter Like A. E. I. 0 or U.

CAESARIAN SECTION - - - A Neighbourhood in Rome

CAT SCAN - - - - - - - - - Searching for Kitty

CAUTERISE - - --- - - Made Eye-Contact With Her

COMA - - - - - - - - - - - - A Punctuation Mark

D & C - - - - - - - - - - - Where Washington Is

DILATE - - - - - - - - - - - - - To Live Longer

ENEMA - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Not A Friend

FESTER - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Quicker

FIBULA - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A Small Lie

GENITAL - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Not A Jew

G. I. SERIES - - - - - - - - A Soldier Ballgame

HANGNAIL - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Coat Hook

IMPOTENT - - - - - - Distinguished, Well-Known

LABOUR PAIN - - - - - - - Getting Hurt At Work

MEDICAL STAFF - - - - - - - - - - Doctors Cane

MORBID - - - - - - - - --- - - - A Higher Offer

NITRATES - - - - - - - - Cheaper Than Day Rates

NODE - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Was Aware Of

OUTPATIENT - - - - - - A Person Who Has Fainted

PAP SMEAR - - - - - - - - - - A Fatherhood Test

PELVIS - - - - - - - - - - - A Cousin To Elvis

RECOVERY ROOM - - - - - Place To Do Upholstery

RECTUM - - - - - - - - - Bloody Near Killed Them

SECRETION - - - - - - - - - - Hiding Something

SEIZURE - - - - - - - - - - - - - Roman Emperor

TABLET - - - - - - - - - - - - - A Small Table

TERMINAL ILLNESS - - Getting Sick At The Airport

TUMOUR - - - - - - - - - - - - - More Than One

URINE - - - - - - - - - Opposite Of Youre Out

VARICOSE - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Nearby

VEIN - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Conceited

:D :D :D

Regards

From India, Madras
A REAL COMPANY POLICY:

My Fellow Employees,

It has come to our attention that employees may be taking too much time off from work. As such we have instuted the following policies for all employees to follow.

SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:

Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:

All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.

OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:

This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

LUNCH BREAK:

Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain the average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

DRESS CODE:

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week.

Signed

The Management

:D :D :D

Regards

From India, Madras
Hi guys,

**** look out a dictionary with difference ****

Dictionary of Evaluation Comments

AVERAGE: Not too bright.

EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders to date.

ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily.

ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated.

CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the law.

UNLIMITED POTENTIAL: Will stick with us until retirement.

QUICK THINKING: Offers plausible excuses for errors.

TAKES PRIDE IN WORK: Conceited.

TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPERTUNITY TO PROGRESS: Buys drinks for superiors.

INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION: Knows more than superiors.

STERN DISCIPLINARIAN: A real jerk.

TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS: Knows when to keep mouth shut.

APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC: Finds someone else to do the job.

A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused.

NOT A DESK PERSON: Did not go to college.

EXPRESSES SELF WELL: Can string two sentences together.

SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB: Miserable home life.

CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL: Scared.

METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL: A nitpicker.

DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP: Has a loud voice.

JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND: Lucky.

MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE: A snob.

KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR: Knows lots of dirty jokes.

STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES: Stubborn.

GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE: A coward.

SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE: Stupid.

OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION: Turns in work on time.

IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL: Wanted by no-one else.

ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS: An office gossip.

REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT: Lazy and hard-headed.

HARD WORKER: Usually does it the hard way.

ENJOYS JOB: Needs more to do.

HAPPY: Paid too much.

WELL ORGANIZED: Does too much busywork.

COMPETENT: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.

CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN: Annoying.

WILL GO FAR: Relative of management.

SHOULD GO FAR: Please.

USES TIME EFFECTIVELY: Clock watcher.

VERY CREATIVE: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.

USES RESOURSES WELL: Delegates everything.

DESERVES PROMOTION: Create new title to make h/h feel appreciated.

hope u enjoyed :D :D :D

:) :) :)

Regards

From India, Madras
Hi all,

comon add this .... :D... Top 15 reasons

Sleeping on the job

Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk

15. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

14. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."

13. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"

12. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"

11. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"

10. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"

9. "Actually I'm doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learned it at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.

8. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress."

7. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

6. "The coffee machine is broken...."

5. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."

4. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"

3. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"

2. "I wasn't sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."

AND THE #1 BEST THING TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:

"Amen" :icon3:

:) :) :)

Regards

From India, Madras
Hi guys,



Few HR related one liners.....

.............. Enjoy.....................

"COMPETITIVE SALARY"

We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"

We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"

We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.

"MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED"

You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"

Some time each night and some time each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY"

Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"

We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED"

Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

"APPLY IN PERSON"

If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"

We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"

You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"

You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"

You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"

Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

From India, Madras
Hi guys,

just read about kids ......

Kids Talk About Love!!!~

"What does love mean?" These are answers from 4 to 8 year olds.

When my grandma got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toe nails anymore. So my grandpa does it for her now all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.

Rebecca - age 8

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouths.

Billy - age 4

Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.

Kari - age 5

Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs.

Chrissy - age 6

Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.

Terri - age 4

Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him to make sure the taste is OK.

Danny - age 7

Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and my daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.

Emily - age 8

Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.

Bobby - age 7

If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.

Nikki - age 6

Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every day.

Noelle - age 7

Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.

Tommy - age 6

During my piano recital, I was on stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.

Cindy - age 8

My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.

Clare - age 6

Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken.

Elaine - age 5

Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.

Chris - age 7

Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.

Mary Ann - age 4

When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.

Karen - age 7

You really shouldn't say "I LOVE YOU" unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.

Jessica - age 8

And the winner was a 4 year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly man who had just lost his wife. When the child saw the man cry, the little boy went over into the man's yard and climbed on top of the man's lap and just sat there. When the boy's mother asked him what he'd said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."

From India, Madras
Hi all,
A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closed. Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."
:) :) :)
Regards

From India, Madras
Hi guys..
..........Enjoy...........
Vacuum Salesman
An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.
He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner doesn't do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk of it."
She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"
The salesman says, "Why do you ask?"
She says, "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."
:) :) :)

From India, Madras
Each and every posting of yours is truly too good.... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Keep posting... With warm regards, Swapna
From India, New Delhi
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