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Hi sari,
Don't follow the stupid ideas of issuing warning letters, sending letter to her hubby/kids which will not only aggravate the situation but may lead to legal
action against your company as you cannot produce proof for these things.
As long as it is nothing to do with her performance (even then you cannot
do anything, just you can counsel her) please leave the issue as it is.
As long as they do not indulge in objectionable activities in the office, which will definitely affect the co-workers, you cannot take action against them.

From India, Madras
Dear all,
Read ur suggestions,
But tell me one thing What r we concern with Performance or personal life?
For a company its employee should work well, show his/her performance,give production, innovation, work efficiently.....What the company has to do with her personal life. that is her life & she is mature enough to think what is right or wrong. As truely said it might be grapevine also.
Yes if she is utilising company's time in gossiping,or romaning around, chatting than it can be matter of concern.else,
everyone has its own life & can live in his or her own way....
Still if u feel it is wrong personally councell her....
leave the matter after some time u will find another such new gossip i.e, someone else's affair...
Hansa Vyas

From India, Udaipur
Hi Dear,
i think is so bad activity, because i have also handled two case in my previous organization. You can told to her directly, if you are ready to work with this organization than you have to maintain the office culture otherwise we will send a letter to your family.
that is depend only on you, how can you handle the situation.
Amrish Singh Raghuwanshi
Executive- HR
CUMI, Jabalpur
Contact- 9827071872, 9755559064

From India, Bhopal
How confident you are that they are having affair? They may be close friends. And why the lady only be punished? As far as office
decorum is maintained it's their personal matter and you have no right to take any action and hence there is no need of punishment.


Rajesh Menezes

From India, New Delhi
Dear Hansa ,
Really matured thought . Everyone should think in the same way only. think in a profeesional way . if her perfomance affect then only its matter of concern.
So its a sensitive matter , so has to handle with care . Stupid or scurry decision may devastate more than one life like informing her family etc etc ..

From India, Pune
Hi Sari,
I went through most of the comments posted,but I feel its better you try to find out who is involved in it as in who actually started it;you have mentioned she is a top performer and I dont know no. of years of experience she has,if she is senior then may be the guy is taking advantage of her position in the company.
Suggestion:shift him to the other department or different working hours keep a track on the behaviour, if he hooks up with another lady, then definately he has to be questioned.
she might be married what about the guy??have you seen the case from various dimensions?What might have forced her to get into extra marital affair???The guy may be at before taking any decision analyze from all angles then if she is not at a fault you co. will be loosing a top performer.
Think it over.

From India, Bangalore
My first comment would be that one needs to be careful about grapevine. Very often rumours are unfounded and cause much harm to people's reputation. In any case, the real issue should remain around performance. If someone's behaviour or attitude constitute a hindrance to his/her performance then you have grounds to take action. Otherwise you may unfairly sanction an employee. I would have a chat with the employee, stating that what she does remains her own decison but her behaviour is generating gossip and that is distracting the team from doing its work. She therefore needs to be careful and manage her personal behaviour.
From Mauritius
Hi Sari,

Please understand things clearly to handle this situation.

* HR will not intervene in her personal matter

There are many reaons for that, like:

- It is her personal life and her own decision.

-This may not be true (I mean has she herself declared that she has an extra marital affair???? Or even if, it is none of HR's business. Just because she is is seen taking breaks with another man does not mean she has an affair, I am sure most of the people who talk such things dont have a base to their comments)

* Because your staff is conservative and if they observe a behaviour from an employee that they are not able to take in the right perspective, its their problem, still as this will can take the focus of the team in another direction, that is, the team will devote more time discussing her than doing the work given to them, what you can do is to talk to the concerned employee, The conversation with that employee will not have anything to do with her decision of getting into a relationship, but how people around are and the importance of the quote "when in Rome do as the Romans do", while she may say that she does not care about such people, Her caring is not required to put these guys straight or to teach them a lesson but to ensure the focus does not drift anywhere but work.

* You can only ask her understanding of the matter, if she is a good performer and is a team player, she can keep doing what makes her happy, but keep it to herself and ensure no one gets to see/talk about anything.

* It is against the dignity of a woman to be asked about an extra marital even if she has any and no one in the company has the right to question an emplyee on decisions in their personal lives.

* I rubbish the idea of sending letters to her husband or children. This as rightly said by a friend about can potentially spoil her life forever.

* None of us can understand the real thing, it may be right may be not, if its not right, we should forget, if it is right, circumstances she is going through must have cause it to happen, and only she knows her circumstances.

Sari, I would urge you to take a well thought out step in this case, as this involves sentiments/dignity/threat to leves of the employee, husband, children and the family.

Being an HR person who is employed by the company, you only work for the company and what is the things that stop employee performance, if her perfomance is not good, you can question her on performance and try to improve it by finding with factors affecting the performance and even if it is her personal life, all you can advise is to keep a balance between work and personal life.

But if other are not able to work because they see someone's extra marital, I guess there is some serious issue with them, they should rather be councelled as they are lost focus/directionless/loose-tongue/insensitive people who need to get a life and, the reason I say that is that in this case we have a male employee of the same organization who is also involved and they make no fuss about him... Why talk only about a woman... ???????

Please stop morale policing......

People raising the questions here are the real cause of the problem... They should be more active in their work and should not be concerned about peoples lives...



From United States, Irvine
Hello Sari,
Management will not have problem till they faces any issue in their process. Being professional you should not think about anyone's personal life and environment is getting polluted because everyone are concentrating on her personal life, so my suggestion is " Concentrate on your own career and see how it can help you to grow in the organisation, thinking about anyone's life is not fruitful and " Being a woman you should see another side too, men are allowing her to have an affair then whats her fault, No one keeps relationship without permission.
All the best for your career and concentrate on your future other than anyone's life"
Thanks and Regards

From United States, Lincolnshire
It is amazing how the total responsibility and criticism is directed only at the woman and the person with whom she is alleged to be having an affair is not held responsible.
From India, Mumbai

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