I was going through all the responses... most are justified in their own ways.. however, some suggestions made me wonder if, in the pursuit of business, we are losing out on our humane side! No offences folks - am making a generic statement.

Let us remember - by not even heeding to your friendly talks - he has changed his own status to 'WAS an ASSET'.

How long has this been going on? I am sure you have pointed out to him that his period of unproductivity has gone on for some time now. That by itself should sound like a warning.

I personally always approach this situation through the 'work pressure' tactic. It seldom fails - and, most importantly, does not create any ill feelings. I do not agree with suggestions of joint meeting with the 'love interest'. No point embarrassing anyone. I would have quit immediately if my HR manager called me over for a meeting with my love interest.

Tough task Shyamali. But, an interesting challenge for HR. And yes, HR needs to keep the company's interest as top priority. And keeping assets in the company IS in the company's interest. Sacking him, embarrassing him are all steps that don't really achieve anything.

All the best.


From India, Bangalore
So many options are open to handle this particular case.

1) If possible, counsel him to not to affect the productivity failing which action will be taken.

2) If possible, send him on oficial trip to other location for few days that is control mechanism.

3) If possible, transfer him to other location/dept as per his choice

4) If possible, make him comfort to early marraige with same girl

5) If possible, change the portfolio where he is right now.

6) If possible, promote him and put more responsiblity with time bound.

7) If possible, make team leader for any special project/task for which he will be responsible.

8) Last suggestion: If your abovementioned measures seems to be fail, immediate issue show cause notice for non-performance and afer hearing all, if still he is not improving his productivity, it is better to throw him keeping in mind of not to spoil the organisational environment.

Hi Ashra,

I m not fighting with u but see once again all points. Are any points lead to killing of such cancer guy?????? I have tried my level best to keep with organisation but still he is uncurable what u ll do????/ As a HR u ll play only DOCTOR role to cure but if u ll fail to curehim, will u keep him with ur hospital or will u try to send back to his home????

Comments pls suggest gud things to shyamali as per ur expertise.



From India, Bangalore
Hi Arnab ,

Nice to have your views on board .......... & Shyamali is definitely going to be helped by this ........& for this

I very strongly belive in that "HUMAN" always comes before "RESOURCE" so we have to manage it that way only & I also strongly advocate being on the humane side but tell me what would happen if just like him today another 50 employees will start bringing their love issues, family issues etc on the office table & tommorow probably another 70 or 100 I am confident we all have 10 different things going up & down in our lives, than how the organization will look like............. Some code of conduct has to be followed......

Surely to a certain extent people come to the office & work with their personal life in the back of their mind & nobody cant help it but letting it "too much" influence or overpower their work or performance ........ I find it a little inconvenient . How a home will carry on if because of some family problems mother stops cooking food for family/children or stop doing household work or a father stops going on his job .............hope you are getting my point :P

As said by Shaymali that he is not even able to focus on his "work" & acting like a typical "lovestruck teenager " so I am not sure how much "increasing pressure " would help ........... :?:

Also getting into a joint meeting is not something to embarrass somebody but more importantly just to make one realize that what actually "he/she is " & what "he/she is turning out to be " & "what he /she is capable of ", having someone close to the person being accompanied in the process soothes the process, obviously if been done in a tactful way ..............If the person is sensible enough than he would realize that if the Co. persons are taking the pain of arranging the meeting with someone who is outside of the organization so that things workout well for all than how much the organization is concerned about him ..........

Just like when a review of the performance of a perosn is been done in coordination with the respective line manager it is not been done with a motive to embarrass somebody if he/she is not performing well but with a motive to make him realize what he/she is capable of , what is his/her potential, how he /she can get a lot better out of himself/herself only .....

Hope I am able to throw some light on this ......................... :)



From India, Delhi
Hey syyamali,
Its a natural problem,which is dealing with feelings. fine anyway it sholuld not affect the orgnsations development.To solve this problem lets take preventive measures rather than to cure.
Make it a policy that there shlould not be romance in office premises.
I have heard that in organsations like Wipro Man n wife employees should not work in the same orgnsation. Its a policy. May be it could b made as a stringent rule that office computer should nto be used for chatting. Office phone should not be used for personal usage.
Give a warniing. Make it a grapewine. See the feedback.
ABI :lol:

From India, Madras

Man I do agree to most of what you have said. And, aren't we all talking about the same thing?

When I mentioned the 'humane' thing - I did not say that we indefinitely tolerate this nonsense. But, a good performer deserves and little lee way - and discreetly. Else it assumes a completely different tangent for the rest of the crowd.

I did also say that by not performing for a longish period of time the said person has transformed himself from "Is and Asset" to "WAS an asset". By Shyamali having a talk with him, it has also been made clear to him that he needs to buckle up sooner, rather than later.

I am NOT contradicting myself by saying that he should be sacked. I am only adding a 'humane' clause to it. How we do it, when we do it - all of this may leave a permanent mark on a fellow who is already under a lot of emotional stress. It is hard to imagine that just being in love has made a smart guy dumb. Though we all know how love makes us do stupid things.

I still strongly believe that the 'other party' should be kept out of this. No point having TWO guilt ridden assets. :) :D

And if he IS behaving like a 'typical lovestruck teenager', doesn't he deserve to be handled like one? Instead we are trying him as a seasoned pro!!?? As HR guys we need to don caps of friend, father/mother, child (surely not that of a wife though :twisted: ). These roles do not tell me that I need to be harsh with him.

I just need to be STRONG with him. A couple of mild warnings, a show cause and then a severance package. These are OK. But, do you really need to do a Saurabh Ganguly with him.

I am sure u agree - NO.



From India, Bangalore
Dear Shyamali,

I feel nobody however efficient and wonderkid they maybe is bigger than the Organisation. It is just that the better you are you may be given an extended run to the maximum. Why do we have look at it from the lovestruck issue, let us take it as an external factor affecting performance,commitment and loyalty of an employee. For example, if the this employee asks for a annual compensation of Rs. 5 Crore since he feels that is his value. Will you request your Organisation to pay the same?? If you dont then the reasons will be sufficient to decide on this case.

We get cursed as HR because of incidents like these. There should not be any distinction between a star performer and a normal performer in our eyes. They are all equal and we should be last to show favouritism. The rules are same. As a true professional we should not distinguish between a star performer and under average performer. The performance appraisal will do it. As long he is a part of the Organisation he is entitled to equal opportunities and penalties.

Nobody is bigger than the team and no team is bigger than the Organisation.



From India, Thane
Hi there!
Counselling is the only resource available at this point.
Trace back his performance in front of him and show him how he has been lagging in his performance. Show him that he had set a good benchmark for others to achieve and himself is now way behind.
I hope my suggestion helps.

From India, Mumbai
I would suggest you one to him more like a friend rather than HR. As I feel employee is more confortable in sharing things with HR rather than any other person in company. Take help of ther employees who is more close to him. Be with him, spend time with him may be go for a coffee or lunch. More importantly any person who is disturded in life needs time to get normal. Be empathetic towards him...but dont ask him to leave teh company..


I am in agreement with Ashra's comments & think it is a pragmatic & mature view point. After all, the person is not indulging in a negative activity like becoming an alcoholic / drug addict. He is passing through a delicate phase & it is the opportune moment to show that the organisation understands his situation. THAT SAID, I think it is vital to implement the following :

1. Grant him leave with an explicit understanding that he will endeavour to regain his work-focus by the time he rejoins.

2. Make him realise that his continued performance dip reflects unprofessionalism. In fact, the true nature of a person is evident at stressful times - while this person is anxious due to a positive situation, imagine how he may react if he is faced with a very negative personal problem - it is likely he will react similarly. And what if the present situation is settled & sometime in the future he is involved in a critical work function when a negative personal situation results - you will face a tough challenge & may have to take some extreme measure. So, I suggest you take this as an opportunity to gain a very vital insight into the psyche of this person & also make him see the correct perspective. If you pull this off properly, you just might see an improvement in his commitment!

Best wishes


From India, Hyderabad
The issue mentioned by you is interesting enough. Before suggesting you anything, please update us on a few details : Your line of business, The individual's age, his tenure in the firm. This would help us understand the issue more clearly. As advised by someone in the response, you can counsel him, try to divert his attention by giving him more work, look at relocating him so that the change in workplace or shift timings do some help to you.
One of the best ways of solving any ER issue would be to talk to the employee...but be careful.
Anyways, will wait for your response on the same. Do let us know as to what really worked for you in this case.

From India, Bangalore

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