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Thread Started by #vsuresv111

Hi, I am 34 years old working in MNC. I am came from very low job profile to this extent. I have no issues talking over phone or in conference.

I am getting stage fear when i need to talk in very small or large crowd espectially in Conference Room. During the crowd iam not to able to express my complete thought and i am becoming complete nervous.

I tried many ways to overcome like taking long breath, taking enough water before the meeting starts, talking infront of mirror in separate Room, showing my speech in front of my wife but still all my initiative will fail when i see large crowd or even small crowd espectially if i need to talk.

This stage fear and talking in crowd or in meeting, i having this problem from my childhood, may be from my school days. I am always afraid even talking to teachers from my childhood. not sure to blame my school which i studied .

I want to recover completly from this fear. Pls suggest the best ways which i will follow sincerely.

Do i need to contact pysicatrist to recover or do i need to attend any intensive Fear management training classes or what shall i need to do since this is from my Birth.

Pls help me to overcome this with your sincere advise

Thanks
S.Kumar
17th March 2009 From India
Dear Sir,
Pls do not rate ur self so low.
U know when willam shakespare was called on stage first time , he spoke the 14 words only.
and it seems u have much potential then him.
Pls try to overcome it by taking the help of mirror or take the family help or friends.
Becoz, training classes are not feasible for all this.
U know when i passed my school, i wasn't able to speak a single word in english.
But i tried hard to get rid of this and finally i can answer in english.
Pls be confident. kNow ur skills.
I hope u will improve very soon.
My best wishes are with u.
Regards
Vipin :icon1::icon1:
17th March 2009 From India, New Delhi
Dear Sir,
Pls do not rate ur self so low.
U know when willam shakespare was called on stage first time , he spoke 14 words only.
and it seems u have much potential then him.
Pls try to overcome it by taking the help of mirror or take the family help or friends.
Becoz, training classes are not feasible for all this.
U know when i passed my school, i wasn't able to speak a single word in english.
But i tried hard to get rid of this and finally i can answer in english.
Pls be confident. kNow ur skills.
I hope u will improve very soon.
My best wishes are with u.
Regards
Vipin :icon1::icon1:
17th March 2009 From India, New Delhi
Immediate and quick way -

Focus on your boss.

Talk to your boss / close friend directly in conference meeting him eye to eye for next two/three conferences. In the fourth conference your focus will be out of your boss / close friend as questions will be out from every corner, by the time you would had your confidence in conference. Things come up by practice.

I am a trainer for 6-7 years now, still I get excited when I see crowd. I can boldly say I call this stage fear. But once I start this is out for my focus is not crowd but on my delivery and reach of my delivery.

Select 5-10 people whom you want to impress in the conference and focus on your delivery to impress them as such you are talking directly to them. You will be out of this.

Most important - Never hide you are scared or excited or lost connectivity. If some one breaks your flow, call the person by name, and crack as a joke that he broke your flow. If you are scared, say at the opening, "Yes, I am scared, and excuse me if I shiver". Even if you shiver, it will be normal for others.
17th March 2009 From India, Madras
M r. Jalasayanan, I liked your tips to become true about our weaknesses, it really works and converts your weaknesses to strengths. VK
17th March 2009 From India, Indore
Hi Kumar,

Everyone of us have stage fright.It's always controlled.As Vipin has said never under estimate yourself dear friend..nobody is a born speaker niether born great..so here you go...you know... you are your own phsycatrist cos u know urself better than others do...

Infact you are doing half of that is needed already.(all those pre-preparation stuff you have mentioned above..good keep it up n keep going the same way)..now this is what you can try before the begining of your presentation/speech(since its at ur worplace):

(Shhhhhh....come closer wanna whisper a secret..u know what Kumar I have observed these trainers closely during my trainings at my workplace..this what they do....)

1.Adding to the abovesaid just keep visualizing urself as delivering the presentation/speech from the previous day.Imagine that you r chatting there with them.comfort yourself.

before you go jus ask urself who in that entire group knows what u r going to say..the answer would be "no"

2.Now that u know the material/content get familiar with the audience/room/conference hall.reach before others could arrive.Just relax there,go around the room,drink water if needed,sing a song or hum a little to urself,speak to ppl who arrive early there,watch things around you..it mite even help u to give an opening:idea: try to create a rapport
3.Once you are started...get personal now ..u can start with jokes related to ur content/presentation/current situation/a friendly question eg..is evrybody doing/present here gud etc(never apologise your nervousness)If u tremble stand beside a table or chair or magnetic board in the begining.once a friendly atmosphere is felt start walking around(hey dnt forget to chek your A/v equipment)

4.Make every possible eye contact..consider the group to be one person.jus think of the ways u can gain their eye contact/attention when u deliver the content.this way the size of the audience is shrunk..so it wil be like a chat for u.

So, friend next time apart from all the preparations....say to yourself..I WILL GO OUT THERE N HAVE FUN.WILL GIVE MY BEST.....u know ur fears will automatically change into your positive strenghts>once you are out there u will be at ease...

hope this is of some help to you...GO OUT DO ALL THAT U CAN COS U R GONNA IMPRESS THEM KUMAR!!!!!!!!
18th March 2009 From India, Mumbai
Hi,
Stage fear is common among most of the people. This can be avoided through various self preparatory exercises.
1. Be confident and keep yourself understood that you are the master of the topic you speak in the stage.
2. I would suggest you to stand in front of the mirror and read some articles or newspaper for atleast 15 to 30 minutes daily. This will help you to build your confidence and to my knowledge, stage fear is also a outcome of the fear of your voice in the closed auditorium.
3. Practice yourself before you get in to the stage.
Hope this might help you out. Finally, i would suggest you not to let your motivation down which will in turn make you small in the group and automatically would take you to a fear in the stage
Regards
K.Jayavel
18th March 2009 From India, Madras
Dear Jalasayanan Very good tips...hope this will resolve the problem...its nothing wrong to admit if you are weak in certain aspects.... Regards valli
18th March 2009 From India, Bangalore
Dear
Be confident while doing things.. never try to impress anyone by your speech.. deliver your speech normally.. and as jalasayan has quoted.. please admit your weakness.. that will help you out...keep the concept in you mind and put it in you own words..Quote some examples along with that will make to deliver your speach confidently.. relax well before going to have a meeting with your team.. note all the topics that are to be discussed with your team members in the meeting... this will also help you out....
Regards
Valli
18th March 2009 From India, Bangalore
Hi Kumar,

I was jotting points in my mind to suggest... but after reading the last part of ur statement - I fel it was more important to let u know that:

"This is not a grave failure that u have to consider a psychiatrist"
Do you know that ppl who understand that they have an area to improve and are open to listen - will emerge as true winners?

So - first - U have already succeeded in overcoming ur fear by asking for help.

Now here is what I can suggest:

U r ur best critic. Stand in front of a mirror and start introducing urself. Say abt urself aby what u achieved in 34 years, ur family, ur dreams. And when u r talking - see how confident u grow when u look into the eyes of the person in the mirror!

I know that the fear also lies in u, when ppl are looking at u and only u. U think - wat if I goof this? Wat If I dont communicate exactly wat I want to?
Again - prepare much prior to the meeting and jot down major points. Talk to ur critic in front of the mirror. Pre-invent questions that might pop up during the session and try answering it.

I suggest - read a lot. So that u dont run short of words to express what u have. Not always I spk what I have prepared. Sometimes we have to spk on the spot what comes in mind. Read The Hindu Editorial. (its gud).

I had this issue earlier:

I tried speaking in front of my mom n dad - and u know what?
I realized that, they r ppl who accept me the way I am, and so there is a confidence within me to talk loud and give the right gestures. And they - listen to me wholeheartedly.

When I talk to strangers - I find it difficult becos I dont know them. And I dont know wat they r thinking of me...

So - point noted here is: Introduce urself well to the group much in advance and try gettign to know more abt the ppl in ur group. Since its at work place - u must have the chance to know everyone. SO take time to talk to each of them.. find out what kind of ppl they are and their views. This would help u face all of them during the meeting - becos , u r talking to ppl u know.

If its a completely strange group - dont worry. Prepare a very gud introductory statement abt urself. Make it a very interactive session and ask them their views. In that way - u alone dont talk, everyone talks.
ANd remember - be loud and clear with words.
When I could do it, anyone can do it.

PS: If u were the audience, u will definitely not be interested in know how nervous I feel, but rather u will wait to see if I have a message to convey..
18th March 2009 From India, Madras
Dear Kumar,
Fear makes Ur life so NERVOUS, AND TENSION
i know the fealings, that you are now facing, and i have passed through
You know, being an ENGLISH MEDIUM student, i am not getting good marks in my exams at school age.
And iam the only student that was unable to speak to any body i.e. with class teacher in school.
And in college level, i lost my confidence when i first time faced the ELOCUTION COMPETITION--on stage, i couldn't speak at all.
i felt ASHAMED. u KNOW i started READING NEWS PAPERS in English
started talking to ELDERS in house and NEIGHBORS, at the beginning they use to laugh
but later, now a days i am the person in my COMPANY where i work ACTING as TECHNICAL CONSULTANT, come HR
and now fluently speak to ANY BODY without any FEAR
so what i say ....
TRY 'N' TRY A LOT till U speak English fluently with ANYBODY in LIFE
18th March 2009 From India, Hyderabad
Hi,
there are is no escape from stage fear... I have evolved as a effective speaker with just one mantra, i am hope this works out for you.
I always believed that the target audience were fools and they don know the topic, but once i finish the presentation, during Q&A session i come back to my humble best.
Try it
if it works.. treat me...
if it doesn't teach me.
Vijay
18th March 2009 From India, Pollachi
Dear Kumar,
By the time, u would hav got many tips frm all my frnz out here. My suggestion is very simple, Stage fear lives for three reasons , viz.,
1. Lack of subject knowledge
2. Lack of confidence over your language
3. Mindset
You can acquire the first two by many exercise, which people wud hav explained you. The most simple and hard hitting thing is your Mindset n tat elevates u go up and the same pulls u dwn. So, very simple, hav the attitude - Never ever give up.
I wud suggest, start addressing the people very close to you in small nos. say 4 to 8, take a topic such tat u know inside out of it. Sure it vl work....try, try, try and stop not, until u get it. Hey Kumar, when others can, why can't u?? You can do....move.
18th March 2009 From India, Mangaluru
Hi Dear,
I want add one thing more which can help you a lot.
Prepare your presentations with more visuals so that the attention of the audiance will be diverted from your speech towards visuals.It will be easier for you also to explain visual slides effectively without facing the group much.After some time,the confidence will built up and you will be at ease to face the group.
Anjan
18th March 2009 From India, Bangalore
Dear Kumar,
Maintain eye contact with the people in the conefence who will give comfort to you initially. then when you get aquientance with the team on the other side of the table you can also involve them to few of your questions so that you will get some time to move on.
After couple of such conferences you will be able to come over stage fear.
regards,
Madhav
18th March 2009 From India, Hyderabad
before i can suggest you anything can i tell u something abt me? I have been a state level champion for 3 times in elocution and debate competition in my schooling, i have been taking classes of IELTS & spoken english and I have taken part in elocution & debate more than 350 times and won almost every time...! I have won research paper presentation competition in Software Engineering & recently i have been HR manager in a software firm...! the reason why i am telling u is in my schooling i was also very shy and nervous while speaking but one of my frd identified that quality in me & encouraged me to speak. as a result wen i come to speak on stage..u won't believe the crowd become complete silent. so beliee in urself. the motive of telling my story was not self appraisal but to motivate u to speak. & guess my age...! I am only 21 yrs old now. astonished?
every one will advice you many things but most important believe in yourself that u can do it & trust that u can deliever a good speech. to speak in a better way u should have enough worthwhile content to speak. so start reading newspaper, inspirational magazines, novels, science journals, etc then share it wth anyone surrounding you. and keep one thing in mind while speaking that when u r speaking then no one knows better than you what u are speaking...! be confident and forget everything except ur spirit. this will surely help u. for more details u can contact me on my mail. with warm regards my id is
18th March 2009 From India, Ahmadabad
Hi,
I will share the way I sort out my stage fear, when I have to speak in conferance then I do the eye to eye contact with every one , because I know the way You have stage fear most of the people in the audiance also have the fear too, and I try to put my self in a better way, another thing I have convinced my self is, I dont take every individual like a high level professional, when I speak I assume that they might have a friend or a sister like me in their personal life. When we speak in public that time instead of calling that as a crowd you have to take every individual separately and then speak confidently.
Regards
Ashwini
18th March 2009 From India, Mumbai
Dear Kumar
I would suggest you join an organisation called toastmasters. they have groups world over including india, in which you can enrol at a very low cost and they will help you overcome your stage fear and become a confident and fearless speaker.
You can google and find out where their locations are in India. My friend is a member of toastmasters dubai and she has benefited tremendously by joining this group. she has completely overcome her shyness, stage fear and is today even conducting trainings for large groups of people.
Wish you the best to overcome this phase.
Best regards
Lakshmi
19th March 2009
Hi,

Life gives us so many chances to improve ourself and its depend on us whether we wanna flow with time or we should take it as a challenge and get a new learning and rectify ourself by transforming our weakness in to strength.

The best part is you have identified your weakness so moving further, if you wanna improve your public speaking, always percieve that you are the only one who has full knowledge about the subject and your words carries value for audience .:)

When you practice, try to speak the words aloud and endevor to listen what you are saying, it will help you in getting confidence. Never think that you cann't do this bcz if you will think that you can not do, so reciprocately you will be having thousands ways to prove yourself that you can't so don'e supress yourself and boost up urself by saying i can do it.
Before going for meeting say loudly that i am the best, i am a good speaker, it will help you in analsying your own power. (Praise urself):icon6:

Don't learn your speech line to line otherwise there will be a fear that if u can forget anything. Be normal as u are as nothing new is happening, as they all needs ur sugestions and they all value you as an indivual.

Your body language should be positive and normal.

Key thing is that the problem is not there in ur speaking, this fear is lying in ur mind so before going just feed your mind with positive thought, think u r the best and you can do it.

Boost urself and stay confident. As u r what exactly u think u are.

Regards,
Rachna
19th March 2009 From India, Delhi
Hi there!
Lots of advice coming your way!Let me add my two-bit!I don't know how many days you have to go before this session of yours, but a good idea would be to start smiling at people you interact with, looking at them -in an interested sort of way, not intimidating!put yourself in the audience's place- if someone comes to speak to you, you are ,generally, interested in hearing them out. Same will be the case with you.The audience wants to know what you have to say, whether it makes sense,so be very thorough with your material.Don't worry about the delivery part- once you are passionate about what you're saying, the audience catches on to your enthusiasm & stays with you.All the best!
19th March 2009 From India, Pune
HI Friend Everyone is giving very nice tips i want you say just only one thing just follow your heart then every thing will go your way.Best of luck....:icon1:
19th March 2009 From India, Pune
Hi,
Just take help some help from your close friends...they can be your good trainers as they know about you..
Tell them about your stage fear and ask them to guide you, Meet them regularly, take a topic and try speaking to them about your views.
Secondly, you can visit schools and share your work experience with them, it will also be useful to them and you will also start facing the children crowd, you will not get fear in this type of crowds as they will listen to you and not comment on you...
Thanks,
M.V
19th March 2009 From India, Bangalore
HI Friend Everyone is giving very nice tips i want you say just only one thing just follow your heart then every thing will go your way.Best of luck....:icon1:
19th March 2009 From India, Pune
Dear S.Kumar
I was in a same situation and in addition to the above mentioned tips I added one more. Stage fear is intense when we fear of crowd so the best way is to get used to it. The trick I adopted was not to miss a single opportunity to speak in a more familiar group this might be your friends or your colleagues. Socialize with them and grab every opportunity to speak. You will be surprised of the improvement in your confidence level.
19th March 2009 From India, Bangalore
Dear Suresh,
I understand your problem. I feel you have been offered some very good advice. I am a soft skills trainer and would like to see you tear the stage fright to shreds and emerge victorious. I believe you can do it.
My first question to you is "Can you do it?"
More on receipt of your reply. Since we are part of CiteHR you have my unstinted support till you ask me stop. My God! I'm being pushy, ain't I?
best regards
Ajay Chaudhari
19th March 2009 From India, New Delhi
hi
I agree with all the above comments and suggestion.
As i know its reall very difficult to come out of your situation, but remember you are a hard worker and the situation is not forever. Its only little difficult.
There are 2 things you must remember,
Stage fear will be mainly while we are not prepared about the delivery or we may not have full knowledge of the topic.

The second thing is due to our attitude or inferiority.

Both can be handled

For the first point , keep all the updates ready a couple of days early, Go through them daily. Discuss (not try to practice) the topics with collegues who are in same cadre or deal the same/similar topics. this will increase your knowledge and confidence. Once this is done come to 2nd point.

Infereiority can be overcome. Dress neatly the way you are confident. Dont be shabby or wear very loose dresess which will be uncomfortable. Be trim hair cut. Observe the dress codes of the successful orator. Dont worry copy some things ,adopt them and then present only if you are comfortable again.
Adopt one by one at a time. not all at a time

Goodluck!!!!
21st March 2009 From India, Bangalore
Dear Mr. Kumar, Just believe in yourself and be confidient. To that note I would like to add a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt’s principle "NO ONE CAN INTIMIDATE ME WITHOUT MY PERMISSION". Thanks.
21st March 2009 From Nepal
Dear Vipin
Find out exactly what makes u nervous is it english language or matter,even if it is language neglect it and be doubly confident about matter,be through in matter and there u r ,i had same problem...then i found if i prepare myself on matter ..nervousness effect is much less.but do practice a lot.
Regards
Dilip
1st April 2009 From India, Pune
Dear Vipin
By now u must have overcome ur problem,still i would like to add here be passionate about ur topic,thats all...........
Stage fear will be mainly while we are not prepared about the delivery or we may not have full knowledge of the topic.
30th May 2009 From India, Pune
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