Extra-marital Affairs With Colleagues - Serious Matter - CiteHR
Tsivasankaran
Consultant
Ns_kulkarnid
Hr Manager
Rkandadai
Manager-hr
Vijaykumar Vyas
Accountant
Srinaren
Rtd. Group Vice President In Hr In Export
Suja_nm
Hr Professional
Pradepa
Hr Executive
Neha.training
Training Manager
Vineeta81
Aam Ka Hr, Nimbu Ka Hr
+2 Others

Cite.Co is a repository of information created by your industry peers and experienced seniors sharing their experience and insights.
Join Us and help by adding your inputs. Contributions From Other Members Follow Below...
In the wake of two shocking incidents that took place in Bangalore and Hyderabad, couples committing suicide because of extra-marital affairs with their colleagues, I just thought of writing a small article on how to avoid such incidents. This is really a serious matter and if not dealt on at an early stage could lead to such incidents in our personal life too. I have done research on human behavior and psychology and am trying to put-in some text which may (or may not) be helpful to you. Never-the-less I feel it's worth knowing such things and if possible every individual can make a conscious effort to more or less follow the same.

Some people don't take advice but taking good advice may do you no harm. Thos who are not married this is the best article as before starting a new relationship if you are ready for it, will only help you to lead a happy life.

Read on..
We spend 40/45/50/60 hours a week with our colleagues. This is the most we spend with any members of our family. So it's obvious they are an integral part of our life. Good, understood. But an important point to remember is colleagues are colleagues and not friends and if you think they are friends then you are highly mistaken. Imagine working together for 9 hours a day together and then returning home and continuing to talk with your colleague on phone. This is what happened with that Infosys guy who could not stand this behavior of his wife and killed her and committed suicide. Which husband would like his wife talking on phone with her colleague and that too male counterpart? Or which wife will like her husband doing the same? Just keep yourself in that situation and see. Anger will creep in within you.


So whatever gossip or topic you want to discuss with your colleagues do it during office hours and once you are out of office forget about your work and your colleagues unless it's official matter.

Just check this unnecessary talk…
A guy and her colleague walking out of office at 6.30p.m. At 7.30 or 8.00 the guy calls that female,
Guy: Hi, how are you? Where have you reached? (Don't you know how she is and where she must be at this time)
Lady: I am fine. Reached home.
Guy: What are you cooking today?
Lady: So and so (Now here the lady knows that the guy has called to flirt with her and the call is unnecessary. It's the duty of the female to say something to avoid that guy. If she doesn't at this stage then this call will be going for another 30-45 mins and questions like 'When will you be taking bath? What time you will sleep? What will you bring for me for breakfast for tomorrow will creep in?' and imagine the state of the family members of that lady at this point.


They expect the lady to come and talk with them for sometime but here this lady is enjoying a talk with the guy with whom she has been working since morning. No wonder such people will have a horrendous married life.

A simple thing to think about. Say you are not married. You go to office and come back say at 6.00 in the evening. You have so much of time left. Can't you read some books and increase your knowledge rather than spending one-two hours on mobile. Girls can start experimenting with new dishes. Main thing to understand is such gossiping on calls becomes on habit and bad habits die-hard. You will be addicted to talking and this can be bad as time goes on. One you start working you have to come out of college life. In college you could enjoy, flirt, do anything you wanted. But this is real life. Be responsible or else you will be responsible for your terrible life and the life if your husband/wife.
Any person no matter who he/she is would never like his/her wife/husband having such relationship with her/his colleagues.

Last year 90% of divorce happened because of Extra-Marital Affairs and in that 80% because of relationships with colleagues. And we would not like this to happen with us. So start from now.


Guys see to it that you don't put an habit of calling you female-colleagues after office hours or on weekends or holidays, even if they provoke you or give missed calls. Let them spend time with their family members or other friends. You also do the same. Good girls don't give missed calls. And girls who give I need not say what kind of girls they are. Stay away from them. You can talk as much as you want in office. And gals, if any guy calls you then it's not bad to say 'No, Let's talk in office' or 'I am busy, talk with you tomorrow' to that guy. Do it twice and they will automatically stop calling. Guys have this habit of flirting and you allowing them to flirt will only help them do more. Relationships can always be maintained in right manner.

Never succumb to emotional pressure like 'You don't want to talk with me or what' or 'You can call him but you can't call me' or 'You talk for so and so time with her but with me only this much'. Some people fall for this because they don't want to lose a friend. Again I say colleague is not a friend. They are just here to work and keep on moving in their life. They go to other company, go for growth and so on. They will not wait for you in the same office to be with you forever. So don't be emotionally attached with your colleagues. They are competitors and always on their toes to show you down in front of seniors and managers. You may not realize now but this is a fact, be ready for it.


Imagine a girl getting married and someone says to her to be husband, that guy over there is the one who regularly calls your wife or your wife gives missed calls or calls that guy. Always this thing will remain on the back of his mind. Similarly someone tells the bride that your groom always keeps calling that girl or vice-versa…. Imagine yourself at that place. Situations arise because we allow them to. No one can lead ideal life but we can always make an sincere effort to lead one.

Another note to be taken about: (strictly male to female and female to male contexts)
If your colleague calls you. Just check out whether if he calls others also. If he doesn't then find out why? No guy will call other girl if he is not interested in that girl. In a group there can be five females but it's not necessary that a guy calls all five. He will only call the one on whom he is interested.


Similarly, a girl will not give missed call to everyone. If she gives then she must be really lonely. Stay away from them or you will be caught in their loving talk. Guys normally fall for girls because of their beauty or their talk. So if a guy colleague comes to you and proposes you then it's not his mistake completely, it's more of yours because you were the one who used to give him that space.


Also you become a topic of gossip among your fellow colleagues if they come to know that one of their colleague is calling you and not calling others. And there is nothing more dangerous than office gossip. It can cost you your job and just remember how easily you got this job.

So please keep your office and it's people at office and lead a normal happy life. For your good and for the good of your spouse. Send it to your colleagues, friends, relatives, parents and everyone and avoid incidents like the one mentioned at the beginning of this article. If you feel anyone is doing anything mentioned above then just go and tell him/her. You will be helping someone in their life

Hi Pradepa,
A very true and important article.
We all must keep the relationships with our colleagues till office only... so as to keep our personal lives peaceful.
Hats Off for the informative article!!!

Hi Pradepa,
You are absolutely right, it happnd with me and seriously im telling you guys, i hurts and when it hurts its too hard for anybody to face it...(M/F)

There are people who are in love since childhood days and plan for the future together to get married and once the girl in office then no matter who ever does anything ...they used to share a lots but thn....after a gap...girls falls in love with colleague breaks her relationship for missunderstanding with the same guy and then countinues to count on her pervious love but again she continues having an affair with both the guys...keepin her true love in the dark..and then gets into gulity feeling mode and then dump both the guys and looks for someother guy in office itself....Jus put urself in the shoes of that poor guy who loved this girl for 8 long years and dreamed future with her all life thorough and sacrificed everythin for her..??

Guys think for some time once you get into any relationship ...Imagine your Bf/Gf or Wife/Husband...kissing somebody and meeting some one......its horrable and painful..............Its a Mental Torture...

How far will u guys run for artifical relationships and how long.....sombody u regret....tht day it would be too hard...so why try such things which are not important at all for us.?>?????

" Things Which MatterS MOST must not be at the mercy of things Which Matter LEAST..."

Common....realise this before its too late...and dont spoil our lifes n careers....For every body on this earth is Home First....not office....we all work for ourselves and for our family.........It is the girls who create insecurity at home and blame people at home , that they are not understanding...tell me why will people at ur own home dnt trust us???...its because of our Behaviour right.......Lets stop this .....i dnt say tht colleague cannot become life partners but what i am saying is behave at our matured levels..Because ....these are the people who can take us for ride for temperory pleasures...i know and most men with me agree ..how bad we talk bout our lady colleagues ...once there is a group of men together...U dnt know even BF is part of it who encourages the same....as some would say"aaa kiso shaadi karna hai maamu.."...So...i would rather say....be transperent at home....know where do draw your line....as human beings i hope everybody agrees that we need our own space... no matter even if we r wife or husband or anythin....

We are working for our livelyhood...so we should know our priorities first....ExtraMarital affairs is a very sensitive issues....Jus take care guys..... I am working on artical which can give u tips as to why there is a behaviour change and wht should we do make our lives better....i will share the same with u soon....

Take Care and Gud Luck!!!!...its all for our Health Wealth and Happiness....there is surly lots of difference between Office and Home.....

Hey Pradepa,

This indeed is a very informative and as someone said an eyeopener article. A perfect blend of experience and understanding of corporate culture.

I agree with whatever you've mentioned in this article but along with this i do have some questions that are unique in their own way. So i hope you do not mind..
1st question is like you said your colleagues are not your friends, so what would you say to those people who come to a different city for educational purposes or in search of a job, who do not have anyone in the city and most of them work in call-centres or BPO companies(specially in metro cities). These people are large in number these days and do not have anyone called family or friends!!
These people make friends at work place and when you say the divorce rate has gone high in our nation then i guess there are other reasons also attached to it. Like more educated females want more freedom and more space in their personal life, the space they need from family members but not from friends!!
We live in such a complex world where it is hard to say that a particular person will become your friend forever or you will be his/her friend forever.. but with experience i can tell you that you do make friends in such places only, yeah probly the situations are different for everyone!!
Yes i definitely agree with your point that the guys are flirty and girls should not fall for such acts like daily-calling, constant calling etc. Such callings do turn out in getting close and sometimes results in dangerous circumstances.
And it is also tough to say if it is always the guys who are on the wrong side.. even girls take full advantage of the situation.

Overall i do agree on most of the points you mentioned in your article, i think more people should write in such articles about their experience which always helps the social network around us.

Thanks for such a beautiful artcile.

Regards
Deepak Sharma

Thanks a lot for sharing
But do u think in today's advanced life and forward lifestyle anyone really cares a dime...Its a menace, and i wonder, why Top Management doesnt curb it coz forget the personal agenda..Senior people should reckon that, this affects Employees efficiency as well..so atleast while in office..sumthin shud be done..but once u go outside..none can stop u!...
Why would people abstain from it? People have become hedonistic and moral values & conscience have gone for a walk..I pity such people..what a loser they are!! :huh:

Its touching that you took the time out to write this in such detail and explanation, and with so much patience.
I agree with you 100%: most of the extra-marital affairs blossom simply because of the human weakness, which can be avoided by making and following a few simple rules.
And I agree too, that colleagues are not friends: its a corporate jungle out there and one has to be constantly aware of how one behaves in office.
I hope that more and more people read this and follow your well meant advice.
Thanks & Regards,
Brandon

Hi Pradepa,
A wonderful and great article something about which we all knows but forget for sometime and again remind it.
It is really good and hats off to you who write this article about this kind of common and serios problem.
Best Regards
Sushma

thanks for sharing this serios topic of present senerio.You have very depth study at this topic.
We are having so advance lifestyle that we are not aware of these kind of affairs.this is very serious matter so we should to maintain only professional relationship with our colleages otherwise it can be biggest problem which can spoil one's personal life.
Day by day our lifestyle is changing & we are adapting US culture.It will effect our new coming generation & we will forget our Indian culture.
Priya
:(

Your observation are very true the extra martial affair are growing day by day. Your post will be relly helpful for people who dont want to go into that mess. Regards Mukesh
Hi Pradepa,
Sorry for the late reply...
It is an amazing Post.....Very usefull one ...and i have just forwarded the same to my collegues.
Some of the statements in your post are really good .
Trust Is the key in any relationship.if any one behaves in a way that other is allured with some one else,it is horrible even to think of......
On all the above it is maturity of the people that makes the diffrense .It is true that we are spending 70percewnt of day time in office with collegues but even themn family is most important of all..
We can expect good friends at work place but that relationship should carry lots of clarity and should be very transperant with to our beloved once.Then there would b no problems.
Lets expect people will be more carefull in selecting the friends and can keep clarity in relationship.
Thanking you
Narasimha Reddy V


This discussion thread is closed. If you want to continue this discussion or have a follow up question, please post it on the network.
Add the url of this thread if you want to cite this discussion.






About Us Advertise Contact Us
Privacy Policy Disclaimer Terms Of Service



All rights reserved @ 2020 Cite.Co™